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End-of-Life Planning?
What no one wants to talk about but those of us with cancer surely think about…
I have always been a planner. When I began recurring, I panicked but once we had a treatment plan, I was fine. Also, I’ve had good times and I’ve had bad times, and I know you don’t always get warnings about the bad times. Things can change so fast. Last month, I went from working full time and enjoying life to being hospitalized, having surgery, major tumor growth, and having to take nourishment through a tube—in less than one week! Everytime I go into the hospital now, I wonder if I will come out again. So, I’ve already made some decisions about my death. I can make them now while I am relatively pain-free and not rushed. Probably the most important one being unusual these days—I don’t want to die at home. I have lived in this town for less than two years, and lived here only 9 months when I was diagnosed (my company moved me here for a job). The move happened so fast, that we sold our house in FL and decided to rent here and look to buy later. Well, we won’t be buying anytime soon, now with my health issues and work uncertainty. This place I live is just that and holds no attachment for me. Fortunately, we have a great oncology floor at my hospital with a very good nursing staff. My understanding is that you can have hospice in the hospital, too. My husband is a hoverer because he wants to make everything right, and he would never get (take) a break at home. I have to force him out of my hospital room. The burial stuff is easy, as I think it’s a waste of real estate.
I’ve also been told that ovca will be what “gets” me, and I’ve discovered I’m OK with that. I actually like knowing this, as I feel somewhat in control. I also know that I will have warning—that I don’t have to worry about being a frail old lady who drops dead in the supermarket aisle with her droopy breasts bared to the public in an attempt by paramedics to save her life! I’m sorry to be flip, but I think a terminal diagnosis earns me the right.
So, have others thought about these end-of-life issues or I am just weird? Don’t waste your pity on me, as I don’t feel particularly sad thinking about these things, because as I said I like to plan and I do feel some measure of control over my life. It’s actually very empowering. Can we please hear from only those who are actually dealing with advanced cancer, as there is very little of that on the forum these days? Unless you actually have cancer, your perspective on this topic is far different from those of us who do. I hope you will respect this. Paula
I have always been a planner. When I began recurring, I panicked but once we had a treatment plan, I was fine. Also, I’ve had good times and I’ve had bad times, and I know you don’t always get warnings about the bad times. Things can change so fast. Last month, I went from working full time and enjoying life to being hospitalized, having surgery, major tumor growth, and having to take nourishment through a tube—in less than one week! Everytime I go into the hospital now, I wonder if I will come out again. So, I’ve already made some decisions about my death. I can make them now while I am relatively pain-free and not rushed. Probably the most important one being unusual these days—I don’t want to die at home. I have lived in this town for less than two years, and lived here only 9 months when I was diagnosed (my company moved me here for a job). The move happened so fast, that we sold our house in FL and decided to rent here and look to buy later. Well, we won’t be buying anytime soon, now with my health issues and work uncertainty. This place I live is just that and holds no attachment for me. Fortunately, we have a great oncology floor at my hospital with a very good nursing staff. My understanding is that you can have hospice in the hospital, too. My husband is a hoverer because he wants to make everything right, and he would never get (take) a break at home. I have to force him out of my hospital room. The burial stuff is easy, as I think it’s a waste of real estate.
I’ve also been told that ovca will be what “gets” me, and I’ve discovered I’m OK with that. I actually like knowing this, as I feel somewhat in control. I also know that I will have warning—that I don’t have to worry about being a frail old lady who drops dead in the supermarket aisle with her droopy breasts bared to the public in an attempt by paramedics to save her life! I’m sorry to be flip, but I think a terminal diagnosis earns me the right.
So, have others thought about these end-of-life issues or I am just weird? Don’t waste your pity on me, as I don’t feel particularly sad thinking about these things, because as I said I like to plan and I do feel some measure of control over my life. It’s actually very empowering. Can we please hear from only those who are actually dealing with advanced cancer, as there is very little of that on the forum these days? Unless you actually have cancer, your perspective on this topic is far different from those of us who do. I hope you will respect this. Paula
I want to add something, and that is that my therapist is the only person I have discussed this with at this time, as it's too soon for anyone else to handle. She thinks it's quite healthy to do this thinking/planning now.
