Aa
going backwards
I was held hostage when I was young, there was no treatment for
the outcome that put me on the path to depression with PTSD
so many years ago.
I have tried to isolate the PTSD from my general anxiety disorder
and depressive disorder, but am finding I need to actually
address the PTSD and to do that while being kind and gentle
toward myself.
I write in a journal everyday, but am quite introverted when it
comes to sharing feelings in mostly an extroverted world.
I did have a counselor and we worked on PTSD for nearly 2
years, but all I did was cry for almost the full 2 years. I think I
am older and stronger now and some of the people involved
in the Hostage incident have passed on which makes me feel
safer in some small way...
Thank you so much, This group/community looks awesome
the outcome that put me on the path to depression with PTSD
so many years ago.
I have tried to isolate the PTSD from my general anxiety disorder
and depressive disorder, but am finding I need to actually
address the PTSD and to do that while being kind and gentle
toward myself.
I write in a journal everyday, but am quite introverted when it
comes to sharing feelings in mostly an extroverted world.
I did have a counselor and we worked on PTSD for nearly 2
years, but all I did was cry for almost the full 2 years. I think I
am older and stronger now and some of the people involved
in the Hostage incident have passed on which makes me feel
safer in some small way...
Thank you so much, This group/community looks awesome
I am so sorry you went through this and I cant imagine how you could be dealing with such a traumatic experience. Have you tried speaking psychotherapist to learn some cognitive techniques?
Thank you so much. I always knew in the back of my mind that this
incident happened, but that was about as far as I wanted to go with it.
I think it was a case of wishfull preteen thinking, that if I did not say anything about it, good or bad, then its power is dimished and will someday
like a whisp of smoke just go silently away.
I am having more trouble with the shame I feel about being mentally ill because of someone elses actions, the acting out behavior when I became an older teen, the comfort I took in illicit drugs and alcohol, the mess I made out of my life because a mad man decided that I was going to be his
ticket into the great beyond, I thought that all my actions were just normal people actions, when in fact some times for years I was totally out of control.
This is the pain of PTSD for me. This and now why at this time in my life do I need to deal with it. Why not just go into retirement the way I got here, a piece at a time, a day at a time....
Again, thank you for the reply. I do really appreciate that
incident happened, but that was about as far as I wanted to go with it.
I think it was a case of wishfull preteen thinking, that if I did not say anything about it, good or bad, then its power is dimished and will someday
like a whisp of smoke just go silently away.
I am having more trouble with the shame I feel about being mentally ill because of someone elses actions, the acting out behavior when I became an older teen, the comfort I took in illicit drugs and alcohol, the mess I made out of my life because a mad man decided that I was going to be his
ticket into the great beyond, I thought that all my actions were just normal people actions, when in fact some times for years I was totally out of control.
This is the pain of PTSD for me. This and now why at this time in my life do I need to deal with it. Why not just go into retirement the way I got here, a piece at a time, a day at a time....
Again, thank you for the reply. I do really appreciate that
i'm ashamed too and abused drugs there is a way out cuz it will always stay with you :)
Do you know the person that did this to to you?
Never feel ashamed of your mental state because unless you come to terms with what happened and know it wasn't your fault you wot heal. Easier said then done isn't it?
I was abused as a child and I too had careless sex, did drugs and drank. It wasn't until I left my abusive boyfriend took my daughter and started to rebuild my life. I had no one and it took time and I still get depressed maybe because inside I was never being protected as a child and I blame myself and I don't know why I do that it's illogical. When you are abused you often feel like you deserved for t to happen and that it is my fault but it is further from the truth and I feel like you know that too. Don't feel bad or look back at your past look to what you can make of your future.
Never feel ashamed of your mental state because unless you come to terms with what happened and know it wasn't your fault you wot heal. Easier said then done isn't it?
I was abused as a child and I too had careless sex, did drugs and drank. It wasn't until I left my abusive boyfriend took my daughter and started to rebuild my life. I had no one and it took time and I still get depressed maybe because inside I was never being protected as a child and I blame myself and I don't know why I do that it's illogical. When you are abused you often feel like you deserved for t to happen and that it is my fault but it is further from the truth and I feel like you know that too. Don't feel bad or look back at your past look to what you can make of your future.
