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How are you with your in-laws??
I am just curious, how many out there have issues with their in-laws? My husband and I hardly ever fight(he is pretty passive aggressive), but when we do have heated discussions, it is always surrounding his family. His brother and brothers wife have been rude, mean, and consistently horrible for the last 8 years I have know them. I had absolutely no warning coming into the relationship, I was told they are 'loving' 'wonderful', 'family oriented' people and We all will just get a long splendidly and be one big happy family. The truth could not be any more opposite. They disliked me from the start because they did not want to like me. They never had a chance to get to know me and then decide whether they liked me or not. They immaturely got jealous of the relationship I had developed with my DH, and were upset in the shift from theirs (That is my guess, I can't figure any other reason!).
I often voice my complaints over how I have been treated over the years, and DH handles it best by brushing it under the carpet and pretending it doesn't exist. I am hurt by his lack of concern over my hurt feelings and his attitude suggests he condones their behavior. It's almost feel like a betrayal. His brother's wife went so far as to tell someone she thought my dd was ugly! That is the lowest of the lows! Calling your niece ugly?? WTF??
Any who, this is clearly not going to be an issue that is going to be resolved any time soon, if ever. I have been pretty patient and have been as respectful as possible, more so than they deserve!
I am curious, how are things with your in-laws? Do you get along ok with some and not others? ( I am ok w/ my MIL&FIL, but the issue with my BIL does put a bit of a damper on things). Does it affect your marriage? How have you handled things and what do you do when married into a family that has disliked you and disrespected you from the start? I would like to here others input, I feel like I am beating my head on the wall sometimes.
I often voice my complaints over how I have been treated over the years, and DH handles it best by brushing it under the carpet and pretending it doesn't exist. I am hurt by his lack of concern over my hurt feelings and his attitude suggests he condones their behavior. It's almost feel like a betrayal. His brother's wife went so far as to tell someone she thought my dd was ugly! That is the lowest of the lows! Calling your niece ugly?? WTF??
Any who, this is clearly not going to be an issue that is going to be resolved any time soon, if ever. I have been pretty patient and have been as respectful as possible, more so than they deserve!
I am curious, how are things with your in-laws? Do you get along ok with some and not others? ( I am ok w/ my MIL&FIL, but the issue with my BIL does put a bit of a damper on things). Does it affect your marriage? How have you handled things and what do you do when married into a family that has disliked you and disrespected you from the start? I would like to here others input, I feel like I am beating my head on the wall sometimes.
Great question!!!! I love mine to death, my mil only gives advice when asked I think thats somthing Im gonna try to do when my boys get married, my fil is a hoot that guys such a joker, and he loves his grandkids , hes a great story teller, can tell the same one over and over, also when times have been tough theyve always non judgementallly been there to help.
My husband comes from a large family and when we were fist married only three of his nine siblings liked me. I am realy close to one of the SIL who is an inlaw to and that bothers MIL don't no why, For the first few years i felt the the rest did like me and they did'nt even try to get to know me and latter found out that they decidid as a group that they were not going to like me. It did not bother my husband that they did't like me. It took me 7 years to feel like part of the family. All but one lives out of state and is at least 10 hrs so we don't do much with his family and only see them few times a year. And the one that lives near by likes me so thats good. He also has big extended family and they are great and have alway made me feel welcome so I realy don't get why his family was so stand offish. I guess they finely decidid I was not so bad, not that I gave them anything to think I was bad except run off and marry their brother.
I would rather go stay with one of his cousin than his Parents.
I would rather go stay with one of his cousin than his Parents.
I have amazing in-laws. We all eat lunch every Sunday after church at hubby's parents' house. I don't have family nearby at all (mom died; dad, brothers and sister live all over the U.S.) so I'm really lucky to have such an awesome family through my hubby.