I know you are not looking for opinions from those without cancer, but one thing (if I can recommend) is maybe making a journal or book about your life. Now that my mom has passed, I'm finding it hard to remember all her life stories...it's something that I would have treasured.
I have lost a couple of friends to this disease. Last year a dear friend was experiencing some ill effects from her recurrence, it had been about 4 years since her initial diagnosis and never truly went into remission....she too got to the point where she was able to accept the fact that the cancer has taken over and she would lose the battle to this disease. In one of the last conversations I had with her, she told me that she had made peace and accepted the fact that the cancer would win. She told me that she made peace with those around her that she did have some "issues" with. She was at home until hospice care kicked in and she went to a "hospice". She was treated like a queen until the end. Towards the end, she was very sick, the pain was controlled.
Planning can be healthy. When I was in therapy, right after my diagnosis, one of the things the therapist had us do was write our own obituaries.
In the meanwhile, no one knows how much time we have left, live life and enjoy while you can.
All the best to you and your family,
Pam
Planning can be healthy. When I was in therapy, right after my diagnosis, one of the things the therapist had us do was write our own obituaries.
In the meanwhile, no one knows how much time we have left, live life and enjoy while you can.
All the best to you and your family,
Pam
Oh Paula, no you are not weird. I can't say I think about it all of the time, but yes I do think about it a lot. It is in the back of my mind with almost everything I do. Last year I was so sick from the Gemzar that it took me forever to get the christmas decorations put away. The other reason it took so long is because I had to sort them. Some of you know that I just got married last August and even though we have been together 5 yrs we did not live together, but we have been buying stuff for "our" tree and home decorations. I had to sort the stuff according to where it goes when I die, because Cory wouldn't know the difference between our stuff, his kids stuff, my kids stuff, the stuff I had before but we use on his tree etc. I had to box and label everything so it would be easy for him. I am also going through all my boxes of papers and pictures and making sure everything there is straight for my two girls.
I have also made a list of everyone that Cory has to tell when I die. There are so many people that I didn't even realize who would be sad and want to know if anything happened to me. The nice ladies at the library, the guy at Quest who takes my blood every week and calls me if I haven't been there for a month or so etc. There are just so many people whose lives we touch and sometimes we don't even know how much.
The funeral stuff is done and paid for. I too do not believe in wasting good real estate, plus I have an unhealthy fear of not really being dead and being buried alive. At least with cremation, if I am still alive it will only last a second. I will have a religious service, but I expect my friends to sit around and get drunk and tell funny stories about me while listening to John Prine's song, "Please Don't Bury Me". It is hilarious and I have always wanted it played at my funeral. Alright, not in church. "Please don't bury me down in the cold cold ground. I'd rather have em cut me up and pass me all around, throw my brain in a hurricane and the blind can have my eyes, and the deaf can take both of my ears if they don't mind the size.....Send my mouth way down south and kiss my a&& goodbye." You should look up the lyrics or listen to it on Rhapsody. (A free music site)
I am writing letters to people for after I die. There are just things that you want to make sure are said. He also knows to come on here and let you all know. I have left a letter to the forum that he will post after I am gone. Actually, if I get some warning before I go, I would like you all to do a memorial service for me before I am actually dead. Hey, I want to hear all the great stuff you guys will say about me after I am gone before I am gone.
I have a spreadsheet for my gardens so that Cory will have some idea of how to keep all my plants going. I hate the thought of that more than anything else. I have put so much sweat into my gardens that I want them to not die with me. I don't want to die at the hospital and I have made friends & Cory promise me that they will drag my butt back to my yard, because I want to die in my garden not in some stinking hospital.
I hope you all will allow Cory to come on here for support when I am not here. Which is why you who have emailed me can't leave, he will need you. We have a ton of friends, but i think this is where he would get the most support. As a side note, please make sure your loved ones know about this site and that if anything happens to any of you with cancer we would want them to be able to get on the site and tell us about it.
