I had an emotional moment of frustration, convicition and tears at my mothers group Tuesday. Instead of truly helping me, they basically want me to step down from the small leadership role that I have. Let's see, if you just now think that I have too much to do and can't keep up with the leadership, then why have you not noticed and asked how you could help me before now? How can I spend that much time with people and tell them that I am having hormonal problems along with my MS stuff and they not notice enough to care until I break down and cry? I see the leadreship team every week and the rest of the membership every-other week.
The MS clinic said that he thought I had psudeo bulbar (sp?). My local Neuro says no, and an estragin patch is helping. I know that my emotions are closer to the surface lately, but I think that it is just stress. Anyway, I wish that those who I thought were my friends understood a little more about MS. The director of the group is 27 and sometime I think that she is 19. She went on vacation and stuck me with the task of finding a medical professional to come speak to us for free. Seriously!?!
How do you let people know that you are not fine even when you look and walk perfectly normal without them thinking that you are useless? Somedays I am completely normal, and other days,k I can't remember the name of who I am talking to. I keep lists of things that I need to do........
I know this must be painful. I've had a similar situation happen at work. It made me feel like I was less of what I was before (less bright, less able, etc.). It made me so sad!
Having a new baby does make the hormones go wild and sets you up for an MS attack. Try not to let this make you too sad. It does sound like someone in the group is not being very sensitive-- which is a shame with a Christian group which is designed for support and fellowship.
I am sorry you are so upset. However, try to look at the situation from the point of view of the members. A job has to be done. It is not your fault that you are having problems fulfilling that need. But there is a need. You might try to work with an assistant. Suggest that to the group and see how they feel about it. It is a great help for our spirit to be able to do useful work when we suffer a disability. Here's hoping you can regain the leadership.
The thing is, I am getting the work done, and some of the work of the others because they keep dumping their load on me! I think that I am just going to quit altogether. They use and abuse me, and then when I need something they dump their work on me!
I'm so sorry to hear all the things you are going through!!
Here is my suggestion. Attend the next meeting of the leadership and let them know in advance that you will need a few minutes to talk before 'leaving' your leadership position.
Then, be very assertive and tell them what has happened such as others piling their work on you when you are already over your head with responsibilities. Then, let them know how disappointed you are that none of them came to you to find out what was wrong and how they could have helped---do that without being accusatory.
Then give them opportunities to answer you. Tell them exactly how they can help you.
I'm sorry that you had this experience. I have similar issues with my work and my son's school. When I am truly, ridiculously exhausted, my boss responds with, "Yeah, I'm tired too." No really lady. You have NO IDEA!
My son's school was ragging at me because he has 7 unexcused tardies. Sorry I'm exhausted, I can barely pull myself out of bed. I literally gag down my meds in the morning. At least I bother to bring him to school. There are lot of other parents don't bother to bring their kids to school at all and they are just too lazy to get up and bring them. I bet they don't give them a hard time!
I told the leader that I was not even going to discuss it with her until Monday. I am going to New Orleans (about 1.5 hours away) tomorrow night with some friends. I intend on hanging out in the indoor pool and floating. I don't want to think about all of this for a few days. It will be the first time in a while away from all 3 children and my husband. Oh, what is a girl to do?!?!? :-)
Sounds like floating and friends is exactly what you need. I hope you have so much fun! I understand, I hear all the time your son looks perfectly fine. REALLY!? NO. People really don't have a clue. I just try to be open minded and never do the same to others. And then I read here and realize I am not alone. You have a great time!
Ann, I wouldn't step down. If you feel you are getting something out of your role in this "mother's club" stay. Don't allow a bunch of catty women to run you off. Now go prepared to the next meeting. Take handouts on MS for each of those "leaders". Explain that you are not giving in and will be keeping your post. Let the know if they have any questions on MS that you will be happy to talk to them privately after the meeting.
I held offices for eighteen years (PTO, PTA, etc). I was given an award when my last son graduated. My rules? First meetings once per month and only forty five minutes in length. If you were late...tough..read the notes...If you missed giving your report it was tabled until the next meeting. Second I worked hard to get "couples" to run and chair together. It always worked out better.
I belonged to one...just one...Mother's Club. I found the women to be catty with lots of back biting. I stayed a member exactly three months. It was a waste of time.
I was actually thinking of taking in my handicap parking permit and asking why they tought I had one, then passing out some info on MS. Carrying a 23lb. 10 month old who does not walk yet is physically demanding. when she begins to scream at the top of her lungs, migranes are not far behind. I only have a "little" stress right now hugh?
"How do you let people know that you are not fine even when you look and walk perfectly normal without them thinking that you are useless?"
That really is a fundamental question for so many of us. I wish I knew the answer. One doesn't want to complain endlessly, yet if one is silent, others assume we are perfectly fine and in 'remission,' when in reality most of us are faced daily with challenges from our disease, remission or not.
I think the suggestions for educating the members of your group and setting your boundaries are good ones. If however they are not receptive, consider finding more rewarding ways to spend your time with people who won't bring you down. Life's too short.
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