Yes, we all knew of the man and his family. In the 60s every one knew everyone in town. We didn't understand everyone or everything, but there was a trust between neighbors that you cannot find today...And there was also the wife and mother telegraph....Most wives and moms could kind of guess the back story when it came with new or strange neighbors. And then each mom would pass on the info to a mom she knew and that helped protect the neighborhood.
My Mom was sick and refused all medication... My dad worked 8-12 hours a day......
I expect so much from the little girl who was/is me....I so often want to give
the little child some of the strength I now have, I want to be the telegraph line from the future that stretches back through the past, because an incident never happens in a vacumn.....Even now, how I decide to recover from this incident will affect my old age, my future decisions, and how I live out the rest of the years awarded to me.
The Police at the trial tried to pin all the blame on this child of me. Its just what they do, but I have never subscribed that it was my fault to be standing in one spot at one time next to a person standing in one spot at one time. And when they asked me," Is this your fault?' I looked up full face and said...."No Sir"
But everything since then has been a search for the Oasis, The nice place with green palm trees and waterfalls and no shame or pain.....And it doesn't exist....Not at all.....
I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered as a child. I do know what you are going through and I am so glad you and your daughter have begun to move on. Every woman who has been hurt or abused and then gives
the love she did not/could not have had is proof positive that healing happens even if we are unaware of it.
Thank you so much
My Mom was sick and refused all medication... My dad worked 8-12 hours a day......
I expect so much from the little girl who was/is me....I so often want to give
the little child some of the strength I now have, I want to be the telegraph line from the future that stretches back through the past, because an incident never happens in a vacumn.....Even now, how I decide to recover from this incident will affect my old age, my future decisions, and how I live out the rest of the years awarded to me.
The Police at the trial tried to pin all the blame on this child of me. Its just what they do, but I have never subscribed that it was my fault to be standing in one spot at one time next to a person standing in one spot at one time. And when they asked me," Is this your fault?' I looked up full face and said...."No Sir"
But everything since then has been a search for the Oasis, The nice place with green palm trees and waterfalls and no shame or pain.....And it doesn't exist....Not at all.....
I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered as a child. I do know what you are going through and I am so glad you and your daughter have begun to move on. Every woman who has been hurt or abused and then gives
the love she did not/could not have had is proof positive that healing happens even if we are unaware of it.
Thank you so much
I suppose as long as I have memory, I will remember incidents .....My brother just passed away and he lost his mind about 3 months before
he died and spent the time in bed fishing from a big boat and hunting squirrels. He no longer even knew who he was but his self remembered all the fun things of his life....and that was how he spent his final breath.
Thank you so much for you comment. I really appreciate that
he died and spent the time in bed fishing from a big boat and hunting squirrels. He no longer even knew who he was but his self remembered all the fun things of his life....and that was how he spent his final breath.
Thank you so much for you comment. I really appreciate that
You know its funny because the abusers seem to be so delusional about the abuse and their enablers believe them or refuse to believe anything happened. I really believe that it takes time to heal as I am still going through the process and I really think what we both lack is for someone to actually believe that it happened and understands our grief and what it did to us. Well for myself that is where I am at. I have anger towards these people yet I act civil for the most part in front of them. It has taken years to perfect but I feel that I have come along way. I know that I will never understand the why's it happened to me but I try to see about why the person did what they did. My mother for example. She came from and abusive household and was molested by her uncle and she married into an abusive relationship. Her way of coping was pretending it didnt happen. Do I hate her....no not anymore I feel bad that she still hasnt dealt with what has happened to her and she still hides from it all like it never existed. So for me that is how I try to cope
You have hit the nail right on the head with many many most things you write here. I just picked up a book about the child and neglect and what usually happens when no one is watching, no one cares and then no one cares even after the incidents happen......
Our moms could have been sisters, actually were in the whole scheme of things, but I always felt sorry for mine, for her inability to be sane and present in my life....I started at some age to take over the way she
treated me and started treating myself the way I was treated and thought that was my inheritance, and ended up in alot of internal Pity Parties complete with balloons and clowns. I haven't had even 1 Pity Party in over a month now, sometimes I walk by an interior window of my psyche and see that the room is still set up for that so lonely experience, and I glance in but then continue on to something positive or to a new way of thinking. It seems that all habits from the past are still waiting, like little dolls on a shelf, and last week I actually started throwing away alot of little toys and items that I saved from my childhood and were only sitting knee deep in little piles of blood and tears.