I guess the only problem is me continuing to bring it up. They don't live close, I technically never have to see them again, and I don't contact them on the phone. And the only way dh sees his Bro is when he is passing thru their area on business or short phone calls, So I really wouldn't call that a close relationship either. But is STILL bugs me! In a prefect world, DH would never have any contact at all, but I would never be the one to tell him not to have contact w/ his family even if the are d o u c h e s. I believe he thinks that is my ultimate 'goal'. It hurts that he thinks that little of me. Death or divorce sure would settle things, wouldn't they? But, that is not an option, for now.
Good advice really, I have tried not caring. And I don't really, about them. But I want my husband to be on MY side. I think that should go w/o saying. Believe me, I don't do anything for/with them. I definitely stopped trying after SIL's little tantrum outburst this summer. I guess I tend to think this problem with work itself out eventually, whatever the outcome may be. But, I will NEVER do anything I don't want to do any more. I have made that very clear to dh. End of story there.
I got a divorce. Problem solved and got rid of their pain in the rear son, too!
STOP!!!!!! I repeat..STOP!!!! Trying so hard. I have been married for 30 years and one thing that I have learned is that there are just some people that will always be a pain in your ***. Sorry, but it's true. You just have to stay tough and not let anyone use you as a door mat. Your family sounds a bit like mine. However, when someone puts their nose into my business, I just tell them to shut the hell up. And I don't care what they think.I refuse to let anyone control my life, and I will never let them think that they can take advantage of me. I've put up with alot over the years, but I have also told them what I think, but only when they push me. I have no use for nosey relatives or those who spread gossip. It's because that I stood up for myself, I don't have to hear their mouths too often, because they know not to mess with me. Life is too short, I know because I've found out first hand. So why should I spend any of my time on their nonsense? It's too bad that people are not happy unless they can make someone miserable. I've had to cut my ties with a few of them because they were a bit too much and it was best that I did before I would have to put my foot up their ***. LOL.
Huh, nobody else struggles w/ their in laws?? I am starting to think it is me!! lol. I know thats not possible, I never did anything! Except walk into things a little too wide eyed and wet behind the ears. I am typically a good judge of character, in essence, I call like I see 'em. Didn't take me long to figure out they were NOT the wonderful people others suggested.
RR-I actually found that information quite by accident. A disgruntled ex friend of theirs wrote a public blog online, which included my full name. I was curious one day and googled my name(Like so many do when they are bored). Low and behold, this disgusting blog popped up, which included the names of my in laws, dh, and myself. After the demise of their friendship with this fellow, He decided to publicly air all their dirty laundry, which included information they told him about DH, myself and our child(1 at the time). I suppose it was his revenge. Either way, I reported it and it was removed within 36 hours of me finding it. We confronted them with these allegations. BIL said he did NOT say this and SIL refused to answer the question and spewed the most hurtful, fowl language-d rant I have heard, well, if ever. SO I am lead to believe she was the one who said it. And things have never been good with us since we met. That just iced the poopy-situation cake!
I know my dd's are beautiful. She has not even seen my oldest but a handful of times, and she has only seen my youngest once. They do not live close to us (the saving grace, thankfully, about 4 or more hours in the next state over), and I sent them maybe 3-4 pics of my oldest and only one of my youngest when I sent out her newborn announcements, which all relatives received. It is shame, I am not missing out on anything by staying away from them, but by being the way they are, they are missing out on the lives of 2 gorgeous little girls. Their loss, they appear to only be concerned with themselves. I have done what I could, So the only thing left is to let it be. I would not raise a stink if it did not affect my marriage so often than not.
RR-I actually found that information quite by accident. A disgruntled ex friend of theirs wrote a public blog online, which included my full name. I was curious one day and googled my name(Like so many do when they are bored). Low and behold, this disgusting blog popped up, which included the names of my in laws, dh, and myself. After the demise of their friendship with this fellow, He decided to publicly air all their dirty laundry, which included information they told him about DH, myself and our child(1 at the time). I suppose it was his revenge. Either way, I reported it and it was removed within 36 hours of me finding it. We confronted them with these allegations. BIL said he did NOT say this and SIL refused to answer the question and spewed the most hurtful, fowl language-d rant I have heard, well, if ever. SO I am lead to believe she was the one who said it. And things have never been good with us since we met. That just iced the poopy-situation cake!
