Emotional help needed

[Sofre3]

I dont really know if this is the forum but I'm really desperate.  I've been married for a little over 2 years and I'm now 9 weeks pregnant.  I couldn't imagine the joy I would feel but it's taken a turn for the worst and I'm not sure how to deal with it. Last week I found out that my husband had a brief 2 month affair and may now have impregnated the other woman. This all came to light after ending this affair and even knowing that she might be pregnant with his child. We had been fighting a lot during that time because I suspected that something was going on. 3 weeks ago he came to me and apologized for the way things had been and he assured me that he was dedicating himself to our marriage.  A few days later I suspected I might be pregnant and took a test and couldn't have imagined this coming at a more perfect time since we had been trying. Now with this news of the affair,  im absolutely devastated and its been so hard to stay sane. I'm worried that the stress is affecting my child but I feel like I have no one and just suffocating inside. I don't know what to do, I never would have imagined this would be my life and im so depressed. I guess I'm just looking for any guidance or words to help me through this.

[Sofre3]

Thanks everyone again, I wish I could say that with every day that passes, it gets better but it doesn't seem to. He's doing everything he can, everything that I always wanted him to do and the thoughts always come back anytime I'm by myself. The more I learn about what happened, it kills me, but not knowing kills me too. Come to find out, she knew he was married and didn't care and it only makes me angry. It was an "arrangement". I know everything about this man and when it started, I knew something was going on and I would confront it and he'd deny and we'd argue. He says that he realized what he had and stopped it and for a few weeks, he was everything that he was in the beginning and how it should be and I couldn't have been happier especially when I found out that I was pregnant.  I knew he had lost sight of it but I didn't know it was because of what he was doing. When the truth came out, it has just made me doubt everything and I've never felt this lost before. I have a son that is 13 and this is the only father figure he's had and I've been around his girls for such a long time and I couldn't imagine not being in their lives but all I think is what kind of example does this ever show them if they were to know what happened. I can't help but think about how this will affect them but then I think, I've spent the last 8 years thinking about them and him and being everything they needed and neglecting me and this is the thanks I get for that? I didn't get married likely because for me it was always going to be for life. I was 35 when I married the man who is 100% what I wanted and needed and the person I truly felt that God sent to me and now I just don't know if I was just completely wrong or fooled.

[Nanytn13]

Jw.org. There is a article that helps you decided if how to forgive, ur partner and theres like a questioners that helps u determined if you are ready for reconciliation.

[TheJamilah1]

No one can tell you what to do. The choice is yours. Life is about choices. No matter what you choose there will be some positive results and a price to pay. If you choose to stay, you must accept what has passed. You will have to forgive and not being it up continually in order to keep the peace. That doesn't mean allowing his indiscretion to become your problem. He must deal with his other child and the other woman. Your dealings with them should reflect the type of person you want to be. It's never a good look to take it out on the child and fighting with another woman degrades us all. Remember, he had a commitment to you-she didn't. If you leave, allow him time to build a relationship with his child as long as he is a safe and responsible parent. For now, commit to yourself that you will keep your environment positive for you and baby.So sorry you have to go through this. I've been there. There is life after this type of pain.

[mgalej]

I always said i would leave but i had stepchildren also that i had loved as my own and one that was sick with seizures and I think that was one thing that helped me make my decision. By no means am i telling u to stay you have every right to leave but it did work out for me and things are great now im praying for you and wish i could do more i am so sorry you almost feel non existent

[Sofre3]

Thank you all for your positive words.  After everything, I'm so embarrassed to talk to anyone and I know I need to talk to someone and I will definitely seek someone out but I know the only two choices I have will be hard to live through either way and it's a journey I wish I didn't have to take.  Thank yall again.

[bonitagirl747]

I'm sorry you're going through this :/ personally, I'd seek counseling. It sounds like he realized the mistake he's made and was trying to fix it. If he won't go to counseling with you then go for yourself. I'd let him know that the survival of your marriage could be dependent on counseling and working through this. I've known couples who have survived cheating, several years after the fact. And sometimes it has brought them closer in the end because they address all the issues most people side step. It can be done. My husband and I didn't go through cheating, but it was some flirting with coworkers that really caused some issues for us. To the point we were going to divorce. I decided that I wanted to fight for our marriage, it's too easy to throw in the towel and walk away. But we didn't sign up for easy, did we? You have to find it in yourself if you can forgive him and get past this with some help. You probably won't know this for a little while too. Answers don't come right away. You don't deserve to be treated that way, forgiving doesn't mean you are saying you do. it means things will have to change in your relationship to move forward and work out.

