My fiance's mother and I

[shuga1109]

Hello all.  I am 35 years old.  I have children but am trying to get pregnant for the last time.  I had a miscarriage three months ago and still grieve. My fiance and I agreed to try again, but my question is always, "WHEN", im not getting any younger.  my "mother in law to be" is very ill.  I love her dearly.  I adore her and she loves me as well.  She is very ill to the point where she now has to stay with us.  I always help care for her.  She means a lot to me, however, my fiance is now totally ignoring me.  She is not in her death bed yet.  She walks around ok, but we know she has many health problems and is slowly deteriorating.  He has not spoken to me very much since his mother has been with us at home, he has not been intimate, and I cry often.  Not only do I help him with his mother, I work, I take care of the household, I cook, I clean, I take good care of the children.  I have asked him for "alone" time, and have asked when can we try for our last child.  I am not getting younger.  I understand that his mother is ill, but how can I continue to ask without sounding selfish and ignorant for some alone time?  I am doing all that a good woman is suppose to do.  Does life with me stop until his mother is gone?  Does this sound ignorant and selfish?  I don't understand why we cant continue to be a couple and be strong together through her illness and maybe open a new door as another closes?    

[shuga1109]

ok, my whole point in sending my post, is to get help and feedback, not to be judged.  Yes, Im 35, which no...i don't have a lot of time to try for our last baby.  My clock it ticking and its something we Both want, not just me. I lost a baby three months ago, and at the same time, my sister, who was my best friend died two weeks before I lost my baby.  I grieved and I grieved.  I never, ever snapped at my fiance, ignored him, neglected him physically, emotionally, or sexually etc.  I embraced his support through it all.  I still grieve even today.  Yes, I may sound selfish because I want my baby back, or I want to hurry and conceive because its a blessing, and because I am getting older, and rushing may not be the right thing to do now because of my dying mother in law.  Again, that was my point in sending the post.  As far as seeking attention elsewhere, I will never cheat on my fiance if that's what you were referring to.  I meant alcohol, meds, etc. As you can read from my first post, I am a damn good partner, a good woman, I take care of him, the children, work hard, and take care of his mother.  You are right, I need to be strong, for both of us.  This is going to be devastating for him, and I have to be by his side.  At the same time, does he have to ignore me and put me on the back burner for months and months?  This is not about sex.  This is about his lack of companionship, love, attention, touch, sex, time, family, everything that goes along with marriage, commitment, unity.    

[melimeli]

frankly you are sounding very selfish.  You are 35 you have time...   give him some time or he will resent you... how much would you want sex when your dying mom is in the next room..  common give him a break...  YOu have to be the strong one now.. it is his turn to lean...  seek attention elsewhere.. OMG you are not ready to get married...   ufff

[shuga1109]

I think if I speak with my fiance about it, he would turn it around, call me selfish, remind me that his mother is dying and have that to hold against me.  Maybe I can take him somewhere like someone else suggested, somewhere intimate and tell him how I miss him and need his touch.  I am not just looking to get pregnant.  Yes that is one thing we want, but I really need him emotionally, physically and don't know what to say without it hurting his feelings about his mother.  I don't want to be lonely and seek attention elsewhere.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd get some help at home for a night and go check into a motel.  It sounds like with an ill mother at home, he is not in a sexual mood and may even be self-conscious.

[Emereen]

Hi,

Your going thru a lot. I understand how difficult it is for you. I think you should sit your husband down and speak to him. Let him know all how you feel about the situation from all angles. I guess he feels that he either focuses on his mom or he focuses on you and the intent of having a baby. Let him know that this is not the case. You guys can deal with both. If the situation gets difficult you guys "together" will figure it out. Im also guessing that he is feeling a bit guilty of spending time with you when his mother is ill. Its an emotional time for him as well. Get him to open up. You guys can only do it together.
Needless to say that the talk will be a stressfull one. But then again .. you seem to be a strong women. So ... All the best !

[KarenDiane]

It sounds like having his mother live with you two is having some emotional effect on your fiance. I can't begin to guess what his problem is, but maybe you can get him to open up to you. Good Luck.