Thank you so much, you are a wonderful writer and I do understand what you are saying and wish you Healing, Peace and Joy
Our moms could have been sisters, actually were in the whole scheme of things, but I always felt sorry for mine, for her inability to be sane and present in my life....I started at some age to take over the way she
treated me and started treating myself the way I was treated and thought that was my inheritance, and ended up in alot of internal Pity Parties complete with balloons and clowns. I haven't had even 1 Pity Party in over a month now, sometimes I walk by an interior window of my psyche and see that the room is still set up for that so lonely experience, and I glance in but then continue on to something positive or to a new way of thinking. It seems that all habits from the past are still waiting, like little dolls on a shelf, and last week I actually started throwing away alot of little toys and items that I saved from my childhood and were only sitting knee deep in little piles of blood and tears.
Thank you so much, you are a wonderful writer and I do understand what you are saying and wish you Healing, Peace and Joy
I did want to comment on your thought here about no one believing that the incidents really really even occured. With my first therapist, he had me write out the whole story, beginning to end, and then to read the story to him and my family/friends.
My family did not want to hear me read the story, my friends did not want to hear me read my story, and all made excuses why they were too busy to sit and listen. I internalized that and added the word :Loser: to the already long list of negative names I had made up for myself. After all this time,
the memory is only mine, the recovery also the same, just for me, just for me.
Thank you so much for your awesome comments
My family did not want to hear me read the story, my friends did not want to hear me read my story, and all made excuses why they were too busy to sit and listen. I internalized that and added the word :Loser: to the already long list of negative names I had made up for myself. After all this time,
the memory is only mine, the recovery also the same, just for me, just for me.
Thank you so much for your awesome comments
You make some very valid points when it comes to removing items and throwing them away if they remind me from my past. I do have items that do remind me of them and I really feel that could help.
If I even wrote that and told my family it wouldnt matter at this point they all still live in denial and for my mom it would only make her feel more like a failure and I dont want to go down that road. Although I might do it for myself.
I really feel I have trapped memories because when I think of my past I have hardly any memories of anything. I find that so weird.
I look at pictures and I feel all of the pictures are posed to make it look like we were happy but I really know the truth and I guess I need to come too terms with it as well.
If you ever want to chat message me :) you have helped me a lot
If I even wrote that and told my family it wouldnt matter at this point they all still live in denial and for my mom it would only make her feel more like a failure and I dont want to go down that road. Although I might do it for myself.
I really feel I have trapped memories because when I think of my past I have hardly any memories of anything. I find that so weird.
I look at pictures and I feel all of the pictures are posed to make it look like we were happy but I really know the truth and I guess I need to come too terms with it as well.
If you ever want to chat message me :) you have helped me a lot
Yesterday after I wrote here and in my journal, I went and worked in my art room, and for 20 years I could not even get in this room. Now I can walk the whole room and am cleaning up old projects and art works that will never be any more then half done. I started crying while working on 2 little stone bears, a mama bear and a baby bear walking behind her, and I remade the little bears with the mama lying dead and the baby standing by her side, unwilling to leave her. I started talking to my mama about how much I love and loved her and that I was sorry that she had such a life that made her neglect the basic care of all her children and her self. I told her that what she held back from us was the ability for us to feel good self esteem and then realized that if my mama didn't have any, then no one was going to have any......And that is how it is in my family..... I also remember writing yesterday about how my family and friends had no interest in hearing or reading my story. But what helped me was the writing it out, the tiny details on a yellow notepad, the scratching out and making right the emotions I went through, and my name at the bottome of the note when I was done. And when I think about it deeper, my therapist was not listening to me either, he sat and watched my face the whole time, but that seemed more caring to me then family getting up and walking away during the reading. I think when we give voice to a horrible secret, it loses a bit of power over us. I hope you do write your story and then ask the person you need to love the most if she would listen to it with you.....
With Superstorm Sandy and a sick family member , I have not found alot of time to be online. I have been using SAD lights for over 5 weeks now, along with daily journaling, and have continued my readings about PTSD, depression and Healing every day. A few weeks ago I determined to make the healthy future part of my life instead of living in the dark known past and that has made all the difference. Self care is not easy work. It is difficult to forsee a different kind of life that you may resigned yourself to. I was telling a friend that "This is certainly not the kind of life I imagined for myself", and then to have the strength to go into the old plans and see if they also are just pipe dreams that keep me tied to the past. Every day I learn something about life, people, healing and the future. The future is totally unknown and that in itself is a bit scary, but with a clearer head and eyes, perhaps future troubles can be stepped around or bravely gone through....
