I've decided the only way I can process my docs' behaviours is by concluding they are mostly nuts. Ex psychologist diagnosis

[wishforchange]

That would make the most sense.  Maybe I'll start a therapy programme for doctors, like they do for those trying to recover from being abducted by a cult.  Or, more fun for me, a dominatrix special descreet service, some of them do get excited when they see my whip.

Well... let's start with the eye hospital old f a r t.  Sxuse the language.  He is so far gone I don't even bother fighting with him, even when he insulted me.  He'll be retired in a few years, and in a nursing home shortly after, maybe with me looking after him :)  Had the eye test at another dept, and kept getting told to ignore the double vision as the optometrist was trying to test my eyes.  Yes, great value that test, entirely ignoring a symptom because it is interfering with the results.  Then the visual field test.  The doc who did it said clearly to me there were bad results in the eye that was the problem.  And?  The old genius took over and dilated my eyes to examine them and then told me there was nothing organically wrong to explain my eye pain, despite my having seen them several times.  

The several times were mostly visits where I went straight back home again as the doc couldn't see me, or were to assess my double vision.  He was of the generation that did not say "I don't know", but just declared what he didn't see or couldn't be bothered with didn't exist.  So all done there - except - he wanted to refer me back to the neurology hospital to see his colleague there.  Apparently it would seem perhaps his colleague does not have enough to do, as there is nothing wrong with me.  So, after lying about my visual field results, declaring me as having a non-organic problem, his solution is for me to see someone in another hospital.  You've got to pity these people.

My on-off love-hate neurologist saga...He is getting quite insistant now that he is my doctor, and no-one else shall have me.  He wrote again privately and said he saw no evidence of MS.  Great.  Except he is not qualified in that area and as I tried to explain diplomatically to him even if it is not MS such a specialist is by definition an expert at interpreting white matter brain lesions and unusual clinical signs and symptoms.  This neurologist I have knows a great deal about a condition I do not have, his decleration of no evidence of any other condition is only slightly more useful than mine.   And if all is so fine, why the chasing after me with his butterfly net thing?  

Such pity coming from my compassionless heart to these damaged men, it's painful.  Actually not so bad.

Had the steroid injection into my leg appointment moved forward.  Not looking forward to it.  Hope it helps.

Am in trouble at work, for a change.  Helped myself to facilties I am not senior enough to use.  Made a cup of coffee in the wrong kitchen because I was in a hurry and didn't want to trek over to my own.  Gossip spread like wildfire, until it was retold as two cups of coffee, then later retold as regular trips, and then...who knows what else I may have done in there, started an illegal coffee laundering business, poisoning the water supply...?  I keep forgetting how totally institutionlized some hospital staff can be.  Had I killed several patients I would have been gossiped about less methinks.

Am hardly there, no-one seems to notice.  They're barely paying me, not training me, and only really notice me when I step out of line.  Not quite a dream job, but am learning lots about how to read radiology reports, with the exception of my own.

Blogging away here.  And I promised to respond to posts.  Just being selfish.  Do read a few here and there though, so am getting back into the swing of the forum.

wish

[OperaMBA]

You should change your name to wishforchangeofneurologist.

I am compelled to ask myself, "self, how many morons can there be in one particular field?"

Self replied "supply seemingly endless."

Good luck with your situation.   I can truly relate.

OperaMBA

[wishforchange]

Wrote a response and just decided I wanted to keep it private, so will message it to you in a bit.

[Amphitrite]

Is there a reason you might feel the boundaries of a professional relationship aren't appropriate in these situations with your doc? It almost sounds like you're talking about a boyfriend or spouse which can't be helping how you've been feeling.

You seem so unhappy and at a point where you don't know where to turn anymore. People can continue giving you advice but unless you begin to take it you'll never move on from this place in your life.
It's very rare for someone to have both a complete degree and certification in psychology and nursing. But with both you have an ability to pull from what you've learned and what you know. In nursing and psychology you need to keep boundaries with your patients and clients or you can't help them professionally. Being too involved may interfere in your ability to catch things you need to. What would you tell a client in your situation? How would you begin to help support them in finding their way?

Working these fields makes you a difficult patient just as doctors themselves make difficult patients. But you don't have to let your knowlege get in the way. Instead, find a way to use it to your advantage by trying to step outside of the situation and seeing what you can do to change things. Because right now it's hurting you. It's sometimes very difficult to step out of a situation but once you do you may better see the things your not because it's consuming you.

I'm sure your angry at what I'm saying. If I put myself in your shoes I might be also. But I also know that sugar coated words won't do you any good in the long run. So get angry if you must. I'm well aware I'm open myself up to one of your famous tounge lashings. Yell and scream at me if it helps.  Maybe it would do you good to get all that anger you've been building up out. And really I've heard it all doing the job I did, you'd be surprised how creative prisoners locked in cells for 23 hours a day can get with words.
But then use it to propell you into changing things for the better. You have the power and the strength to do that. You already know that.