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OT: Frustrated with Fiance
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OT: Frustrated with Fiance

I need a two minute venting session.  It is probably insignificant but it's frustrating the hell out of me.  Every freakin weekend we go to Long Island to spend time with my fiance's cousins.  I love it though, they have a big apartment with a huge backyard and Jayden loves it there.  They treat my son like gold and love spending time with them.  But this weekend my mom and I decided we wanted to go to Connecticut to visit my godparents and godsisters.  My godmother hasn't seen my son since he was 3 weeks old.  My godfather hasn't seen him once.  He is in his 70's and doesn't like to travel to the city.  Which I have accepted because I feel like he's getting older and we should accomodate his wishes.  So I want them to see Jayden who is now 8 months old.  My fiance's entire family has seen our son, we are always going to their houses to visit.  All we do is sit there while they spend the time with my son.  Which is fine but it is soooo boring.  I do it for them and for my fiance.  Now my fiance tells me he doesn't want to go to Connecticut with my mom and I.  That he would rather work then go up there to sit.  I'm completely p*issed off right now.  If it was his family it would be fine.  He even went as far as to tell me what did they ever do for us.  Well they gave us money when our son was born and the Christmas 2 years ago when we went up there with my fiance's daughter they bought her gifts when they didn't even know her.  Why the heck do they have to do anything for us in order to see our son?  These people helped raise me with my mom and my godfather was the ONLY father I had.  He was there in the delivery room with my mom when I was born.  Why do I even have to explain this to him?  His no good father who doesn't give a rats a$$ about his grandkids or even his own children got to see our son because we brought him to see him.  Meanwhile my fiance can't stand his father.  I'm going regardless but how rude is that to my godparents who have been nothing but nice to him for him not to come and show face.  He said they wouldn't care, all they want to see is me, my mom and the baby.  I care, he just always does this when it's my friends or my family.  He separates himself or causes a fight between us to ruin the day.  I told him not to expect us home early because I'm going to stay there until I feel like coming home.  Sorry it's long, I just needed the venting session.  
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106 Comments Post a Comment
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159354_tn?1286371288
You are right to be upset....why does family have to 'do anything' for you....They are family and they love you and those people are important to you.

My hubby was like that at first, when we first moved here from AZ but he quickly got over it...at first he was just 'out of place'...because he'd only met my family once prior to getting married and moving east.

But, again, he quickly got over it and now enjoys when we go there and always wants them to come to our house.
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145992_tn?1341348674
He doesn't get it at all.  The most frustrating part of it all is that he doesn't think that he is wrong.  Even after I've pointed out to him what he does.  He said he wouldn't care if I wanted to stay home and he took the baby to Long Island without me.  Yeah ok.  Like that would ever happen.  I can't see him taking the baby overnight or away from me for that long period of time.  I'm sure I'm in need of a small break but I do enjoy my weekends with my son and wouldn't want him to take him.
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159354_tn?1286371288
I know what you mean...DH is not allowed to take my children away from me...not for one night...not ever!!!

I'm just kidding.  We won't take the kids overnight away from the other one, but we do have 2-4 hr breaks....Abby and Daddy day, Jake and Mommy day and vice versa, but it's never more than a few hrs at a time....and never to visit family.

Family = Family.  He needs to go with you and show some respect.  It's disrespectful not to got just cause he'll be bored....Heck I remember dreading those visits to his parent's house or grandparents house....even my own family functions....but you still go...You love them, You show them respect and visit with them.

Life is too short.
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Avatar_f_tn
Yeah right!!  I'll bet he would not take the baby to Long Island with you, you ENJOY those trips, and I am sure you make those trips enjoyable for him.  This way he gets to spend time with HIS family, while you are there taking care of your son so he can socialize.  How selfish of him to do this to you.  I am sure you hardly ever ask to do anything like this, and now that you want to do this one thing, he cannot be supportive and just take the trip with you.  I feel your pain.  I had to spend my Holloween with my fiance's ex wife's family so that HE could spend time with his kids, meanwhile my family had a big to do with my nephews and I missed out.  This year I want to spend Halloween with my family, and he refuses saying that his girls have spent every Holloween with him and his ex wife since they were born, well what about MY daughter????  Does my daughter have to spend her Halloweens with him and his EX wife too??  UH NOOOO, don't think so.  I will not ask him to choose who he wants to spend Halloween with, it will just be known that I will go my way with Ava, and he can head on over to his ex wifes house.  :)

Men can be so selfish!!  You should go and have fun.  Will you feel bad for leaving him at home?  I know I would.  Isn't that funny how we do that?    
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Avatar_f_tn
"I'll bet he would not take the baby to Long Island with you"  Sorry I meant to say "WITH OUT YOU".. :)
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145992_tn?1341348674
deanne11 - exactly, 4 hours tops.  Once he went for the day to his godmother's house and took the baby.  I was sick and needed the break.  But the entire time I felt sad because I was missing out on it.  

