OPEN FORUM TUESDAY

Good Morning ladies and congrats to all the BFPs! I have not posted much lately as I've had the ttc blues. Every week I go to church another women announces she's pregnant, last Sunday it was my closest friend. So many BFPs here too, on TV, in the paper, on the news . . . it's like there is a huge BABY BOOM, and I'm not invited. Yes, I'm very much on the pity pot this morning.  Today is cd 28, took two dollar store hpt and they had faint line, but then took digital with fmu today and "not pregnant" came up. I have 16 month old DD, have been ttc for 10 months and had a chemical pg in FEB '06 (staci so happy for you!). I feel so depressed even though it's still possible for positive result. It's just that this emotional rollercoaster is starting to get to me. Also, I'll be 44 on May 30th and even though we conceived our DD naturally when I was 42, I can't help but look at my life calender and worry. Trying to trust in God as I can't see the big picture, but it's getting harder every month. The BFP rollcall was definately an inspiration, best wishes to you all, hopefully I can add my name to the list soon! Hope I didn't bum anyone out, my DH dosen't understand and all my friends are pg so it's hard to talk to them. Karen

[my time]

I think it is very hard to have so many bfp around you, especially when you are ttc. I have only recently started ttc, but I do worry sometimes. Most of my friends have already had children recently, and the others have made their announcements. Even my sister who was not even ttc (missed some pills) had a baby a year ago. It is stressful when those who are not even ttc, get pregnant. However like you said we have to trust in the Lord that we will be blessed in due time. I am hoping to have a BFP this month, but only time will tell.
Congrats to all those who have gotten BFP, to those of us still trying lots of baby dust**************************

[jen023]

Hi - I know how you feel... My dh and I have been ttc for a year now with 2 m/c. We are trying for our first child so it's getting really depressing that we are not able to start a family when we wanted to. When I had my first m/c, I didn't realize how common it was - this forum has helped me a lot - and I have learned so much from everyone here. I am getting ready to begin my 2ww and hope that this will be my turn. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that we both get our BFPs soon (as well as all ttc)... Good luck and God Bless!!

[Angiconda]

I compeletly know how you feel, even though I am not is that boat anymore. It feel like it is being rubbed in your face or something. I know it is hard but just try to stay positive and it will happen when it is supposed to happen. I was to the point where I said thats it I give up and bam then it happened for me. I have heard that from a lot of people...that it happens when you arnt trying but it is hard not to try especially when you want a little on so bad. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you cheer up your turn will come. You said you got a faint line on the dollar store HPT have you tried a digital test again? I would maybe give that a try. BABY DUST******************

[vannessa]

Hello Karen, I had a m/c on Saturday and I still feel so devastated I can not stop crying... I have to go to work today and have no idea how that is going to happen. I'm 23, but my husband is your age and I feel like we don't have a lot of time. I've never been so depressed in my entire life. It took me 6 mounths to get pregnant and when everything seemed ok I just lost it... Just a day before It had a little heart that was beating, it was right were it was supposed to be, my hormonal level was perfect and on the next day it was gone. Of course nobody could tell me why??? And now I have to start everything from the very begining, it's just so hard... and so many friends of mine just get pregnant and they don't even want it!!!

[angelbaby2]

I hear ya, sister! At least three of the girls at church that are pg were still breast feeding and one of them wasn't even ttc.

[vannessa]

I missed my point: I really hope for you that everything will be fine!!! and I wish you all the best!

[Mikeal'smom]

I have to say I am in the same boat as far as everyone around me being pg.  one friend just had a baby, another just found out she is pg and her dd isn't even one yet, my SIL just found out she's pg, and whe have two other friends that are also pg.  It really sucks, my dh and I have been ttc for 2 1/2 yrs, with 2 m/c.  I have gone through 2 iui's with clomid and 2 cycles of clomid with no iui (using bbt and opk with timed bd) and still nothing has worked.  Sometimes it all feels so unfair.  Dh and I are finally going to see a RE at the end of this month, I guess I'm hoping to hear that there's nothing else we can do and maybe life won't be so consumed with ttc.  I know we always have the option of IVF, but not really sure we want to go that route.  I hope all of you get your BFP's soon!

