Posting Rules -- Support -- Patience

Good morning to all new mothers, those TTC and those expecting (have I covered all the bases?).

I have been reading and posting to this site for several months after experiencing a m/c last fall.  Currently we are TTC after my HCG finally dropped -- 2 1/2 months!

I just wanted to say a couple of things.

First, I am an educated professional BUT no matter how much research I do or how many questions I ask (including to my Harvard educated ob/gyn), I still have so many questions.

In theory I get it, but I entirely believe that no two people are the same nor are their experiences -- pregnancy or otherwise. As such, there are always questions that remain...

Secondly, I firmly believe that almost everyone on this site is looking for support AND is ready, willing and able to offer support back -- but again we are all different so this takes on many forms.

Thirdly, perhaps some people prefer more attention, or need more hand-holding -- OR maybe just under certain situations -- just as anyone who has a couple of kids or siblings can attest -- some of them just need more.  

[wonderme]

I, with all due respect, suggest that if you don't like what someone is posting or it 'bugs' you that they just want attention -- then don't respond.

Lastly, please remember that we are lacking one of the key forms of communication -- body language, emotion, eye contact -- we are only reading what someone writes -- a lot can be lost in translation.

How about giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that they are sincere and whatever is troubling them is troubling them.  If you feel it is trivial or annoying -- just ignore it.

I hope not to have upset anyone -- it is not my intention.  I just know how easy it is to misunderstand and for things to get out of control.  I also know how you could wish so much to be pregnant, that even in the face of having your period, it is still so hard to accept. Or, no matter what, your body is NOT doing what it is supposed to be doing.  A little empathy -- we all have our trials.

God bless.

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

you're right all of us women want to know answers and we love gossiping of course we're women

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

yes if u dont like what someone post then ignore it and why would it bother someone in the first place, we are all women going through the same thing, pregnancy and children, and its not easy, and exp. us women who had m/c and are trying again we get crazy and just want someone to talk to who is going through the same, it's very hard and i just want to scream already, i really thought i got blessed exp since the lost of my brother in law and seeing my 5 year old neice and my 7 year old nephew who loved his dad unbelievably seeing him in a coffin, it hurts me to much and my 5 year old neice tells me her daddy is in heaven, just like my baby who i miscarried, and she keeps telling me i got a baby in my tummy, im so mad becuz i thought i had this good news to tell my family and my husband my brother in law was his best friend and when i told him i was late he had such a smile on his face, its hard, and all of us women go through tough times and for someone who is just a plain B***** to get mad at someones post is pathetic, who cares! if u dont like their post dont respond, to me i enjoy everyones post and i can feel every women's feelings in their post, cuz we've all been there done that, thats why we answer and help eachother out God bless all of us
STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL OF US TTC!

[Monkeybeanz]

Well written, and well said! (And it needed to be said!!!)

Thank you for that!

We are all in this together... and we are here for support!

Have a great day everyone!

[Trudy80]

not 100% sure where this is coming from but firstly, good morning to you! :0)

I agree with you and I know that it is extremely difficult to get answers to your own body, typically when we are all so very different!  I guess my annoyance of it all is that there are a couple (no names) on here that continue to post not always once but a couple of times a day and I did start to get peeved at this as they seem to be wasting room for others as they could ask the next question on there 1 post (yes ppl do go back and read replies) and not use a new post or even ask a question in open forum.  Now I just tend to skip over these ppl which is sad in a way cos it is like the boy who cries wolf....one day it may be really really urgent and not just 'am i pregnant', 'af isnt here am i pregnant' etc and ppl wont answer cos they ALWAYS post.  Even using a post for call up another poster get me fusterated!

Argh....wasnt meaning this for a vent but thanks! :0)

btw, if I can help someone I will and just cos it isnt important to me doesnt mean it isnt to you, i get that...but do they have to post all the time!

Have a fab day and a Great WEEKEND!!!

Trudy

ps this is not to offend anyone and as most on here, this is my given opinion!

[2songbirds]

Now, that is outrightly rude calling someone a B****!!

Did I or anyone else call you such a name?? Did I offend you by calling YOU a name?

I definitely have a different perspective on you now.

