Aa
Anxiety/Depression...Feeling lonely, hopeless, and helpless.
This is not at all where I pictured my life to be at the age of 26, yet somehow it ended up this way. I thought I would have a college degree, career, husband, and kids - or some combination of those 4. Instead I have none of those and they seem impossible. Things seem to come easily for other people, not me.
Maybe it’s not even really what I want after all. Even though I’m totally unhappy with the way things are currently at least I don’t have to put myself out there and risk embarrassment, failure, and rejection. I'm scared of everything.
Even if I had the courage to move away from home and live on my own (still living with my Dad), I can’t even afford it. I can’t support myself on the salary that I make at my current job.
Staying in my “comfort zone”, while not exactly comfortable, is something I’ve spent so many years doing that I don’t know if I even have the ability or energy to change things. Maybe it’s just laziness, I don’t know.
I don’t have fun doing much of anything anymore. I went on vacation to the beach back in the first part of June. I had an okay time but I honestly would’ve been just as content had I been home alone. Nothing seems as important or means as much to be as it once did. I question every thought and emotion to the point that I’m not even sure what I think or feel anymore.
Sometimes I just feel so trapped and feel as though I’m destined to live a lonely miserable life. With the grouchiness and irritability I’ve been experiencing I’m afraid that I will push away everyone in my life that claims to care about me.
Why does everything have to be so difficult for me? How can I ever expect anyone to want to be with me when I don't even like myself? I've never been in a relationship – in fact, I’ve never even been on a single date. Tasks that are routine or simple to other people (making phone calls, going to stores, driving) are often hard for me to do.
(Exceeded character limit...Message continued below...)
Maybe it’s not even really what I want after all. Even though I’m totally unhappy with the way things are currently at least I don’t have to put myself out there and risk embarrassment, failure, and rejection. I'm scared of everything.
Even if I had the courage to move away from home and live on my own (still living with my Dad), I can’t even afford it. I can’t support myself on the salary that I make at my current job.
Staying in my “comfort zone”, while not exactly comfortable, is something I’ve spent so many years doing that I don’t know if I even have the ability or energy to change things. Maybe it’s just laziness, I don’t know.
I don’t have fun doing much of anything anymore. I went on vacation to the beach back in the first part of June. I had an okay time but I honestly would’ve been just as content had I been home alone. Nothing seems as important or means as much to be as it once did. I question every thought and emotion to the point that I’m not even sure what I think or feel anymore.
Sometimes I just feel so trapped and feel as though I’m destined to live a lonely miserable life. With the grouchiness and irritability I’ve been experiencing I’m afraid that I will push away everyone in my life that claims to care about me.
Why does everything have to be so difficult for me? How can I ever expect anyone to want to be with me when I don't even like myself? I've never been in a relationship – in fact, I’ve never even been on a single date. Tasks that are routine or simple to other people (making phone calls, going to stores, driving) are often hard for me to do.
(Exceeded character limit...Message continued below...)
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I hope that the problem is solved now. I have gotten a couple of new questions...
Thanks so much for your reply.
Thanks so much for your reply.
Thanks to everyone for their advice and support. I think I am committed to making changes so hopefully this is all going to work out for me. After 10 years of doing nothing, wasting my life away, at least I'm trying something now. Yeah, I do question whether medication will help but I'm still taking it. As for psychotherapy, still going to it, I think it has helped some but talking about my issues and then doing something about them are entirely different.
Dr. Forster - No one can ask new questions because there isn't a button/link to post questions at the top of the page like there is in the other forums.
Dr. Forster - No one can ask new questions because there isn't a button/link to post questions at the top of the page like there is in the other forums.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I want to thank all of you for your inspiring contributions to this discussion.
There are many paths to recovery from depression. Sometimes it seems that there are so many choices that the question of what to do can feel overwhelming. But I do firmly believe, and it is also my experience, that if you decide that you are going to get there then you make it.
The people that I find have trouble reaching wellness are often those who so start with many conditions on how they want to get there. "I don't want to take medications" or, equally commonly in my practice, "psychotherapy just isn't for me." And it isn't that they are necessarily wrong, it is that the most important decision is deciding to do what it takes to get well.
So, I agree with lindahand that if you are committed to getting well you will get there.
By the way, have any of you had trouble posting new questions? A couple of folks I know tried to post a question without success and I wanted to pass on problems to our tech support folks.
There are many paths to recovery from depression. Sometimes it seems that there are so many choices that the question of what to do can feel overwhelming. But I do firmly believe, and it is also my experience, that if you decide that you are going to get there then you make it.
The people that I find have trouble reaching wellness are often those who so start with many conditions on how they want to get there. "I don't want to take medications" or, equally commonly in my practice, "psychotherapy just isn't for me." And it isn't that they are necessarily wrong, it is that the most important decision is deciding to do what it takes to get well.
So, I agree with lindahand that if you are committed to getting well you will get there.