BabyHardiman - Yes, I ALWAYS take care of Jayden while he socializes.  Well I socialize and he either watches tv or falls asleep on their couch.  He's such a bore.  They have more fun with me then him anyway.  I will go without him because I promised my family but yes you are totally right, I will be missing him and thinking about him the entire time.  I do hate that.  
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Avatar_f_tn
MEN!
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145992_tn?1341348674
I know right....there isn't much you can say...I guess they're all the same...lol.
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Avatar_f_tn
no no not all are the same i know some pretty stand up men......but for the majority most guys are the same. however i know some women where when it comes to you and your stuff.....theyll pass, but when it comes to them and their stuff and things they want to do....its a straight crime to have something else to do
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167_tn?1374177417
This is a perfect opportunity for you to tell him how you feel. Start like this: "I feel..." and be tactful and honest. He should give as you have given. He doesn't have to like it, but if he loves you, he will do this for you, as you have done for him. It's about giving, reciprocating and appreciating your family because you are a part of them and they of you. It's also about respect. I think you need to try to get him to go, or accept that this is the way it will be. I wouldn't be able to do the latter. If you are going to get married and stay married happily, this should be something he is willing to do, IMO. It goes both ways.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Well I think most men are selfish but that's just being very prejudice towards the ones I do know...lol.
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Avatar_f_tn
My DH does that alot...I just go with out him.  Bugs the hell out of me but I would rather go by myself then hear him complain the entire trip...haha, I guess it works out for everyone!  Men are just like that and they dont understand spending quality time with people.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Oh they understand spending quality time with who they want to spend it with.  Because he has no problems going out drinking with his co-workers or going to his family's houses.  It's only my friend's parties or my family's houses that he gives me problems with.  I guess you are right though, better to go without him then to hear him complain.
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Avatar_f_tn
It's so not fair though.  I know that "sacrifice" is not quite the right word, but that is what we do as fiance's, wives, and mommies every day for our families.  I think it's totally unfair that men expect us to be there for "show" in their functions and such, but do not expect the same from themselves.  I don't understand how some men justify being so mean and selfish in their heads and how they do not see how much that hurts us.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Because they don't think they are wrong.  They just see it as we should understand that they don't want to go and why is that a problem.  Women are forever bending over backward to "please" their men.  We do things for them that we aren't necessarily comfortable with and it's just the acceptable thing.  They will never understand where we are coming from because they don't think like us.  It is sad though.
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172023_tn?1334675884
  I'd let him step up and take the baby to his parents in a heartbeat, and I'd be sunning myself out by the nearest pool for the entire weekend.  And I'd be laughing the whole time.

But that's me.    

Wait a few years, and you'll be kicking yourself for not giving him the chance to eat his words.
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172023_tn?1334675884
You said:
"They will never understand where we are coming from because they don't think like us.  It is sad though."

Its not sad for the man!  He gets what he wants, which is to visit his parents, tote you and the baby along, and he doesn't have to lift a finger...you do all the work.  And then he doesn't have to do something that you want to do (visit your family).

Sounds like its working perfectly...for him!
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159354_tn?1286371288
You know what - After thinking about it....I'm going to back Peek.

Let him take Jayden without you....just once.  He'll do a quick turn around...

I did this to my hubby once.  I made him stay home with the kids one day when I went to work...2 sick kids...lol.  I just put my foot down.....

He has treated me like the queen that I am ever since.
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You know what I think I will.  Let him see how tough it is.  I need a day for myself.
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172023_tn?1334675884
Too bad you can't sneek a hidden camera over there.  It would be hilarious!
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145992_tn?1341348674
Actually his family is my hidden camera...they will tell me everything...lol.  I guarantee you, he will be sitting back while they do all the work.  This man is slick.
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15480_tn?1302533402
Oh Mami-so sorry I just read this. I would probably let him take Jayden-but I am sure you will worry the whole time (just like I would). On second thought I would do what I want to do and not worry about him. Take Jayden with you and your mom and have a good time. I hope it all works out! :)
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Avatar_f_tn
Yeah they do spend quality time with who they want to, when they want too.  
I know in my situation I have fought my husband all the time to come places with me...so now I just say...I am going here, you can come if you want.  Then he follows up, well do I have too!!  Sometimes I respond "No" and other times if I realy want him to go or it is just inappropriate that he isnt there then I say, Well...if you dont want to look like an a$$ then come, if you dont mind stay home!  I never bring it to an argument level anymore because when I do and I win, I am so fuming the whole car ride I cant even stand it.
Oh funny story about spending time with who they want too...So for the 4th we went down to the beach and stayed at one of his friends house.  His friend also has a baby a month younger than Ethan, so it is good to have the kids get together.  Well after the first night of me doing everything, so he could have friend bonding time, I was a little upset but understood...he never really gets too much guy time.  So the next day he says to me...Isnt this relaxing!  I replied...Ha, yeah right...carrying a 19 pounder around the whole time and cleaning everything up is fun!  Well right after that he grabbed the baby and kept him the whole night on his lap.  Point is, I guess guys dont really understand unless you say it to them.  I didnt say it rude or anything...well maybe sarcastically...so maybe that is how I got the message across.  
I just wish MEN thought like WOMEN.....or hell if I am asking for that, I wish men were completely like women!  
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165078_tn?1255610007
wow, I love this post - sorry mami! You said "he doesn't think he is wrong"  Men in general "DONT THINK".  I guess I should not say that because my dad is not like that at all but my fiance - yes he is the same except that he will go on family functions he just does not think I ever need a break.  They would never survive a full day on the run with the baby without us.  When he works - and trust me he can get off if he wants to - I still go. Go Go Go - Eva and I have been so many places and he is missing it.  I am a working mom so I make sure our weekends are fun filled.  Just put your mind on the baby and GO.  he will come if he wants to, work if he wants to, or stay home and relax like WE want to. haha