And like I said below, we come here for support, answers, opinions, and experiences. You have to understand that when you post a question, you're bound to get someone's opinion that you're not going to like. We've all been there. People do need to understand that this is a forum, we cannot take a pg test for you, or get out our magic ball and predict things. If one thinks one is pg, take a test.

I was not annoyed at any of your posts BTW. I was trying to give you ideas on how to help your cycle, and explain things. But, for some reason, I'm thinking maybe you just didn't read them.

I was annoyed at how you proclaimed after all this you were pg and then made a post today saying AF was coming, when you keep pulling people along saying you were going to test yesterday.

And I've never attacked anyone for posting too much before. This was just ridiculous.

[2songbirds]

go back and read new mommy 2 be 2007 post earlier today saying AF showed up, that'll tell you where this all came from

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

actually no one cared or talked about this post stuff only songbirds read my post big deallll  if i thought i was preggo im never late on my af i just guess i was this month due to the stress of my bro in law pasting away, so who cares and what does btw mean?
this is crazy this is for support and help thats it not aruging and songbird kept posting on my thread and being rude dont post if u dont like my question simple as that

[jennifer1977]

Just wanted to say I didnt know not to call up other posters on the forum in new question, so sorry, but hey, we all gotta learn right?:)

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

u know i dont know u i never even read any of ur post, and all of a suddden u start typing away about me, why do u care i actually haven't post on here for the past 2 days, big deal if people kept making post about if  mommy 2 be where r u and stuff, other women were seeking out to me to ask if i was preggo and i thought i was big deal
you're the one that came in my post thread and start talking about something totally diff where i post a sad story, im mad thats why i called u a b***** becuz u posted 4 times judging me u dont know me and what i've been through so dont go jumping to conclusion, u could of just said well i thought u were preggo but u got af oh sorry, u didnt have to go on and on about it.
but i dont care cuz im not a mean person if someone needs answers i am here its just ticking me off that u keep going on about my af post

[pixijal]

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your brother in law, and your recent dissapointment discovering af this morning.  REMEMBER:  When God closes a door, he opens a window.  Next month may actually be yours.  Hold your head high.  

In addition, remember what wonderme is saying above, and stop fighting back.  You have no reason to defend yourself.  

[Trudy80]

I just read the other post as a poster advised me of that had triggered this all off and may I just say it is a little sad that we are going at each other like this in a time when we all need to rally together for support.  Yes I get fusterated for a couple of things that posters do on here but not to a point that I would or could be nastey! they have a right for freedom of speech and there are no rules directed to this site as we know when this same subject rises every few months.  Keep your cool ladies we are all hormone crazy at the moment regardless of ttc or already preggers.

I THINK WE ALL NEED A HUG!  :0)

Trudy

[newbie2b]

IMHO I have seen nothing ruder or more degrading than a women calling another women the "B" word. I dont think songbird said anything SO terrible to you to warrant that name.  
It may not be my place but, if someone wants to give their opinion, and you dont like what she has to say, you call her the "B" word?  That's just plain wrong. Sorry but, I had to say something as it seems everyone overlooked that comment.

[mslkpage]

wonderme- this topic comes up from time to time, but never resolves anything. The same arguement has been going on longer than most of us have been posting. The funny thing is, some of the ones that will preach "if you don't like it, just ignore it" are the same ones who will get tired of the semi-delusional, obsessive, "am I pg" questions later (myself included).

2songbirds- I read your first reply to her, and for what it's worth- you weren't out of line.

The best thing to do would be drop the issue, but if y'all want to continue bickering, it is entertaining.

[michellejune]

wonderme, I totally agree and thank you for your words.

I cannot believe something that started as such a positive post turned into another argument.

[RockRose]

2songs - I don't think it was actually you she's callling the B word,  for what it's worth.  When I read through the thread,  I don't think it's you.  ;D   it does seem a bit of an overreaction,  though,  to someone who just said could you be clearer in the future.

I used to be irritated with the posts where people post over and over and over with late pregnancy symptoms but they're only like 3 days past ovulation,  could I be pregnant?  But then,  this struck me.  As irritating as it is to read those posts,  how irritating would it be to BE the person writing them?  They're really stuck in this state of obsessive focus,  and that must be so hard,  that it seems like allowing them to post,  and giving them patience is the least that we should do.  It must be miserable.

bla bla bla

[mslkpage]

True, but I often get more frustrated with the people that are supporting the craziness!! I try to ignore some posts, but then I see replies like, "You probably are pg!!" or "sounds like you are to me!"

