Anxiety/Depression...Feeling lonely, hopeless, and helpless.

[WorriedOne84]

This is not at all where I pictured my life to be at the age of 26, yet somehow it ended up this way. I thought I would have a college degree, career, husband, and kids - or some combination of those 4. Instead I have none of those and they seem impossible. Things seem to come easily for other people, not me.

Maybe it’s not even really what I want after all. Even though I’m totally unhappy with the way things are currently at least I don’t have to put myself out there and risk embarrassment, failure, and rejection. I'm scared of everything.

Even if I had the courage to move away from home and live on my own (still living with my Dad), I can’t even afford it.  I can’t support myself on the salary that I make at my current job.

Staying in my “comfort zone”, while not exactly comfortable, is something I’ve spent so many years doing that I don’t know if I even have the ability or energy to change things.  Maybe it’s just laziness, I don’t know.

I don’t have fun doing much of anything anymore.  I went on vacation to the beach back in the first part of June.  I had an okay time but I honestly would’ve been just as content had I been home alone. Nothing seems as important or means as much to be as it once did. I question every thought and emotion to the point that I’m not even sure what I think or feel anymore.

Sometimes I just feel so trapped and feel as though I’m destined to live a lonely miserable life. With the grouchiness and irritability I’ve been experiencing I’m afraid that I will push away everyone in my life that claims to care about me.

Why does everything have to be so difficult for me?  How can I ever expect anyone to want to be with me when I don't even like myself?  I've never been in a relationship – in fact, I’ve never even been on a single date.  Tasks that are routine or simple to other people (making phone calls, going to stores, driving) are often hard for me to do.

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[Karoline2010]

Sometimes I also feel depressed when I dont get what I wanted... But it is just a moment. Soon you will feel better!! you should fall in love, than your life will have sense :)

[WorriedOne84]

I've been battling issues with depression and anxiety for about 10 years now.  I feel like I've wasted so much of my life and when I start thinking about things it makes me sad and frustrated.

In December, I had surgery (gallbladder removal) for the first time ever.  Prior to that I'd never really had any health issues.  Made it 25 years and had never even had blood drawn. Going to doctors has always given me a great deal of anxiety so having to deal with that really started my downward spiral.

After the surgery I became convinced that something was seriously wrong with me and that it wasn't really my gallbladder all along.  I know it was but then the issues I was having afterwards were apparently caused by acid reflux.  Still having a lot of anxiety over my health.

Never before have I had that type of physical symptoms which I guess may have been caused by anxiety.  I thought I was dying and sometimes still do.  

I finally talked to my doctor about the anxiety I've been experiencing and he wrote a prescription for Zoloft, 25 mg once a day, which I've been taking for over 5 weeks. I told him I needed to speak with someone and he referred me to a licensed professional counselor.  I've had 3 sessions with her in the past few weeks and she is referring me to a psychiatrist for medication purposes.

Also, my primary care doctor ended up prescribing Clonazepam .25mg twice a day as needed.  Well, trying to decided if/when to take that gave me anxiety, seriously.  I couldn't decided if I really needed it or not.  Needless to say, I have only taken it a few times becasue of that and also being afraid I'll get addicted to it or something.

Now, I've been totally freaking out about going to the psychiatrist!  What if the thinks I'm crazy?  What will the initial appointment be like?  How long will it last?  It's going to be hard to open up to a stranger about all my issues!  I'm afraid I'll either over exaggerate the symptoms/problems I'm experiencing or not even be able to communicate what I'm going through at all.

Honestly I don't know why I'm putting myself through all this stress because I really don't think anyone is going to be able to help me.  It's taken me years to get like this and I don't think it's reversible.  Maybe I just need to accept that I'm destined to live and lonely miserable life.  Right now I don't even have anyone to talk to who will try to understand what I'm going through.