Paula, thank you for having the guts to post what all of us with cancer think about but as you said never talk about. I feel so much better now. I have never been afraid of death, but I am not ready for it yet and I am feeling like fighting a whole bunch more now that I haven't had poison dumped into my body every week for a while.
Be good to you Paula.
Love,
Jan
I have also made a list of everyone that Cory has to tell when I die. There are so many people that I didn't even realize who would be sad and want to know if anything happened to me. The nice ladies at the library, the guy at Quest who takes my blood every week and calls me if I haven't been there for a month or so etc. There are just so many people whose lives we touch and sometimes we don't even know how much.
The funeral stuff is done and paid for. I too do not believe in wasting good real estate, plus I have an unhealthy fear of not really being dead and being buried alive. At least with cremation, if I am still alive it will only last a second. I will have a religious service, but I expect my friends to sit around and get drunk and tell funny stories about me while listening to John Prine's song, "Please Don't Bury Me". It is hilarious and I have always wanted it played at my funeral. Alright, not in church. "Please don't bury me down in the cold cold ground. I'd rather have em cut me up and pass me all around, throw my brain in a hurricane and the blind can have my eyes, and the deaf can take both of my ears if they don't mind the size.....Send my mouth way down south and kiss my a&& goodbye." You should look up the lyrics or listen to it on Rhapsody. (A free music site)
I am writing letters to people for after I die. There are just things that you want to make sure are said. He also knows to come on here and let you all know. I have left a letter to the forum that he will post after I am gone. Actually, if I get some warning before I go, I would like you all to do a memorial service for me before I am actually dead. Hey, I want to hear all the great stuff you guys will say about me after I am gone before I am gone.
I have a spreadsheet for my gardens so that Cory will have some idea of how to keep all my plants going. I hate the thought of that more than anything else. I have put so much sweat into my gardens that I want them to not die with me. I don't want to die at the hospital and I have made friends & Cory promise me that they will drag my butt back to my yard, because I want to die in my garden not in some stinking hospital.
I hope you all will allow Cory to come on here for support when I am not here. Which is why you who have emailed me can't leave, he will need you. We have a ton of friends, but i think this is where he would get the most support. As a side note, please make sure your loved ones know about this site and that if anything happens to any of you with cancer we would want them to be able to get on the site and tell us about it.
Paula, thank you for having the guts to post what all of us with cancer think about but as you said never talk about. I feel so much better now. I have never been afraid of death, but I am not ready for it yet and I am feeling like fighting a whole bunch more now that I haven't had poison dumped into my body every week for a while.
Be good to you Paula.
Love,
Jan
You and I think alike. I have been planning to have things ready and have been working towards that goal since diagnosis. My form of cancer does not give me a great statistical chance and even though I plan to defy the stats I also refuse to leave my family unprepared. When I speak of such things with family and friends as carefully as I can they say I am just not thinking positive or that I am being morbid. That is not true. I am positive that I will fight hard until the end, whenever the end comes. But when the end does come I want things to be already in place.
I know I do not want to be buried. It is expensive and I also am a little freaked out about the whole underground thing. I guess I have seen too many scary movies. I also don't want a funeral. The amount that that would have cost I want to be donated to research to help prevent others from following the ovca footsteps.
Like you, I don't want to die at home, at least I don't think so right now. I have not looked into Hospice centers, but the oncology floor at OSF is great and when the time comes I may go there. I have been a nursing assistant for years and I don't want my family to have to care for my physical needs at that time.
My mother dealt with her ovca from the hospital. She was so strong and never once seemed to feel sorry for herself. She made her wishes known to me and I carried them out. I am not as strong as she was and I have a few times given in to self pity. Those times are rare, but they do happen. I am normally very happy with my life. I am thankful for so much.
I also agree that knowing what will take us does give somewhat of a feeling of control. Even though this is the most serious possible subject, you were able to bring a smile to my face with the droopy breast scenario... I don't think my breasts would be too nice in old age either. They are fairly disgusting already.