That's like telling a crazy person that the little green men DO exist, don't you think?

blah, blah, blah...

:)

[2songbirds]

no, she tried to justify in her post below why she called me that, and did say it was me.

[wonderme]

Ladies,

Hello again...I was hoping to add some calm and new perspective from someone who is not especially hormonal at the moment. :)

I agree that name calling is not nice, but I can also certainly understand the frustration it comes from (also know, as I was trying to say in my original post) that some people use "terms" loosely as a form of expression; others it is a direct insult -- it is hard to tell from just writing.  I, myself, try to take a step back and see if I can see where the other person is coming from.

Personally, I read the post from songbird (and sorry I forget all the names) and the other that I, too, felt really laid into Mommy 2 Be 2007 for how/what she posted.  It did seem like a direct attack on her and that she allowed her circumstances and the want/hope to be pregnant get a hold of her judgment.  She has obviously been through a lot the last few months -- like many of us -- and to me just sounded like she needed to vent and get feedback.

I don't really understand why everyone got so upset at her -- she was late, trying to conceive, and afraid to test (wanting to keep hope alive) -- I saw the post that she said she was due Oct. 11 -- it was under a post for people due in October -- hope, perhaps that since she hadn't yet gotten her AF she calculated an EDD -- so what?

I know that the first day of my period every month I calculate if I were to get pregnant what my EDD would be.

We all have ways of dealing with our TTC and the agonizing wait. Please look into your heart and see if you really are being too hard on another.

Look -- I tell my kids all the time -- how would you know, you've never done this before?  Same thing -- everyday is a new experience and I can attest that since my m/c I have not been my "normal" self.  It is all new and we are all muddling through -- it's nice to have someone else to muddle with.

God bless.

[emra]

Hi it's Emra,
I just wanted to say that this website has been such a support for me while I'm going through just having a m/c. I've even asked the 'could I be pregnant?' question. The reason why I am here is because I don't have anyone to talk to about these things..my questions and my feelings and I need your support as I don't have a support system here.  

I'm living in a relationship where I can't talk to my boyfriend about my feelings about m/c, because he didn't want the baby in the first place.  I like to talk to you all and ask these questions because I don't have anyone to talk to...sorry if I've annoyed anyone but I'm alone and you all are support and if I can help you just by 'being here' I'd like to.
I think you all are great and have helped me in so many ways, just by reading other posts too.
Thanks to you all  

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

i know how u feel, i can talk to my husband but not about everything and my friends i try not to discuss it becuz when i had my m/c my husbands x girlfriend talked a lot about my pregnancy and i had  alot of weird dreams of her kicking me in the stomach same dream over and over so to me it seem like i was jinx out who knows i dont believe in that stuff anyway God wouldnt let that happen, but if u need someone to tallk to i am here

[CODNER5]

I HOPE NOT TO MANY NEW PEOPLE READ ALL THIS NONSENSE. BECAUSE IF THEY DID, THEY WOULD BE SO SCARED TO POST A QUESTION, BEING AFRAID OF ALL THE "RULES" COME ON. I AM OUTTA HERE, THERE ARE HAPPIER AND MORE POLITE PEOPLE ON OTHER FORUMS.

[nickle14]

it never fails- there always has to be at least one dramatic exit.

[peekawho]

Yes.  Always.  

Now there will be a separate, equally dramatic goodbye post tomorrow.  If she follows the pattern.  

Sigh.

[Want1more]

lol...I knew this post was gonna be dramatic!

Very entertaining.....Hormones and all!
Hope everyone can at least have a good weekend!!! :)

[momof11]

wow i had 34 post on my question its on page 15 it got heated also, this one is getting close. someones right to many hormones a flying around whew.

