Can't do this anymore!

[Liz_zoey]

So I broke up with my ex back in August of 2013. I was 12 weeks pregnant when I left. We had been living together, and when I left I moved back to my parents house, 75 miles away. He was not involved in my pregnancy, and sent me nasty, threatening text messages up until a few weeks before I delivered. I was terribly sick my entire pregnancy. Every day for 9 months I threw up, and had to go to the hospital many times for dehydration.

Even though I was sick, I commuted to school everyday, over an hour drive one way, and I held down a part time job. It was hell, but I made it through and had my baby girl in Jan 2014. She was completely healthy and just perfect.

My ex decided to sttart playing nice about 2 weeks before I had her, and I decided if he wanted to be apart of the babys life I wouldn't stop him. He was there when she was born, and stayed at the hospital that first night. We set up a verbal visitation schedule of a few hours every other Saturday, and he left the next morning.

Then the problems started. He didn't stick around long enough to sign an acknowledgement of paternity, and because he didn't sign it, he isn't officially on her birth certificate. He's been coming to see her like we planned, but has been asking for overnight visits since the first time. He told me he was bipolar, something I didn't know before, and was on meds for it and was seeing a counselor. He also told me he would sign the paper and turn it in because without that I can't get her brith certificate.

Those were all lies. Lies lies lies! He hasn't been to a psychiatrist, hasn't been diagnosed bipolar, and has not been seeing a counselor. He also refuses to sign the paper, but still expects to be able to see his daughter and have her overnight whenever he wants. He also has only given me 100 dollars since she's been born. That's not anywhere near what he would have to pay in child support. I found out all of the lies today, and he threatened to take the baby and dissappear when I confronted him.

So I told him to get a lawyer and we'd settle it in court. He said he'd get her and I'd never see my baby again. I'm terrified, angry, and frustrated. I've decided that he won't have any visitation until there are papers in place, because I'm terrified he'll follow through on his threats.

I'm going to have to deal with this boy for the next many years, and my question is, how? How do I deal with someone who has hurt me time and time again, walked all over me, and threatened to take my baby away from me? I know I need to try for the sake of my daughter, but its so hard, especially when I'm the only one trying to be civil. Can anyone offer any advice or opinions? It would be greatly appreciated.

[Liz_zoey]

Thank you all very much for the replies. Yes, I am sure he's the father, unfortunately. I truly wish that I didn't know, or that it wasn't him, but I've just got to deal with that. I am looking into my legal options, and I am not allowing visitation until after all this is settled. Your advice has helped to settle my mind some, so thank you very much.

[nursegirl6572]

Great replies so far!

I agree 100%....get everything handled legally.  Are you 100% sure he's the father, or could there be someone else who is?  In a way, for your sake, hopefully he isn't the father.  He sounds unstable and sounds like he loves drama, ugh.

Petition the family courts to move forward with determining paternity, and then from there, you guys will work everything out in court, from child support to custody and visitation.  I wouldn't continue to get in back and forth discussions with him about this stuff.  Ignore his idle threats, he doesn't have a leg to stand on.  

I would get moving on the legal stuff ASAP.  Very best to you!

[ROSYouralright]

Congratulations on a healthy beautiful baby.. Until paternity is established and he's on the birth certificate he has absolutely NO rights. At this point you do NOT have to let him see the baby and if he takes her it will be KIDNAPPING! I'm sure he doesn't want the problems THAT would bring. As Chima said, Consult a lawyer and KNOW your rights! The health and well being of your child is paramount!
Hopefully this man will grow up and take responsibility but if not you will always know that YOU have her best interest at heart.

[Chima7]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. First thing I wanted to tell you is, you're a very strong person to have gone through such a difficult pregnancy and still going to school and working. That's awesome and it's something to be very proud of.

I'm not too familiar with the law but I'm thinking that since his name isn't on the birth certificate, you're within your rights not to give her over (since there is no custody papers on file with the court). What you should do is contact a lawyer to find out your rights and get this taken care of as soon as possible. No judge will take an infant from the mother unless she is a drug or alcohol addict. Since you're not, you shouldn't worry about that at all. The judge may grant visitation to him but you will most likely have sole custody. He doesn't sound like he is all that put together and the judge will probably be able to figure that out, I'm sure. I think it's pretty unlikely that he would get joint custody with the way things are right now. But you should definitely get a lawyer to get this taken care of.