I know my dd's are beautiful. She has not even seen my oldest but a handful of times, and she has only seen my youngest once. They do not live close to us (the saving grace, thankfully, about 4 or more hours in the next state over), and I sent them maybe 3-4 pics of my oldest and only one of my youngest when I sent out her newborn announcements, which all relatives received. It is shame, I am not missing out on anything by staying away from them, but by being the way they are, they are missing out on the lives of 2 gorgeous little girls. Their loss, they appear to only be concerned with themselves. I have done what I could, So the only thing left is to let it be. I would not raise a stink if it did not affect my marriage so often than not.
Trailanderror - That was too funny! Loved it.
I got along great with my in-laws. They are very nice people.
I got along great with my in-laws. They are very nice people.
I get along great with my in-laws.
BTW, Lovethebops, who told you that your sister in law called your daughter ugly? They're the worst ones in all this, in my opinion, it's one thing to say something like that and it's another to run and take it right to you where it will hurt you.
Your daughters are beautiful. Maybe she said a haircut was ugly? Or a costume was ugly? ??
BTW, Lovethebops, who told you that your sister in law called your daughter ugly? They're the worst ones in all this, in my opinion, it's one thing to say something like that and it's another to run and take it right to you where it will hurt you.
Your daughters are beautiful. Maybe she said a haircut was ugly? Or a costume was ugly? ??
I actually live with my in-laws. Here is the back story as to how it happened. My father-in law lost his job at the local papermill, so they were looking to downsize there house. My wife and I were looking at getting out of our starter home. So after some discussion we decided that we should starting looking at houses together. And we found an amazing house that we were all happy with. All the bills get split in half and we have a joint savings account for household things and repairs.
It generally it works out. I wont say that there haven't been bumps along the road. But over all its working out not too bad.
It generally it works out. I wont say that there haven't been bumps along the road. But over all its working out not too bad.
Pretty good but didn`t get along with their son.
My in-laws accept me with open arms, they see me as a part of the family and have since day 1 of dating my fiance. My family however is very rude and belittles every one, and then is nice to your face. Very phony and dysfunctional. My family has a golf outing every summer and I didnt know if I wanted to go ( I try to keep my distance from my family as much as possible) I decided to go last minute because I knew I would never hear the end of it from my family the next time I saw them. So, my fiance wanted to come with me but my family already made all the hotel arrangements. So I figured we could get a hotel room ourselves. He called my Grandma to see which hotels they were all staying at, which I should have done...but I knew the reaction I would have gotten. So, he calls and asks my GMA and she says"Their already booked and she's rooming with us." with a nasty attitude, my fiance goes well we''ll look around and see if we can find another hotel. GMA goes "Their the only two hotels nearby, do you really have to go"?(or something to that effect) My fiance goes I'll just stay home then, my GMA says "GOOD" and hangs up. What a B**** Thats my family for you. We hope to move away soon so we wont have to deal with that stress! I love my in laws though, they are crazy (huge italian family from the city, very loud) but I love em! lol
I always wanted a good relationship with my in-laws. They're dead now too. When they were alive I only met the dad once and the mom once (they were divorced). Not the family dynamic I had hoped for.
MAybe eventually things will get better. I know I would get along better with my BIL if he wasn't married to such a -whats-the-word-here, 'terrifically awful individual' to put this politely. I will absolutely NEVER have a relationship with her, its not going to happen. So, as long as he is with her, I don't see a relationship happening with him either. I am not concerned with what they do, I could care less. I have made up my mind how I will continue to deal with them, which is to not. But, I do have to live with dh everyday, and a little loyalty would be nice.
Man, you guys are so fortunate to have great in-laws!
Man, you guys are so fortunate to have great in-laws!
i am divorced my exmomin law had passed away and my ex father inlaw we get along great we see each other and talk all the time
No in laws here either!!! and no plans to have any!!!!
