So upset

[July29]

Ok so yesterday I found out my husband's family is not going to do a baby shower for me because they are mad. Last weekend we were at his family reunion and it seem like everyone had something to say. My brother in law keep saying to me you have to start walking now, then his uncle started saying you can eat shrimp bcuz its bad for you, then my sister in law started saying you have to stop eating spicy thing, if not your baby is going to come out with white little pimples and babies with that look ugly. I just didn't say anything but I was getting frustrated that everyone had something to say. my sister in law was going to buy us the crib, so that day I went to pick up the one I liked. But then the next day, I was in their house and I felt like I need a masage and again she had something to say. your not supposed to have neck masage because it cause pre labor. And I had it. It seems like she cant keep her mouth closed. I told my husband that I didn't want anthing from her cuz it seems that because shes buying the crib she has the right to speak her mind. Its my pregnancy!! My husband got bad at me and told all his family members that I didn't want nothing from them. Seems like he doesnt understand. I know they are exited and but not even my mom tells me what to do or what not to do. I'm angry. I know they are mad but I dont feel like I should appologise. I know that it anger that day contribute to my crazy hormones but still. Lol

[Lesley27]

Okay LOL im pretty sure we could have the same in laws!! that was my whole problem is mine dont know their boundaries in everything but seriously! they bought me the stroller/car seat... which is awesome i know BUT they didnt ask if i was looking into any specific, didnt talk to me AT ALL! it turns out i really love it but really? normally people dont buy big stuff without talking first! they gave me a crib that was over 20 years old... i dont want it! its dropside, the peices that slide down are PLASTIC! and one if the peices was broken! so i bought my own but i could tell it hit a nerve... for Christmas my MIL bought a john deere wagon... for the name im sure but realistically i would NEVER have bought it EVER... i wanted one of those plastic ones that has the seatbelts on either side, and plastic as i live on a farm with tons of tom cats that pee on everything! so teh untreated WOOD on the JD wagon is horrible you cant leave it out ever just in case a cat pees on it and it has no seat belts, its aged 2 and up and ***** when you child wont stay sitting... but no didnt talk to me at all for that! then my SIL bought my daughters whole winter outfit! not for any occasion, didnt ask if i wanted something specific(we dont have the same style!) and im pretty sure she didnt even have her own kids outfits yet...its like she ran out right when the winter stock hit shelves to make sure she bought something first! i should add that i had the first girl in the family and my SIL isnt having anymore kids so i have the "daughter she never had" so i should be okay with that...and i quote that becasue thats why my in laws tel me all the time! the problem is shes my daughter, i want to dress her and decide on what i get for her! so i understand your frustrations!! it *****! i honestly just wish i could move away! it would be so much easier! lol but its hard to move a whole farm :( i could go on forever with stuff they buy, honestly its non stop! well until i mention to my MIL that she doesnt have to buy everything and it would be nice if they would leave stuff for me to decide on and buy.... thats where it got pretty bad... so we will see if they listen or just ignore me like anything else ive mentioned... so for sure id really start to let your hubby know how you feel... its so hard to get your feeling out when it comes to "their" family but i got to the point where im so serious i feel it would be easier to leave then deal with them and he finally started listening.... and I KNOW its sounds petty "oh she doesnt like gifts" but its so much more than that....it never ends! and i could keep going with them crossing the boundaries but im sure you get what im saying!

[July29]

And besides I feel like they want to buy everything for my baby, yes I should be glad they want to do that. But I feel like we my husband and I should be living that experience of buying things together for our baby. Idk if I'mbeen selfish but I believe thats how it should be. They can buy like little thing, not everything he needs. My husband got mad because he says right now we can't afford a crib so I should swallow" their opinions.

[July29]

Lol yes if I say something his whole family will jumping and be against me. I have never been closed to his family until recently but because of my baby. He did step up but he did it the wrong way. I just told him I didn't want my sister in law to buy the crib because it seems it was giving her the power to talk more. he just said I was been hormonal and I didn't want nothing from them. I haven't spoke to his family since last week but now I feel uncomfortable since I have to be the one saying what was bothering me.

[mandy_28]

I used to be a massage therapist and a neck massage DOES NOT cause preterm labor. Massaging the lower back and feet can but that's at the very end. I'm sorry that your not getting one from your babies dads side off the family.....maybe they will come to their senses and realize that not throwing you one its going to be something they will regret. Especially if its your first.

[Lesley27]

Oh i totally hear ya! i have in laws that tend to "get in my space" and its rough, especially when they are being "nice"... its so hard to explain too without sounding like the bad one but there are limits! I am trying to get it on my BFs head that i am not over reacting and he needs to set the limits cause trust me no good will come if your the one who speaks up... it sounds like it would be a good plan but there are too many against you and if you tick off one then you know they all will be mad.... Ya pretty much all they are telling you is a bunch of BS! well other than the walking...thats good but i can say that personally im so tired most of the time that walking may be a couple times a week :( (but spring is here...hope to step it up) Shrimp-depending how its served is just fine as long as you watch your portions (just like majority of other seafoods) Spicy food? ive read so many mommas comment on how much they crave spice when prego, not to mention how many countries eat spicy food routinely! ive never heard it being a no no? (maybe someone can educate me otherwise but i cant see it being off the menu- well i guess it can cause heartburn for you but i cant see it affecting baby?) And yes massages done by professionals are safe! they know what they are doing, they are educated and would be the experts when it comes to where not to massage... like a prev post said just let them know your prego... And when in doubt you can always talk to your Dr so that way you can say "my Dr said its fine" lol

I know it seems bad now, but it will all blow over, my daughter is 20 months and im due again in another 4 months and i live far to close to my in laws and yes they are nice ppl and im sure it could be worse but space is needed and your hubby is gonna have to step it up.... to make YOU happy cause you should be priority! not saying he has to pick sides but he needs to protect your feelings if this is bugging you... it took FOREVER for my guy to talk to his mom and he did a horrible job and didnt get my point across but at least he tried? lol Hopefully your guy steps up and has better comunication skills ;) But anyway hang in there! I hope it gets better.... its a tough spot to be in! gotta love family!!

[RippedonScotch]

Did you or your husband step up and say anything to them?   I have been going to massage for years! and as long as the therapist knows you are pregnant you are fine.   there are spots that they can't touch but it's like lower back areas in the first trimester and then your legs, ankles and feet.  there is nothing about your shoulders and neck  You should talk to your husband too.  He should be able to support you and talk to his family.  hopefully you can get to talk to them and get everything back to normal.