How do you focus on your family and not yourself?

[HVAC]

Today it hit me like a ton of bricks .I realized everything lately has been about me , the tests and the diagnosis. I have totally become self absorbed. My poor husband. I am going to make an effort to talk and listen to him about his life. He dreams of riding in a distance bicycle ride from Paris to Brest and back to Paris. His first words after the diagnosis were I will give up Paris. I have got to make it happen for him.
Alex

[HVAC]

Yesterday I started a savings account just for him like we had talked about and pledged to put a little a week in. I told him if I am going on about me just shut me up. Two years ago when I was told by the first Neurologist I had MS I bid on a balloon ride to get me through the testing. The testing is over and diagnosis is confirmed so we will be going to Virginia for the Balloon Ride and Mike has always wanted to see Monticello, Jefferson's Home. He is also doing bike Virginia. He bicycles across a State every year.

My mantras  are "ITS ALL GOOD"   "Its a great day to be alive the sun is still shining when I close my eyes"  Darrell Scott and    Its NOT about Me


Thanks everyone

[Guitar_grrrl]

I picked up a book called _Multiple Sclerosis for Dummies_ and in one section, it instructed - "draw a circle, mark a wedge describing how much of the circle your MS takes up in your life.  Think of ways how not to let MS take up so much.  After all, you have a family and a life beyond MS"  

Yes, we hurt, we spasm, we worry, we can't see, etc.  This is bound to change on a daily basis.  If anything in my life has taught me to live one day at a time, it's this, and today is a darned good day.  Different rule tomorrow, but today is good.  

Cheers,
Guitar_grrrl

[rendean]

You've gotten some fantastic advice. Advice I need as well since you, Michelle and I are this week's new boat load of MS sufferers.

You have a big heart and the just the very fact that you both care so much about what the other is going through shows through.

I think Farrah has the right idea. Go for the gusto and you be in charge.

I can also relate to being the center of the focus. I have 3 kids who have seen me go through more stuff than any kid should have to witness. So I get the guilty feeling too. And to top it off, my daughters are watching me go thru all the testing at the same time their younger brother is being evaluated for an autoimmune disease, most likely juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.

Life's tough but we can be tougher! I was born a redhead so I already have the fiesty gene automatically. Alex, you will make it through this and you can help make the Paris trip happen for your husband. Hang in there!

Hugs,
Ren

[PastorDan]

Yeah, that too.

BTW, Bandit says thanks for the compliments.

[Farrahlicious]

sweetie... just ask yourself this:
what if (G'd forbid) it was your hubby in your situation?
I'm pretty sure you would be there for him as he has been for you.
All "his" goals and dreams are still YOUR goals and dreams! there is no reason why the world should come to a stop just because you have had rough days!
Are you gonna let this take Paris from you? Just tell him to work on those legs muscles cause he's gonna need them. he's gonna do all the riding while you happily sit on the sidecar.
I battle MS every day. But, as hard as it may sound, i put my blessings before my pain, my darn right leg that has a life of its own, my mood. My fiance said a couple of days ago : I hate MS!!! it's a &%%//!!!  i told him to sit me in front of the tv, put something funny on, bring me a soda and order pizza. We don't have the cash for Paris, but hey, we will cut in line at Disneyland, trust me!
Alex, when you are diagnosed and sit there thinking "Oh no! i DO have MS!!" it's shocking. It is shocking for a while. And then, you just realize that it is there to stay. So is it gonna be MS ruling your life or Alex ruling her life with MS?
I hope you're gonna go with number two.
Book the trip. Take millions of pics and post them.
enjoy your life!
xoxox
Farrah

[PastorDan]

I'm of the opinion that ess has offered excellent advice here.

In every healthy relationship, there is balance.  This doesn't often mean totally static equilibrium.  Usually the pendulum will swing back and forth as each partner's needs and accomplishments wax and wane.  It is something to observe and keep in mind, but as ess just wrote, you've revealed enough of your heart here (and perhaps of your husband's, as well) to tell us that you're not likely to have a big problem with this.

[essdipity]

Gosh, I can relate to this and I'm sure many others can too. You suddenly realize that life has gotten off kilter because your focus has been so much on self. Then you begin to feel like a rat. That's so normal!

Just because this recent time has put you in the spotlight 24/7, things don't have to stay that way, and you'll be much happier in the long run if they don't. If there's any way at all for your husband to keep doing his long-distance biking competitions, then make that a priority. Life doesn't have to change totally. And I'm sure yours won't, because just from how you wrote this I know you aren't self-centered by nature. Encourage your husband about his goals, and try just changing the subject when you realize MS has held front and center too long. Life will get back to normal.

Best of luck,

ess