[angelbaby2]

jen - I so agree with you. All these girls anncounce they are 5 weeks pg and none of them have m/c, but I have had two and know that it is very common. I feel retched cause sometimes I'm like why don't any of them m/c? Then I think if I do get BFP and tell everyone, I'll be the one to m/c and be totally devastated as I continue to see all 6 of their belly's grow (attend church with about 80 members so can't miss them). I hope you get your BFP soon, it does help that I have my precious little girl, but the desire for another is as strong as when ttc her.

angi - used digital this am (see above post)

vannessa - I am so very sorry you are going thru this and in such a shocking manner. I could cry for you and hope you find strength to work today (((hugs))) This probably won't console you now, but many women go thru multiple m/c's and then go on to have completely healthy pregnancies.  I got pg two weeks after my mc and had my DD 9 months later. How far along were you? My prayers are with you and I know how you feel hon. Baby Dust to you.

[petanka]

Hello girls,
I used to be in the same boat as you. We had an D/C last August and then we waited 3 months (dr. advise) In Dec. 05 we started trying again  and even though we just got recently pregnant, (5wwks) let me tell you, it will never be the same! Most of us here had some kind of a problem. D/C, M/C....just name it. There has not been a day since I got my BFP when I think-"thank you god for giving me another day." So, even though we are not in the TTC boat, not sure which is worst?! TTC or praying every day for not loosing another baby? Either way, they are both nerve wrecking. I wish you all success, Karen, do not give up...I had my SIL rubbing her prego. in my face exactly on a due day for the baby I lost. This forum is here for us, and it made me hell of a stronger person! Baby DUST to you TTC and STICKY baby DUST to all the Prego!

[sparkypuss]

I'm glad I found this forum full of lovely people who all have their own very special stories and advice to share. I've never been a broody person but in the last year I've felt that family is more important to me than ever. DH and I started ttc last summer for our 1st, and so far no joy but we remain positive. Our best friends just had their 1st baby a month ago (after one shot) and they are putting the extra added pressure for us to have one soon so that they can play together. It's very difficult to explain to people who had it so easy that for some of us it isn't so easy. The best advice I was given is to try not to compare yourself with other people, it will only get you down. Yes, there are other people who have it easy but there are also people who have it a lot worse. Above all keep positive. :-)

[angelbaby2]

mikealasmom - How do you do it? I think I would be in a padded cell by now! What is a RE? Some treatments can also be quite pricey, yes? Baby Dust to you girl!

petanka - Congrats on your BFP! I know exactly what you mean, first we worry about ttc, then we worry about staying pg, then it's all about a healthy baby, delivery, SIDs, potty training, development, college and who they'll marry. Like it never ends! Wouldn't trade it for the world though :}  I just love being a Mom, that's part why I want more kids so bad. I like today's quote, so true.

angi - re-read my post to you, sorry if sounded curt. Yesturday hpt had faint line at 3 minutes. Took another with fmu today and got same faint line so used more of my fmu with a digital and it came up "not pregnant." Any help with what that could mean, this was the first time I've used a digital test. Could it be too early for it to pick up on hcg. The hpts had sensitivity of 25mIU/mL, but couldn't find level on Wallgreens digital test.

[vannessa]

Thank you, angelbaby2:) You made me feel better. I was in my 6 week when I started having problems. So we went to the ultrasound and evetything looked perfect. Only the heartbeat was a little slow 120 bpm, but theysaid the baby developed exactly the way it was supposed to... and when I started passing tissue on the very next day I was more than terrified. I'm going through blood tests now and I hope I won't need any d/c. That will finish me! But I am so happy you had your DD after that and it gives me hope that next time everything will be fine with me. Going to work is hard, but I must admit better than staying at home and crying and killing myself. Lots of baby dust on you too, dear and thanks for your support. You're the second person after my husband I'm talking to about that.

[jen023]

Yes - the worrying never ends, even after you get a BFP. Before my m/c in March, I didn't even believe I was pg. I had some weird symptoms (the same I had w/my last m/c) and assumed I was having another one. I told my dr I was sure I m/c - but when I went in, he said I was pg and they wanted to do a sonogram. I had that done and then they tell me they think I either had an ectopic pg or it was just too small to see. After waiting a few more days, they told me to come in for possible surgery to remove it, if it was ectopic. So I go back in and they tell me, you were right, it was a m/c. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. So even if I do get another BFP, I won't want to tell anyone until well after a month or two because I'm always going to be worrying about the chance of another m/c. Sorry, I guess I'm venting now... it just gets so frustrating.

But our day will come - we just have to try and keep positive! Good luck to all TTC!! Best wishes to all with BFPs!!