I am not sad for myself either. I am helping my family to deal with it now and to help them pull closer together. I have been the head of the family because I have sort of a control thing going, but I am turning things over to my husband and girls a little at a time.
Alan, you do qualify to answer in my opinion. Watching my mom deal with cancer was much more difficult for me than dealing with my own.
Although I hate this cancer with a passion, I have received some unexpected benefits from having it. Those benefits include meeting some wonderful people on this forum. I love you all and I thank you for being beside me in this.
Very Sincerely,
Marie
I know I do not want to be buried. It is expensive and I also am a little freaked out about the whole underground thing. I guess I have seen too many scary movies. I also don't want a funeral. The amount that that would have cost I want to be donated to research to help prevent others from following the ovca footsteps.
Like you, I don't want to die at home, at least I don't think so right now. I have not looked into Hospice centers, but the oncology floor at OSF is great and when the time comes I may go there. I have been a nursing assistant for years and I don't want my family to have to care for my physical needs at that time.
My mother dealt with her ovca from the hospital. She was so strong and never once seemed to feel sorry for herself. She made her wishes known to me and I carried them out. I am not as strong as she was and I have a few times given in to self pity. Those times are rare, but they do happen. I am normally very happy with my life. I am thankful for so much.
I also agree that knowing what will take us does give somewhat of a feeling of control. Even though this is the most serious possible subject, you were able to bring a smile to my face with the droopy breast scenario... I don't think my breasts would be too nice in old age either. They are fairly disgusting already.
I am not sad for myself either. I am helping my family to deal with it now and to help them pull closer together. I have been the head of the family because I have sort of a control thing going, but I am turning things over to my husband and girls a little at a time.
Alan, you do qualify to answer in my opinion. Watching my mom deal with cancer was much more difficult for me than dealing with my own.
Although I hate this cancer with a passion, I have received some unexpected benefits from having it. Those benefits include meeting some wonderful people on this forum. I love you all and I thank you for being beside me in this.
Very Sincerely,
Marie
I know some of you are concerned that I am dwelling on this subject and have been kind enough to write me with your concern. I'd like to share with you the clarification I gave to one kind-hearted soul.
"Thank you for your concern, but I am not having a bad day at all. It is a glorious, sunny day and I am very happy to be alive. I went out for coffee this morning at a place where everyone knows my name, and I will walk in the sun this afternoon and talk to my lovely daughter tonight. On the contrary, I am finding remarkable peace right now in large part due to the fact that I have accepted my future. That is accepted, not giving up by any means. I am 5 days out from chemo and feeling better than I have any right to, so how can that be a bad day? Even my therapist thinks it is good to plan. Planning does not make things happen after all. Also, I don't dwell on this--I've made some decisions and I've moved on. We are all different, and for me I can only find peace when I've made plans. Making plans allows me to think about a subject and then forget it, and this I've done. I am most definitely living in today, as I realized months ago that worrying about tomorrow just ruins today and I can't afford that. I also believe I have many years ahead of me, so these are long-range plans. " Paula
"Thank you for your concern, but I am not having a bad day at all. It is a glorious, sunny day and I am very happy to be alive. I went out for coffee this morning at a place where everyone knows my name, and I will walk in the sun this afternoon and talk to my lovely daughter tonight. On the contrary, I am finding remarkable peace right now in large part due to the fact that I have accepted my future. That is accepted, not giving up by any means. I am 5 days out from chemo and feeling better than I have any right to, so how can that be a bad day? Even my therapist thinks it is good to plan. Planning does not make things happen after all. Also, I don't dwell on this--I've made some decisions and I've moved on. We are all different, and for me I can only find peace when I've made plans. Making plans allows me to think about a subject and then forget it, and this I've done. I am most definitely living in today, as I realized months ago that worrying about tomorrow just ruins today and I can't afford that. I also believe I have many years ahead of me, so these are long-range plans. " Paula
Paula, I to have gotten a few emails about this post already and you were right to ask those without cancer to not post. (Always love hearing from you though Alan & we know that you know.) They don't get it. It is a beautiful day here, I am going to go out and plant my lettuce bed and have a great dinner ready for Cory and remind him that we are still newlyweds. I am not going anywhere right now, but to know that everything is taken care of and that my family won't have to go through my stuff wondering what to do with it, or plan a funeral is a great relief to me and I can enjoy my life MORE knowing these things are taken care of. For those of you that are worried, please don't be. I am not being morbid and I am not planning on dying today. Please don't take this the wrong way, but no matter what you think, if you are not facing the possibility of death with this monster than you can't possibly know what it is like to deal with it and not be unhappy. As with Paula, my minister does not think I am morbid, just doing my usual type A personality, control freak thing. Honestly, I feel good and i am smiling for the first time in months. Thanks for your concern, but you are going to have to find some way to make yourself understand that you don't understand and that's okay. I hope you never do!!!!!