[Huni_b]

seems like you have already put up with a lot. but u shud really draw the line at some point. cheating might be forgiven on one occasion, but a continuing affair that results in a baby with another woman, definitely a no-no! this will forever tie him to the other woman and that child as it grows up.
be strong for yourself and your baby. making the right decision is very important right now. consult your friends and family. you can always find a loyal trust worthy man who'll love you and your baby. but this cheater will always leave doubts in your mind, which means a long road ahead of stress and worry.

[chloegc1023]

Mhv has a point seek counseling to see if ur marriage can survive the affair.  if u both still love each other then it's probably worth saving the marriage especially if a child is in the future.  now if either of u knew without a doubt that neither of you love each other anymote, then going your separate ways may be best.  But dont give up just just, ur marriage may be stronger than ever before with the help of counseling..  Just my two cents..

[mhv]

I think you need counseling, together.  Of course, we all SAY we would leave if it happened to us, but would we?  I don't know if we would.  Split up our homes, our assets??  It's easy to say the words, but could we follow through?
You have a life together, now a child together.  I think you need to find out if you can still be together.  
I think Tory spelling said it best.  Just because he cheated doesn't mean you stop loving him.  

[mommieagen]

I pray for you and your baby. I truly hope you have a healthy happy child. As far as your marriage, it sounds like you are over it, understandably. Believe it or not the passion of him cheating will leave sooner with him not around and you moving on worth your life than worth you staying and having to deal with his dishonesty, infidelity AND another child. Take your time and get counseling if necessary. Blessings

[ramyamommy]

Go and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases if you haven't already
He's a disease spreading ***** and could potentially have taken your life
Because he wanted to go around and get his jollies having unprotected sex without any regard for your life and the life of your unborn child

[lady_panama]

You should really try to get some counselling. It's good to hear encouraging words and advice from the other women here but if you are depressed, you should seek professional help. There is always a stigma to seeking psychiatric help but that's their job to help others resolve emotional issues and concerns. And right now you're going through something very emotional.

[mummainoz]

I would try to take your baby out of the equation for a second and think about whether this is someone you can be with. He's betrayed your trust and rocked the foundation of your marriage really early on. I personally couldn't be with someone who made me bad about myself through such disrespect. And you think you guys argued a lot earlier? Wait until your both trying to transition from husband and wife to mum and dad. You will always grieve for the family and relationship you had thought you had or planned on having. Now you have to think about what you want for the future.

[Sofre3]

Nearly every ounce of my being says to leave.  The hurt I'm feeling is unimaginable but there a small part that says to stay. I know I can't accept another child if thats the case. We've been together 8 years total and I've done everything for this man, I've cared for his girls that he had from his previous relationship, ive supported every move he's made and to be treated in the most disloyal way is so heartbreaking but I feel like I will completely break regardless of the direction I go in. I know people go through worse things and I would never do anything to harm myself but I dont even want to be here anymore.

[mgalej]

Ive been there i caught my husband cheating and there is nothing like that in the world thw pain is almost unbearable but things are better now I still have my bad days with it. If he wants to change he can this is a decision that only you can make. I know it seems impossible but things can get better sorry i wouldnt wish that pain on anyone ever

[nikkirilling]

Yes this will effect ur relationship forever but if u think u can get through it then u will have to learn to except that he did it and learn to trust him again. And if u don't think u can do that then its gonna be even harder to be with him

[TMMB]

I believe there is redemption for just about anyone. However, when it comes to people who cheat, this behavior tends to manifest much like addictive behavior. I would be very careful of giving him your trust again, just on his word, as he may be very well intentioned, but cheaters are very impulsive, and all it takes is a little flattery from the wrong person... anyway, you have my sympathy:(.

[nikkirilling]

How do u feel about being with him since u know he has done that. Don't think u have to stay with him just cause ur expecting and cause ur married. If u feel he will not cheat again and u feel u can trust him then that's ur decision. How would u feel if he has another baby on the way. R u gonna wanna stay with him through thick and thin

[Wolfeenix]

You can survive without him! Once a cheater always a cheater. You're always going to be suspicious of his every little action.
Stress is not good for the baby and you need to focus on you and the baby and make sure everything is going OK.