Just this summer I had my dd to Sesame Place (once with him once without), Please Touch Museum, Storybook Land, The Beach (sometimes with him most of the time without) but everyweekend we are somewhere.  Men will never think like women.  I am going to be getting pregnant again soon.  I cant wait to see how stressed I am. haha

Good for weight loss.
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145992_tn?1341348674
It's funny because I thought I was alone in my bitterness...lol.  My bestfriend told me that her husband used to ruin every day that she wanted to do something so she just started doing it on her own with her son.  She said after a while you just ignore them and don't allow them to ruin your time.  Of course her husbands an a-hole but I see what she's saying.  I always loved the fact that him and I would take our son out every weekend and spend family time together.  Just realizing it was only all good because it was his family :(

I will go and if he wants to come along then he can, if not then I will enjoy my time with my family.
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165078_tn?1255610007
men are so weird sometimes - I love when they do go they have the best time but then never want to go again and I HATE that I do everything under the sun and when I want to watch just one show on TV.  Just one - Big Brother - that is it. I watch no other TV I dont get to because he just cant get her to sleep like I can. ARGH!
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159354_tn?1286371288
My hubby goes on every family weekend trip, etc....but he still ruins it...LOL
Guess it's man's prerogative

Big Complainers!!!

And they think we are moody
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145992_tn?1341348674
cantwait - oh my favorite is they watch and subject us to all their stupid movies and tv shows and the minute we want to watch one of ours they are like "oh no, not this show."  Like hello, do we have no right to any joy in our lives, even if it is just a tv show.  My fiance has NEVER put Jayden down to sleep, not once.  I don't think he would know how.  

deanne11 - they ruin everything, I don't know why we do want them to come...lol.  See at least we know we are moody, they don't even see that they are. HA!!
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165078_tn?1255610007
My favorite is when I am putting sunblock on her and she is screaming because she hates it and he is like thats enough already leave her alone.  

Ok, well you take care of a burnt baby then.  Yesterday the sun was coming through the deck window and she was covering her eyes and I said well get out of the window and he said hurry go get the sunblock.

Oh my - and to think we are actually haivng a good week and I still get to vent. hahaha
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13167_tn?1327197724
mami,  I think most men are like this.  My husband is - he won't go anywhere he doesn't WANT to.  Where,  when I think about it,  I go tons of places I don't want to go!  So many invitations that are kind of obligatory,  where I really don't want to go,  I do it anyway.  So maybe there's a happy medium between men and women - because  think women will drag themselves to some dumb jewelry party or make up party because they are obligated by they dread going.  

If going to your family was fun for him,  he'd do it.  Can you make it fun for him?  Go out to a fun restaurant at the end of the afternoon,  or go to a Lake Park or something with your godparents?
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cantwait - lol, men are obnoxious aren't they.

RockRose - Oh trust me, it can get boring at his families homes.  Sometimes we just sit there and he doesn't even socialize with them.  He watches tv or goes into another room to take a nap.  I want to shoot myself in the head.  Well they have a nice backyard so I was going to buy the baby a little pool.  Not that it's fun for my fiance but it's cute to watch my son play.  See they live in East Lyme Connecticut so there isn't much to do out there.  It is very suburban life there.  I guess I could ask them if there was something to do.  
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171768_tn?1324233699
it's funny reading this, because sometimes i feel like the opposite. dh will come without complaint to any family function i drag him to. my family is HUGE, so there's always something. i always dread his family- i find them boring and depressing. i always have to make a very conscious effort not to be a downer. it's VERY hard to suck it up and keep quiet, but i do. i can almost empathize with a man who is not as sensitive and empathetic. for the less sensitive sex, it is probably very hard. not that i'm making excuses for them- they should suck it up just like i have to. but i have found this thread to be amusing for that reason :)
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171768_tn?1324233699
i'm going to temporarily hijack this thread for a second....

i'm sucking it up and taking dd to see his family in queens next week. it's an hour drive if we're lucky enough to not hit traffic. his mom is off all day, but his dad doesn't get home til 7. i wanted to be on the road going home by 7, because that's her tired time. she needs to be going to bed by 8. if we stayed longer, her grandpa would see her, but she'd be cranky anyways, and if she gets overtired, bedtime is a nightmare. if we stay past 7, she'll fall asleep in the car, and then i won't be able to get her back to sleep til midnight. is it selfish of me to want to leave at a reasonable time? the last time we visited, i made it very clear that we needed to leave by 7. they did not respect this. they started dinner right before 7. and dragged it out. and we were the ones who had to pay with a miserable baby. sleeping over would be easier, but DH works the next day. other days are not an option because his mother is stuck in a terrible dead-end job where they treat her like **** and give her the worst hours.
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145992_tn?1341348674
I can totally understand, I enjoy his cousin's house because they are fun but his other family members bore me to tears.  Yet, I too suck it up and go so that they can see the baby.  He won't even attempt to show some respect to my family but sucking it up.  Like they have to put on a show for him to entertain him.  He's a grown man be social and just deal with it.  It's one day out of many.  Meanwhile in the 5 years we have been together we have seen my godparents all of 3 or 4 times.  I can't even count how many times we've been to see his family, that's how many.
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171768_tn?1324233699
at least his family tries to entertain the baby. DH's family doesn't comprehend that a baby her age is no longer content being held and snuggled. She needs to move, explore and play! They also don't understand that she's not going to jump into their arms. She needs to warm up to people, even people she's familiar with.
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145992_tn?1341348674
No, it's not unreasonable for you to want to leave before she gets cranky.  People just don't understand sometimes of how difficult it is when your child is not comfortable for their naps and not home for bedtime.  It can make for a very unhappy situation.  Unfortunately, even by you saying something I don't think it will make much difference.  We don't get any respect in that area and we are the ones who suffer for it.
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15480_tn?1302533402
Ok now I need to vent! DH is home all week (vacation), so while he has been laying on the couch most of the day I am doing everything! Avery went down for a nap and in the past hour I have folded laundry, put laundry in the dryer, put laundry in the washer, cleaned up from lunch (that I made), washed bottles and sippy cups, got Avery to go to sleep for her nap and then got her right back up because she had a poopy, put her back down again, emptied the trashcans and took out the garbage, reprogrammed the TV remote, took the dog outside (in the rain), got the mail in and sorted it, paid some bills and put toys away. The whole time he was lounging on the couch and had the nerve to ask-whats the matter hon?! AHHHH I could scream! If there is a such thing as coming back again in another life, I am putting my order in now, I want to come back as a MAN!! lol
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159354_tn?1286371288
Are we married to the same man?

