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Anal and my marriage
Ok never done any of these forum type things before but here goes.
My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.
He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.
I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.
i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.
i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????
Any advice would be very very appreciated.
My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.
He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.
I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.
i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.
i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????
Any advice would be very very appreciated.
Have you tried going to an adult toy store and buying your husband an anal toy? I mean I know exactly how you feel on anal sex. I refuse to try it because one it not good to stick something up your butt repeatedlyas in it can lead to "leakage" and other unsanitary things. I always say its an exit not an entrace so I won't do it. But why not try an anal toy for him so you don't have to go through that pain?
He's insane saying anal doesn't hurt.. i think you should buy a strap-on and shove it up his @$$ and tell him that it'll help you get more into it. Then maybe he will think twice. I complete honesty.. you seem like the push over in the relationship, and he knows how to easily manipulate you into what he wants. He peer pressuring you, and that is not right. He is supposed to be you companion, not your sex toy. You never put him in his place in the beginning, and now look at where you are. You think you put him in his place, but you give up in the end. Not good. Put your foot down and say no more.
CuriousGal, I'm glad you are in counseling and it's helping your relationship, but I just had to give my two cents here in case things revert. The attitude and actions your husband was showing in your first letters are what most of us would call an abusive relationship. No healthy person who loved you would ever ask you to do something sexual that you were revolted by and/or that caused you pain. Sex is one of the most intimate forms of expression, and to go against someone in that area can cause all sort of damage to the relationship in general. Any man who forces that issue is not healthy/mature enough to be in a relationship and you should leave him. The fact that he was so insistent that you do it, yet entirely unwilling to experience it himself (or even try it) just emphasizes this point. I would never, ever stay with a man who compelled me go against my beliefs and health. Please don't demean yourself by trying to have a relationship with an abusive partner. If you can work it out and he can see the light and grow up and stop being selfish, that's fine and I'm happy for you, but if he has other areas like this or reverts back to pressuring you again, please ditch him. You are better off alone than with someone like that. You are worth something as a person, and your partner should love and respect you, not use you like a piece of furniture.
CuriousGal, I'm glad you are in counseling and it's helping your relationship, but I just had to give my two cents here in case things revert. The attitude and actions your husband was showing in your first letters are what most of us would call an abusive relationship. No healthy person who loved you would ever ask you to do something sexual that you were revolted by and/or that caused you pain. Sex is one of the most intimate forms of expression, and to go against someone in that area can cause all sort of damage to the relationship in general. Any man who forces that issue is not healthy/mature enough to be in a relationship and you should leave him. The fact that he was so insistent that you do it, yet entirely unwilling to experience it himself (or even try it) just emphasizes this point. I would never, ever stay with a man who compelled me go against my beliefs and health. Please don't demean yourself by trying to have a relationship with an abusive partner. If you can work it out and he can see the light and grow up and stop being selfish, that's fine and I'm happy for you, but if he has other areas like this or reverts back to pressuring you again, please ditch him. You are better off alone than with someone like that. You are worth something as a person, and your partner should love and respect you, not use you like a piece of furniture.
I am catholic too and have never let my husband *** in me that way he is catholic to and wouldn't do that outside of my vagina and he never has we didn't even have sex until our wedding night,but we do occasionally have anal sex and I admit that I have enjoyed it but he goes very very slowly at first and I know he loves me very dearly and I do him. He also likes it when i insert a finger to him. We are both very devout and enjoy a great open and loving sex life full of true passion. We do not use contraception I am in fact 4 months pregnant with my third child right now and we hope for a big family and are completly in love with God and eachother. I don't think this woman is being loved or respected but anal penetration if both consent and as foreplay does not contradict the churches teaching on human life. I wouldn't want to do it often though so as to care for my body and my anus bowl and muscles. I was so surprised when he did it facing me with my legs on his shoulders and I really liked it and could kiss and look into one anothers eyes experiencing eachother and I had a very very intense squirting orgasm when i touched myself as he penetrated me. He washed then we had sex vaginally and we both enjoyed it a lot. It is not for everyone
Not to be blunt but, buy a dildo and stick it in his a$$..... go through an ample amount of time equal to the duration of a normal sex act....
No means no in my opinion.
No means no in my opinion.
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