Jan
Jan
There is nothing more helpful to your family than to have you wishes written down and made known. This is a fantastic idea for anyone, not just those that are sick. My aunt and uncle have had thier arrangements made for 20 years and when my aunt had a stroke and slipped away- he knew exactly what she wanted and was totally okay with it- the rest of us (his family) 1000 miles away weren't as okay with it but he described it as a soothing balm on a painful wound- it helped. My sister and I have been trying to get our parents to at least write a will- we know nothing about thier wishes. When we brought it up to them, mom thought it was a good idea and dad shocked us all. He had been adament years ago about not being cremated- not sure why- now he said- cremate me- it's cheaper. With 7 of us siblings- we need thier wishes. It's not morbid or having a bad day- it's being incredibly smart and thinking of your loved ones too.- just my $.02.
By the way, if anyone else tells me that they could get hit by a car and be dead and that none of us knows when we will die, I will find you and I will hurt you. Do people even realize how DUMB that sounds to someone in my position. Okay, so I could die of OvCa tomorrow AND I could also get hit by a car you idiot and yes you know who I am talking to.
When my wife Violet died in Jan this year, we as the family always felt that she would somehow beat the odds, she obviously felt the same, but 'just in case' and without telling anyone, made sure all was prepared, when I went lookiung for documents, ie wedding certificates, she had penciled notes, rememeber this, take that, she wanted to return home to the UK for cremation, we had discussed all, but just in case she had prepared all documents including packing lists, had us feel she was still looking over us. It helped so, I feel this is important, discuss all, she wished to be brought home after, but also to use some of her ashes to be converted to 3 diamonds through lifegem, this process has already started. Steve
It is certainly good to hear both your perspective from "the other side." My greatest wish is that I am doing this planning for nothing, but if not, then spare my family as much as possible. As you and others have said, this can be done quietly and discreetly. Paula
I am also doing some planning.. When I was 12 years old my Grandpa bought me my first pair of high heels and I will never forget that. 45 years later the thrill is still there thinking of that day.. he passed away one year later.
When I was home to Vegas 3 weeks ago I took my 11 year old granddaughter and we had her ears pierced.. her word... "Grandma I will never forget this day" and I am sure she won't ... my daughter had been against it but said okay do it Mom...
My grandson her brother turned 16 Monday.. When he gets his drivers license his car insurance is paid for 2 years...His brother who is 6 wanted a fancy steak dinner when I was there... we went out to the best and people gawked as I paid $29.00 for his steak and watched him eat the whole thing..
In June I am surprising my other granddaughter as she is singing a solo for her school.. Its an operatic aria...
I have accepted that I am going to die.. way before I would like to... I was told recently to stop living in the past and stop constantly thinking of the future.. so I leave you all with this thought and I hope it doesn't offend anyone..
"If you live with one foot in the past and the other in the future you are pissing on today"Just try to remember to leave your footprint on those you love.... Ronni
When I was home to Vegas 3 weeks ago I took my 11 year old granddaughter and we had her ears pierced.. her word... "Grandma I will never forget this day" and I am sure she won't ... my daughter had been against it but said okay do it Mom...
