Miscarriages

Question

I want to ask a question for anyone that has had a miscarriage in the past. How are you coping with it?  
I am still struggling. I lost twins in August and then another in December. 
Everyone around me is telling me to get over it and move on. But that is easier said than done.  
I keep my grief to myself, so I don't know what there problem is. I just don't attend any social events where there are parents with little babies. (If possible).  I find it hard to be around parents with babies, cause it reminds me of my losses and what I don't have and may never have.
Just looking for feedback on how others feels, and how they are working thru thier grief.

cutter1974 · Answer

Inlovewuthhubby I am due just after you march 25th.

inlovewithhubby · Answer

I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks a year ago in July. And even though I already have 9 children I still cried. Now I am 7 weeks pregnant and everything is fine. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm due March 16. When are you due?

cutter1974 · Answer

Thanks for the responses. Having twins congrats on your pregnancy with twins.  You must be so excited. When are they due to be born?
Mumof3plus thanks for your encouraging words.
I just found out last week that I am finally pregnant again. I am 5 weeks today. This pregnancy is definately feeling different than the other two. I am so sick with morning sickness. So I am taking this as a good sign. I am going for an early ultrasound at 7 weeks. Heres hoping that everything is developing like normal and that this baby is going to stays:)

MumOf3plus · Answer

Hi cutter1974. I Have had 4 miscarriages; 3 of them before my first child was born, and another one after.  i have 3 kids now, all premies, my first born at 26 wks and my other 2 at 35...I guess for me, the sadness kind of dissapeared after my first child was born, and not for the reason people may think..u have a baby who survived so forget the others..not at all..it was because my son was so small and we cozld never be sure that he would make it. I suppose if I had lost him, it would be far worse than the others who we never met.  Life makes you stronger! Ive learnt that what will be....will be and somtimes there is nothing we can do about it...for this pregnancy, now my 8th, i havent thought about miscarriage at all. I feel that sometimes when we worry too much; we cause things to happen..i know myself that when I panic, i start cramping. Trust me, you will feel better with time and thetes nothing wrong with how u are feeling..i hope all goes well with this pregnancy.

having_twins · Answer

Get in a support group. It will help you if you have people around you that understand. I have had a miscarriage many years ago and it was hard at first. Last year I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl. Now that's pain but even though I will always miss her and mourn her lost, I am pregnant with twin boys right now and it makes things a bit better. You need to keep trying to get that baby that you want. I think it helps. And remember early miscarriages are not your fault. It was not meant to be. If you've been pregnant , then I'm sure you'll end up pregnant again and one of these times it will end up in a healthy pregnancy.Good luck and hang in there.

Azwoman · Answer

SO many of us have had miscarriages that you will find so much support on here. I have had a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage at almost 7 weeks. Truthfully, I kind of anticipated my last pregnancy was going to end in m/c as my betas were very slow to double and when I went for my 6 wk ultrasound, the tech did not seem hopeful. I cried for a few days, mourned, and I am about to accept the fact that I will probably move on to donor eggs or embryo donation here as I am single and cant keep trying with through a clinic- it is expensive. You are still young and have some time, so I would maybe see a fertility specialist if you havent already, and maybe they can rule out an immune issue as there are meds for this- or if it is chormosomal, it is nature's way of telling you, the fetus is not healthy and not meant to be. There are so many women who have had miscarriages that have gone on to have healthy pregnancies so I would not throw in the towel- keep trying, seek some medical help if you haven't and it is bound to happen.

KD1977 · Answer

As many others said you will always feel sorrow, depression and loss for your little ones. My husband and I lost 1 jan2011. Now preg but suffering a vanishing twin. We are scared everyday that something could happen. We hope, we pray, and we find comfort in eachother. The last being the most important. Talk to other women who have had a loss but always let him know when your feeling the loss most. Its amazing how our men can hurt just as much but stay strong for us.

KD1977 · Answer

As many others said you will always feel sorrow, depression and loss for your little ones. My husband and I lost 1 jan2011. Now preg but suffering a vanishing twin. We are scared everyday that something could happen. We hope, we pray, and we find comfort in eachother. The last being the most important. Talk to other women who have had a loss but always let him know when your feeling the loss most. Its amazing how our men can hurt just as much but stay strong for us.

Ecologic · Answer

One was a blighted ovum, one was probably a chemical pregnancy. I wish I had had my twins tested but did not think about it at the time.

I did have a 4th miscarriages after my son's birth, a little girl that left at 11 weeks, we had the test done and she had trisomy 18.