LOL

Sounds like my weekends.
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15480_tn?1302533402
Maybe we are-must be those PA/NY boys!!
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145992_tn?1341348674
LOL....what is wrong with them?  It's so funny how they see us running back and forth doing all types of things and they still just lay there.  Then they have nerve to ask what's wrong?  Re-thinking about how miserable you will be to go back to work?  Work is a break...lol.  I think he thinks since he is on vacation that means that he gets to lounge about.  He forgets that there is no REAL vacation when you have a child.  What about your vacation?  I bet he thinks since you have more time off and he only has a week then it's ok for you to do everything.  MEN are frustrating.
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165078_tn?1255610007
OMG that was great - thank you so much for all the details of your day. hahahaha

That is pretty much my life except he is not lounging he is normally working or out somewhere.  I love how we take total advantage of nap time.  How much can you get done in 2 hours.  

OH, I already put my order in to be a man.  You see I know I have a free pass into heaven because I am such a good person - I take care of everyone and when I die I expect those gates to be wide open with my dream vacation on the other side.  When it is time to come back I want to be a cat or a man.  I will pick the man because my luck I will be a stray cat eating out of trashcans.

hahahaha  too funny!

ps.  My dd bedtime is 9pm and I dont care where we are we are home by 8:45 for bath and 9pm bed.  Everyone thinks I am nuts well guess what you dont live with me and I need sleep too.
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Actually my boy is from AZ....so I guess the sun fried his brain.
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145992_tn?1341348674
I don't think you're crazy, I want Jayden home on time for bedtime also.  

Haha - stray cat.  If I come back I'm not sure I want to be a man but I want to be a beautiful model/actress/heiress that can afford a nanny...lol.
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15480_tn?1302533402
You girls crack me up!! I know-when is my vacation-I am on 24/7/365! I never get a break, I am always "on"! haha! For instance (cantwait already knows this) last thursday I though I was getting a "break" and went out to dinner with one of  my girlfriends while my mom watched Avery. I dropped Avery off "normal child" and then as soon as I started eating my mom calls and says she has a fever of 104! We women never get a break (unless you are my two SIL's) ! lol :) I love the story about heaven, we can all go on a vacation when we get there! haha And I would probably be the stray cat also!! I am glad I have you ladies to vent to!! It helps to know we are all in the same boat. :)
P.S. I totally understand the bedtime thing, I am the same way! :)
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15480_tn?1302533402
Work is a break but then I will just have to do all that stuff when I come  home! AHHHH! Men are frustrating unless you are my two SIL's. There husbands do everything and they still complain!  
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151668_tn?1239924705
OMG...believe me when I say I can understand this!
My dh bends over backwards to visit his friends/family no matter what the cost. When we go to his state for a visit, we are driving all over God's green earth (different cities/counties, and even across the state line to visit other relatives). No one can come visit us in his hometown, even though we just drove 18 hours to get there.

Then, when he found out that friends were visiting our state (the complete other side of it, which is 4 1/2 hours away) he wanted to go meet them because he hadn't seen them in years. Worse, it would only be for ONE night. Driving 4th of July weekend to the beach for ONE night to visit friends. We argued quite a few times on that one, and ended up spending over $350 for a two night stay/gas/food. That's right, I talked him into staying an extra night!

Then, we had to go to a friend's b-day party last weekend (well, it was her son's party) which coincided with ds's nap time. But it didn't stop my dh from waking him up after ONE hour of sleep to go to a party for someone we barely know. And ds only took one more hour nap that day AND ended up going to bed LATE that night! He was WAY off schedule the next day.

I've come to this conclusion. In the toilet bowl of life...men are the turds. I only hope my son doesn't grow up to be one...although I'm certain his day will come.

