Aa
nicororo; Please accept this offer of Peace.
I am not quite certain how to do this...I can imagine you felt as if we were attacking you last evening after your post on this site...well, I for one, feel a need to pull the quills from your body.
I think what happened is......This group of women are attached, protective and emotionally connected to eachother. Some of these bonds are not penetrable and are very unforgiving . If betrayal or attack is perceived I do believe a battlecry is sounded.
When one of us has a problem, or is threatened...by other persons, or disease, or confusion,etc...the wagons are circled and the fight for survival is on....
The wagons were circled last night.
Being alive, and human, guarantees us each a bag filled with troubles....sometimes we need help carrying that bag...That's what we do here. We share everything and that makes us vulnerable; we are women and that makes us protective and passionate.
If you felt excluded and attacked last evening, it was not the intention, and, I do apologize and extend an invitation to you to join this "unorganized band of barbaric and ruthlessly loyal batallion of hormonally challenged women."
Please accept this offer of Peace.
dian
I think what happened is......This group of women are attached, protective and emotionally connected to eachother. Some of these bonds are not penetrable and are very unforgiving . If betrayal or attack is perceived I do believe a battlecry is sounded.
When one of us has a problem, or is threatened...by other persons, or disease, or confusion,etc...the wagons are circled and the fight for survival is on....
The wagons were circled last night.
Being alive, and human, guarantees us each a bag filled with troubles....sometimes we need help carrying that bag...That's what we do here. We share everything and that makes us vulnerable; we are women and that makes us protective and passionate.
If you felt excluded and attacked last evening, it was not the intention, and, I do apologize and extend an invitation to you to join this "unorganized band of barbaric and ruthlessly loyal batallion of hormonally challenged women."
Please accept this offer of Peace.
dian
Boy, busy evening here.
No one was being attacked, no one was being judged, no one was being criticized for correct or incorrect grammar or vocabulary. This happens all the time in message forums. Someone "perceives" an attack and then yahoo, off we go. Dian, I apologize to you first, and then others who tried to keep this on the track. I wrote my first post because I believed there could be good discussion. No judgment, just discussion, maybe even argument, in the true sense of that word, not anger. And just to set the tone here, this is set out with care and concern, no anger.
Diplomacy. Saying what needs to be said in such a way that you get your point across but step on the least toes possible, especially the one who is hurting most. And that's my last word on this. Diplomacy. Love, hugs and God bless, Barb
No one was being attacked, no one was being judged, no one was being criticized for correct or incorrect grammar or vocabulary. This happens all the time in message forums. Someone "perceives" an attack and then yahoo, off we go. Dian, I apologize to you first, and then others who tried to keep this on the track. I wrote my first post because I believed there could be good discussion. No judgment, just discussion, maybe even argument, in the true sense of that word, not anger. And just to set the tone here, this is set out with care and concern, no anger.
Diplomacy. Saying what needs to be said in such a way that you get your point across but step on the least toes possible, especially the one who is hurting most. And that's my last word on this. Diplomacy. Love, hugs and God bless, Barb
Your posts are a breath of fresh air...honesty is always welcome, so...thanks.
Please continue keeping us honest and in our place.
Peace to you and yours.
dian
Please continue keeping us honest and in our place.
Peace to you and yours.
dian
Thanks Curls. I appreciate your post and agree. Both parties involved have been hurt, and I think it is unfair to attack either. Sometimes our emotions (hormones!!) get the best of us. I truly feel there was genuine concern on Nicororo's part.
Thank you. Something is just weird about my family. Selfish? Maybe i have no idea. My two sisters with no kids one 31 the other 28 single not married, have watched her at the most 3 times in three years. We all live close like 15min or less apart. My mom as well never watched her the first year until i made her feel guilty. I dont get it, is normal families like this? My mom is a good mother she just doesnt want to watch my kid that often, only when she is good and ready. So those times are rarely when i need her to take her. Church. Well i just started one last october and i dont know anyone and i dont know who to ask. I did try emailing them and the pastor had a sermon on how " people email with all there problems and he doesnt want to hear it" he wants to hear about positive things.. Now lol let me see. If someone is in a bad place and cant get to that positive place how is she gonna get help? Well I am still lost. I need to find some places but i dont know where. There has to be someone who knows of all the places in my city. Hopefully the clinic that my Doctor is sending me to will have those answers. :)
Hi All,
I'm sure this will draw fire at me, but I need to say it. I find it uncouth (to use a word I just read in this post) of those of you re-attacking and critisizing nicororo...in this post that's supposedly about apologizing and bringing her in and making her feel comfortable and welcome.
What I have loved about this forum and what kept me sticking around, was that no one, no matter how needy, how disagreed with, how different an opinion they held, how repetive, or how lacking in thinking things through on even the basics themselves before posting, has received a harsh word. Everyone has been treated kindly, lovingly, and with support and help. The direction this tread has taken saddens me greatly.
That's the main point of why I've posted.
