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Anal and my marriage
Ok never done any of these forum type things before but here goes.
My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.
He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.
I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.
i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.
i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????
Any advice would be very very appreciated.
My husband has an obsession with anal sex(in my opinion). He loves it and he asks for it all the time(even after we have just done it). We've been together for 5 years and I can't stand anal. I give it too him because it seems so important to him and he gets it maybe once a month. I hate it. I hate the thought of it, i think it is absolutely disgusting and nasty and there is no reason at all for it. I don't get any pleasure out of it, it freakin hurts and i don't want to have anything to do with it. Just the thought of it gets me upset.
He thinks sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship, and starts to feel very unloved if he goes without it for even a week. I on the other hand do not think sex is that important. I think communication/trust/honesty are the most important parts of any relationship.
I've tried to explain how i feel about anal to him multiple times, but he seems to think the only reason i don't want to do it is that it hurts, and he goes on and on about how "it can't hurt that bad" and that if i'd relax and try forplay i would learn to like it. i don't know how else to explain it to him. I do not want to even try to learn to like it the thought of it makes me sick!! and i've tried over and over to explain that to him but he just seems to focus on the hurting part and wants to try and i guess warm me up first. I'm not saying people shouldn't have anal sex, i'm not saying that in time i could have it and it be less painful. the plain and simple truth is I have no desire to have it, no desire to talk about it no desire to have anything to do with it. it just makes me feel uncomfortable and sometimes i feel like i'm being guilted into doing it because i love him and he loves anal so much.
i just don't understand the fascination with sticking your penis in a place that **** resides in, it's gross lol I just feel like this one thing is going to ruin my marriage because we'll never be able to agree and i don't know how to even begin to compromise when the one time a month is pure hell for me as it is and he wants it even more.
i guess this post is more of a vent than anything lol I don't know what to do in this situation. if i could learn to love it i would try but it's not really about the act itself, my problem is about the way the act makes me feel adn that I do not at all approve of anal sex in the slightest. i can't seem to get my hubby to understand, and i can't seem to understand why he is fixated with it. I just have no idea anymore.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Will this issue ever be resolved????
Any advice would be very very appreciated.
Tell your husband to "take one for the team" then if he thinks anal doesn't hurt! He's never had anything shoved up his rear end evidently so how would he know!
I don't blame you on this one, and the only thing I can come up with is to not let him do it anymore.
I don't blame you on this one, and the only thing I can come up with is to not let him do it anymore.
i have told him(when i was pissed because he kept going on and on about it) that if he loves anal so much i'll take my dildo and shove it up his a$$ and see how he feels about it after that. he didn't take to the idea unfortunately, because "that's a completely different situation"
I want to just stop it all together but i'm afraid it'll break us up because he values sex more than anything in a relationship. Sex to him is the #1 thing in our relationship and it's just sooo important to him. i don't really understand why but he says since i don't like anal that when i let him have it, it makes him feel like i really love him, because he knows that i'm only doing it to please him.
If we had the money and my husband wasn't so against psychiatrists(he thinks they are all just trying to get money out of people) i would suggest going into couple's therapy probably sexual therapy to see what we could do about this situation.
I want to just stop it all together but i'm afraid it'll break us up because he values sex more than anything in a relationship. Sex to him is the #1 thing in our relationship and it's just sooo important to him. i don't really understand why but he says since i don't like anal that when i let him have it, it makes him feel like i really love him, because he knows that i'm only doing it to please him.
If we had the money and my husband wasn't so against psychiatrists(he thinks they are all just trying to get money out of people) i would suggest going into couple's therapy probably sexual therapy to see what we could do about this situation.
If he values anal sex more then you then he is not a good husband and maybe breaking up is not a bad thing. I would never say yeah tell him the marriage is over but if you don't like it and it hurts then there is no reason to keep doing it. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both not just for one. And if he can't understand that then he has some issues. Yes it is not bad to try something...my wife tried anal for me once...she hated it and I was indifferent to is...we never did it again.
And I agree with imaaddict, tell him to take it in the butt. It is not a completely different situation because both men and women have the exact same area and it's not like woman's butts are made for a penis to enter.
Or even tell him to come on here and post about it and he will see a lot of women and some men like myself telling him to back off.
And I agree with imaaddict, tell him to take it in the butt. It is not a completely different situation because both men and women have the exact same area and it's not like woman's butts are made for a penis to enter.
