A woman's version of The Night Before Christmas!

[Rena705]

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin,
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest,
This room's a disaster, just look at the mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed,
They expect all the trimmings, Who cares what I need!
Me feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs,
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs!

There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor,
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then he grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret, says,
"What's taking so long...aren't you through in here yet?"

As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"

Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn, it's the pies! They're burned all to he**!!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

What else can go wrong?  Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I Love Holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed!

But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'll HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

[mooers777]

You go rest all you need, sweetie!
Thanks for the laugh I really needed it today.

Kathy

[Rena705]

So glad you all enjoyed it!  Kathy...you don't want to ask for more where that came from cause I have thousands!  I personally don't think that one or two here and there would hurt...at least it would lighten the seriousness and depression that naturally happens here...need more input before I would put anymore on the Forum.

Personally not feeling too well right now, went out to the Fishin Hole and finished my Christmas shopping and now I am going to go lie down...will chat later ok?

Rena705

[mooers777]

LMAO! Thanks for the change of pace on the forum.
You are a comedien at heart, I hope to see more soon from you. lol

Kathy

[needanswers54]

Girl, that is just too funny!!!

...And if next year I have solu-medrol and take a great fall;  I'll curse at the ex-laws now dash away dash away dash away all...

Thank you for the great humor!!!

[pennst8r]

Too funny! I'm gonna share that with the girls at work - and maybe even the DH, just in case he wants to get out of line, lol!

Penn

[T-lynn]

That was great.

I needed a good chuckle.

T