My grandson her brother turned 16 Monday.. When he gets his drivers license his car insurance is paid for 2 years...His brother who is 6 wanted a fancy steak dinner when I was there... we went out to the best and people gawked as I paid $29.00 for his steak and watched him eat the whole thing..
In June I am surprising my other granddaughter as she is singing a solo for her school.. Its an operatic aria...
I have accepted that I am going to die.. way before I would like to... I was told recently to stop living in the past and stop constantly thinking of the future.. so I leave you all with this thought and I hope it doesn't offend anyone..
"If you live with one foot in the past and the other in the future you are pissing on today"Just try to remember to leave your footprint on those you love.... Ronni
You have done wonderful things for those children. I also agree with your thought for the day.................Marie
Hi ladies...Being dx Stage 4 in Feb'04.... well I wonder how much more time I have too, although I don't dwell on that thought. When our 27y.o. son passed away unexpectedly, we arranged for some extra space in his cemetery plot for my hubby and I, but since then hubby has left the nest, so it's only me, that will eventually go there. I didn't have cancer at the time, so no other arrangements have been made since. I have asked my Oncol. to give me about 3 months 'notice' when my wind down time is approaching, and he has agreed to that, as they know how one is doing. That will give me more than sufficient time to arrange the details so until I get the scarey nod from my Oncol. *laugh*... I don't/won't think of my demise at all. While I'm feeling well, and enjoying life I don't want to mess it up with thoughts of drying and death. Time for that when one needs to think about it, and I guess there will be heaps of time when I'm bedridden and can't get out to do anything much physically. I guess it's like this cancer, the drugs etc.... we are all different in how we handle a situation. This is how I handle mine.
Wishing everyone a great day, and hoping it's a happy one....hugs..Helen...
Wishing everyone a great day, and hoping it's a happy one....hugs..Helen...
Helen, I certainly respect your decision not to think about dying and death, but my point is if I wait until I'm in hospice, I may not be able or willing to deal with these important issues, and I will feel I no longer have any control over the remaining life I have. Like I said, I feel so much better having already made these decisions, so I can now forget about them and enjoy each and every today. Paula
Talking about this out in the open actually made me feel much better. I did more today than I usaually am able to do. I thought of Jan while I took care of my favorite plants.I even took a few pictures to post tonight. I don't have a cool hat garden, but I just love my bleeding hearts and even the wild violets. I enjoyed spending some of my day with all of you. Love, Marie
One of the hardest things I've EVER had to do was, at 28 years old, make up my will. I remember saying to someone that everyone should have a will but I don't know anyone my age who does. To have to make a will BECAUSE you have cancer? It's like having a gun to your back...however, I can tell you that I am at a strange peace now and so happy I bit the bullet and did it. I arranged my power of attorney, power of health and gave my wishes with respect to what happens to my (now) 5 year old son. What a load of stress off my back. I often wonder about planning my funeral, but I suppose I will wait to get that discouraged " we don't know what to do anymore" look from my doctors. I have also began a scrapbook for my son called "Mommy and Me". It's just pictures of him and me, and I write a little blurb about what was going on in the photo, why I loved it and how happy I am to have him as my son. I've also started journaling, not every night, but often, as I want to leave something behind for my family to read. My biggest fear is dying while my son is young and him not remembering me. I'm doing what I can to preserve those memories....
Thanks for starting this post Paula. I think it's very healthy to talk about stuff like this, if you want to, of course!
Becky
Thanks for starting this post Paula. I think it's very healthy to talk about stuff like this, if you want to, of course!
Becky
Like Becky, I, too, felt peace after thoroughly updating my will. The day before my surgery (back in 2000), I was in a class studying for my Master's degree not knowing whether or not I would ever finish it, when my husband came to pick me up and we drove to an attorney's office. Luckily the people at the office are good friends of ours, even though that made the process a bit sad for me, but helpful in a way, too. Of course, at this point, I was avoiding thinking about the prep I had to do when I got home! Katie was 15 at the time going through Adolescent angst anyway, so I was busy doing my best to remain calm so that I could help her deal with the unknown as best I could, as I tried to deal with it myself.