I went to a HUGE family gathering this past weekend. There was no panic or pain involved in making the choice to attend. I combed my hair and grabbed my cameras and drove 30 minutes to get there. I felt that in many ways I was meeting some of these people for the first time without any old feelings towards them, and if a negative feeling did pop up, I self talked to myself and gave plenty of hugs and kisses to those who especially were very kind to me in the past. Of course our family is huge and I didn't know everybody, but I went up and introduced myself to strangers, really really feeling I deserved to take up room on the Earth.....Too many times I felt that all of the worlds problems were due to my poor choices in the past, but this weekend just found me enjoying lots of good food and other people.
The past 2 days have found me a bit tired, but now on Tuesday at 11 am, I am making plans for the Thanksgiving Holiday that will probably just be a quiet day alone.
I hope you all have a very peaceful Thanksgiving if you celebrate it....
M
The past 2 days have found me a bit tired, but now on Tuesday at 11 am, I am making plans for the Thanksgiving Holiday that will probably just be a quiet day alone.
I hope you all have a very peaceful Thanksgiving if you celebrate it....
M
I have only just spotted this I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving and are feeling better .
So my first session with my Therapist he said I am definitely OCD with PTSD along with my GAD. I am trying as you to get past the pain and hurt. I read Toxic parents and man was that book good. Now I have ordered 2 books for healing the inner child. I really feel more positive and I am happy that you didnt have any panic during the huge family gathering. I guess its baby steps for us :)
How did you feel about the doctors diagnosis.? Did you suspect that is what he would tell you and have you a treatment plan with your doctor?
I can give you a couple of titles that really worked well for me, let me know and I can privately email you with the titles if you would be interested..
And yes, I too have a brand new library of trauma books and have found that what I thought was normal for my family, is in a lot of cases severe neglect....but normal all the same for my family.....
December and January is my worst months of the year. Even with the SAD lights and journal work lies a deep heavy sadness that I have grown up with and called my only companions, my only friends. This is the time of year I don't want to work at this anymore. This is the time of year that the work will do the most good, when you can take the worst of the recipe that makes up your life and instead of flushing it down the toilet
you sit in the stew and pick out the ingredients you recognize and
especially those other ingredients that you may have covered in gravy to hide and make the whole mess edible......
I just read in the daily paper that now the experts think that because medication only works on half the patients, that cognitive ( Talk ) therapy
will fill the void for the clients who have not had good results with just meds...
I have never taken meds, its just not something that appeals to me, the meds may be able to lift a mood but have never heard of the meds allowing deep drilling into the psyche. So I stay away from posts where members are asking about this med or that med and what is best and what works well or not at all. It is not a shunning of members taking meds, its just something I know nothing about and I prefer to post things that I personally have experienced.
Take care and let me know how your therapy is going for you. This could really be the best time of your life....
M
I can give you a couple of titles that really worked well for me, let me know and I can privately email you with the titles if you would be interested..
And yes, I too have a brand new library of trauma books and have found that what I thought was normal for my family, is in a lot of cases severe neglect....but normal all the same for my family.....
December and January is my worst months of the year. Even with the SAD lights and journal work lies a deep heavy sadness that I have grown up with and called my only companions, my only friends. This is the time of year I don't want to work at this anymore. This is the time of year that the work will do the most good, when you can take the worst of the recipe that makes up your life and instead of flushing it down the toilet
you sit in the stew and pick out the ingredients you recognize and
especially those other ingredients that you may have covered in gravy to hide and make the whole mess edible......
I just read in the daily paper that now the experts think that because medication only works on half the patients, that cognitive ( Talk ) therapy
will fill the void for the clients who have not had good results with just meds...
I have never taken meds, its just not something that appeals to me, the meds may be able to lift a mood but have never heard of the meds allowing deep drilling into the psyche. So I stay away from posts where members are asking about this med or that med and what is best and what works well or not at all. It is not a shunning of members taking meds, its just something I know nothing about and I prefer to post things that I personally have experienced.
Take care and let me know how your therapy is going for you. This could really be the best time of your life....
