Really Starting to Get Upset

[troian_jane]

As most people know, Im in college and my boyfriend and I have had some disagreements on the whole marriage/baby thing.
Im really starting to feel down about it, I cant bring it up with him without getting all emotional and crying and being totally hysterical.
The thing is, after Christmas, we went and looked at engagement rings. He still hasnt gotten me a Christmas present as he promised. and the whole situation is really frustrating. About three weeks after we looked at rings he said "I shouldnt have taken you, because its not going to happen for a while. I knew youd get too excited, and its soon but not that soon. By the end of summer we'll be engaged"
well, Ive heard this before, and its really mean to say anything like that, espcially when he never keeps totally tru to his word.

how can I talk to him about getting engaged without either of us getting upset. (Next year I'll be away at college instead of being local)

[Londres70]

Are you under 18 years of age still or are you 18 years of age now?  I noticed in your other posts you stated you were under the age of 18.  Plus, your bf is young too; 20 or 21 according to your posts.

Dear, the best advice I can give you is to focus on your studies and not worry about a "baby" or getting engaged.  

What could you possibly offer a baby being this young; no job, no money, etc.?  Why rush things; what's the hurry?  

Plus, you even stated in one of your other posts about how difficult a time your sister has had as a single young mother.  

Raising children is no joke and babies aren't toys.  They require ALOT of time, energy and $$$.  Not to mention the cost of the medical care before the birth and after the birth.  I am sure you don't have that kind of money.  And school?  Hmmm......chances are you will have a difficult time getting through school with a baby to take care of.  There is a HIGH possibility you wouldn't finish.  

Please think about what you are doing, what is best and what is rational.  

[specialmom]

I agree with the above two wise posters.

I also really like how Rockrose phrased it to have this conversation with him.  I'd say something along those lines and then say nothing else.  Have a time frame in YOUR mind for how long you'll wait---  6 months or a year and as he knows exactly what you want----  and he chooses not to do that, then you can leave the relationship feeling like you are doing so for your own good and because you value your own goals,  

I also wonder about 'going away to school'----  if you want to get married just because of that, this is not a great reason.  good luck

[RockRose]

I agree with Londres,  and I believe it's a HUGE mistake to try to force someone to marry you who doesn't want to.  It's not clear whether he just doesn't want to be married,  or maybe he's not sure about whether you're the one.

What IS fine,  IMHO,  is for you to say "It's my goal to be married by ____.  If that's not your goal,   we need to go separate ways and I'll begin to find another partner who has the same goal".    That's just putting everything on the table,  and being honest with him and honest with yourself.

Being very clear about what you want is a good thing.  And that's not the same thing about continuing to argue with him that he needs to get engaged

[Londres70]

Dear, I wouldn't recommend "running this into the ground" because that is NOT going to change his mind.  

In my opinion, he sounds like he is "ify" about marrying you.  Sounds like he is just playing games about engagement/marriage, at least that's what he is doing now.  Then, he wanted you all to have a baby before marriage? This guy is making "0" good sense.  

If you have heard "this and that" over and over again, then the writing is pretty much on the wall.  Why keep falling for empty promises?

I think you are just "spinning your wheels" here.