Extremely Confused

[Tricia2812]

I have a huge dilemma in my life right now, and I really need some advice. I met my now fiancé 9 months ago. We got engaged after 4 months. I know that's super early, but it felt so right. My family was ok with it, so it was all fine. We've had a lot or rocky times since then. Fights, etc etc. I've had a bad past with relationships, so I'm a bit scarred. Anyways, my fiancé has 2 kids. They at the time lived in another state. Well here we are in January of 2012, and we are 5 1/2 months away from our wedding, and just 3 weeks ago his 2 kids ages 5&6 moved in with us. It seems right now it's only a temporary situation.

At the beginning, I was over the moon excited about them coming. I was so happy. I quit my job to stay at home with them. Something I've always wanted to do. But now. Im just so incredibly overwhelmed. I don't have any kids of my own, but I just never thought I'd feel the way I do. It's terrible. I'm questioning my future marriage with my fiancé, as well as being a step mom to these kids. They already call me mommy and it just makes me fel numb.

I've been thinking so much about my ex, and how much I miss the life we had. It was a lot of bad times, but when things were good, they were good. It was an easy life. No kids. Just us. I'm thinking about it all at this second, and I just want to run back to my ex.

My family loves my fiancé and his kids so very very much. It's nice to see them react with the kids. My parents love being grandparents.

I'm just do confused. Ivectold my fiancé how I feel and he's vowed to make sure I feel good etc etc. I didn't tell him about my ex of course, but I told him how I feel overwhelmed etc.

Please help with any advice. A part of me doesn't want to leave my fiancé, because I know he does love me. But I'm just so confused. I've been in a medication for the last 6 months that has a side effect of depression and mood swings, so I stopped them yesterday. So hopefully that will help. We will see.

Please help me. I'm desperate for advice.

Thank you.

[specialmom]

Oh, I so agree that you need to extricate yourself out of this situation.  I feel sad for these kids as well as dad seems about as troubled as mom.  Neither parent wants to really take care of the kids they made.  I think you should move on to find a true partner that doesn't 'need' anything from you.  

You are going to be alright. We all make mistakes.  Move on and just chalk this up to a life lesson.  This situation is not worth your sanity or all of this self doubt.  It's not your fault, I too think you were used.  So move on and get your life back.  Peace

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm sympathetic to these Children,  They have a Mom and a Dad who BOTH are not putting their Children first.  
The Children are THEIR responsibility, not Yours.
You are NOT a horrible person.
You should go home.

[Tricia2812]

It's hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. I really feel like ive been used. Things just keep getting worse. He just had a big issue with his job, they took away a lot of his paycheck and now he has no money for a whole month. He demands his kids are staying here and that's final. Ok fine. That's not my say. So I tell him I'm feeling uncared for, and hurt etc. and then he tells me I'm being manipulative by wanting to have him do things my way. Im a horrible person for that. He says i made him quit smoking, so im a manipulative person. He's just an all around awfully mean person. Its morning time, and he won't get off the couch to get his kids off to school. He says he will handle it, yet he's still laying there. He says he doesnt have motivation. I don't even know if I can stay around anymore. I think it's time for me to leave this situation. I just can't handle this anymore.

[Hunny25]

So umm let me get this right shes not able n he works long hours n cant deal with them himself u had a job...so how was he able to let them come unless he always planned on asking you to care for them....after u are married n its harder to leave he might bring them back again my advise is hold out or the marriage for now love and care about urself first dont let no man suck you into anything try to trick or take advantage of you

[Londres70]

Sounds like you are going to have a nervous breakdown over this.  I was afraid their mother wasn't going to be able to take them back at this time.  You need to address your mental health now; like yesterday.  Let your fiance and his ex figure out what to do with the children.  As RockRose has pointed out they are NOT your responsibility.  Meanwhile, separate yourself away from all this and GET SOME HELP ASAP.  I don't think the bc medication is causing all this emotion; I think you have some serious mental issues that need to be addressed with a therapist.  

Everyone that has posted saw that dealing with the children was going to be a major issue for you.  It is APPARENT you can't take care of them.  Whether you stay or not is your choice.  Speaking as a stemom, IT DOESN'T GET EASIER NOR IS IT EASY.  I am more comfortable being a stepmom, but it is NOT EASY.  TRUST ME.  

For your own mental health and in order to address your issues, step away from all this and sort things out.  Sounds like you are person that just can't deal with children.  I will leave that for you and your therapist to sort out and determine.  I am not sure if you are having a "bad patch" here and you would be better able to handle this over time or what.  Perhaps after therapy  and meds you would be able to handle this and perhaps not.  If you don't want chaos and have the need to CONTROL every situation that you are in, don't have children and definitely don't marry someone with them because you would have "0" control over them in that situation.  

I just think the relationship developed too quickly and you didn't realize what you were getting involved in and now you are reaping the consequences.  That's why I asked if you have done this in your other relationships before.  Plus, you need to be addressing this issue with Emetophobia which I don't think you have been addressing with a therapist.  I am surprised you aren't taking meds for this.  Sometimes meds can make a "world of difference."  

People suffering with this Emetophobia have issues with control which sounds like you feel you DON'T have being in this situation with the bf/fiance; everything is spinning around you and NOT in your control.  

[RockRose]

Tricia,  this is a true crisis.  The children's mother doesn't want them,  and their father can't take care of them because he works 60 hours a week and that's  probably the reason he hooked up with you so fast - so he would have a caretaker for his children.

You're unable to care for them due to anxiety issues,  and in fact they're not your responsibility,  and the children's own parents are unwilling to change anything about their selfish lifestyles to recognize their responsibilities to care for their own children.

This is the time to call CPS.  The parents don't want to take care of them,  and it's not your job to do so,  and you're unable.

Best wishes.