I feel like my husband doesnt want to be with me anymore.

[alaysha]

For the last could months I have been getting this feeling that my husband is no longer interestes in continuing a relationship with me. Met 2 years ago and after a month of having sex I fell pregnant. I was worried about carrying a baby with someone I didn't really know and was honestly thinking of abortion but DH talked me out of it. In a whirlwind we endes up getting married and obviously moving in together. He owns his own company and although I work I mainly am a college student. I am 23 and he is 28. During my pregnancy our relationship was kind of rocky and then afterwords it ended up getting better. Our daughter is almost 9 months old and as of the last couple months it seems like he has been picking a fight with me about everything. Basically nit picking at things and causing huge arguements. For instance last night we got on the subject of my ex boyfriend before him who I broke up with 2 weeks before DH and I got together and he started accusing me of cheating on him at the time. He tried to say that I was talking to him and still with my ex. What I've repeatedly tried to tell him is I found out my ex who was supposed to be divorced was actually married with a baby on the way. I told him I couldn't be in the relationship anymore. Met DH and talked to him for about a month (during that time my ex would try to reconcile and say that he was talking to the lawyers and getting the paperwork ready and in my nativity I believed him. I told my now DH that I couldn't talk to him anymore but then talked to my ed's wife at which point she said they were not getting divorced. I again told my ex not to talk to me and agreed to be friends with my now dh. Well the ex comes back and says he has the paperwork showing the divorce is going through and I tell him to show me. He doesn't show me that day or the next so I try to call him. He wouldn't answer so I sent a text saying that I couldn't do it anymore and that I refused to be the other girl and thatvwe were done. I never heard anything back. I ended up starting to date my now dh and only after I changed my relationship status to in a relationship (3 weeks later) did I get an email from my ex asking me what was going on and that his phone was broken for a couple weeks that he's been working hard and that he doesn't understand what is going on and to call him. I tell him to call me. He calls and I said that I wasn't going to do it anymore that I was in a new relationship and that I was done that it didn't matter if he never got my text (which I don't believe) but the fact that one top of it all he couldn't find a phone or anyway to communicate with me just showed how much I didn't want to be with him. Fast forward to now and randomly DH is angry that I was "leading him on" when I was dating someone else. I've tried to explain the situation but he wont listen. I keep telling him it was two YEARS ago but he says that he can't trust me and who is to say I wont do the same thing to him. He's been starting fights like these at least once if not twice a week the last couple months. We also usually have sex daily but I have to instigate it and half the time its a battle to even get him to want to have sex since he claims he works all day and is tired. I take care of 2 kids all day... I'm tired to but that doesn't stop me. He also tries to say its an age thing that he's 28 ans when he was my age he wanted sex all time but that he's older now. I don't know what to do. I feel like he keeps starting these fights to try and get me to leave. As if he is too afraid to end things with me and is trying to find a reason not to be together anymore. :(

[sweetpea03]

Just something to add, I would suggest you stop keep fighting over text messages. They really don't help and many times will get misunderstood. I used to keep arguing with my fiance over text messages throughout the day and all it ever did was make things worse. Text can easily be misread/misinterpreted, so save the arguing for when you are at home and can talk face to face.

I think a lot of it is just miscommunication. I think it'd be good if both of you can go for counseling somehow to get a third party to help you out and also to learn better ways to communicate with each other. Giving him a 10 minute break when he walks in the door to destress, talking about both of your days and how they went each night, doing small extra things for him, etc. Just doing things differently to help everything go more smoothly. I also think his excuse of using his age is really off. 28 is still young and he should have no problems with testosterone. Something else would be making him turned off from sex. I hope it all gets better and you can both work through it.  

[alaysha]

I don't think he would be cheating since we talk on the phone a couple times a day and even f were in a fight we'll still fight through texts all day. Plus if he's at home and we get in an arguement he doesn't leave he just roams the house and annoys me. If we don't have sex for a couple days then he gets annoyed with me but I am the one that the majority of the time has to instigate it.

[mami1323]

Oy I hate to even bring it up because I would hate to put the doubt in your mind if it didn't have to be there and my experience may not be yours but do you have any suspicions of him cheating?  When my fiance was cheating on me he was always starting fights.  He did it for two reasons. 1) so he could get out of the house and blame the arguing for not wanting to be around me and 2) so he could justify the cheating.  We weren't getting along so therefore we were going to break up because of it.  He also would get very jealous and accuse me of cheating.  He went so far as to accuse me of flirting with his brother.  Yuck!  It was his guilty conscience of course.  Our sex life only lulled because I was pregnant and didn't want to but I noticed that he wouldn't pressure me or get upset if I didn't want to have sex.  I thought it was just him being nice but then I realized that he was getting it elsewhere.  I'm not saying this is what your husband is doing and perhaps it is because of the fact that he's not on his meds but I was just giving you another perspective to look at.  I think counseling would be a great start.

