Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

My name is tiffany and im 18. My boyfriend is 20 and already has 2 boys by 2 different women. we have been together for 7 months this month. I am having alot of signs that I am pregnant but we are not sure. I have talked to my boyfriend and he was almost flipped out. He told me he wants me to have an abortion. Im strongly against it but I dont want to lose him. We live with his grandparents and they said that if I get pregnant then we are both getting kicked out. I looked it up about the pills you can take to terminate the pregnancy and i instantly started to cry. I cried all yesterday and all lastnight. we have been having sex  (unprotected) since day 1. Last night we had sex and he pulled out and i started to cry. it hurts me so much to even think he dont want a baby with me because he didnt ask any of the other girls to do it so it killed me inside. I dont know why but I have always wanted a baby. You know when they ask u in kindergarden what you wanted to be when u grew up? Well I said I wanted to be a mommy. I told jordan (my boyfriend) that I would move out and say that I cheated on him and that i dont know who that father is if i had to...because i dont want to lose him or this baby so i dont know what to do please help?

32 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
hunny if he was having unprotected sex with u from the start he has no right asking u to get an abortion. he knew it was going to happen sooner or later. if my husband asked me to get one(I have two kids) I would say see ya!

it is not right that he is asking u to get one when he didn't ask his baby mama's to do so. if his grandparents are that cold hearted than u should live somewhere else. but I'm sorry sweetie this is happening to you. keep your head up and stick to what u believe.
Helpful - 0
688845 tn?1325182236
No one can force you to have an abortion. If you are strongly against it (as am I) then don't get one. I'm sorry if I come off as harsh but to me he is extremely immature and most definitely not worth trying to keep him around by possibly having an abortion or moving out and lying about the reason just so you don't lose him.

Also, if he is so against having a baby with you then he should of worn a condom. Since you two have been having unprotected sex since day 1 then the both of you need to take responsibility for the consequences that come along with that- pregnancy.

So first off find out if you are indeed pregnant by taking a test when your normal period would be due. If you are pregnant call and make an appointment with a doctor so you can get the appropriate prenatal care. Let your boyfriend know you are not having an abortion for him and he should of thought about the possibility of pregnancy before having unprotected sex. Sorry he is putting you through all this stress but he is very immature.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just told him Im not having one he can be behind me or not and he said he dont know what to do because if he stands behind me then he will be disowned and that hurts him. But this is my choice. I have irregular periods so idk when to take the test...me and him have sex almost every night so there is no telling when i concieved. I took a test a few days ago and it came up negative but it could be to early im not sure.
Helpful - 0
688845 tn?1325182236
Good for you for standing up for yourself. Take another test-- a first response early result preferably and make sure you take it with first morning urine since the urine is more concentrated at that time and the test will be more accurate. If it is still negative then make an appointment with a doctor and get a pregnancy blood test done. They will test for your HCG level which is more accurate then a urine test. If this test is also negative then you can rest assured that you are not pregnant and please use some sort of birth control so this does not happen in the future. It is really important for both partners to be ready for pregnancy so please protect yourself. You can take contraceptive or he could wear condoms or better yet both of you do these things since no form of birth control is 100% reliable, it is best to have more than one method to reduce your chances of pregnancy even further. Good luck and please keep us updated. Again I am very happy to hear you stood up to him. Good Job.
Helpful - 0
80052 tn?1550343332
You have done the right thing!!  don't give up - babies are humans too!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He obviously knows what the consequences are for having unprotected sex. And I'm sorry but I got pregnant with my first son at the age of 15 and if my boyfriend, now husband, would have told me to get an abortion we wouldn't be together right now. HE has 2 children by 2 different women, he knows what the result of sex is. You both should have been more responsible and he should have told you his feelings on having more children right now. I do not believe in abortion. You created a life, it's your responsibility as well as his to take care of this child if you are indeed pregnant. Take care of yourself and if you are not pregnant take this as a lesson learned and get on birth control or use protection from now on. You clearly know his feelings. He wasn't to concerned with being dis-owned everytime he layed down with you...right?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
since my periods are irregular im going to go to the doc soon and ask when i am supposed to take my birth control
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Omg am having my first baby now am 25 is the best feeling ever!!! Don't give up ur baby for no one!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Get on something that you don't have to worry about taking everyday. Like the IUD or the Depo shot. You are young and having a baby is very hard. I wish all the best to you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
what is IUD i have took depo before and i dont like the sytafects wow thats spelled horribly wrong
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There are different kinds of the IUD. There is one that is hormone free it's the Paraguard and there is Mirena. I have been on the pills, the depo and now I have the Implanon which is the arm implant that is good for 3 years. It all depends on the person and how the side effects work on the body. I never got acne, gained weight, or had problems with my periods. Now that I have the arm implant my periods are irregular but I just had it put in a month ago so it's normal. The way I see it is I would rather have a couple side effects than take a chance on getting pregnant again. I have 4 beautiful babies and a wonderful husband but sometimes it can all be kinda overwhelming.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
well i cant have the marina because u have to have a child before but my friend had the implatation thing in her arm ill talk to her about it and stuff...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes I forgot about that. But definitly get info on something. You will love your choice to wait for a baby in the long run trust me
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
READ THIS PLEASE!!!