Or even tell him to come on here and post about it and he will see a lot of women and some men like myself telling him to back off.
Get vibrator the same size as him, and say he can have anal when you get to stick that in HIS tush. My hubby wants it but it hurts alot. I got a vibrator and lubed it up and tried it and it hurt but I kept doing it and it didnt hurt as much. So after a couple months of that, I let hunny try anal but it hurt way too much (vibrator is way smaller than him) I dont like it either but want to occasionally for him.
I never liked it either... and, I've never known a man who insisted on it, especially
if it hurts (which is also my reason for not liking it). Ordinarily, men want to give
pleasure to their women; not inflict pain. And, it sounds like sex with your husband
is more about him than you... that's a very selfish approach to what should be pleasurable intimacy.
The mistake that you made was tolerating something that you clearly never liked
for so long of a time.
Anyway, you simply have to refuse to participate in sexual practices that you're uncomfortable with. Tell him that you're agreeable to other sex acts; but not that!
if it hurts (which is also my reason for not liking it). Ordinarily, men want to give
pleasure to their women; not inflict pain. And, it sounds like sex with your husband
is more about him than you... that's a very selfish approach to what should be pleasurable intimacy.
The mistake that you made was tolerating something that you clearly never liked
for so long of a time.
Anyway, you simply have to refuse to participate in sexual practices that you're uncomfortable with. Tell him that you're agreeable to other sex acts; but not that!
I do feel it is selfish of him to keep asking me to do that when i don't like it, but on the other hand i feel like i'm being selfish if i don't do it because he likes it so much. So i'm just really confused lol
And i completely agree with you iam1butterfly, i should have stopped a long time ago. I really wish i had never done it in the first place because i never had any desire to do it and still do not have any desire to do it. i am so against it and he is so for it. i feel like we'll never be able to compromise on this issue because one of us will always not want it and the other always is. So one of us will always be unhappy with the situation.
And i completely agree with you iam1butterfly, i should have stopped a long time ago. I really wish i had never done it in the first place because i never had any desire to do it and still do not have any desire to do it. i am so against it and he is so for it. i feel like we'll never be able to compromise on this issue because one of us will always not want it and the other always is. So one of us will always be unhappy with the situation.
If he can't enjoy just vaginal and I assume oral sex then maybe he is gay. 1/2 joking about that.
You are not selfish for not wanting to do it...as I said before, sex is about pleasure not pain. And if you are in pain, how is stopping something wrong or selfish?
Would you touch a hot stove...no because it hurts. So why continue to do something that hurts?
You are not selfish for not wanting to do it...as I said before, sex is about pleasure not pain. And if you are in pain, how is stopping something wrong or selfish?
Would you touch a hot stove...no because it hurts. So why continue to do something that hurts?
I bet he isn't responsive toward the idea of someone doing that to him! Of course not! So how can he expect you to be for the idea? He's got the wrong idea of give and take in a marriage!! Insert pun *here*
Vance said it all. Marriage is about compromise and 50/50, even in the sex department. You've basically got two options. Either keep giving in to his selfish wants, or don't. Either way will have a consequence, so you have to choose which one you can live with.
Completely cutting him off from all sex for a really long time might make him sing a different tune.
Vance said it all. Marriage is about compromise and 50/50, even in the sex department. You've basically got two options. Either keep giving in to his selfish wants, or don't. Either way will have a consequence, so you have to choose which one you can live with.
Completely cutting him off from all sex for a really long time might make him sing a different tune.
I don't believe he's gay as he enjoys vaginal and oral alot too lol he just happens to enjoy anal as well. And no of course he doesn't want anything in his bum but he still thinks that i should have something in mine?
i guess i'm just going to have to talk to him again about how I feel about it, and tell him seriously that i do not want to do it again. If he feels that anal is too important and that he doesn't want to live without it then I guess we're just not made for each other. It's horrible to say i love him but i'm not going to spend the rest of my marriage arguing over why i don't like anal or why he does or when he can have it or all that.
This whole situation seems ridiculous to me and it does make me feel like he values the sex part of our relationship over just being with me. I just don't understand why this one thing can be so important and why this one thing should effect our relationship?
i guess i'm just going to have to talk to him again about how I feel about it, and tell him seriously that i do not want to do it again. If he feels that anal is too important and that he doesn't want to live without it then I guess we're just not made for each other. It's horrible to say i love him but i'm not going to spend the rest of my marriage arguing over why i don't like anal or why he does or when he can have it or all that.