I know this is a different take on this post, but I can relate to some of the thoughts some of you may be having. And, I totally respect that everyone is going to handle things a bit differently from the next person. I am a planner, too, Paula, and so I know what you mean about feeling empowered and I think my actions before my surgery helped me maintain some peacefulness since there was no way of knowing if more malignant cells were to be found after my ovarian cyst was drained a few weeks before the big surgery. Anyway, I appreciated your post and I just wanted to let you know that.
Sincerely, Mary
I know this is a different take on this post, but I can relate to some of the thoughts some of you may be having. And, I totally respect that everyone is going to handle things a bit differently from the next person. I am a planner, too, Paula, and so I know what you mean about feeling empowered and I think my actions before my surgery helped me maintain some peacefulness since there was no way of knowing if more malignant cells were to be found after my ovarian cyst was drained a few weeks before the big surgery. Anyway, I appreciated your post and I just wanted to let you know that.
Sincerely, Mary
I just know that I feel way more at peace knowing that I am taking care of all that I can now. I know me and when it gets that time I don't want to be wasting it by frantically trying to do stuff that I am to tired or to dying to do. I don't dwell on it by any means and I really don't think about the dying part, just that it is good to have your ducks in a row. You never know.
Helen you know how much I admire you and I respect your decisions now as always. I am glad you have handled this subject in a manner that you know to be best for you. We are all different in how we want things and apparently you don't have any papers or pictures that you wouldn't want seen. LOL That's the only reason I am going through my stuff. There are just things my kids do not need to know even after I am gone and there are things I do want them to know that I haven't said, so the letters will have to do if I don't make it to grandkids. I have papers that are in a sealed envelope and they go to a friend who I trust to not let his curiosity get the better of him and he will burn them. No, I don't trust Cory to do that.
Becky, it breaks my heart that you have had to go through this with him being so young. I am glad you have found some measure of peace by planning and now you can just enjoy each day with him. I pray for you all of the time and for him. I know what it would be like for him.
As I said to someone else, fear is such a sneaky thief and by planning this stuff I don't feel as afraid as I did and i don't feel as paralyzed by all the many fears that go with having cancer in general, & not just the dying part. Now if I could just plan to not be in pain, not have cancer, not worry my family, not become somebody I don't even recognize anymore. Has anyone gotten through this mess without some significantly profound changes?
Well that's my late night musings.
Helen you know how much I admire you and I respect your decisions now as always. I am glad you have handled this subject in a manner that you know to be best for you. We are all different in how we want things and apparently you don't have any papers or pictures that you wouldn't want seen. LOL That's the only reason I am going through my stuff. There are just things my kids do not need to know even after I am gone and there are things I do want them to know that I haven't said, so the letters will have to do if I don't make it to grandkids. I have papers that are in a sealed envelope and they go to a friend who I trust to not let his curiosity get the better of him and he will burn them. No, I don't trust Cory to do that.
Becky, it breaks my heart that you have had to go through this with him being so young. I am glad you have found some measure of peace by planning and now you can just enjoy each day with him. I pray for you all of the time and for him. I know what it would be like for him.
As I said to someone else, fear is such a sneaky thief and by planning this stuff I don't feel as afraid as I did and i don't feel as paralyzed by all the many fears that go with having cancer in general, & not just the dying part. Now if I could just plan to not be in pain, not have cancer, not worry my family, not become somebody I don't even recognize anymore. Has anyone gotten through this mess without some significantly profound changes?
Well that's my late night musings.