By the way, I needed hamburger meat the other day and had already asked dh to get some (for almost a week I'd been telling him we needed some). Well, I finally told him this:
"I need some hamburger meat. In order for me to get some, let's just do this. Let's pretend that you have friends coming over and that we need some hamburger. I know that'll make you want to run out and buy some, right? So let's go with that. Your friends are coming and we need hamburger and I'm sure you'll spare no expense."
LOL

Good luck with your fiancee. Sounds like he needs a good 'talking to'.
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145992_tn?1341348674
Men are turds...lol.  That is great.  I hope my son isn't one either but who are we kidding....even trying to teach them not to be the faulty chromosome they have will shift it right back.  Oh I know, let's come back in the second life as our husbands friends because they seem to get all of the attention...lol.
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15480_tn?1302533402
Ok, so dh scored some points today afterall! He called his mom to come over and baby sit tonight so that we could go out to dinner and to the mall! Lets just hope that this time Avery doesn't have to be rushed to the doctor! lol :)
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145992_tn?1341348674
Don't they always do that....after you b*tch and moan about them...they turn around and do the sweetest things.  Then you're all like "I feel bad for thinking this way about him, he's so sweet."   Blah...lol.
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I know-it never fails. They always work themselves out of the hole they dig for themselves. haha lol! :)
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145992_tn?1341348674
I sent you a note earlier.  That jacka$$ of a fiance of mine had balls to ask if I would be mad if he didn't go after I had a long talk with him about how he should go for me and it's not fair.  Then he forgot he had to pick his older son up this weekend and was like "oh, I forgot, because Mike asked me to go over to his to watch the fight."  I was like "I knew it", how messed up that he would choose to go to his friend's house instead of being with me and his son.  Meanwhile he saw this same friend last weekend.  I was so mad that I said he was thoughtless and selfish.  I told him that he's watching Jayden Sunday while I go do some stuff for myself since obviously no one else thinks of me so I have to think of me.  Then I said that from now on if he wants to go see his family he is going to go without me and I said that since all he thinks of is himself he might as well be by himself and I hung up on him.  I'm furious!!!!
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193609_tn?1292183893
Oh no! I can't believe that you asked if you would be mad if he didn't go!! HELLO...wasn't that the point of the talk? I swear, MEN are SO self centered about things! I have to give Mike props though, Ever since he lost his job, he gets up every morning with Ashtyn and lets me sleep in:)
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145992_tn?1341348674
Yep, he's an idiot.  Then he comes home last night like nothing happened and tried to cuddle.  I didn't respond and went back to sleep.  Then this morning he asks why I wasn't holding him back and I said "were you even listening to me last night?"  I swear freakin clueless.  Now we're still fighting.  He is so self-centered.  Well at least your hubby cares enough about you to let you sleep.  I wish I had that.  Haven't slept in, in god knows how long.
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I am so glad (not for you for me) that my fiancé is not the only idiot out there.  I actually like him better now realizing he cant help it.

Anyway - here goes another good one.  We have this annoying pain in the butt neighbor that is older and nobody really likes on our block.  He for some reason loves my fiancé and waits on the step for him to get home to talk his ear off.  He always tries to get his help to do stuff meanwhile DUH - he has a baby and stressed out girlfriend in the house waiting too.  Well last night in the pouring rain I dropped the baby off at my moms after working all day to go pick up my car that was being serviced.  I had to stop and get gas in the rental - then fight with the dealer because they wanted to charge me extra, blah blah blah.  Square all that away finally get home - he had picked up the baby maybe 10 minutes before I get back and said I have to help (this guy).  He needs me to take him to sears to return a TV.  WHAT!  I am soaked, stressed, broke, starving, smelly (need a shower) just walked in the door from a stress filled day and you are leaving for what? Now he is gone I am trying to feed baby - she of course WILL NOT eat as usual.  I am now crying because I feel like my daughter will never gain another pound, I am alone, it is raining, my house is a mess - well at least I have my car back.

Now on to the best part. my only show that I like to watch - THE ONLY ONE - of course was on last night - ask me if I got to watch it???  Anyway - I am trying to wash the bathroom rugs because I cleaned the bathroom yesterday too, dd is running around like a nut he comes in and I am about to give her a bath.  (note I still have not sat down for one second) I say do you want to put her to bed while I get a shower.  He of course could not because he had to finish his wash for work.  So some of you know my dd had to go to the doctor the other day because she was favoring her arm and shoulder and saying ouch.  Doctor said it must have been her bite itching her.  Well I figured out last night it was her earlobe.  Apparently she developed a little boil on her earlobe.  She has not had earring in for a while but her ears were fine - not sure where this came from but that is where the ouch was coming from and well I clean behind her ears but I don’t look behind there.  So it burst and she was crying and bleeding and I was like AHHHHH HELP  - he of course said I was overreacting.  I then put peroxide on it.  Put her to bed and ask him to run out to get antibiotic ointment for it and of course that was too much to ask so I am now out at 10:00 last night in CVS talking to the pharmacy on what I should do.   Come home put that on her ear.  Finally get in the shower at 11pm.  

So glad dear Fiancé was able to help the neighbor!  That is why people think us women are B's because we just don’t have time for anyone.  This morning he got to get up and go to work, I got up, got dressed, took the trash out, woke up baby, dressed baby, gave baby her asthma meds, put ointment on her ear, put lotion on her bites took her to my mom's and off to work I went.  Thank God my mom feeds her breakfast.

And I want to have another baby - am I nuts - haha Yes, and Yes!
ARGH!  Thanks for the venting session let me get back to work now.
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sorry that was so long - I was excited to get to vent.  
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You see, they are so obnoxious.  They have no idea of what we go through on a daily basis.  They are quick to help others but not even the ones that are nearest and dearest to their hearts.  I don't know why they are this way.  It's sad really and hurtful.  They are inconsiderate, obnoxious, a-holes.  

