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Boyfriend lies about watching porn
Somehow my boyfriends tablet learned the words of porn sites as well as words that would suggest he was searching up images of girls. And whenI confront him, he says that he didn't go on it at all. He did towards the beginning of our relationship a couple months in. And I got really hurt from that. And he said he would never do anything to hurt me. But I don't know what to think.
Other than this fact, he's an amazing boyfriend. He makes me breakfast for our days off and would do housework and treat me so well. When I'm sick he'd take care of me and cook. He's the dream guy except this thing.
And porn and looking at other girls bother me because I think it's disrespectful. I told him I love him enough to try to understand and all. But I want to know the truth.
And he agrees he doesn't want a relationship built on lies and stuff. I'm so confused.....
Other than this fact, he's an amazing boyfriend. He makes me breakfast for our days off and would do housework and treat me so well. When I'm sick he'd take care of me and cook. He's the dream guy except this thing.
And porn and looking at other girls bother me because I think it's disrespectful. I told him I love him enough to try to understand and all. But I want to know the truth.
And he agrees he doesn't want a relationship built on lies and stuff. I'm so confused.....
New device same old accounts ?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. I'll chime in here. I think all can make up their own mind on porn and there are definitely different opinions. To me, it is not like having sex with someone else. However, it certainly is disrespectful to women as a whole. I think a lot of men do indulge in porn and many will fib about it because it is kind of embarrassing to admit they are masturbating to it. But for a man, it's kind of a quick release I gather.
If you have nothing concrete though, really, it gets obsessive and hovering to sit around and worry about this. Men are men. They are very visual and sorry guys, sometimes simple about sex and sexual things. Voice how you feel about porn and leave it at that. If he starts to have porn indications all over, then ask him about it. Otherwise, let it be in my opinion. good luck
If you have nothing concrete though, really, it gets obsessive and hovering to sit around and worry about this. Men are men. They are very visual and sorry guys, sometimes simple about sex and sexual things. Voice how you feel about porn and leave it at that. If he starts to have porn indications all over, then ask him about it. Otherwise, let it be in my opinion. good luck
And I always did flip the situation around and ask how he would feel if I watched guys and masturbated. And he agrees its disrespectful. It's just the thought of him being such an amazing guy to me, but actually secretly goes behind my back to look at girls/porn on the Internet that kills me. And I have nothing concrete to tell me he does. It's just it doesn't make sense to me how keyboards knows porn sites and adult sections of reddit.
Wow thank you for all the advice. But what I meant by looking at other girls is how the tablet knew some words to adult threads on reddit.
And it's not that he said he never watched porn but that he hasn't since the time two months into our relationship. Now it's been ten.
And when i saw histories that were about girls he said it wasn't him. He does have a brother and they share computers. And his account is linked up to all devices and Iheard Google also syncs up learned words in their new keyboard. I just don't know what to believe. Cuz the tablet is from the summer. And he talked to his brother to not go on adult sites on his computer....
But other than this he is a very respectable man . He believes in gender equality and we can talk about life and meaning, the deeper subjects. He's so considerate and supportive and he has a lot of patience.
So my biggest issue is if it is him, then that would not match his character. Because he is lying about it. The porn and images are one thing. Bu the lying is the big one.
And I have sat down and asked him if it' something he needs or wants . Because we can compromise since I love him. But he says he doesn't and that he wont do anything to hurt me. And he says it is worse to lie in a relationship and not be true to who you are .
I'm just so confused why a new tablet that only him and I know the password to has these words and sites in its keyboard predictive words. It has to be typed before.
I'm so torn. I want to believe but I also don't want to be naive. And I apologize for the typos. I only have my phone as my computer died a month ago. Thank you for your advice. =)
And it's not that he said he never watched porn but that he hasn't since the time two months into our relationship. Now it's been ten.
And when i saw histories that were about girls he said it wasn't him. He does have a brother and they share computers. And his account is linked up to all devices and Iheard Google also syncs up learned words in their new keyboard. I just don't know what to believe. Cuz the tablet is from the summer. And he talked to his brother to not go on adult sites on his computer....
But other than this he is a very respectable man . He believes in gender equality and we can talk about life and meaning, the deeper subjects. He's so considerate and supportive and he has a lot of patience.
So my biggest issue is if it is him, then that would not match his character. Because he is lying about it. The porn and images are one thing. Bu the lying is the big one.
And I have sat down and asked him if it' something he needs or wants . Because we can compromise since I love him. But he says he doesn't and that he wont do anything to hurt me. And he says it is worse to lie in a relationship and not be true to who you are .