Listen sweetheart, you have to do what's right for you!  If he already has 2 kids, he know what could happen if you have unprotected sex, If he didn't want more kids he should have thought about that!!

I listened to my boyfriend when I was 18 and had an abortion.  I have struggled trying to have children with my husband since.  I do have a 11 year old but I have suffered more miscarriages that I want to say.  Now I cant say that the abortion directly caused the fertility issues I'm having now but I cant say they didn't....  

Take the test and make an appointment to see you obgyn ASAP.  Take time and think about the situation and make an educated decision...By the way, If you are afraid of losing him, honey there is no guarantee he'll stay even if you have the abortion!
Helpful - 0
1810212 tn?1316457901
I Can Totally relate to you in a way but my stiuation is worse! The Guy That I Might Be Pregnant By Is Avoiding Me :( i Called him & text him telling him we need to talk but no reply ;( He Says He's A busy Person But I feel he can atleast take the time to hear me out im scared & i feel alone.. :/ i just feel like if i am hes gonna do the same thing his dad did to him which is walk out on him . But i hope everything works out for you in the end love!
Helpful - 0
1828594 tn?1319950538
Just pretend your period is a 28 day cycle and take a pregnancy test after a week it would be due then. I had my daughter at 16 with a person I thought would be there for me. It doesn't matter what he says, its your body and you can do what you want with it! If he doesn't support your decision then be done with him. Obviously he wasn't the one for you! Don't be worried, you can find a better guy in the future, cause if you are pregnant then you need to worry about what's good for you and your baby instead of worrying about if he's gonna be with you, im sorry though :( let me know how everything turns out sweetie!!
Helpful - 0
317019 tn?1532965586
other ladies have mentioned that nobody can force you to have an abortion....i can understand how your bf is completely overwhelmed with the thought of 3 kids....to you its only 1 but in his mind it would be his 3rd kid and hes only 20!!! way too young for that many kids

part of being in a relationship is being with somebody who you are compatible with....if your goal in life is to be a mommy (and there is nothing wrong with that) than you need to be with somebody who wants to be a daddy....people your age typically are not at that phase....they are living their lives and not thinking of having kids but there are guys out there that want kids and the right woman

babies are a lot of work and the fact that your bf who you have not been with for even a year does not want babies with you is a huge red flag.....you have to be the one to make the decision because it sounds like he made his
Helpful - 0
1544019 tn?1318504526
Have you considered the adoption route?  Our first child came to us as a result of the blessing of adoption.  Good luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you everyone...and yes i thought about adoption and I couldnt do it. No offence but I believe god had/might have put a a baby in MY stomich for a reason and i want to know what that reason is. Im wont go through with an abortion because i would never be able to love myself nor him im afraid. me and him joke around and have fun now...kinda more than we ever did. but on another note, he refuses to have sex with me now. Im afraid this has ruined our love life...because knowing he didnt use a condom and stuff made me feel like like it was more intimate....he was sharing something of him to me. idk im going insane
Helpful - 0
1825744 tn?1323498214
I'm 18 too and my boyfriend is 21 I think you should keep your baby if you are pregnant. Don't let someone force you to get an abortion. Do what you feel is right. Keep the baby hun
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You didn't see this coming? I'm not trying to be mean, but he has told you from the very beginning that he did not want any more kids, so what did you expect? It was incredibly irresponsible of him not to use a condom, but at the same time you could have used protection as well. You have only been together for a short 7 months, and you are getting to know each other still. This is his true colors, so do you really want to be with this type of guy?

As said before on other posts, take a home pregnancy test to find out if you are pregnant or not. There is no point in freaking out about possibilities(what ifs) when you don't even know for sure one way or the other about if you are pregnant. You can take a home pregnancy test 2 weeks after having sex or after a missed period. Take a home pregnancy test and then go from there...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sorry, I just remembered that you already took a couple pregnancy test that were negative, so why are you telling your bf you are pregnant and freaking out about this? I don't understand what you are trying to do. You already know you are not pregnant(unless you took the tests wrong?). Having a baby with a guy won't keep him around and faking being pregnant is not a smart move. He will hate you if he finds out you lied to him about it all. Also, why do you want a baby so bad right now? It's great to want to be a mom, but it's also extremely important to be in a long-term stable relationship prior to having children(along with other necessities: saved money, stable income, insurance, place to live, etc). Do you feel like something is missing in your life?
Helpful - 0
1825744 tn?1323498214
I'm 18 too and my boyfriend is 21 I think you should keep your baby if you are pregnant. Don't let someone force you to get an abortion. Do what you feel is right. Keep the baby hun
Helpful - 0
1825744 tn?1323498214
I'm 18 too and my boyfriend is 21 I think you should keep your baby if you are pregnant. Don't let someone force you to get an abortion. Do what you feel is right. Keep the baby hun
Helpful - 0
2

You are reading content posted in the Women's Choice Community

Top Women's Health Answerers
Learn About Top Answerers
Popular Resources
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
Bumps in the genital area might be STDs, but are usually not serious.
Chlamydia, an STI, often has no symptoms, but must be treated.
From skin changes to weight loss to unusual bleeding, here are 15 cancer warning signs that women tend to ignore.