please help me

[bornworrier]

hi everyone.  I am suffering from suffer anxiety because i think i have MS and it scares me to death.  I am too afraid to go back to a neuro for a dx.

I have a question for you.  If you have brisk knee reflexes, does that automatically mean that you have a spinal cord problem?

Also, when i was 23 i contracted the chicken pox.  I am now 43.  Anyway, i had an episode after i contracted the chicken pox where the vision in one eye was cloudy.  The opthomologist never mentioned Optic neuritis and said it was related to the chicken pox virus.  Four years ago i went to a neuro and he noted in his examination that there was slight pallor in the central right disk, upon examining the cranial nerves.  Does anyone know what that means?
I am really, really scared now, because pallor means lack of color and i know that optic neuritis results in lack of color of the optic nerve.  I also had an opthomologist check this out and he said it looked normal to him.  

I should add that my mri's with and without contrast of brain and spine were normal.  I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown.  I am not a strong person.  I have had problems in my marriage, I have low self esteem to begin with...i dont know how i can deal with MS.  I am not a strong person, and I really think i will lose it if i get diagnosed.  I have had mild symptoms for 22 years, without progression.  I have had sensory, bladder and vision symptoms.  I am fully capable of doing anything, and feel "normal" all the time.  

I know I sound pathetic, all of you are dealing with this, i just cant....i just cant. Im going to fall apart.

Thanks for listening.  

[essdipity]

I really think you should stop all that reading. It's only making you worry.

The internet is a great resource, but it has its downside too. For people with health anxiety, it can push things to the 'front burner' and make life miserable.

I urge you to get counseling if your life is so worrisome. Whether or not you do have some disease, you need to address all your emotional problems. Otherwise you may decide, or fear, that you have some other disease, but the reasons for that will remain the same.

Those with MS generally cope quite well, with intervals of 'issues.' We don't have nervous breakdowns.

I've never before suggested that someone stop looking at this forum, but that might be best for you. No matter how much reassurance you're given, you still put MS front and center. That surely is not healthy for you.

Please try to live your life and enjoy its many enjoyable aspects. If we are to have MS, we will get it, but the huge number of people out there never do.

I truly wish you well.

ess

[jensequitur]

Pallor of the optic disc is not the decreased color vision that is seen in optic neuritis.  They're two different things.

That's the danger of researching your symptoms online - you can find reasons to be worried about almost every disease out there.

[bornworrier]

thank you for your response.  Its just that what i read now in the neuro's report, got me thinking that i defiantly have it if my reflexes are brisk and because of the slight pallor of the disk.  

Are these sure signs of MS?????

Thanks so much for your understanding.  I feel i havent been diagnosed because i havent pursued it.  I do remember the neuro at the ms center saying that if is was MS, lesions on the MRI should have shown up.

But somehow I am still worried. Not because ive had more symptoms, but because of all the reading i do and how i connect my symptoms to MS.

Thanks again.

[figuerpa]

My best words of advice are for you not to think you have MS. You have not been diagnosed as of yet, there are a lot of neurological disorders out there so hang in there.

If you are really as bad off as you say you are, then maybe seeking professional help with the issues. There are many counselers out there willing to listen to you and know how to help with self asteem, anxiety and depression.

Hang in there

Paula