I'm just so confused why a new tablet that only him and I know the password to has these words and sites in its keyboard predictive words. It has to be typed before.
I'm so torn. I want to believe but I also don't want to be naive. And I apologize for the typos. I only have my phone as my computer died a month ago. Thank you for your advice. =)
I agree with you caregiver. It's not an absolute by any means, but a possibility.
I don't want to defend this guy, but if a man says he has never looked at porn he is a liar. It is not necessarily a "gateway" to anything. There is a qualification. Obsession with porn is another issue. It is a "phase" in most men's life. Porn is not an alternative to a normal sexual relationship. Most men briefly take a look and then never again go back to the sites. As far as this being a "gateway" drug or problem, I have to disagree. Maybe yes. Maybe no. Certainly not necessarily.
I can understand a man being embarrassed, issuing a quick denial, not thinking about the consequences, and then being backed into a corner insofar as admitting the lie. It is a fault of many men not to want to "back down" over an issue.
As far as "looking at other women", there are many gradations of such behavior. I can tell you as a fact that some men do this just to annoy their main squeezes. An example is being in a restaurant and obviously making a verbal statement about the cute waitress to your loved one..
As long as he is not dating others or trying to pick up another female, a certain degree of understanding is necessary. TELL HIM this upsets you very much. That is square one.
I can understand a man being embarrassed, issuing a quick denial, not thinking about the consequences, and then being backed into a corner insofar as admitting the lie. It is a fault of many men not to want to "back down" over an issue.
As far as "looking at other women", there are many gradations of such behavior. I can tell you as a fact that some men do this just to annoy their main squeezes. An example is being in a restaurant and obviously making a verbal statement about the cute waitress to your loved one..
As long as he is not dating others or trying to pick up another female, a certain degree of understanding is necessary. TELL HIM this upsets you very much. That is square one.
The fact that he is lying to you about anything to do with sex is a big red flag and he needs to know that you see it as such. If he can lie about porn, he can lie about meeting up with others too. i'm not saying that he is the type that would, but you need to get him to see lying as an absolute NO in your relationship. That's it's a BIG problem and a DEAL BREAKER.
You want a nice, mutually respectful , bonded relationship, and you can't have that with porn and lying. You see , these other sleazy women are already harming your relationship........before you're even married. If your boyfriend wants to check out other women, he's not ready for a relationship. IMO (and you'll hear others opinions no doubt.)
You want a nice, mutually respectful , bonded relationship, and you can't have that with porn and lying. You see , these other sleazy women are already harming your relationship........before you're even married. If your boyfriend wants to check out other women, he's not ready for a relationship. IMO (and you'll hear others opinions no doubt.)
This might be the time to introduce the word "deal breaker" into your vocabulary. And please note, there ARE plenty of men that are not interested in porn, but would much rather have the real thing with a real lady.
My way of thinking is that watching porn, is akin to having sex, as opposed to making love. I don't want more than the two of us , my partner and myself in the relationship while lovemaking. Period. In fact, I kicked a motorcycle off the roof of my car i was getting as a gift,, and left my first husband because he did not agree with me that his going to a strip club next door (bad luck) was unacceptable in our relationship.
Fortunately for me, neither my current husband or my late husband were into porn etc. It might be that their not being computer savvy helped, but I like to think of what they said , that porn, etc. is "stupid" to be enough to appease any concerns i may have had. I know one thing, that the need for porn for my partner, in my relationship is a deal breaker for me. If i had to look at other men before or while making love with my partner, i would have to say ABSOLUTELY that I was in the wrong relationship. That's just me though. I have pretty cut and dried expectations. I had to be on the same page sexually with my partners before I got serious about the relationship IN FACT this deal breaker was one of the first hurtles that needed to be navigated before i even called my situation a "relationship". Prior to this hurtle, it was just sex.
The way i look at it, porn is like a gateway drug, that opens a man up to other more hands on activities.
I'm taking it that the porn searches were lately, and not from the beginning of your relationship right? You've nailed it down that he is in fact lying to your face. I'm not saying that he's a bad guy , i think it's quite natural for guys to watch porn, but i where i draw the line is when a man is in a sexual relationship with a women that he cares for, WHY the need for porn? I've heard so often that guys who get used to watching porn in order to have a sexual release often have trouble when in a real relationship. Why take a chance on that ?