[vannessa]

sparkypuss, I know how do you feel. Me and my husband got married in August last year. I just lost the baby after 6 mounth of ttc and now all my friends, family, parents and evetybody around me keep asking me when we are going to have a baby!!! I didn't tell them when I got pregnant back in April, because I wanted to go to u/s and make sure that evertything's fine. Now, they have no idea what I'm going through and everybody keeps asking me... "are you planning to have a baby?", "when you gonna have a baby?", "why don't you want to have one now?", "what are you waiting for?"... it's a torture. Every single time I have to make sth up... and when I am meeting them, instead of helping me to relax and forget, they just make it worse and worse.

[jen023]

Vanessa - so sorry to hear what you are going through. It makes it harder when you don't have anyone to talk to...

I found this poem after my last m/c and it helped to give me a little bit of inspiration... hope it helps...

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill
when the funds are low and the debts are high
and you want to smile but you have to sigh
when care is pressing you down a bit
rest if you must, but don't quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns
as every one of us sometimes learns
and many a fellow turns about
when he might have won had he stuck it out
don't give up though the pace seems slow
you may succeed with another blow
often the goal is nearer than
it seems to a faint and faltering man
often the struggler has given up
when he might have captured the victor's cup
and he learned too late when the night came down
how close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint to the clouds of doubt
and you never can tell how close you are
it may be near when it seems afar
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
it's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[angelbaby2]

I'm glad you received some comfort, I was also 6 wks when I had my first m/c, did not need a d&c, and was able to ttc again immediately. As someone who has suffered from depression, I take a comment about taking ones self out seriously. Are you having suicidal thoughts? Your hormones are going crazy right now and just know that as bad as you feel this very momment, it will get better, I PROMISE! Please talk to your DH or work counselor if this trauma sinks you into a deep depression, promise me. The day you hold your new bundle of joy, all of the pain will seem worth it. Hang in there and don't keep your feelings a secret. ((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

[2songbirds]

It's amazing how such a tragedy in our lives connect us here to one another. It is nice that we have each other to turn to, since our DH don't always understand. ----I myelf am wanting another baby. I don't know when though. I secretly hope soon, my DH wants to wait. I found myself waiting to O this month, then I'll be in the 2ww. We don't use any BC, so there's always a chance.-----After finding out we're pg, we worry all the time if everything's ok. Then after we have the baby there's all kinds of new dangers to worry about. My DD is 2 1/2 and I still check her breathing. My DS is 8 months and I constantly look after him. Then the teenage years hit.----Each m/c makes us stronger, more knowledgable even though it doesn't seem like it at the time. Then when we finally get that little bundle of joy, we appreciate them so much more. We cannot let go of our dreams, no matter how rough the road gets.

[shpnfrk830]

well I am glad I found this site-but really upset at the fact that they only accept so many Q's in the day.  Glad I don't have a real pressing issue!  And yes I have checked the archives my Q hasn't been asked or answered!  Off to another site!

[vannessa]

jen023, thanks for the poem. I think it's great!!!

angelbaby2, thanks for your concern. Sunday was the worst. I woke up realizing I'm not pregnant anymore, I couldn't look at my baby's calendar /something I used to do every single morning/ and I felt nothing, but emptiness. After It took me awhile to accept the fact that it's over, I started reading this site about so many successful pregnancies, and a new hope started showing up. I don't have any suicide thoughts simply because I believe it won't be fair for the next baby that will be coming one day. I think it deserves a chance as well and I should give it to it. I also deserve another chance to become a mother. And I know that at the end when I have a baby, it will worth the trouble.

But I'll definately talk to my doctor for some more support and I hope that I won't need any d/c. What bothers me is that they saw something left on the u/s. But since then I passed so much clothes that hopefully it's not there anymore. I was wondering why they don't want to check me on the u/s again to see if i'm clean instead of running all these blood tests for hormonal level?

Thank you all for your great support one more time, it really helps! I send you hugs:)

[newlywed05]

This has probably been the most helpful, supportive thread i have seen in quite a while. Thank you all ladies for sharing your stories. Its a rough road. Like so many of you have said, we are all hear for eachother.

I m/c in march at 14 weeks. I was showing, had preggo pants, thinking about names, followed up with every book I had about where I was supossed to be, what i was supossed to be doing, not smoking, not drinking, no caffine (that was a killer), ate better than i ever have in my life, had that preggo glow everyone talks about.....couldnt be happier!!  Then, wed, mar 3 I started bleeding, thurs went to ER, and sat passed my little boy naturally....we burried him and gave him a little memorial stone...i am actually getting teary right now thinking about it all again. Just the friday before i m/c the babys heartbeat was 165. Perfect! I work with a couple of people that are pg. The girl was only a week behind me!! Seeing her everyday I go in kills me still. She has a huge belly now (6mo). The thing that kills me most is she doesnt even seem excited about it!!! She said right infront of me the other day "what I would give to go get drunk"!!! I wanted to reach over and slap her! she knew i was standing right there too!! The other guy i work with, his g/f is due in june. The entire time she was pg, she went out to bars, drank, smoke, not even shy about doing it infront of people! Why are these people allowed to have babies, to go full term...and those of us who take care of ourselves 100%, want nothing more than to be a mom in life...have to go through this pain. All my life I have heard life isnt't fair...well, this is the culmination of that statement!!!
Sorry so long ladies...didn't think it was going to be when I stated typing!! Good luck to you all. We deserve to be happy after experienceing all this pain.
I am currently in my first 2ww. Good luck to everyone out there ttc....and to all those that are pg, lets hope this time its our time!