Hi, on a special note, what my wife Violet, has done, is as we go through her personal things, things that we normally would not touch, she has left us little personal messages, like my son, he always used to 'rib' (jest) her on her organisation of her clothes, she left a small present of 7 socks, each had the day of the week on, inside she had placed a small note, although it made us cry at first, now we have a laugh about it, also she left notes like a journal on the computer, and personal messages on a dictaphone, we thank her for this as makes life just a little better
Good subject!!! When I was told that I had stage 4 and 1-5 years to live, I had no problem accepting this news. I immediately started to plan for my death and started to write down information about my finances, credit cards, passwords for internet accounts and funeral arrangements. Started to clear out things, had a mini garage sale 2 weeks ago and sold off stuff I did not want. Have also decided to part with my collection of old Thai style teak furniture I have accumulated as I don't see mysefl buying my dream condo and furnishing it in the near furture. I am sad to part with them but they are only materialistic items and if I beat this disease, i have decided to go with rattan (lighter and more confortable) furniture instead!!!
What I have found is that my sister thinks that this 1-5 years is all nonsense and that I should not plan my life around it...she says I could get hit by a car tomorow and die from that!! Well either she is in denial or she knows something that my doctor or I don't!! Told her that statistics show this and it's reality for me, so I shouldn't ignore it. I call this period "getting my house in order" and I will feel relieved that it's all taken care of.
I feel lucky in a way to have a time frame to work within and I look at it is as if I were wrapping up the first part of my life and preparing for the next. I am looking forward to seeing what will happen in part two of Kimchi's life.
What I have found is that my sister thinks that this 1-5 years is all nonsense and that I should not plan my life around it...she says I could get hit by a car tomorow and die from that!! Well either she is in denial or she knows something that my doctor or I don't!! Told her that statistics show this and it's reality for me, so I shouldn't ignore it. I call this period "getting my house in order" and I will feel relieved that it's all taken care of.
I feel lucky in a way to have a time frame to work within and I look at it is as if I were wrapping up the first part of my life and preparing for the next. I am looking forward to seeing what will happen in part two of Kimchi's life.
Paula, we have so little control of this cancer, so I think controlling what happens to us during and after life is so appropriate.
Becky, it really makes me furious that you have to deal with this. So totally unfair.
Helen, I am so sorry about the passing of your son.
Kimchi, I regret that you don't get the acknowledgment you deserve from your sister.
Jan, I am totally with you, girl. The "you could get hit by a bus" analogy is the one thing that drives me mad!! When I am told that, I suggest the person think about sitting on the freeway tied up seeing a mack truck coming directly at you. That's what it is like for us. No comparison at all!
I hear you all talking about peace. Would you share how you feel peace about what will happen to you when you die? We talk very little about spiritual things and I don't understand why.
Becky, it really makes me furious that you have to deal with this. So totally unfair.
Helen, I am so sorry about the passing of your son.
Kimchi, I regret that you don't get the acknowledgment you deserve from your sister.
Jan, I am totally with you, girl. The "you could get hit by a bus" analogy is the one thing that drives me mad!! When I am told that, I suggest the person think about sitting on the freeway tied up seeing a mack truck coming directly at you. That's what it is like for us. No comparison at all!
I hear you all talking about peace. Would you share how you feel peace about what will happen to you when you die? We talk very little about spiritual things and I don't understand why.
One of my least favorite things is when someone gives me the "anyone could be hit by a car tomorrow!" line. In my case it isn't even true because I am so careful about looking both ways when I cross the street!!
The new thing that keeps coming up is people that warn me about chemo. They say it is poison and does more harm than good. They say they'd never put it in their bodies. I bet the tune would change when faced with a diagnosis like mine! A dear friend of mine goes to an osteopath in Chicago. He asked his osteopath what I should be doing. The advice was incredible. He said he is not big on chemo and recommends I strengthen my liver by eating beef liver. Oh, if only it were so easy!!
Thanks for "listening",
Marie
The new thing that keeps coming up is people that warn me about chemo. They say it is poison and does more harm than good. They say they'd never put it in their bodies. I bet the tune would change when faced with a diagnosis like mine! A dear friend of mine goes to an osteopath in Chicago. He asked his osteopath what I should be doing. The advice was incredible. He said he is not big on chemo and recommends I strengthen my liver by eating beef liver. Oh, if only it were so easy!!
Thanks for "listening",
Marie
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