How much courtesy should I give a new father??? Help.

[usuk]

Long story short. DH and I have a wedding in Nov. It's on a remote island. From NY I have to fly to Miami and then to Mexico. Then a little plane to some island. It's a full day trip under the best of circumstances. Now my biz partner wants to send DH to London the same day I head to Mexico. That means he will Fly from London to Miami, sleep in a hotel, then the next day to Mexico, onto a small plane, etc. He will get there 2 days after me. And miss the wedding. This is all because the other DH will have a 2 week old baby at home. I really do not want to miss the wedding. In the past year, this is the scoop: before 2nd and 3rd MC I told her I would not be coming because I would have given birth right before. Now I am not preg and here comes this. She and I were very close once. Her mom was murdered and mine died of cancer. I want to be there for her. Should I go alone? Should we be asked to do this? Am I a jerk for looking out for my DH. He will be exhausted and it is an $$$$ trip to be a zombie for. And since I was due to have a baby the same EXACT week this baby is born, now I have to sacrifice the chance for a much needed holiday with my DH after 3 MCs - and also be reminded of the baby that I am not having as we stay home for them???? I need some impartiality ladies.

[usuk]

I wish the meeting could move. My DH said he would go anyday BUT the 5th. And my partner made the meeting the 5th because she said not to worry b/c her DH would go. That since this was her 2nd child and her mom was in town, that it was fine she could handle it. Now her DH is all bent out of shape because he does not like that she does not "need him." I just gave her a small baby shower this week. And now I just want a little courtesy too. Like "I know I said my DH would go, and I made this a total mess, and I know my due date is that same that yours was, and it ***** that while you are also not having a baby for the 3rd time, you also either go to a remote island in the middle of nowhere all alone - or miss a friends wedding." But I will send DH to the meeting. And hope my friend who is getting married understands. Because now my DH said I am not taking 6 flights to the middle of the ocean (3 trips back & forward) without him. Thanks ladies.

[melimeli]

I know it is hard.. but a new dad really needs to be home.. you never get that time back.. my dh's boss made him work the week our daughter was born even though he said he could get 2 weeks off... well he did it because the job market was so bad then he laid him off anyway 2 months later so he missed that first week at home for nothing!  it is something he can never ever get back... A daddy and mommy really needs to be home for that time

[adgal]

I agree with the others...I would try to reschedule the business trip.  If it was impossible, then I would probably sacrifice the wedding and allow the new dad to be home with his family...

[Pum]

That's tricky. Babies are notorious for not turning up when they're supposed to. I was 10 days late and lots come early. I guess that doesn't help much as it makes the planning even more tricky.
I would make every effort to go to the Wedding. I really regret the ones I've missed. They're once in a life time experiences and I still remember everyone that was at mine and who couldn't make it.

[Victoria01]

I agree with rubyinparadise. Is there any way the business trip can be changed? How reasonable is DH's boss?? If you explained your situation, (not sure if you want to mention the miscarriage if you know him that well) would he change the trip to London? I would definitely speak to him, especially if the wedding trips was planned first and he knew about it.

[rubyinparadise]

Oh my, that is a tough situation. It sounds like you and DH really need to get away for some time together, and this would be a really good opportunity to holiday together, and to be there for a dear friend.

Is there no way that this business trip to London could be postponed?? I understand that this new dad wants and needs to be there for his wife and their new baby... that is reasonable. But does that follow that he has to totally screw up YOUR equally important needs in the process? I'm not sure. If there is any way this business trip could be done before or after your holiday plans to attend this wedding, I'd be lobbying hard for that...