OT - what is your favorite show again?  Mine is so you think you can dance and if I miss it, I'm a royal biatch...lol.
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Big Brother and it is only on once a year for 4 months.  Thats all I ask.  I do not watch anything else.  NOTHING - news if it is on, weather, Sesame Street.  So unfair.
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It's funny you said "You see, they are so obnoxious.  They have no idea of what we go through on a daily basis.  They are quick to help others but not even the ones that are nearest and dearest to their hearts.  I don't know why they are this way.  It's sad really and hurtful.  They are inconsiderate, obnoxious, a-holes."  I was thinking the EXACT same thing just last night!!  I had to wait until he got home after 6PM to go to the grocery store, I wanted him to watch the baby but of course he couldn't because he was debating Scientology on the phone with one of his buddies.  So, I took Ava with me, came back unloaded Ava and the groceries from the car BY MYSELF, put all the gorceries away while Ava was screaming (she is teething), so I had to stop every minute to put a paci in her mouth, then I had to marinade the porkchops, start the veggies, go outside and put the meat on the grill (he did manage to start the grill). I had dinner ready at about 9 and he did not get off the phone until 9:45.. meanwhile I had to feed Ava, give her a bath and put her to bed.. after I laid down with her for about 15 minutes to sooth her little aching mouth, I could finally sit down to get at about 10PM.  He talked on the phone for almost 2 and a half hours!!  I was PO'd, but I didn't show it, exept for the couple of times I slammed the door.  :)  I don't want him to think that I can't handle it all by myself.  I may have had to handle ALL that alone, but atleast now his duffy friends knows the concept of Scientology.

cantwait4baby ... WTF??  Men can't take out the dang trash anymore??  I have to take it out twice a day AND pull the cans to the road, AND pull them back once the trashmen come.  
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That should have been "doofy friend".  lol
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Yes women can do it all but my mom taught me at a very young age not to do it all.  She taught me this because she was the one who did it all, she would never ask my dad to lift a finger and she thought it was her duty as a SAHM to do it all.  So even though I work, I always tell my husband to get up and do something or get off the phone....which he is on ALOT, and must always feel my eyes burning a hole in his head (haha)!  But I think even if I was a SAHM I would probably do the same.  These men need to be told what to do most to time...they just dont know themselves.  It isnt fair to HAVE to do everything by ourselves, even though we feel empowered when we do it on our own.  Like I said before, I wish men were women....the world would be a happier place....and a whole lot cleaner!  
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you know why because we do it so they just pretend like they forget or whatever.  Today is our trash day - oops I forgot!  I WILL NOT cook for him.  Sorry, I will for Eva and throw it away every single day but nothing for him.  Sorry - I am too busy - I also stopped doing his laundry he does his own.  That started about 3 months ago on one of my rampages.  Lets not forget he is in the union he is a union painter and I had to paint my own bathroom.  Meanwhile this same neighbor that I mention above managed to get his kitchen painted by him not too long ago.

Why do we need them anyway?  hahaha
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Sex....lol.  That's all they really are good for but when you are so tired from doing everything during the day on your own, you don't even want it...lol.  What it lasts a good 15 minutes anyway because you are rushing them so that you can go to sleep.  You know who has it right...lesbians.  Lesbians who raise a child together must be the happiest women ever...haha
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hahah - and have the cleanest homes.  All my gay guy friends are so happy and their homes are so nice and clean and they are so in love.  that is what happened all the good caring nice guys are gay :)  Not Fair!
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You know why our homes can't get cleaned, because there isn't enough time in the day for all of us to do what we do now and clean.  Our lazy a$$ men sit and don't lift a finger either.  The only thing my fiance does do is our laundry but I do the baby's laundry.  Why can't he do all of it, who knows.  It's nice to know that most men are this way and I'm not a crazy, psycho biatch who picks at her man.
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OMG-so sorry you girls had a terrible night. This will make you girls laugh-so my dh has his mom watch Avery last night so I could get a break. Well she decided to give Avery tons of junk food and soda (hello-she is 1), she didn't go to bed until 2. She must have had a belly ache and was so wired from the caffeine. I could scream!! My mom would never do this. At least Shane stayed up with her half of the time and he is going to talk to his mom today.  No more going out without Avery for me!! I must be being punsished for something! lol Oh and if it makes you feel any better, I had been wanting Shane to hang pictures in Avery's room for oh lets say 15 months, he finally got around to doing it this week. I think I will wait 15 months to do the laundry, clean, cook, blah, blah, blah.......
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Nope-I think all men are this way unless you are married to my brother. His wife stays home all day and he still does everything!! (Drives me crazy, can't you tell?) Both my SIL's stay home and there husbands do everything!
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Geez....I feel better about my DH.

He does all the 'man' chores and does baths for me while I cook dinner (I don't allow him in my kitchen)

My only problem is he wants to talk all the time and cuddle....I would not be a good lesbian...LOL
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Shane does do the man chores also-like mowing.
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I still wouldn't want to be a lesbian...
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Oh well if you are talking about hanging pictures or any type of house decorating....my wait is about 6-9 months too.....

I still into Jake's room and see his little cowboy pictures on his bookcase....waiting to be hung on the wall....He's 9 mos old!