By the way, have any of you had trouble posting new questions? A couple of folks I know tried to post a question without success and I wanted to pass on problems to our tech support folks.
Maybe you should try some spiritual guidance...just a thought please don't take it offensively...it worked for me when I was suicidal...Started going to a church...felt welcomed and accepted just as I was...which made a huge difference because if how lonely I felt...heard alot if inspiring messages of being loved and accepted...it changed my life...if you don't believe in the existance of God or anything than please trust that Im not trying to offend you...ok? Keep your head up girl...I'm 21 and felt the same way as you...even with the whole being stuck with one job...it's hard...I know...
One thing you could consider putting on that list is that you are a very good communicator. I can tell by your posts you have above average writing skills.
It is so important to reach out. It means being vulnerable. Pouring your heart out to some stranger is a bit of an odd experience but worth it.
I am bipolar type 2 so I have a lot of mood swings. More into depression than to hypomania (inappropriately energized). I went through a very severe episode that was hypomania and depression combined. My moods would change daily. That sapped all my self esteem and I began to hate myself for who I'd became (I already had poor self esteem). The cycling stopped but the self esteem issues remained. I became so frightened to live I holed myself up. I wouldn't go outside for days except to let the dog out, I wouldn't bathe, I wasn't working, I had become a gross disgusting hermit. It was only by going through a four week outpatient hospital program that I was able to start the journey towards sanity. And let me tell you - I was not happy to be going to the 'mental hospital' but I saw it as my last hope and in many ways it was.
I've decided that I don't want to live hating myself. I am sick and tired of hating myself but I don't know how to stop it on my own. I just started seeing a psychiatrist. She seems nice and I am hopeful. I am also trying to put in place what I learned at Day Hospital. It was pretty intensive and I was so sick that I missed a lot. But they gave out many handouts so I can go back over it.
I am 36 years old and I have lost almost everything. I had had a career at a prestigious hospital and made good money. When I was ill we had to cash in pension money so we could eat. We have no savings and very little pension and maxed out credit cards. Now I am working part time at minimum wage and I barely make enough to pay for groceries. I am not certain I will ever be able to work full time again. Things really suck but I am hopeful they will get better. It will be a lot of small steps though. Lots of small steps. It is overwhelming but I will get there - I hope.
As for love - don't count it out. Once you start to heal - and you will start to heal because you want to heal, you'll feel more like putting yourself out there. The internet is a really good way to get to know someone. Just like the bar there are a lot of trolls, but there are a few princes. I met my husband that way - and I was the only girlfriend he had ever had (he was in his 30's). Myself I married the first guy that asked and ended up in an abusive marriage - there are worse things than being single. Just like feeling better about yourself dating takes practise. It is not too late.
It is so important to reach out. It means being vulnerable. Pouring your heart out to some stranger is a bit of an odd experience but worth it.
I am bipolar type 2 so I have a lot of mood swings. More into depression than to hypomania (inappropriately energized). I went through a very severe episode that was hypomania and depression combined. My moods would change daily. That sapped all my self esteem and I began to hate myself for who I'd became (I already had poor self esteem). The cycling stopped but the self esteem issues remained. I became so frightened to live I holed myself up. I wouldn't go outside for days except to let the dog out, I wouldn't bathe, I wasn't working, I had become a gross disgusting hermit. It was only by going through a four week outpatient hospital program that I was able to start the journey towards sanity. And let me tell you - I was not happy to be going to the 'mental hospital' but I saw it as my last hope and in many ways it was.
I've decided that I don't want to live hating myself. I am sick and tired of hating myself but I don't know how to stop it on my own. I just started seeing a psychiatrist. She seems nice and I am hopeful. I am also trying to put in place what I learned at Day Hospital. It was pretty intensive and I was so sick that I missed a lot. But they gave out many handouts so I can go back over it.
I am 36 years old and I have lost almost everything. I had had a career at a prestigious hospital and made good money. When I was ill we had to cash in pension money so we could eat. We have no savings and very little pension and maxed out credit cards. Now I am working part time at minimum wage and I barely make enough to pay for groceries. I am not certain I will ever be able to work full time again. Things really suck but I am hopeful they will get better. It will be a lot of small steps though. Lots of small steps. It is overwhelming but I will get there - I hope.
As for love - don't count it out. Once you start to heal - and you will start to heal because you want to heal, you'll feel more like putting yourself out there. The internet is a really good way to get to know someone. Just like the bar there are a lot of trolls, but there are a few princes. I met my husband that way - and I was the only girlfriend he had ever had (he was in his 30's). Myself I married the first guy that asked and ended up in an abusive marriage - there are worse things than being single. Just like feeling better about yourself dating takes practise. It is not too late.
By the way, I'm only 4 classes shy of at least getting my associates degree - I've dropped out of college twice due to the fear of taking public speaking and writing papers.
You are reading content posted in the Mood Disorders Forum
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
