No support

[c_mcassidy]

So when I was 18 I got pregnant with twins, married the dad, got cheated on and verbally mentally and towards the end physically abused. I lived with my grandma at the time, neither of us was working, and he got arrested on my 18th birthday. My gma took me to bail him out, he came home with us, and a month later she paid for us (pressured us) to get married. She helped us move to another state, she paid deposits for places, fixed the car for us, just about anything we needed. It fell apart 6 years ago. 4 years ago I started dating my bf and we were both kinda broken. We've both come a long way personally and as a couple. We were together about 6 months when we went homeless and we stayed with my gma for about 2 years. We moved to az with my sister that was a fail. Presently I'm 28 and 18 weeks pregnant my birthday on Wednesday and my bf got arrested today. Today I told my gma that I was pregnant and that my bf would be in jail until like tuesday and she flipped, revoked my car privileges (I use her car atm) said she didn't want my bf to come back, said my 10 year olds would have to walk to school. I understand we're to old for this crap we should have it together, but me and my gma have always had this relationship where she took care of me and made my problems go away. I know I shouldn't expect it anymore she isn't in the same position to help me like she was 10 years ago and I'm not asking her for help my bf has been working his *** off had 2 jobs for 2 months to save up and make sure all 4 of our kids (he has a 12 yr old boy and an almost 10 year old girl) has what they needed for back to school. We have money saved to move and have been applying for apartments since July and getting denied. I'm not asking her or anymore help than she's already giving me I know I need to grow up and do this on my own but she's just so pissed applying nd I'm an emotional wreck and there was just no sympathy no warmth to her about my situation. I feel so lost without him my symptoms are fkn ridiculous he's my rock at the end of the day. I even get if she's pissed at my bf but geez she's gonna be a great grandma again and I'm just scared she'll resent this baby. Sorry this got ridiculously long but she's all again nay and hostile and idk how to deal with that. Any ideas? Thanks for ready my rant

[specialmom]

Gosh, this is a rough one for me.  I feel for you.  This is bad timing to have Grandma do what she should have done years ago.  It's going to be hard on you and the kids.  What is your boyfriend in jail for?  This is very troubling.  I would sincerely question whether I wanted to be with someone that was doing what it takes to get put in jail----  drugs, selling drugs, stealing, etc.  I get that desperate people do desperate things but if he has the character to be involved in these activities, do you really wan this help raising your kids?  No joke on that question.  Kids become what they see.  

I would absolutely apply for aide to get some type of education or job training.  Something specific that pays well.  paralegals make really good money and the program is 11 classes and intern time.  With grants you can get it paid  for.  That's just one example.  You have to do something like this to break this pattern of needing others to take care of you (including a boyfriend you clearly can't count on to be there because of things like he just might be incarcerated . . .   and now he'll have legal bills, a record which it makes it harder for employment, etc.)  This is the only way I can see your life ever getting better.

Your Grandma is trying to be responsible.  She knows she's enabled you to have a childlike life by bailing you out time and time again.,  And then sees the pregnancy with a guy she may not love who's now in jail as just the final straw.  Your life is your own project to fix.  I want to reach through the computer and give you a  big hug and say "YOU CAN DO IT,"  

and it will make your grandma so proud if you do.  And your kids?  They will see that mom can do what it takes to be there for them and provide for them.  So that they'll grow up to be hard workers.  No, I'm not talking about piddliy jobs but a real career.  So, think about what you want to do, apply for aide and go do it.  Work a part time job during this.   Your kids will understand.  Apply for govt. assistance to help with child care of the baby, ditch the jail bird boyfriend who will do nothing but hold you back, get section 8 housing to live in (do not bring boyfriend or a new boyfriend of some sort to live with you) and turn your life around.  Take some temporary fixes to get a long term better place.

You really have a big choice to make right now.  This is a turning point in your life.  What are you going to do?

[thirdtimemum]

I think your grandma sees history repeating itself again, another bf arrested and in jail. She helped you out a lot with your ex and your twins when it happened the first time, and like you know yourself, she probably thinks it's time you took some responsibility for yourself. What kind of men are you dating that they get arrested and thrown in jail? That's no way for you to live, or any of your kids, and being pregnant he needs to be a lot more responsible too, like I say, I don't know what it is he did wrong, but you automatically grow up and think twice about things once you have kids.
Your grandma sounds like a wonderful lady, and you have been so very very lucky to have her and her support, and no, I don't think she's going to do anything silly like resent your new baby or anything, I honestly think she's just thrown her hands up in the air and had enough. That's great your bf has 2 jobs and working hard to support you, when he gets out of jail he needs to keep at it and you guys really need to get your own place, just keep trying, it'll happen. Good luck!