[alaysha]

I know that he hasnt been taking his adhd medicine lately and from what ive researched that can cause mood swings. I asked him to start taking it again and after a couple days and a horrible headache and feeling just general weird he got annoyed and told me that he doesnt like taking them and that he doesnt think he should have to medicate himself to make me happy. I did sit with him yesterday and told him that I feel like he is growing away from me and that he is trying to end our relationship and that it really hurts my feeling. He said that he had no intention of making me feel like that and he was sorry. We do go on date night once a week or once every two weeks. And we have two daughters. One he is adopting since her father agreed to let him and then his biological daughter with me.

[alaysha]

I have gotten him to agree to go to see a counselor which I think will be a big step for us. I'm just sick of the fighting and it just seems like lately he's been petty about everything. I wouldn't get 1/2 the company because I signed a prenup. I don't think he realizes how hard it is to be a stay at home mom and I know that he is stressed about finances and what not... but it just seems a little much to constantly find fault in my character. He apologized for this last round of arguing last night and I told him to never EVER bring it up again... but then I'm just worried that it will be something else. He keeps acting like the victim though asking me why I can't understand why his feelings are hurt. I can't control other peoples emotions but I don't feel like he has a reason to be hurt. The only person causing him heartache is himself.

[specialmom]

Yes, I'm sorry as well.  Is your husband stressed right now?  Could he have some depression going on?  

Have you talked to him about what is going on?  Not in a confrontational way but a concerned way.  That is what I'd recommend.  Telling him that you are worried he is unhappy and want to work on your marriage so that he (and you) will be.  

It does happen as well that some couples get disconnected when they have young children.  Caring for them (do you have 2 or 1 child, I thought you two just had a daughter . . . so I was confused) is never ending.  You may see sex as a release and a way to be close but he may require emotional closeness to feel like sex---------  so how is that end of things?  Do you go on dates without kids to stay connected?  I'd start if you do not.  (and dates when money is tight can happen right at home after the kids are in bed.  A picnic by candle light in the back yard, a rented movie, a special dinner, heck, my hubby had game night after the kids were in bed and played games.  Goofy but we had a great time together).  

I agree that therapy would be so helpful here.  Is this something he'd consider?

[AHP84]

I'm sorry to hear your marriage is going through this. I agree with teko that your husband is acting immature and using emotional outbursts to try to manipulate and control how you respond to him, rather than him just openly communicating to you about how he feels. I don't see how that kind of problem can just fix itself, so is marriage counseling available to you guys, or an option you'd both consider?
Counseling can help both of you learn to communicate better--him without trying to manipulate and you without getting sucked into those manipulations because you're emotionally charged up.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership--no one should be seen as working harder or doing something more worthy than the other, such as in him being self-employed with his own business verses you taking on caring for the kids AND trying to work part time because he's making you feel like you're not pulling your weight. Ideally, both of you should be just as worthy as the other in all that you do to contribute towards keeping a family together.
I don't think there's going to be any easy way to get him to realize that unless an unbiased, professional marriage counselor can work with you two, because it's unlikely he's going to listen to your reasoning right now.

[teko]

Sounds to me like you are falling prey to your husbands emotional outbursts and control antics. First of all regardless of what happened back then, you are now married and have a child. Furthermore as his wife the company HE has is half of YOURS as well, so his reminding you of how you couldnt make it without him and how he paints himself a victim is kind of stupid. It sounds really immature on his part and why would you go get a job when you have a full time one raising yours and his child? What he dont think thats work? Another sign of immaturity imo. First off what to do about it. He has intentionally gone out of his way to make you feel less than. Dont let anyone do that to you. Do not argue with him, but point out the fact that you are now married and have a family and that should say it all. If not, suggest some couples counseling but above all do NOT allow him to control you to where you are changing your lifestyle or not talking to someone because ofhow he may react. He either trusts you or he doesnt, he wants to be with you or he doesnt. All of this is his issues not yours. Your only choice is to decide if you want to be his emotional punching bag or put a stop to it before it becomes a way of life. You simply do not play his game, period.

[alaysha]

Oh and the reason I brought up that he owns his own company is he keeps implying that I am using him to pay all my bills and just in it for a free ride. I got sick of him saying that so after 3 months of not working I just got a part time job to help pay for expenses and he keeps saying things like "good thing you got that job now maybe I wont need to pay your bills". The worst part is that we were supposed to be renewing our vows and we bought new rings and my ring is supposed to be finished in 2 weeks. I told him I wanted to cancel the whole thing and wait until I felt that he wanted to be with me and not just be with me for the kids. He said that I'm saying I don't want to Renee our vows then I obviously don't want to be married anymore.