M
Hello Margypops, Thank you so much for your nice letter.
I am not a holiday person, holidays bring out all the strange people who normally hide behind the pretty patterns in the living room wallpaper and I stay away....But thank you so much for your note....
My best wishes for you for a wonderful holiday season
M
I am not a holiday person, holidays bring out all the strange people who normally hide behind the pretty patterns in the living room wallpaper and I stay away....But thank you so much for your note....
My best wishes for you for a wonderful holiday season
M
I totally get where you are coming from. I too get SAD and have for a long time. I was on Wellburtrin for 5 yrs and it really helped with that but at times it made me feel like I had no emotion but now thinking about it I didnt because everything that was going on emotionally in my head. It also gave me anxiety but I had no other side effects. I recently started Cymbalta which for me was a life saver. I feel that I just need them until I start to resolved the emotions of breaking free. I came off the wellburtrin for a year and I felt great but I have other health issues and the meds and the SAD put me back into a deep suicidal depression that scared me as I have no desire to do that.
Meds are not for everyone you are right I wouldnt force them on anyone at all I know for me I need them and I know that they have helped me see things clear and that it has helped me get further and further into recovery.
I am very happy right now and I feel the emotional bondage being ripped off me and I can finally see that light for the first time in 25yrs.
I agree with the diagnoses that the therapist gave me for all of them but I was thinking for sure I had aspergers however alot of the PTSD symptoms coincided so I had to accept that it has been the child abuse that has has been the problem the whole time.
I guess for me it was hard to see that and Toxic parents really showed me that I had to stop blaming myself for everyone and finally put the blame where blame was due and that was at my parents.
I wrote them both letters letting them know how I felt as a child, what it did to me growing up and what I suffered because of it. I got the response I expected from my dad which in case finalizes it for me that I will never try again nor do I care to have a relationship with him. The anger is no longer with me and I have closure.
My mom however never responded but I know that she read it. She is internalizing it now as we speak. if anyone can give me validation its her. If she doesn't that is fine I will still have a relationship with her because she knows that what happened was real and she feels that pain but she has been abused as well and she hasnt even come to terms with that and that isnt my issue but I understand. There will be boundaries still with her too.
Please let me know those books :)
Meds are not for everyone you are right I wouldnt force them on anyone at all I know for me I need them and I know that they have helped me see things clear and that it has helped me get further and further into recovery.
I am very happy right now and I feel the emotional bondage being ripped off me and I can finally see that light for the first time in 25yrs.
I agree with the diagnoses that the therapist gave me for all of them but I was thinking for sure I had aspergers however alot of the PTSD symptoms coincided so I had to accept that it has been the child abuse that has has been the problem the whole time.
I guess for me it was hard to see that and Toxic parents really showed me that I had to stop blaming myself for everyone and finally put the blame where blame was due and that was at my parents.
I wrote them both letters letting them know how I felt as a child, what it did to me growing up and what I suffered because of it. I got the response I expected from my dad which in case finalizes it for me that I will never try again nor do I care to have a relationship with him. The anger is no longer with me and I have closure.
My mom however never responded but I know that she read it. She is internalizing it now as we speak. if anyone can give me validation its her. If she doesn't that is fine I will still have a relationship with her because she knows that what happened was real and she feels that pain but she has been abused as well and she hasnt even come to terms with that and that isnt my issue but I understand. There will be boundaries still with her too.
Please let me know those books :)
My prayers and condolences go out to everyone at that little Newton, Ct school....This brings terrible memories back and I am just basically numb at this time. The babies dear god, the babies.....
M
M
I am so happy that you are getting the Peace you need after 25 years...It takes great courage and strength to break the cycle of minimum care just to get by year after year...I believe we deserve to do more then "Just get by", we deserve the very best that life can offer us.
When I went to my parents with my letter about my abuse, the roles you mention with your parents was switched around with mine. Dad gave me the standard reasons for why adults abuse their kids in various forms, but mum never ever would talk about it to me, not even on her death bed...I worshipped my mum and probably am still in denial about her lack of feelings for us, and always thought she didn't love me because I was a bad seed, not because she just didn't have it in her....
I order alot of books from ebay, and alot of them come from Goodwills
across the US...I look for free shipping and in most cases get a nice looking book for about 3 or 5 dollars ...I have bought new from Amazon, I do like to read a good review first and there are more and more books being written about Toxic Parents and subjects like this.