[Monkeybeanz]

I don't even know what to say ... I am just sitting here laughing ... this is all sort of funny, and entertaining, and sad, and well I could go on... the truth is we all need each other, and that is why we are here! And yes I am sure some of us ask "dumb" questions... I know I have been guilty of it! But bottom line-  some of us need hope, reassurance, something to brighten our day, a friend along the way, someone to talk to, heck even someone to "bicker" with too! (**** sounds like some Hallmark card....lol)

I hope we can enjoy the site, have fun laugh, be honest with one another (respectfully), and just enjoy the process of trying to conceive. And be there for one another when there are days when things are not so good - and to celebrate when good things happen too!

We are all in this together =)

I am grateful for any of you who have put up with my crazy questions, and glad I can try to answer other people's questions no matter how silly, or strange, or whatever they may seem to be!

You are ALL awesome! Have a good day ladies!

God Bless!

[nickle14]

i really like it when the dramatic exit includes an oscar worthy speech:

"I would like to thank everyone that helped me...boobear, twinkletoes, and especially skank_on_a_stick. To those who don't support me, you are some real beotches. I thought there were some great ladies here, but most of you are all big dumb dumbs. Sticky baby dust to my TTC buddies. Holla back, ho's."

maybe we'll see something like that in the morning.

[Want1more]

You crack me up....Thanks for the laugh!!!  
It was so cute and so true!!! :)

[nickle14]

it seems to be a cycle that happens about, oh...every six months or so. Some leave, some don't, and others pretend to leave but return under a new name.

...and then it starts all over again!! :)

[2songbirds]

OMG, I needed that!! But, you're so right.

Maybe I should put up a post tomorrow

1)trying to make amends and how we should all get along or
2)saying my farewells about this whole spill
or
3) List all my symptoms and ask AM I PREGNANT and hope one can answer it for me? Or as some spell it pregant

I think after a big arguement months ago who_dis and someone else, for those who remember her, put up a Q asking if she was pg.

All of us women need some drama in our lives I guess. Glad it was amusing for most!!

[freakonaleash]

you mean little green men aren't real?














;)

[mslkpage]

I'm sorry, but it's time that you learned the truth about the little green men. :)

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

little green men are hot lol im bored im mad at my hubby lol

[freakonaleash]

ok, but can i at least be preganat?

[Agiesmom]

FWIW (for what it's worth), I agree with newbie2b.  I didn't see 2songbirds' post as rude, but the name calling definitely was.

I've been here since the end of June and I've seen the same questions/posts a lot (like "am I pregnant" and "no heartbeat at 6 weeks").  I actually continue to post my story in support of others who are currently in the situation I was once in (I've actually saved the shortened version so I can copy and paste it from a word document).  I sometimes think that the regulars here will get sick of reading it, but I do it because I think it's important to offer people support when they are feeling worried or scared or discouraged.  I was grateful to have that when I came here and did a search for "blighted ovum" (and I did do a search before I posted my question).

Anyway, I have to say that I don't even read the "am I pregnant?" posts anymore.  And I also don't read posts in which people write in chatspeak with no punctuation or the posts in which people use all caps.  And I don't read threads with vague subject lines like, "What do you think?" or "so upset".

It would be nice if the numbers of posts were not limited and it would be nice if threads with new replies got bumped up to the top of the list.  It would also be nice to have a "sticky" "PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING" thread that informed people how things work on the board:  that there are only so many posts that can be posted per day, a list of all the abbreviations and what they mean, a reminder of what a "good subject line" is and what it isn't, pointing out how to do a search for similar questions, etc.  I think that would be helpful.

I think that all of the regular posters here are EXTREMELY kind, supportive, and helpful.  I've seen these caring, compassionate women post their stories over and over in support of new people and they post encouraging words (even to the many repeat questions).  But it does get to you some days when you see the same poster post similar questions over and over and you think back about the day you posted here for the first time (most likely in tears grieving or worried sick about a potential problem) and you can imagine how upset you would have been had you tried to post for support only to find out that the limit has been reached and you'll have to wait until tomorrow to post your question.  I believe that when a regular/long-time poster posts to someone about this, it's actually out of concern for others who may not get to post their concerns--it's not about giving someone a hard time.

[mslkpage]

Preganat? Not likely, but if the LGM (little green men) have anything to do with it, you might be preganante.

[Elicam]

Whatever happened to Who_dis and all the other ladies such as HISGIFT and navywife and sailorswife? They have all seemed to disappear.