Maybe it will get done this weekend.
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My dad will hang everything I need hung and fix everything that breaks - My dad is pretty good although growing up my mom did all the kid stuff - he always did the house stuff.
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Kim - if i had my dad come over to hang those little cowboy pics for Jake all he** would break loose in my house....even though they've been sitting there for 9 mos.
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My dad is also good about hanging/fixing stuff but he is a perfectionist. Once it took him 3 hours to hang a mirror in our dining room! That was enough to drive me crazy!
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well there is our answer it is not men who are the problem it is the generation.  So Deanne & Mami you must start the new generation of men with your Jakes so that our Abby's, Avery's and Eva's dont have to go onto a forum to vent in 30 years.  :)
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Good point! Hopefully, Avery will find a helpful man! I will try and teach her well!!
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Oh don't get me started on how long it takes for him to get things done.  Baby's toy chest bought 5 months ago, still in box.  Our headboard, turned the wrong way, originally bought in December, not put up until March, then put together too low to ground and backward headboard.  Still not fixed the right way.  I watch tv with the footboard in the way.  Baby's crib not lowered enough been waiting a few days on that.  That's ok, when Jayden flips over it and smashes his head on the floor, maybe it will get done.  Blinds in the bathroom need to be taken down, oh about a year now and their still up.  This is just the tip of the iceberg.  

I will teach Jayden to be a better man!!!  
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I'd be happy to give Jake's hand in marriage to either Avery or Eva.

Jayden can take the other available girl.

Who said pre -arranged marriages were a bad thing.

And if Jake pulls this **** with them, he'll get his Momma whoppin his butt at age 30 if I have to.
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Well then, Avery is already taken care of! It will be Jake or Jayden. Sounds good to me!!
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Well I will whip Jayden's a$$ as well if he tries that on his wife.  I never thought my fiance would be this way.  When his mother was alive he wouldn't dare do this stuff.  I miss her dearly.
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Eva too poor boys they are not even one yet and have no idea what is in store for them because of their dads. hahahah
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Just on a happier note to all you first time moms thinking how busy you are and how you get no help...and can I even handle another one..

To think it gets harder with 2....it does the first 3 months, especially if you are nursing but let me tell you....

I'm amazed at 9mos how well Jake will just sit and play with Abby for 30-45 minute stretches.

Some people will think big deal - 30 minutes....

Well in Mommy world -

I can get dinner cooked, a load of laundry washed and dried, bags pack for the next day trip to school, the pets fed, and dished loaded in the dish washer.......

In a Mommy's world that 30 minutes is like a Dad's 3 hrs.
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how in the world did i miss this wonderful venting session?! i will spare you all the many many complaints i have about my 'wonderful' husband and just say...i agree! with all of it! you guys are NOT alone! i think in reading all of your posts - you are all describing my husband and the c*rap i have to deal with every day! my husband thinks his only requirement in life is to work. granted he has a tough job and works hard, but i work all day too and then come home and work. like gnicole said i am "on" 27/7/365...we all are!
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Yeah, I can't wait for my fiance's kids to come over.  I never see Jayden.  They help me out 1000 times more than their father.  Just on an update of my family situation.  Well he agreed to go after countless arguments.  Now he has a horrible attitude.  I don't know what's worse...him not going or him going but giving me total attitude.  I just can't win.
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Leave him at home.  I've told my DH, I'll even take the kids on vacation without him, if he's going to bring his attitude with him.
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Now he won't stay home even if I tell him to.  It's like he's going to teach me a lesson.  Well you know if he plays that game where he's going to end up...couch city sweetie.
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I can't stand him...I can't stand him....I can't stand him.  He's being so rude and obnoxious to me.  Would it be wrong if I broke up with him now?  I know, stupid to break up over something like this but he can't even understand that the reason I was so mad is because I'm always bending over backwards for him.  He hurt me and now he's just twisting the knife basically.  Sometimes I feel like he adds more stress to my life then pleasure.  Between his selfishness, his inability to be responsible for anything, his flagrant spending habits.  I mean what really does he do for me?  He's not romantic anymore, he doesn't put much energy into our relationship, he works all the time and when we are together he's sleeping or watching tv.  I remember one day he surprised me, he cancelled his clients and was home when I got there from work.  I went into the bedroom and he had a heart and the words LOVE U written out in rose petals.  Then he opened the bathroom and there was a bubble bath with rose petals floating in it.  What happened to that guy?
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Go to couples counseling before you get married....I know you are just mad now and probably don't mean what you are saying but you should go.

I think it's worth it.

Talk to me offline sometime.  I'll be open and honest with you about my relationship and what happened after Jake was born.

Things are different now.  And I'm not talking about couples counseling with a any old shrink either....
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I'm sending you a pm.
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oh that was so cute what he did - I think you and I have the same fiance?  Are one of his kids named Eva. haha  Just kidding of course.  They really do forget the romance.  Gnicole got to go on a date with he hubby meanwhile her MIL was sugaring up her daughter.  That is so funny (not really) but Greta I feel for you - from now on you need to attach Avery to you.  
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Haha, maybe he does have a daugther named Eva...one of those men who leads a double life and has another family somewhere else...lol.  Poor Greta, I told her she should have made her MIL stay there until Avery fell asleep.  That would've been a lesson learned.
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Mami1323, I hope you guys get it worked out! Sometimes I get so annoyed with Mike that I was to scream for hours! Ugh, I get so FRUSTRATED with him. But at the end of the day, I remember how great he is and how great he is with Ashtyn....guys just forget to show how much they care!!!
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HaHa girls!! Well at least it gave us girls a good laugh. No more leaving Avery home until she is at least 20!! lol
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Thanks hon for the support.  I agree, there is just so much to work on and I'm all out of strength at the moment.
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mami,  just listen to me,  because I'm way older than you and went from a ball bashing liberal to what I am now,  in the span of about 30 years.  I even made my husband march in an Abortion Rights Rally and I made him escort women into abortion clinics through protest lines,  because at the time I was very pro-abortion.  (Now I'm in the middle).  Anyway,  poor man,  I told him in so many ways I didn't need him when we were first dating and engaged.  

