What should I do?

[Lonelymom]

I need help! I can't decide what to do!  I am taking this Wednesday, April 28th off to go with my oldest to a dinosaur park on his field trip! I am very excited because my oldest has autism and his life revolves around dinosaurs! The problem is because I chose to go with him I couldn't take off for my daughter's field trip on May 4th to the zoo. Which we go to the zoo almost every weekend from spring all the way through the fall so it isn't like I am missing out on that. Plus her father is going with her! Now my delima is the SSA which is a place that helps my oldest with school and we meet and learn about Autism, is throwing a fun day on May 11th. I really want to go with him because not only does it sound like fun but other parents from our area with kids with autism will be there. My middle son's feild trip is going to be on the 12th and I am afraid if I take off to go to my oldest's fieldtrip and then to his fun day but not to either of the other two's fieldtrip they are going to think I don't care about them. What should I do?

[Jennifer1987]

Wown Supermom!!!!!!!!!! Well done, thats great to hear!!!!

[Lonelymom]

I found out yesterday they are post poning my middle son's feildtrip until May 19th. I am going to try and take vacation on May 11th and then again on May 19th. This way I can go on the fieldtrip with Toby and Timmy and I have gotten permission to allow April to attend the fun day with us since she will be out of school during the time it will be going on.

This should allow me to do things with all of them!

[kitty51]

I have seen this before when one child needs a bit more attention than the others,and they feel like they are missing out as they need you too.So could you say that you will do something special with when its their turn.With the ages they are they wouldnt really understand,and regardless whether or nor you think your eldest child needs more attention,they all need attention.So good luck with all that, all kids regardless need one on one special times.

[Lonelymom]

Oh I laid into them big time about giving him a hard time about his fun day. Well I laid into my middle son because he is fixing to be 8 years old and understands that his brother is different. On the other hand my daughter is only 5 and still doesnt' grasp that he is not like her. He is at her mental level at 10 years old.

I think I am just going to go with him and tell them that I get to do a lot of things with them all the time but only on rare occasions does something come up that their brother and I can do together!

[have 2 kids]

Wow- your other children are acting selfish.  They get out of school for fieldtrips and get to enjoy alot of other activities that your son doesn't.   I think they need a good reminder of what your other son goes through on a daily basis.  

[Jennifer1987]

Wow, I see!!! Hmm i guess its a decision you will have to make. IDK, these situations are very tricky to deal with, its hard on everyone involved but I would think that as they get older they will understand more!! i guess my situation would have been different to yours as my lil brother was very ill when he was born and was in hospital until he got his heart surgery so thats why we were so understanding! I hope you can sort this out so that everyone can be happy!!!!

[Lonelymom]

No they were not happy that he was getting out of school to go to this. I tried explaining it was during their fieldday and daddy would be with them while I was with brother.

that is why I am concerned that they will realize I am not attending their feildtrips.

[Jennifer1987]

And did they say it was ok???

[Lonelymom]

I would bring them but the flyer said for SSA students and parents only. I have explained that to them and told them that they get to do fun things he can't do so this is his fun thing that he can do that you can't.

I explained that this is just like their feild day that Toby doesn't perticipate in.

[Jennifer1987]

Im sure they will understand.  I have grown up with my little brother who was born with Downs Syndrome and myself my older sis and younger sis have always understood why he needs more attention, why he needs her more than we do.. When ever mom had things to go to with my lil bro we never ever felt she loved him more than us!!! I was 12 when he was born and from the day we were told he had a disability we knew he needed mom more than we ever did, and he also needs us so we were very supportive!!!

We go to the fun days with them, plays and school events that we could... Maybe bring your other two kids to the fun day!!

All I can say is I think they will understand.  Just tell them you love them all the same and that we can do something the weekend together or something!!!

[TrudieC]

Talk to them.  Remind them of your other son's disability and your need for support in learning as much as possible from other people's experiences.  Tell them of your dilemma, how everything seems to be happening all at once and that you can only take so much time off work and that you don't want them to think you love them any less if you do these other things.  Kids do well when they know what is really going on.  They have a lot more common sense than we give them credit for.