I was away for a while so not sure if I missed anything.

Just to put my little bit in, 2songbirds you really were not rude, but some people only want to hear the things that they want to hear and are not fully opened minded to listen to other peoples comments.

Anyway, I don't normally get involved in these threads but I was just curious to know where everyone has disappeared too.

[mslkpage]

who_dis got banned, but is still 'a who'. She 'peeks' in quite a bit (wink,wink). His gift is still around, but she has ~ after her name now, because something got screwy with her old login name. I don't know about navywife, but sailors is still with us...she needed a fresh start with a fresh name.

[2songbirds]

well, thanks for backing me up ladies..I was feeling like I was the only one. I know there's a lot of newer people here, and I got tired of posting my long sad stories that might help others. (Really good idea about saving it in word then copying it here!!) Instead, I usually just pass them on by. I remember when I first started coming here. I would check out the archives to see if my "problem" was there. If mine varied in some way, which they usually did, then I posted a question. But, it seems when you tell someone to check out the archives or offer them any kind of help, they get offended. They just want "support", whereas we usually offer our own opinions/experiences. Every once in awhile I'll pop in the line "take a hpt", but even that gets tiresome.

I wish you could see the forum while writing, too. I can't remember the name who wrote out the long post above today about how this can improve, but very well written out.

BTW, why'd who_dis get banned? I was out a few weeks at a time last year due to medical reasons (appendicitis, flu, etc.)

[mslkpage]

who_dis hosted a Thanksgiving luncheon on the Beauty and Cosmetic forum. Medhelp didn't think it was funny. After that, it just went downhill.

[2songbirds]

that's funny...I didn't even realize there was a beauty and cosmetics forum. How bad did it get? She was always sarcastic, but in a funny manner. Especially after she came back from her "cable installers seminars".

[Elicam]

That is funny. I think she is the most sarcastic of the lot.

Glad to know that all the older ones (by that I mean members and not by age), are still lurking around somewhere. I liked their replies, they were supportive, informative and funny and also very blunt (which is what made them funny I think and blunt does not mean rude , they just got to the point).

[2songbirds]

try telling that to those who called me rude yesterday, then THEY turned around and felt it was justified about calling me the big "B"

[mslkpage]

It really wasn't bad- holiday decorations, pink flamingos, and tons of turkey. But, that forum was created right after medhelp started using paid advertisers, and I think they wanted minimal silliness around that time.

[2songbirds]

omg, I wish I would've been there!!

where'd islandprincess or whoever go? I know she changed her user name. There was another one Lashaaaa something??

[Elicam]

Med Help Public Areas, which includes all areas of the Med Help Site where users may post content, are for the exchange of information and support ONLY.  In consideration of being allowed to use the Public Areas, you agree that the following actions shall constitute a material breach of these Terms and Conditions of Use:

Posting more than 2 new questions within a 6-month period, in forums (Public Areas) that are limited to the number of new questions accepted daily.

As you can see from the Medhelp terms and conditions there is a limit to the number of questions you can post.

[mslkpage]

islandprincess quit her job or changed jobs, and she didn't have a home computer. I told her that calos should buy her one as a wedding present, but I guess he hasn't done that yet.

[2songbirds]

I *was* going to post that yesterday, as I went back and re-read the rules as well, but I thought more people would jump down my throat as they see this as a chatter forum for the most part. I have no problem with that, us staying in contact and saying what's going on, but not on a daily basis. Plus a few people didn't agree with what I was saying :-).

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

so n ur point theres a lot others who post

[mslkpage]

I think the point is to be considerate even if others aren't. A lot less threads would get buried if people did that.

Punctuation is helpful, too.

[pertykitty]

well i missed all the excitement and i dont see the post. but i too have been called a B. im sure i will again.

[Elicam]

Thank you that is what I ment. If more people where to follow the rules then maybe those who live in other parts of the world may have more of an opportunity to ask something.

I understand somebody posting when they are unsure of the rules, but once you have been told the rules, at least have the decency to follow. It's just respect for others really.

But no some people go onto purposely calling up other people with a new thread after a big discussion where more than 5 people have told you that it is against the rules.

Oh well. I think Cindy or Paul should resend the rules to those who keep breeching them.

