At what age is too old for a daughter to kiss her dad on the lips?

[inneedofhelp91]

I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His daughter is almost 17 years old. She cuddles with him on the couch, kissing on his shoulder, kissing on his arms, rubbing on his stomach. She was lying on the couch with him, she had her head on his lap and he was rubbing her back. She laid there for hours that day. She kisses him on the lips before she goes to bed at night. She runs around the house in her bra and underwear all time. She is even now starting to run upstairs naked while her dad sits on the couch and can clearly see her running upstairs. She says "Daddy" dont look im naked. And yes she still calls him "Daddy", and talks like a baby around him. It drives me crazy when she does this. I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her. I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now. I raised one daughter of my own and I have never ever saw anything like this. My bf says it is normal for a daughter to kiss and rub all over her "daddy", I told him no its not normal for a daughter at her age to do this. She even came into his bedroom not too long ago and crawled in bed with us. Laying her head on her daddy's shoulder, then she started kissing it. I got up and left the bedroom. I refuse to sit there while this is going on. I cant take it. It freaks me out.  

[Londres70]

Yes, she should be doing those things (i.e.dating boys), etc.,  but once again the PARENT should be guiding this and it is apparent your bf is guiding this in some warped way or twisted way.  It is his parenting style that is unorthodox allowing all this to happen.  Plus, I am not sure if the child has some sort of emotional issues (enjoys flirting with her dad), could be emotionally younger than her years or just that simple-minded and naive......who knows for sure.    

Your statement......"I feel I always will be second best to her."  Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going be; lacking boundaries and all.  I wouldn't worry about feeling "second best" but devising a plan to get out of there as this is WAY too much for any RATIONAL person to digest mentally.  

I feel this relationship will ALWAYS carry on between these two and I think you sticking around waiting for her to "leave" or things to "suddenly change"  that you would be doing YOURSELF a disservice.  Move on and find someone closer to the way you see/view situations.  These two don't see anything wrong, therefore, there is NO problem except you complaining about them.  That is their skewed perception.  Plus, it seems as if you are 100% blaming this daughter.  Dear, I think you are "pointing your finger" at the wrong person.  You are acting as if she "goes away" all will be better and you and bf can live happily.  I doubt that will be the case.  

Remove yourself from the situation and waste no more time with this nonsense.  It was dysfunctional before you got there and it will be dysfunctional after you leave UNLESS they want to change this.  This is a job for a good therapist; not you.  Find a situation to your liking, not one that you have to try to FIX to your liking.  

All the best.  

[Londres70]

Yes, the situation is concerning and not something I personally would accept, but it is what it is.  I would of been out of there like yesterday because I think that it will always be this way with this father and daughter.  

Obviously, this child was taught this was "ok" and NOT given boundaries.  I will put the blame mostly on the parent.  She only knows what she has been taught and perhaps she really doesn't know any better.  Who knows.  
Plus, the poster stated that there wasn't any sexual abuse going on.  I will put it back on the father as it is his job to parent.  I am always surprised nowadays how the teenagers act; alot of their behavior is really concerning and lacking boundaries; a total result of parenting in my opinion.  "Children gone wild."  17 is no "adult" and yes, she should know better, but for what ever reason or reason she sounds "clueless."  Perhaps the girl is emotionally younger than 17, perhaps she is just that simple-minded or perhaps she enjoys flirting with her dad (I am getting sick just thinking about that)......who knows

Like I stated, everyone has a different view of "normal."  And for me, this isn't "my normal" at all and probably will NEVER change.  

[deadmemory]

Thank you RR! :)

Yes I agree, the same rules apply no matter what gender the child is. How old are your boys? My dd is 15.5 months old :)

I would have a heart attack if she ran around in her bra and panties at that age, let alone in her bday suit.. however, she won't do that because she will know better..

I sincerely wish the poster good luck.

Krystal

[RockRose]

I love this comment,  DM.

"There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious"

I love that.  I have sons,  but I think I would have the same exact behaviors with daughters,  and it's not flirtatious in the least.  Loving,  and hugging,  and affectionate,  with no sexual connotation whatsoever.  

[deadmemory]

Very valuable views and opinions.. now if I may, I would like to throw in some of my views and opinions of the issue at hand.. some may disagree and that is ok. I think this is a touchy subject.. I think everyone would agree.

I am 26, will be 27 in May, I am still considered to be young, but obviously older than 17. I am extremely close to my dad, or Pops as I call him. I still give him a good ole peck on the lips (that is if he doesn't have a cold sore, lol.. my poor sis has one thanks to him haha) if pops went to the store, I would usually go. My nickname my dad gave me from the time I was born and still calls me to this day is Powly or baby. We went fishing together, as I am the only child who liked fishing.. I gave my pops hugs everyday when I lived with him and everytime I went to visit him (he is now in prison) that is as far as our affection went.. an occasional peck on the lips and hugs. I call him pops and he calls me Powly or baby.. I am the only child he gave a nickname to. I am his firstborn with my mom.. he has a dd (my half sis, whom I call my sis) from another woman and she's 4 years older than I. I don't think a daughter is too old to call their father "daddy" the baby talk is rather strange and I would agree would get annoying. The daughter is 17, right? She has developed breasts and all that womanly stuff.. she should not be running upstairs in the nude and announcing it to her father.. when this does happen may I ask what his demeanor is like (uncomfortable?) When she crawls in bed she kisses his shoulder? Ok, that is weird to me.. there are fine lines with fathers and daughters that should NEVER be crossed..  what do you mean when you say she rubs and kisses on him.. and don't take offense when I say this but I'm sorry, you ARE ALWAYS going to be second best when it comes to his child.. children always come first.
Anyways, I don't believe this flirtatious behavior is appropriate. There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious. If it is making you this uncomfortable, and rightfully so.. you should probably seperate from him. If he doesn't see anything wrong with the relationship with him and his daughter now he probably never will.

I do wish you the very best of luck my friend. I hope you did not find my post offensive. Take care,

Krystal

[TTinKKerBBell]

My opinion too, SpecialMom - She should move on.  She can't/won't change these behaviors that have been going on for years - Everyone will resent everyone if She tries.