But, to draw more fire, personally I think nicororo had an important point to make. It would have rubbed crazyladi the wrong way no matter - it's not a pleasant thought. However, people do lose it (we've seen pictures of them in the news) and it's important not to put heads in the sand. You've seen my posts to crazyladi and that I tried to be as supportive as I could. (Sorry to keep talking about you in the third person crazyladi). However, hitting another person 20 times hard enough to cause pain is called assault. Crazyladi is strong enough and competent enough a person to know it wasn't okay, to post and go for help. Nicororo's concern that she take her actions seriously and think about how far out of control she might get - that's valid. That's very extremely hard to hear when you are the one who's the stressed out person, and I understand completely if it didn't sit right with you. However, you said in your last post that you would never lose control. The problem is that you did. It's why we wanted to support you and why we wanted you to get the help you need to make it all work. That's why everyone kept saying it's important to set strict boundries for yourself, since once you loose it you never know how far it might really go. My dad used, correction still does, disassociate when he's made. He doesn't know exactly what he's said and swears on his version of it. He's always stopped himself, but what if it was some combination that pushed him? (He's a holocaust survivor who lived with plenty of stress, so I give him credit for not loosing it more.)
On the other hand, attacking nicororo for her comments or how she said them or anything else repeatedly is just foreign to how inviting this forum has been.
Crazyladi, if you not too mad at me, I had a couple thoughts that I wondered about. Your family tells you to hit your child so she won't be spoiled. What do YOU think is the way to handle things? As an single mom, one of the few perks is that you get to implement your views without having to compromise with anyone else. The other thought was, why does your mom think she has right to tell you how to raise your kid, when she doesn't want to step in and help you when you need it. It made me feel a little mad at your mom that's she not more supportive but is telling you her views on how to do things. (I'm cautious about stepping on my sister's toes, while I'm very close with and spend lots of time with her kids including being an extended part of the discipline system.)
Crazyladi I hope you are doing better now (and that what I've posted sits okay too.)
Cheri
I'm sure this will draw fire at me, but I need to say it. I find it uncouth (to use a word I just read in this post) of those of you re-attacking and critisizing nicororo...in this post that's supposedly about apologizing and bringing her in and making her feel comfortable and welcome.
What I have loved about this forum and what kept me sticking around, was that no one, no matter how needy, how disagreed with, how different an opinion they held, how repetive, or how lacking in thinking things through on even the basics themselves before posting, has received a harsh word. Everyone has been treated kindly, lovingly, and with support and help. The direction this tread has taken saddens me greatly.
That's the main point of why I've posted.
But, to draw more fire, personally I think nicororo had an important point to make. It would have rubbed crazyladi the wrong way no matter - it's not a pleasant thought. However, people do lose it (we've seen pictures of them in the news) and it's important not to put heads in the sand. You've seen my posts to crazyladi and that I tried to be as supportive as I could. (Sorry to keep talking about you in the third person crazyladi). However, hitting another person 20 times hard enough to cause pain is called assault. Crazyladi is strong enough and competent enough a person to know it wasn't okay, to post and go for help. Nicororo's concern that she take her actions seriously and think about how far out of control she might get - that's valid. That's very extremely hard to hear when you are the one who's the stressed out person, and I understand completely if it didn't sit right with you. However, you said in your last post that you would never lose control. The problem is that you did. It's why we wanted to support you and why we wanted you to get the help you need to make it all work. That's why everyone kept saying it's important to set strict boundries for yourself, since once you loose it you never know how far it might really go. My dad used, correction still does, disassociate when he's made. He doesn't know exactly what he's said and swears on his version of it. He's always stopped himself, but what if it was some combination that pushed him? (He's a holocaust survivor who lived with plenty of stress, so I give him credit for not loosing it more.)
On the other hand, attacking nicororo for her comments or how she said them or anything else repeatedly is just foreign to how inviting this forum has been.
Crazyladi, if you not too mad at me, I had a couple thoughts that I wondered about. Your family tells you to hit your child so she won't be spoiled. What do YOU think is the way to handle things? As an single mom, one of the few perks is that you get to implement your views without having to compromise with anyone else. The other thought was, why does your mom think she has right to tell you how to raise your kid, when she doesn't want to step in and help you when you need it. It made me feel a little mad at your mom that's she not more supportive but is telling you her views on how to do things. (I'm cautious about stepping on my sister's toes, while I'm very close with and spend lots of time with her kids including being an extended part of the discipline system.)
Crazyladi I hope you are doing better now (and that what I've posted sits okay too.)
Cheri
Wow, our families sound similar in some ways. I also have two unmarried sisters, 29 and 27. My parents live about 20 minutes away. We are a pretty close family, and they are always there in an emergency, but my mom is very selfish. Never worked, but never offers to take kids if I am having a bad day. Her excuse...she never had the help when she was raising us. And that makes sense why??? Me, I will take anyone's kids at anytime (for the most part). Isn't that what life is about...helping each other out? So strange. I feel guilty complaining about them, but it is what it is. And my sisters...hhmm. Little by little they have faded into their own relationships, but I can still depend on them more than my parents. You know what I tell myself, though, is that God does not give you what you can't handle. I truly believe that. Now, it took a long time to find a way to "handle" all of these things, and I am still working hard on handling some, but ultimately I know I will come out a survivor...of parenthood, depression, surgeries, emotional meltdowns, and on and on because God is on my side. Anyone else willing to stand by me becomes the bonus prize ;)
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