This whole situation seems ridiculous to me and it does make me feel like he values the sex part of our relationship over just being with me. I just don't understand why this one thing can be so important and why this one thing should effect our relationship?
I personally do not like it.This is not pleasurable to me. It's painful and can be damaging to your anus (tearning, bleeding, hemoroids, bacteria from waste that can result in infection and other future complications). The penis was not created to be used in the anus and I believe it's unatural, yet so many men enjoy this type of sex. I personally hate it and will not do it, whether he likes it or not. The anus is for the expusion of our bodies waste, so if you have a tear, I you can actually catch bacteria, resulting in an infection and suffer from hemoroids.\
I relate anul sex to homosexuality. Many heterosexuals enjoy it, but I don't see or feel the purpose for something that feels extremely painful to me.
If you do not enhoy this type of sex, is not satisfying, but painful and are uncomfortable with the penis back there, you husband is just going to have to get over it and tell him that you don't like it, its painful causing tear, bleeding hemoroids and possible infection. If he truly loves you, he will take you into consideration and respect the way you feel.
I relate anul sex to homosexuality. Many heterosexuals enjoy it, but I don't see or feel the purpose for something that feels extremely painful to me.
If you do not enhoy this type of sex, is not satisfying, but painful and are uncomfortable with the penis back there, you husband is just going to have to get over it and tell him that you don't like it, its painful causing tear, bleeding hemoroids and possible infection. If he truly loves you, he will take you into consideration and respect the way you feel.
"I personally do not like it.This is not pleasurable to me.... The penis was not created to be used in the anus and I believe it's unatural, yet so many men enjoy this type of sex... The anus is for the expulsion of our bodies waste"
These parts that you said are exactly how i feel about it!! I don't think it's natural either and when i try and bring that up he thinks i'm just overreacting or says that i'm "just dramatizing anal sex"
Maybe it's just my catholic upbringing talking lol
These parts that you said are exactly how i feel about it!! I don't think it's natural either and when i try and bring that up he thinks i'm just overreacting or says that i'm "just dramatizing anal sex"
Maybe it's just my catholic upbringing talking lol
It's just me...I don't like it and it's unatural.....I just so happen to be a practicing Catholic too.
ICK-my husband and I have tried it a few times, more so at his request. He tried telling me the same things, that I needed to relax more, that it would feel good then. I finally told him NO MORE. We tried it, I didn't like it, I think it's disgusting, and it won't happen again. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you, not just one of you. Also, I don't know if you have ever had HPV, but if you have, anal sex can increase your risk of anal cancer. Not safe! Just flat out tell him there will be NO more anal sex and that it has nothing to do with your love for him. It goes both ways! If he loves you, he will want to please you as well. Not just himself. That is selfish.
Could you imagine a partner with a large penis!....you will end up in the hospital with trauma and bleeding.
My DH and I tried anal once. He enjoyed it. I hated it. He has never asked me to do it again. Why? Because he respects me and my body. He would never dream of hurting me or making me uncomfortable with any sexual act all to satisfy himself. He likes for me to be satisfied as much as he is. If I'm not satisfied he feels like a failure in bed.
That's what love, respect and sex SHOULD be about. Your husband is not respecting you. I'm inclined to go with imanaddict and tell him to take it up his rear and see how he likes it. Men like that just really tick me off!
That's what love, respect and sex SHOULD be about. Your husband is not respecting you. I'm inclined to go with imanaddict and tell him to take it up his rear and see how he likes it. Men like that just really tick me off!
Not to mention it's a HUGE turnoff for DH if I'm not enjoying myself while having sex with him. Anal doesn't give me satisfaction, nor pleasure. He wants me to really be into it or not have sex at all.
I tried it once in my life (in my 20's) long time ago. HATED it and I told him to stop immediately and I bled and it took a while to heal. Everytime I went to the toilet, it would reopen the tear. What type of pleasure is that unless a couple is into pain, well, I'm not. NEVER again!
I agree with vmvnpv love making should be mutually love, respect and satisfying.
I agree with vmvnpv love making should be mutually love, respect and satisfying.
I would divorce my husband before i would let him do that, it is digusting and i would image that it hurts. i am just glad thet my husband likes normal. in fact if he asked me i would probably put something up him and listen to him scream.love has nothing to do wit it when they want to do something that hurts you. and yet he is supposed to be in love with you, he just wants his way luck jo
I do not like it at all either. Me and the hubby tried it(total of three times) and as soon as it started easing in every time i was like Oh hell no! lol The hubby still occasionally asks about it, probably hoping I'll change my mind with age or something crazy(lol) but I say no and he backs off about it.