Talk to your boyfriend, be confident , remember he's in a real relationship with you that could be the one and only in his lifetime. Tell him that you don't look at other men and masterbate, because you would feel like that would be cheating on him. And you expect the same respect from him. Tell him that you and he need to hold your lovemaking above all other temptations if you both expect it to be forever special to you both. Tell him that you have no pro blem with single men using porn sites, but that men in relationships should be keeping their interest in their partners. That's what you expect. That 's the type of man that you want. And you are confident that you can get.
While you're at it you can also clearly state your expectation that celebrating your upcoming wedding using sex workers of any kind is not acceptable. Lay it out there, and be clear. Being ambivalent won't get you the results that you're looking for. , a man that looks to you and only you for lovemaking.
Further to the above, sex workers are in that trade often because something went terribly wrong for them in their lives. (abuse, drugs , misogyny, unfair wages, glass ceilings etc). It is progressive to not buy into any product that in it's inception is harmful to the workers. (just as it is harmful to buy clothing made by workers who are being treated unfairly). The fact is that it all boils down to you and your expectations for your life. It takes open honest communication, Don't confuse the issues in your head and appear that you want to be benevolent and understanding.
This bugs you and makes you feel disrespected. Bottom line , you need to stand up for your principles. I'm not saying that it's wrong to watch a movie where soft porn is involved, or to refuse to watch tv because by doing so it often objectifies women, but when it comes to your man's regular routine of lovemaking, don't allow anyone else in that area of your life if it doesn't suit you.
Fortunately for me, neither my current husband or my late husband were into porn etc. It might be that their not being computer savvy helped, but I like to think of what they said , that porn, etc. is "stupid" to be enough to appease any concerns i may have had. I know one thing, that the need for porn for my partner, in my relationship is a deal breaker for me. If i had to look at other men before or while making love with my partner, i would have to say ABSOLUTELY that I was in the wrong relationship. That's just me though. I have pretty cut and dried expectations. I had to be on the same page sexually with my partners before I got serious about the relationship IN FACT this deal breaker was one of the first hurtles that needed to be navigated before i even called my situation a "relationship". Prior to this hurtle, it was just sex.
The way i look at it, porn is like a gateway drug, that opens a man up to other more hands on activities.
I'm taking it that the porn searches were lately, and not from the beginning of your relationship right? You've nailed it down that he is in fact lying to your face. I'm not saying that he's a bad guy , i think it's quite natural for guys to watch porn, but i where i draw the line is when a man is in a sexual relationship with a women that he cares for, WHY the need for porn? I've heard so often that guys who get used to watching porn in order to have a sexual release often have trouble when in a real relationship. Why take a chance on that ?
Talk to your boyfriend, be confident , remember he's in a real relationship with you that could be the one and only in his lifetime. Tell him that you don't look at other men and masterbate, because you would feel like that would be cheating on him. And you expect the same respect from him. Tell him that you and he need to hold your lovemaking above all other temptations if you both expect it to be forever special to you both. Tell him that you have no pro blem with single men using porn sites, but that men in relationships should be keeping their interest in their partners. That's what you expect. That 's the type of man that you want. And you are confident that you can get.
While you're at it you can also clearly state your expectation that celebrating your upcoming wedding using sex workers of any kind is not acceptable. Lay it out there, and be clear. Being ambivalent won't get you the results that you're looking for. , a man that looks to you and only you for lovemaking.
Further to the above, sex workers are in that trade often because something went terribly wrong for them in their lives. (abuse, drugs , misogyny, unfair wages, glass ceilings etc). It is progressive to not buy into any product that in it's inception is harmful to the workers. (just as it is harmful to buy clothing made by workers who are being treated unfairly). The fact is that it all boils down to you and your expectations for your life. It takes open honest communication, Don't confuse the issues in your head and appear that you want to be benevolent and understanding.
This bugs you and makes you feel disrespected. Bottom line , you need to stand up for your principles. I'm not saying that it's wrong to watch a movie where soft porn is involved, or to refuse to watch tv because by doing so it often objectifies women, but when it comes to your man's regular routine of lovemaking, don't allow anyone else in that area of your life if it doesn't suit you.
You present an age-old moral question. Are little lies acceptable if the intent is not to injure another's feelings? I have no answer, but if this is the ONLY fault he has (fibbing about looking at porn), I would forgive him.. Looking at other girls? It depends. Flirting is a no-no when you have a main squeeze but it may be it found out it upsets you and does it to "yank your chain", not realizing how hurtful this is. Stop asking him about the porn and have a heart-to-heart talk about him "looking" at others when you are around.
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