A good friend of mine told me he loved me, and I'm scared.

[Ohmyastronomy]

Hello! Recently, I met a guy online (a few months back) through a connection of friends, and we instantly became close. He dates my close friend Crystal a few years back, (which was during a social hiatus I had, so I was by around to really meet him) they eventually broke up, and when I came back I knew of his existence and the relationship he had with my friend. I came back from a small "only focusing on school" break, since it was summer and I didn't have to worry so much. And then I got into contact with him. At first, it was the occasional just asking if I had talked to Crys, which I hadn't, so I told him so. After a while him and I started talking more and more, kind of telling eachother stupid little things, and we eventually started talking every single day. We began texting, and I would even wake up to good morning text from him. He always calls me sweet names, and compliments me, be it my looks or my personality, he claims that its all perfect. I knew that we both slightly had some sort of crushy type feelings for eachother, but I pushed it aside because I didn't think I should try anything stupid. But two weeks ago or so, my friend Crys came back, and she found out we were talking. She didn't mind, in fact she was really happy. I started talking about him a lot to her, and she began assuming I was in love with him, but I made it clear I was not. She soon asked him is he felt, and eventually he broke and said that he liked me. Which I thought it was okay, but he found out that I'm not the type to date, so he said it was okay. But just yesterday, he slipped and told me that he loved me. I was really shocked and confused, and I had to turn him down because I don't know how I feel. He treats me so well and I guess he loves a lot of things about me, but I constantly keep thinking that he's stupid for falling in love with me. I feel scared to date him, even though I know that I like him very much. But I have boundaries set. I refuse to fall in love or date people because of past events which caused trust issues. I feel paranoid he's just ******* around with me, and I feel like he'll eventually just fall out of love with me. I'm hoping that he'll realize he doesn't love me, before I let this being loved thing get to my head. I myself, don't believe I should be loved by someone so sweet and kind. And I think he deserves so much better than what he wants. I'm not sure if it's just my confidence or just fear of him eventually hating me, but I want to know what's wrong with me, and what I should/shouldn't do.

[specialmom]

I agree.  I think you should be a loyal friend rather than worrying about a boy you have just met online and never even been on a date with.  Yes, your friend is being very sweet to say she doesn't care and maybe she doesn't, but rarely is it awesome for two friends to have dated the same guy.  Weird feelings come out. What if you catch a look between the two of them of extreme familiarity?  What if you sense that either is again having attraction to each other (as old flames often do)?  It's just a less than ideal scenario to date the old boyfriend of a friend.  I'm very loyal to my girlfriends and honestly, would not put a boy I've never met in that high of a place that it could interfere with my female friends.

His saying he loves you is very 'silly' (sorry, not trying to be insulting) as you two have never spent real time together. Please understand that you don't need to be too concerned about his saying this----  it's really nothing more than a phrase at this point.  

I have to suspect that you are a bit lonely, worried about dating, and inexperienced.  Are you shy?  And this is why you have attached tot he situation of meeting someone online and just skyping with then?  I would encourage you to revert back to the 'old fashioned way' at your age of getting to know someone through shared activities and social places that you attend and meeting the in person, THEN going on a date.  Then date them for a bit.  And then, if feelings develop, it might be an I love you situation.  

But remember, boys often want different things than girls. And you know what I mean.

Anyway, at your age, I really would try to focus on school, your friends and having fun.  good luck

[Londres70]

Hon, just let this one go.  Telling your friend what he told you isn't ideal since she did date the guy.  Like I stated she is saying everything is ok, but I doubt she feels that way deep down.  There are just too many red flags here.  Your friendship is on the line with this girl if you keep running back telling her what he said to you.  Think about her for a moment.

"I'm just worried that eventually he'll stop talking to me just because I won't date him, even though he's made it clear he wouldn't do that."........And, if he does this it won't be the end of the world.  

You seem more worried about losing him vs. losing this female friend of yours.  Do you not value this girl's friendship?  

Sorry, I just think it's tasteless to date or talk to a guy my female friend dated or talked to.  I find it crossing the boundaries of the friendship.  

[Nighthawk61]

Don't be scared, people in high school say "I love you" all the time. Have no fear. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him so. Always be honest and up front about what you expect from others touching your life. All the best to you.

[Ohmyastronomy]

In all honesty, I know I'm too young to actually get into a serious relationship, and online at that too. The guy's only a year older than me, so I find it hard to believe he's in love with me at such a young age. I did tell my close friend that he said that to me, and she was a bit upset herself. She told me that as long as I was happy she would be happy, and that any decisions I made she would follow. I've skyped with him multiple times, but I have never actually met him face to face because of how far we are (we are a few states away from eachother). I agree with what you said about me staying clear of it at such a young age, plus I don't even think I should be dating until I have more confidence in myself and the connections I have with others.  he's a sweet guy and he's even made it clear he respects my sexuality (asexual) and that he wouldn't want to do anything I wouldn't like to me, and he wouldn't want to hurt me. I'm just worried that eventually he'll stop talking to me just because I won't date him, even though he's made it clear he wouldn't do that.

[Londres70]

That's a good point RR.  

[RockRose]

Just to be clear,  have the two of you ever actually met?

You've got some autocorrects in your post that make it impossible to determine if you've met him face to face,  ever.

[Londres70]

Agree with SM, but..........

I see from another post that you are still in high school.  Being that you are still  in high school I would recommend you steer clear of anyone trying to get all hot and heavy too fast and too soon especially at your age and with someone your friend dated.

I find talking to a guy your friend dated a bit......hmmm, asking for trouble.  You are even talking about him a lot with her.  I am sure over time she is going to start to feel uncomfortable about being put into this position.  The whole situation is just strange to me.  She may say she is "ok" with this for now, but trust me deep down inside she might be saying "What the hell is going on here."

I think you should back away from this and tell this guy you aren't looking for anything serious at this point.  Be upfront and straight to the point with him as soon as possible.

[specialmom]

Well, I think for many, it is really awkward to date an ex of a close friend.  Depends how much you care about your friend.  It depends on what she thinks of it.  it depends if you will be bothered to know that someone you closely associate with knows a LOT about him and intimate details as well.  That might be hard.  AND, as I said, awkward.  Not worth messing up your friendship with your good friend.

And on top of that, you have not known him long and on line.  

His WORDS, I love you are not real love hon.  You two haven't had a date. Don't put too much into them or believe he is in love with you.  

And ALWAYS beware of the person that throws that phrase out early.  It often is a sign that those words mean far less to them than they do to you.

good luck

[Londres70]

How old are you?  How old is he?