Book List In Part....
Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh> Any thing by Thich Nhat Hanh is excellent,
but I think that anger or the mistakes we make with anger make the difference between recovery and staying ill...
Romancing The Shadow by Connie Zweig> and this is a guide to Soul Work during the recovery process from PTSD and Depression
Dynamic Psychotherapy With Adult Survivors_ Living Past Neglect by Lori Bennet> and this book is the one book that started me on the path to recovery rather then just being satisfied with " being OK"...I couldn't even tell you how I found Ms Bennets work, but maybe it found me when I was ready....
Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, A Handbook For The Mental Health Practitioner by J. William Worden and explains grief and emotions and how grief manifests itself into our lives...
The Inner World Of Trauma, Archetypal Defenses Of The Personal Spirit by Donald Kalsched and explains the interior world of traumatized people who have suffered unbearable life experiences...
The Inner Child In Dreams by Kathrin Asper > and is a book about getting that little child back in our lives for playing and creativity...
I have had the next book for over a year now and have almost wore it out.
It is another one by Thich Nhat Hanh and is "No death, No fear" and was the first book that made me realize that my thinking about myself, the way I thought about my life and my future was a bit screwed up. I cried over this book, laughed over this book and thought deeply through this book. It still remains on top of my pile of best books....
I still recommend the Lori Bennet book, the woman is a wonderful writer.
Good luck and let me know how you are doing....It is so rare to meet survivors who are willing to share some of the deepest secrets that we have locked up for years, and in many cases, decades.....
M
When I went to my parents with my letter about my abuse, the roles you mention with your parents was switched around with mine. Dad gave me the standard reasons for why adults abuse their kids in various forms, but mum never ever would talk about it to me, not even on her death bed...I worshipped my mum and probably am still in denial about her lack of feelings for us, and always thought she didn't love me because I was a bad seed, not because she just didn't have it in her....
I order alot of books from ebay, and alot of them come from Goodwills
across the US...I look for free shipping and in most cases get a nice looking book for about 3 or 5 dollars ...I have bought new from Amazon, I do like to read a good review first and there are more and more books being written about Toxic Parents and subjects like this.
Book List In Part....
Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh> Any thing by Thich Nhat Hanh is excellent,
but I think that anger or the mistakes we make with anger make the difference between recovery and staying ill...
Romancing The Shadow by Connie Zweig> and this is a guide to Soul Work during the recovery process from PTSD and Depression
Dynamic Psychotherapy With Adult Survivors_ Living Past Neglect by Lori Bennet> and this book is the one book that started me on the path to recovery rather then just being satisfied with " being OK"...I couldn't even tell you how I found Ms Bennets work, but maybe it found me when I was ready....
Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, A Handbook For The Mental Health Practitioner by J. William Worden and explains grief and emotions and how grief manifests itself into our lives...
The Inner World Of Trauma, Archetypal Defenses Of The Personal Spirit by Donald Kalsched and explains the interior world of traumatized people who have suffered unbearable life experiences...
The Inner Child In Dreams by Kathrin Asper > and is a book about getting that little child back in our lives for playing and creativity...
I have had the next book for over a year now and have almost wore it out.
It is another one by Thich Nhat Hanh and is "No death, No fear" and was the first book that made me realize that my thinking about myself, the way I thought about my life and my future was a bit screwed up. I cried over this book, laughed over this book and thought deeply through this book. It still remains on top of my pile of best books....
I still recommend the Lori Bennet book, the woman is a wonderful writer.
Good luck and let me know how you are doing....It is so rare to meet survivors who are willing to share some of the deepest secrets that we have locked up for years, and in many cases, decades.....
M
Friday started out in a gray funk, I got up early but felt myself sinking into my PTSD behavior and thinking. The images and sounds and feelings that I had as a child in the Hostage situation just played endlessly until about 11 am in the morning. I have been in recovery and working on my PTSD since October 1, but nothing I was doing was working, so I laid down with my kittens and took a nap.....Part of my PTSD is daytime sleeping, to shut down all thinking, to hide, to not feel, to isolate, and I haven't daytime slept since October 1. It is my one symptom that I really keep an eye on....
I woke up at 4 pm, felt bad about the sleeping and snapped on the
TV and they were talking about Fridays school shooting and kids being killed and the gunman and the babies and I was confused, what day is it, what are they talking about and what about the babies......