You should never be made to do something you are uncomfortable with and if your hubby doesn't understand that after you tell him you don't want to do it then he does not respect you or love you. How can he love you if he is not even considering your feelings or thoughts on the matter?
He sounds selfish to me and i agree with everyone else. A couples sexual relationship is about mutual satisfaction not causing the other pain or misery just so one can get their ending.
You should never be made to do something you are uncomfortable with and if your hubby doesn't understand that after you tell him you don't want to do it then he does not respect you or love you. How can he love you if he is not even considering your feelings or thoughts on the matter?
He sounds selfish to me and i agree with everyone else. A couples sexual relationship is about mutual satisfaction not causing the other pain or misery just so one can get their ending.
well i had a big paragraph but my computer restarted on me :(.
to make a long story short, a while back i really wanted to try it w/ my girlfriend who is now my fiance. anyways, she was kinda skeptical about it, but let me. at first it did hurt hur, but she let me kept going. afterward, it didnt hurt her, but the next time we tried it i couldnt go in the whole way cause it was really hurting her. so, she was gonna let me do it a couple more times but couldnt cause of the burn. so one day we sat down and talked bout it. she told me pretty much what the rest of you ladies said and i simply said alright. i didnt want to hurt her. anyways to get to my point here; i really felt good, once you got it lubed up and and what not. it just one of those fanticies that guys get and wanna try out. we still talk bout it and what not. but we always talk aobut our sex life and were very open and honest w/ eachother. as i read all the comments i cant beleave how other peoples relationships are, just pull him to the side and talk. if he cant sit there and man up to listen to your needs (excuse my language) then hes a bit**!
to make a long story short, a while back i really wanted to try it w/ my girlfriend who is now my fiance. anyways, she was kinda skeptical about it, but let me. at first it did hurt hur, but she let me kept going. afterward, it didnt hurt her, but the next time we tried it i couldnt go in the whole way cause it was really hurting her. so, she was gonna let me do it a couple more times but couldnt cause of the burn. so one day we sat down and talked bout it. she told me pretty much what the rest of you ladies said and i simply said alright. i didnt want to hurt her. anyways to get to my point here; i really felt good, once you got it lubed up and and what not. it just one of those fanticies that guys get and wanna try out. we still talk bout it and what not. but we always talk aobut our sex life and were very open and honest w/ eachother. as i read all the comments i cant beleave how other peoples relationships are, just pull him to the side and talk. if he cant sit there and man up to listen to your needs (excuse my language) then hes a bit**!
It's not one of those fantasies for this couple. He is hurting her and she's told him how much she doesn't like it and he doesn't care. Bottom line is he's only in it for himself and doesn't want to hear her complain. He wants his way or no way. It's much different than what you are describing. I truly loving and caring man wouldn't want to hurt their SO and wouldn't push them to do what they want them to do against their will.
And I'm just curious.....what did you mean by how you can't believe how other relationships are? All these women are in relationships with men who obviously care about their wifes/gf's wants and needs. If the woman doesn't like anal then the man should understand. If that's all he wants then he needs to find someone else who wants it too. Any (real) man would just be happy getting it any way he can if he really loves the one he's with.
And I'm just curious.....what did you mean by how you can't believe how other relationships are? All these women are in relationships with men who obviously care about their wifes/gf's wants and needs. If the woman doesn't like anal then the man should understand. If that's all he wants then he needs to find someone else who wants it too. Any (real) man would just be happy getting it any way he can if he really loves the one he's with.
i aploagize. i shouldve specified. before i joined i have researched for a lot of different things to better myself. while researching and reading other peoples problems and comments (not just on here) i couldnt beleave how men were being so about them selves, and was treating them. i do agree that if she dont like it, the man should understand and stop it. i used to be the same way. i would pressure my girl into doing what i wanted. it was all bout me. but as i got older and matured more, i realize that its not all about me, and if i wanted to be w/ this wounderful girl i need to change my ways.
Thank you for clarifying that. :-) I was starting to think you were a man who thought women should give in once in awhile to satisfy their man. lol.
not at all. this is all new to me and when i start reading the different things i get over excited and when i write i loose my train of thought. but for real i have all the respect in the world for woman. i hate seeing them get abused or used. its not right. everyone has the right to live an equal life.
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