[2songbirds]

the post is still there. I especially loved it when I went on in that thread to try to explain how things work and I said I've been coming to this site a lot longer than the 2 of them snapping at me, and 1 of them is like "I don't care how long you've been here". Gee, I think it matters when newcomers are complaining about there being RULES.

sigh....so many people here come and go. I know a lot don't recognize me since I stopped posting so much....my 17 month old hit the terrible 2's.

does anyone know how andji78 is doing? I haven't seen her post for awhile.

[vsentz]

Hey Pertykitty!!! i couldn't even say hi to you the other day...they deleted the thread.....you know, one of our Medhelp drama sessions....very entertaining by the way.
How are you? I hope you're doing fine girl. I know who your last nick was, and I am so glad you're still here. I peek in here every once in a while, to read...i don't post anymore....
I'm still in the ttc game....next week i will be seeing an RE..my first appointment! yay! i think i got back a little bit of hope here.....


Mslkpage and Freak....
All's i gotta say is: not so sure if green little men exist, but BOY! I know for fact that brown little men DO! and they all come from my country! hahaha (viva Mexico senores!!) ;)

[sk2006a]

sheesh - okay, okay!  *poof* sticky baby dust to all.

ummm....what if they don't actually want to get pregnante right now?  does it still count?

[pertykitty]

vsentz hi! im in and out around here too. lots of names have changed as many had their babies and are too busy for us lol.
songbird i didnt see anything wrong with what you said, but i am known for my blunt truth as well. i dont have time to hold hands and walk people through the same question over and over.....
maybe i need to go to sensitivity traning lol. sure i have compassion when someone has beent through something traumatic. unfortunatly too many women in one place WILL = emotions getting to them. its ok...not the first wont be the last!!!!

[sk2006a]

well, wasn't that nice of wonderme to explain to all of us how to handle overselves on a forum.  since she's an "educated professional" i guess she can teach each us a lot! i'll sure be checking in every day now to learn more!

sorry - didactic speeches tend to make me a bit cranky :)

[mslkpage]

But, her doctor went to HARVARD!!! Doesn't that account for anything?? You should feel enlighted, Sky. Maybe you need a time out in the sunshine chair. Off you go!

[sk2006a]

but i don't wanna go!  i wanna be edukated!  please, can i stay??

[mslkpage]

Okay, but only if you throw a bunch of sticky baby dust at one of the new girls.

[sk2006a]

you forgot to say sticky baby dust

[pertykitty]

i just cant get into that sticky dust thing. i said it once and it felt very foreign haha. i dont mean any disrespect to those that feel it helps them, its just not for me. but then again i am getting cramps and starting to become a little cranky lol.

[Elicam]

Oh I have missed you guys so much. I know I don't post much and probably some of you have never heard of me. But you guys just crack me up.

Vsentz, sorry to hear that you haven't had any luck yet, but I am sure it will be your go soon.

Pertykitty, your sarcasm sounds very familiar, I think we need to get peekawho on here too as she sounds very familiar too.

[vsentz]

Thank you girl, for the longest time I felt 'in the dark' and for me to be thinking positive about this is big!....(my positive, i guess, would be not to think i'm never gonna have kids....anymore...).





Oh, and for the records....

Am I pregonante???


see Sky?? at least I am educated.....

[pertykitty]

oh no im getting so hormonal i am bout to tear one second and crabby the next. i hate pms. hmmm maybe a big bag of reece cups would help!!! but then id gain back my 9 pounds and then id really cry, and then id snap at my dh when he assures me i still look good, and then........ ladies sometimes it really isnt easy to be me hahaha!

[mslkpage]

If you can't get into the "baby dust" thing, you could always try throwing some baby powder at everyone. Give it a try.

[pertykitty]

well that didnt go well. now im covered in baby powder  so i look like that scene in the movie (what was that called??) where al pacino puts his face in a pile of coke!! not good! hmmm ill try again later.

[sk2006a]

just make sure the baby powder doesn't have talc - you don't want to inhale that stuff (or snort it)

[sk2006a]

what was i thinking *smacks self in the head*

i left out the "o" in pregonante!

[vsentz]

see?? I 'are' smart.....

*smacks sky in the head*

here, I'll help you....;)