[newlywed05]

You will be in my prayers. I truely hope that it is our time.

[jen023]

thank you... what CD are you on? I was just wondering how close we are. I am on CD 11, and am expecting af around May 24...

[angelbaby2]

My cycles are almost always 27 or 28 days (May 8th & 9th) so AF was due but not late, but let's not forget that I'm a POAS junky! Actually, with so many BFPs I wanted to get my monthly cry over with and look to next month, but now it looks like there has been a conception on April 26th (according to pregancy calculator), so today would only be 13dpo. I got another faint line on dollar store hpt this afternoon.

I called 800 on the Walgreens digital hpt and they said its sensitivity is only 50ml/?? and they recommend using 19 days after "unprotected sex." Get this, they are sending me a couple free test sticks to use with the digital case for free! Should arrive just before Mother's Day which would be 18 dpo. Would love to get window to say "pregnant" and give to DH then.

My main concern now is that this pregnancy is viable and will stick. I just had a chemical pregancy in February and I do not want to loose another baby. I'll feel better if I'm still not bleeding a week from now, so I'm keeping my excitment close to the vest and praying to God that this baby will get to come home to live with us.

I hope all four of us get to add our names to the BFP roll call in the next few weeks! * * * * baby dust * * baby dust * * * *

[2songbirds]

totally off the wall, but I just wanna say...fertility friend is so neat!! I just started my chart. Wish I knew about it whem ttc for DS. Forget those opk's!

[jen023]

Are we going through another baby boom or what? It sounds like everyone is getting preggo except us! I too know a lot of people who are either finding out they are preggo or just had a baby. My best friend has a 1 yr old son and she keeps telling me I need to have a baby so they can grow up together... I was also married about the same time as one of my other friends and they found out they were pg about the same time i had my m/c. That makes it harder...

newlywed05: I am also getting ready to go into my 2ww. Good luck to you - i hope we both get our BFP this month!

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your stories - it's nice to know we are not alone :)

[jen023]

Agreed! Good luck and keep me posted! :)

[angelbaby2]

Let's hope all three of us get invited to the Baby Boom party this month! I'm on cd28 and still no sign of AF and inconclusive hpts. It's drivin me crazy!

[newlywed05]

Usually how long are your cylces? Where you late and thats why you took the test? Or just feeling pregnant? My cycles are usually 28-29 days.....Its so funny how before I was ttc, month after month would just fly by and I couldnt beleive af would be there again..already......now, it is taking forever! Hope I can make it through these next few weeks wo a nervous breakdown!! Haha    Good luck girls

[jen023]

angelbaby2: you are going to have to start us off on a BFP trend! :) Hopefully you are preggo and it's just too early to show yet on a hpt. You'll definitely have to keep us up to date!

We'll all have to keep track of each other - and if this isn't our month - well... there's always next month!

Best of luck to both of you!

Is there anyone else out there in the 2ww?

[newlywed05]

I know froggies1 is in the 2ww...she and I are on the same cd...other than that not too sure..I was so excited when I found out she was on my cd bc I wasnt alone. Everyone was getting ther BFP, and I still had to finish AF!! But it is good to know there are other out there that I can share with!! Its nice not to be by yourself...especially at a time like this  :o)

[ajaball]

That is so sad to lose your baby like that!  Did you ever find out what was wrong?  I am now 11 weeks and finally starting to chill out about m/c, but your story makes me think!

