for those who have gone through potty training..and no im not potty training my son lol

okay so.. i work with a 3 year old...her parents have agreed to potty train her...thats fine.. they have asked us for help...so were doing it on our part but im not sure if they are on their part...

anyways i've never gone through this..obviously..my son is only 18 months old...well i try and be positive and encourage her etc.. i dont want to discourage her.. yesterday we began..she peed her pants 3 times..not once did she go pee on the toilet...and everytime she peed was 5 minutes after we had went pee.. and i stay there..along with 7 other children( we sing songs or read a book) well she sits there and nothing...her dad said when they got home she was beggin for her pullup...but they want to get her out of this.. today she peed once in her pants but did not pee on the toilet once...my coworker(i was on lunch) made her clean her mess and take her wet shoes and tights off and told her that peeing in her pants and on the floor was unacceptable and asked her where he pee belonged..she knows her pee belongs in the toilet.. she peed before a few times and pooed before...my coworker said it is now behavioural...but in some way i feel my coworker seems angry with her and should she be doing this?

her dad said that she refuses to go on the toilet at home now etc.. but they dont seem to be firm with her...they let her do whatever but whats the point in me even trying to potty train her IF they arent doing the same at home.. why would i even waste my time doing this...

so i dont know where to begin i am assuming it will get worse before it gets better...as everything always does...and what is sad is that now that there is a 1 month old baby at home.. the parents decide to train her...

i thought of maybe doing some type of incentive...she loves princesses so what about [princess underwears.. and she can only have them once she pees...like say 1 pair after 1 day of peeing on the toilet then 1 week etc...

HELP!!!! Ami doing this right or wrong...ive never had to do this yet...

[houseofgirls]

I'm thinking she isn't ready to potty train yet.  I know with my dd, there just wasn't much of a point in trying until she was ready.  Also, it isn't the best time to try when there is a new baby in the house.  That is a huge adjustment for a child.  It is common for children to regress when something big changes in their life, such as having a new sibling.  

I personally don't agree with making her clean up the mess and getting angry with her about it.  I would probably have her HELP clean up, but I wouldn't shame her or get angry at her.  That will only make it worse!  I think your co-workers expectations are unreasonable.  I doubt the little girl is doing it on purpose or out of spite.  Potty training takes A LOT of patience and time.  Overall, I would say positive reinforcement works much better than anger.  

[houseofgirls]

One other thing to keep in mind.  She has spent 3 years in diapers/pullups, being able to go potty whenever she wanted to, no matter where she was.  Learning to recognize the signals her body gives her doesn't just happen over night.  In the beginning, it really is up to the parent/adult to get her to the bathroom regularly.  If you have to, you take her and sit her on the potty every hour.  Accidents are a normal part of her learning when she needs to go.

[lhughes]

I'd say you guys are nice ... my eldest was potty trained the fall we started her in MDO (she wasn't quite 3 at the time).  3 weeks into school she started having accidents and they asked me to put her in pull-ups because they didn't have time to continually clean up after her.  I think that rather freaked her out and embarrased her to death.  So, we backed up into pull-ups for another couple months and tried again.  But we did the training AT HOME and I didn't let her go to school in panties again until I thought she was ready to try it again.  It takes a LOT of encouragement to bolster them up to handle this.  And once they are dinged, it takes a LOT MORE to undo a bad experience.

If you are going to continue working with her, I'd find out what she really likes (candy or something special) and use the candy for when she goes in the potty and a reward (like a coloring book or something) for going a week without an accident.  And I agree, you can't get mad at them....they don't know and sometimes are too shy/embarassed/no confidence whatever... it's a big thing for them.  It truly should be the parent's job, though.

[CYW]

she has peed in the toilet for me numerous times as well as poo'ed...hence why the parents want to try potty training.. she was not at daycare today however, the mom and her came in to get her bears and she was fine with the note i left her about the  incentive...i had thought about prioncess underwear.. she LOVES princesses and she loves to wear dreasses and crowns..she likes to play princess so.. i figured we could try that as an incentive...she constantly recognizes that she is a big girl aqnd her pee belongs in the toilet and that her baby brother wears diapers...her mom said they did not put a pullup last night and she did not pee the bed but she did go hide in a corner to pee this morning...and now it seems more behavioural than anything so we will see.. in my case it is difficult since i have rather difficult children i work with...they are mostly all behavioural and if they aren't they are acting out in order to get attention because im so busy with the ones that need the 1 on 1...i told mom we would try tomorrow and see how it went this weekend with her and we could try next week and if not we will give it a week or 2 break and try again...

[tiredbuthappy]

I agree that she doesn't sound ready. While you can view it as a behavioral issue, it is more appropriate to view it as a developmental issue. While she is ready physically, she is clearly not ready emotionally or psychologically.

Since she has gone in the past for you, but isn't now, I would go back to offering her use of the potty, but keeping her in diapers. She needs to feel in control, and the more the adults in her life try to assert control over her bodily functions, the more she will resist. Steps you can take until she is ready-
~offer the potty casually throughout the day. Ask if she wants to go, and if she says no, accept the answer.
~Prior to changing her diapers (wet ones), ask if she wants to try potty or go on the changing table. (You can throw a new diaper on her while she stands in the bathroom after she tries). Again, accept whichever choice she makes.
~BM- some kids you can clearly tell or have a predictable time. If you can predict when she will have a BM, ask prior if she would like to go sit on the potty and read some books.
~incentives like the princess undies- although this does not work for many children, it may for her.

it is very possible that once the pressure is off, she will start going again- unless these most recent events have turned her off to it completely. Going a couple times on the potty doesn't mean she's ready. She needs to be comfortable with the idea before you can go straight to undies. Some kids can magically be trained over a weekend (i've seen several), but most tinker with going on the potty while wearing diapers for a while before being ready to take the big step to undies.

[CYW]

this is what we had been doing prior to actually putting her in panties...she would ask for her poo's. she would come up to me and say she had to go for a poo(i think after she poo'ed on the toilet a few times she prefered it that way...which i dont blame her.. who wouldnt...and now well the pee thing is going on...

i do think there is more to the dev unprepardness and everyone around me are saying she NEEDS to be potty trained.. she is going to school in sept and they will not accept her if she isnt trained..i think this is where the parents are worried too because the parents are the type who let her do as she chooses..(the reason why i say this is if she does not want mom or dad to leave when they drop her off, they will stay 2 or so hours, call into work late etc and upon pickup if they come at say 4pm they will allow her to stay and play until 5:30-when daycare closes or until she chooses she is ready...) she has 8 different potties at home.. or so dad said and that she gets to choose which she would prefer to go on everytime...(isn't that bad?)

like i said i dont know what to do.. i agree that it has to happen but as i said before i dont want to discourage her.. my boss is imminent that she NEEDS to be trained that this should have happened a long time ago while she was in the toddler room.. that the preschool teacher shouldnt have to change diapers..blah blah which whatever i dont care...(i mean i dont care changing the diapers and because she is older i need to changer her diaper as she is standing up which tends to be messy at times)

the parents are now complaining of being tired and of diapers costing them money etc but i would figure that with a new baby-which my co-worker tried warning them but they are now realizing this...that they let her run the show and if i say no she gets very upset...

its hard because to me like i said i dont want to force her but everyone around me is saying you NEED to be doing this.. according to daycare blah blah parents want it etc etc...