I think my main problem is my age, I don't make healthy eggs anymore.

lorimc23 · Answer

Did you find out the cause for the 3 miscarriages?

Ecologic · Answer

Don't give up: it took me 10 cycles to get pregnant with my son after misc # 3.

cutter1974 · Answer

I have been trying.  I waited a month after I finally got a period after the miscarriage and dnc.  And I went back on clomid and have been tryig ever since. Just no luck........

Ecologic · Answer

Your sad feelings are perfectly normal.

I struggled to get pregnant then I had 3 miscarriages in a row, the 3rd one being twins (7 and 8 weeks). I hit rock bottom, I was 40, and had to go on anti- depressant for a while. 

I too was avoiding babies as well. And keeping my feelings to myself, I would speak about them to my husband though not too much. 

I got lucky, I got pregnant again and this time I had a baby boy - I was 41.5. So... do grieve but keep trying!

jdtali · Answer

I was JUST diagnosed with my second missed miscarriage. Both pregnancies got to a 7weeks 2 days and no fetal heart beat. It is REALLY hard.  The first time was in 2009 and it actually helped me and my (now) husband realize we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We married in Oct 2011 and got pregnant in April 2012. I am a teary eyed mess!  I can only "talk" about it online.  Real time conversations make me boo hoo cry.  I only got over the 2009 loss to the point I could talk about it just before we got married! I was fortunate in that we learned that our little girl had Turner's syndrome (Turner's only in girls).  So I had some level of closure.  But if you feel like you are not ready to move on, don't!  Grieve.  Go through your process.  That is the only way to be whole.  If you find that you are taking longer than YOU are comfortable with, consider talking to a professional counselor... therapist, clinical social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, faith leader -- whatever helping professional you are comfortable with.  The important thing is that you give this process the time you need to get through it.  Your normal is your normal when it comes to grief and loss.  Hang in there!  It gets better.  Even though I am in the throws of it... again... I can honestly say I know that it does get better.

louisejohnson1980 · Answer

I had a mis carriage last July nd its u never really get over it. Didnt help that my sister fell pregnant two months later and i was a jealous and envious but i got thru it. It was hard seeing other mums with babies nd i couldn't watch any programs bout birth or anything to do with babies for so long. And its only been recently that i decided i was ready to try again nd even now at early stages of 3 weeks i am worried bout losing! What will be will be. X

Godisfaithful · Answer

I am so sorry for your lost. I have never lost a baby & I don't think a person needs to feel that type of lost to show compassion. I'm sorry you are experiencing that lack of compassion from some. I pray for God through Jesus Christ to help you through this time. Be blessed.

cutter1974 · Answer

Thank you everyone for your replies. It is nice to talk to someone who understands.  I am glad to hear what I am feeling is normal.

starshine355 · Answer

I'm very lucky and have not lost a baby.... but
It must be horrible and I feel for you... I would
Expect it takes a long time to get over. And not
Everyone would understand.  I struggled to get
Pregnant with my ex for ten years and it hurt me
Just to see someone pregnant or ppl with babies
It tore me apart, so loosing a baby must be ten
Times worse.   Keep strong and talk to ppl
You know and trust or sometimes a stranger
Is better....  x x

jamie4321 · Answer

its something you never get over you just learn to live with it its been 3years ago that i lost my baby and it still hurts so it never goes away.i found talking to someone who has lost a baby too helps it help me alot.cause only woman that have lost a baby can truely know what were going thru i would guess the ones telling you to just get over it might not have been thru what you have been thru so sorry for your losses

babyinJuly · Answer

No one can understand your place unless they've been there. I lost my baby at 18wks and had the d&c cuz the thought of delivering it and seeing it would of killed me, I cried like there was no tomorrow. My bf suffered as well, thankfully it didn't destroy our relationship. But shopping after that and seeing new babies hurt me so bad, I'd have to walk out and let him pay cuz I was crying.  If someone had something to say that didn't seem supportive to say I'd walk away and they'd get the hint. I kept to myself for along time holding my emotions in only speaking about it to my bf, and my kids were great support as well. Now out of a miracle, having a hyper thyroid, and was using birth control (Nuvaring) I'm 34 weeks pregnant with a lil boy. At first I was petrified the thought of losing him, now feeling him kick brings me so much joy! Its hard to move on and no one can tell you to be over it cuz that just doesn't happen. I still grieve wondering the sex of the baby and remembering the dates of my surgery and the day of the loss but I try to focus on my kids that are here and my bundle coming in July. I wish you the best, stay strong and when you need to cry just let it out, it helps.