We went through a lot of rocky years,  because frankly,  I don't need him and he was a jerk.  

He wasn't a jerk,  though,  he was a guy.

He needed to be needed,  and adored.  Like your guy does.  Your guy sounds like such a sweetheart,  spelling  I Love u in rose petals.  Hello,  how cute is that?

Tomorrow morning,  give him a big hug and kiss and say thank you so much for coming with me,  I really really appreciate it,  I'll love having you there.  Then grab his butt and give him a big kiss.  

Guys are so easy.  It takes nothing to please them - just a smile and a kiss,   and they're so happy and willing to do anything.  

Really.  I mean it.  Best wishes.
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I just have to say WOW - to What Rock Rose wrote.  WOW - I'm going to give it a shot.
LOL

NOT -  in this life time.

I respect Rock Rose with every fiber of my being.  She gives great advice and she knows her s***!  But in this case....I'll handle my DH my way.

I'm sorry, I get what she is saying but it goes beyond how they treat us.  But it's what our children view....I don't mind doing all the special stuff for my DH, I don't mind taking care of the children, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning.

I am by no means a liberal male basher.  I am thee most Conservative Christian wife out there....okay maybe not thee most....but close.

I will never ever let my hubby get away with that bull s*** as it sets a bad example for my kids.  and my DD especially....I'm not going to let her see I'm a rollover because hell will freeze over before I let a man treat her that way.

And sorry to burst all your bleeding hearts bubble...but in the end...the rose petal night....he got what he wanted out of it right....a roll in the sack...and I bet it was a great roll in the sack.

LOL

Sorry - not really this bitter....just a little humor.
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You crack me up girl!
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RockRose - I agree on some of what you're saying.  I think that was sweet, however, it was about 2 years ago and it stopped at that.  Haven't seen that in a long a$$ time.  I didn't even get flowers after I pushed his big son out of my small hole.  Sorry if that sounds gross but it's the truth.  I tried to say thank you for coming with me and told him I loved him for it and you know what, he's treating me like c rap right now.  Teaching me a lesson like I should just have gone without him.  Not talking to me and when he does he's really not nice.  So at this point I don't really know what to do.

deanne - that's right it was a good roll in the sack.  He did get what he wanted and more for the rose petal night...lol.
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You girls are terrible!  :)  I LOVE it!!
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mami,  I am coming off sounding like June Cleaver here mopping the floor in a dress and pearls,  Which is exactly what I am not.

The thing is,  if you married a jerk there is no reason to even try and I don't think that's what we're talking about here.   I wouldn't grovel before a jerk.  

What I'm talking about,  is appreciating and being loving and affectionate when that doesn't seem like the reaction you would have - because your feelings are hurt.  Well the thing is,  he DOESN'T want to go,  but he's doing it.  That's worth a kiss and a thank you and a hug,  and it will put him in a better frame of mind.  And your trip will be more fun.  

If you've got a normal guy,  just verbally appreciating him and loving him will make all the difference in the world - and I WANT my kids to see that.

Do you want revenge,  or do you want to change behavior.  
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The thing is I tried to be appreciative.  He even cuddled with me last night but then this morning he's being distant and rude.  Over what, him having to do something he doesn't want to do.  How many times have I done that for him?  At some point I'm going to have to give up being nice because it's getting me no where anyway and I feel like I'm being treated poorly.  I do have my moments where I'm a complete biatch but it's always for a reason.  I work off of him and I find myself always trying to keep him in a good mood.  He's worse than a woman with PMS.
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Mami -

I back you 100%...you know that.

And it's not like we are married to jerks who deliberately treat us poorly.

They just are big babies and I've even told my husband, he might as well just stomp his feet and leave the room...because that is the way he acts sometimes.

I am married to someone who really needs me to over compensate to keep him in a happy, good mood all the time....annoying.

Man up and handle your emotions a little better.
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Don't give up being nice,  Mami.  This is what happens to so many relationships - people give up being nice.  

Anyway.
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Thank you for the help RockRose, I really do appreciate your input.  Can you call my fiance and tell him that...lol.
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deanne - I wonder if your husband just needs to be allowed his bad moods?  I know what you mean - and sometimes you just have to say I'm not having fun here,  going for  a walk,  see ya.  
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Thanks girl...for your ears, it helped me hearing your stories.
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Rock - I would love it if he would just get out of the house...or 'be alone' during those times....he'd rather just put everyone else into a tailspin.

I have to say...he's gotten better...and when I see it coming...I'll pick up the kids and leave the room.  Tell him to get a handle on things.

Most of the time for my DH, it's a physical problem and he just needs to eat something....blood sugar.  

It's gotten better...now that we've been together for awhile....I see it coming.  and can usually head it off.

but he doesn't know it's coming until it's to late.
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