When it became clear to me just what the heck was going on, then the numbness took over. Watching the images, the police, the lights, the crying parents, the message from the President were all met with numbness to be digested later and then dealt with.....
Today we know more, but the knowing does not help the facts that have
already occurred. This is a terrible tragedy that affects so many people on so many levels and again, my condolences to all the families involved in this nightmare.
I have to ask myself if for some reason I was aware of what was going
on in Newtown even without being tuned into any media. I had no radio or TV or internet on all morning, but felt like I was reliving my own situation
that happened so many years ago all over again. The offender in my situation was taken down by the police but in handcuffs, not a bodybag.
As I get older and more into recovery from my PTSD I am realizing that it would not matter one bit if he was killed or lived, that the burden of the Hostage situation I survived was going to affect me the rest of my life and I better hop to it so I can reap the Happiness and Peace that Life has to offer me.....
M
I woke up at 4 pm, felt bad about the sleeping and snapped on the
TV and they were talking about Fridays school shooting and kids being killed and the gunman and the babies and I was confused, what day is it, what are they talking about and what about the babies......
When it became clear to me just what the heck was going on, then the numbness took over. Watching the images, the police, the lights, the crying parents, the message from the President were all met with numbness to be digested later and then dealt with.....
Today we know more, but the knowing does not help the facts that have
already occurred. This is a terrible tragedy that affects so many people on so many levels and again, my condolences to all the families involved in this nightmare.
I have to ask myself if for some reason I was aware of what was going
on in Newtown even without being tuned into any media. I had no radio or TV or internet on all morning, but felt like I was reliving my own situation
that happened so many years ago all over again. The offender in my situation was taken down by the police but in handcuffs, not a bodybag.
As I get older and more into recovery from my PTSD I am realizing that it would not matter one bit if he was killed or lived, that the burden of the Hostage situation I survived was going to affect me the rest of my life and I better hop to it so I can reap the Happiness and Peace that Life has to offer me.....
M
http://www.patiencepress.com/patience_press/Welcome.html
Patience Press started in 1993 with the publication of Why Is Daddy Like He Is?
a book for the children of veterans with PTSD and the first issue of The Post-Traumatic Gazette.
Help for trauma survivors, war veterans, family members, friends and therapists
Patience Press started in 1993 with the publication of Why Is Daddy Like He Is?
a book for the children of veterans with PTSD and the first issue of The Post-Traumatic Gazette.
Help for trauma survivors, war veterans, family members, friends and therapists
PTSD seems to be in all the news the past few days. It was brought to the forefront since the Newtown Massacre, and there is a lot of info now being written and talked about on the web forums, Active Soldier forums, NRA forums, and news commentaries.
For years I got little glimpses of PTSD info,and treatments,but when I
was diagnosed, PTSD was still called Shell Shock.
The Government and VA changed the qualifications in 2011 so that soldiers would not have to jump through so many hoops to get help for PTSD, and it has always been a mental problem that no one ever really
wanted to have, but more and more soldiers are complaining of symptoms that are putting them on PTSD lists, some of these soldiers from as far back as 10 years....
I think the lack of understanding does not make this a real popular forum subject . For those who need and want the help, this forum is a blessing, and I wanted to stop by and wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year of 2013.....
M
For years I got little glimpses of PTSD info,and treatments,but when I
was diagnosed, PTSD was still called Shell Shock.
The Government and VA changed the qualifications in 2011 so that soldiers would not have to jump through so many hoops to get help for PTSD, and it has always been a mental problem that no one ever really
wanted to have, but more and more soldiers are complaining of symptoms that are putting them on PTSD lists, some of these soldiers from as far back as 10 years....
I think the lack of understanding does not make this a real popular forum subject . For those who need and want the help, this forum is a blessing, and I wanted to stop by and wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year of 2013.....
M
Google News this morning reports that even though writing exercises show promise for those with PTSD and HIV, individual therapy can perhaps provide further benefits. A therapist can help clients overcome mental blocks that may stall expressive writing. Also, therapists can guide men and women with PTSD and HIV through the process of looking at traumatic events and help them learn how to cope with the feelings that cause the stress, depression and trauma in adaptive ways that will contribute to positive health outcomes and better disease management.
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/writing-PTSD-HIV-therapy-0103133
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/writing-PTSD-HIV-therapy-0103133
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