I've always done well on the in-laws side. In my first marriage I was very close with my two SIL's and both my MIL and FIL even though they were separated. Arguments did happen as MIL was coming over too much and I was left to entertain but moving half an hour away helped some of that. Husband didn't stand up to his parents when needed. My FIL was having health issues and his driving was quite bad. I had to be the bad guy to say my son was not driving with him - he had to come to our place to see him but did manage to survive through that one. After our marriage broke up I stayed on good terms with them. Eventually I had to cut it off as they were bad mouthing the new wife to me and I didn't want to get in the middle of that one. Besides, I'd remarried to.
On my current (and hopefully last) husband's family I get along wonderfully. He has brothers and I absolutely love my SIL's. His Mom is a sweetheart but I don't care for his stepfather who was an alcoholic who was abusive to his wife and kids. He is now sober but still a control freak. I can manipulate him like no one else so everyone likes having me handle him. It helps that they are 2 hours away.
On my current (and hopefully last) husband's family I get along wonderfully. He has brothers and I absolutely love my SIL's. His Mom is a sweetheart but I don't care for his stepfather who was an alcoholic who was abusive to his wife and kids. He is now sober but still a control freak. I can manipulate him like no one else so everyone likes having me handle him. It helps that they are 2 hours away.
Wanna-hahaha! My husband's family is also small, but that does not mean they are any less trouble!
I wish I had fabulous relations with my in laws. I have tried, and they are completely unreceptive. We were dealing ok for a little while, after they initially apologized for their behavior while we were dating and first married. SO I tried after that, and then found out they were talking behind my back the entire time. They said my husband 'wasted' his life by having children with me and that my dd was ugly. Can you imagine hearing that? DH doesn't believe he would say it, but based on the way he and his wife have treated me, I have no reason to believe otherwise.
My MIL has been dealing with breast Cancer since this spring, so I am trying to support her and my DH thru the process (chemo, surgeries, radiation is next, etc). We have just been struggling for the last year, year and a half. I just would think that his relationship with me would take priority over one w/ his @$$hole brother!
UHG! I guess it just bothers me more days than others...
I wish I had fabulous relations with my in laws. I have tried, and they are completely unreceptive. We were dealing ok for a little while, after they initially apologized for their behavior while we were dating and first married. SO I tried after that, and then found out they were talking behind my back the entire time. They said my husband 'wasted' his life by having children with me and that my dd was ugly. Can you imagine hearing that? DH doesn't believe he would say it, but based on the way he and his wife have treated me, I have no reason to believe otherwise.
My MIL has been dealing with breast Cancer since this spring, so I am trying to support her and my DH thru the process (chemo, surgeries, radiation is next, etc). We have just been struggling for the last year, year and a half. I just would think that his relationship with me would take priority over one w/ his @$$hole brother!
UHG! I guess it just bothers me more days than others...
After many years of not talking to them (for issues that were kinda out of our hands) also its his step mom...Mom passed when he was young....things are good...They are very good to the grandkids...For some reason like my husband says they love me...We don't talk to one of his sisters....My family is very very disfunctional...My husband has been dealing with that very well......It spills over into our marriage sometimes....Also because we took care of my sisters children.....Still have one...Its hard....I got a good guy...
My hubby came from a very small family.
I have no problem with them....they're all dead.
I have no problem with them....they're all dead.
I get on well w/ my inlaws - probably more-so than my own, rather disfunctional, family. I have a PhD in chemistry as does my husband AND so do both my inlaws! I think it helps that we are all educated people who have strived for that same goal. My inlaws are also very respectful of our privacy and let us lead our lifes. For example, not once did they ever ask us if we were going to have kids even though my husband told me they would dearly LOVE to have grandbaby's. I think that also helps.
My in-laws are fabulous!!
Now my daughters mother-in-law has threatened to kill her. The in-law constantly belittles my daughter and is just nasty.
Thank goodness my daughter has recorded her saying this to her.
The husband doesnt say anything.
The husband should take the side of the wife.
Now my daughters mother-in-law has threatened to kill her. The in-law constantly belittles my daughter and is just nasty.
Thank goodness my daughter has recorded her saying this to her.
The husband doesnt say anything.
The husband should take the side of the wife.
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