[jen023]

I know the feeling - I felt like I was the only one not getting a BFP until this thread started

[newlywed05]

When the doc did the u/s the friday after I was in the er, the baby was only measuring at 11wks. However the baby didnt pass away at 11 weeks as I heard the hb at 13wks 6 days. So, the baby was just not developing correctly. Doc explained it that sometimes when there is something wrong, your body takes care of things itself. She said the chromosomes probably matched up incorrectly, and the baby could only grow and develop to how they matched up. I dont think I explained it as well as she did! Ha.....But she did say it is common in first pregnancies, and the chances of it happening again to us are slim. So hopefully she is correct.
When I hit 13 weeks, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. You hear so often of mc happening early...5wks, 6wks, even when I was 10 wks, I was still nervous. I truely thought I was in the clear at 13 wks. Just goes to show nothing is 100%. Don't worry though. Worring isn't going to do any good for you or the baby. It is soooooo rare to have a mc that late. Im sure you and your little one are going to be just fine :o)  Now, when I do get pg again, and get to 14 wks, I know I sure am going to need some support! I will be freaking out!

[ajaball]

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.  My previous pg ended in m/c at 6w2d, but that must be so disheartening to make it to your 2nd trimester without complications only to m/c.  The 2nd trimester is supossed to be the easy part (so I've heard-have yet to experience it myself!).  Good luck ttc.  A speedy bfp to all!

[mommie2]

I am also in the 2ww. I am hoping for for BFP by this weeken or early next week. I hope we can start a new BFP list in a week or two.

the digital test  - when i was pregnant back in Feb. I got 3 positives with fact plus and a negative with a digital, I took a blood test the next day and it was positive. I think the digitals are less sensitive.

[newlywed05]

The only advice I have for you is to enjoy every minute of your pg. I did...even though I didn't think anything was going to happen. I am so happy I did. I can remember the weeks that I did have so vividly. It is actually still pretty hard to deal with the fact that I am no longer pg. I got extremely depressed when it happened. I actually didn't know how depressed I was until just last week when I was thinking about it. I didn't get out of bed for weeks upon weeks. Ate all the time, hence I havnet lost any of the 15 pounds I gained when I was pg! That gets depressing still. still can't fit into my regular jeans. I finally gave in and bought a new pair! Being 4'10 (I am a teeny little italian girl) 15 pounds is alot of weight to put on in 4 months! I have decided to get off my butt and start walking. I am tired of being uncomfortable with myself!

[newlywed05]

Good luck to you! I hope you get that BFP! You will start us off! I have to wait till the 19th...though i'll probably cheat and test a few days early...just for my own sanity! Hopefully by the end of the month, we will start a new rolecall!

[newlywed05]

I am cd19 (4dpo). Af should be coming either the 19th or 20th. Hopefully she doesn't show at all!!

[jen023]

mommie2: Good Luck! I agree - I hope we all get to add our names to the list. We'll all have to keep each other posted.

angelbaby2: I hope we will soon be wishing you Congratulations!! I know how nerve wracking it is to find out you are preggo and hope it doesn't end in m/c. I wish the best for you!

newlywed05: Good for you - you have been through a lot, but you sound like a very strong person.

I just know we are all going to get to add our names soon!!

[Allexa]

hi every1. im so happy to find this site. i have been going threw the same thing as all of you. however i havent had any m/c yet. i hope i never do. me and my dh having been ttc for 2 yr. and nothin yet. its so depressing. i also have been feeling like EVERY1 around me gets bfp but me. my sil got a bfp without even trying and of coarse rubbed it in. i was so upset about it cuz she knows i have been ttc. oh well. anyway its been hard for me cuz my dh has low sperm count. we did iui once and failed and cant afford to do any more so now we are trying on our own. knowing its gonna be even more hard for us to concieve (conceive) makes it that much emotional each month. my cycle is usually 28 days but every now and then itll be 30- 32days. this month i had a 28day cycle and am currentl ovulating so we tried today and will try for the next couple of days. ill keep in touch for my tww. im praying it works ot for us. wish me luck. and congrats to all bfp's.

[jen023]

Good luck to you! It looks like we will be in our 2ww at about the same time. I hope we all start a trend this month. Keep us posted!! :)  :)

[angelbaby2]

Happy BDing! Hope you get your BFP this month. A friend of mine had been trying for 3 years and now she's 14 weeks pg so don't loose hope.

[Allexa]

hi again. thx for the support. its good to know im not alone =) it would be sooo nice to get a bfp this month. good luck to all ttc =)
ill keep you posted on how my tww goes..thx

[Allexa]

hi jen..its nice to know i wont be alone for my tww..good luck to you. keep me posted and ill do the same =)

[jen023]

Sounds like a plan - in two weeks, I hope we both get to add our names to the list. It looks like mommie2 and angelbaby are starting the BFP trend!!  ~*~*~*~*~*~

[Allexa]

thats great for them..congrats to both..i hope we are next =)
i bet this tww is gonna seem sooo long. lol. either way i hope we both get our bfp..good luck!