Fallen in Love!!

[Prince85]

I reaaly need some piece of advice.

I have fallen in love with a colleaque back at work.

She is a very nice person & I guess I mainly started liking her because of her simplicity & down to earth nature.

She has although joined the office since only a few months & initially i did not interact much with her except for a 'hi' / 'hello' on a few occassions. Now since nearly more than 2 weeks or so, we get to speak for atleast a few minutes each day, say like kind of once in 2 days. So in other words, things have only progressed slightly more than just saying hi.

I really strongly feel that she is the kind of a person that would complete me & without her in my life, things would be difficult for me. I really like her so much, that I dont mind doing anything for her. I dont mind changing my attitude & incase she states that therez something that she does not like about me, I dont mind changing just for her. For example I have a very shy nature. I am also too damn self resserved kind of a person. I dont mind requesting her for some kind of a time period & within that time frame, I would change myself just the way she would prefer my nature to be. Ultimately I am sure that I really love her as I have never had this kind of a feeling for anyone else. I would like to take great care of her & would surely look into it that I am able to give her all the happiness in the world that she needs.

Now, I dont know how to approach her with this regards.

Itz just that there are 2 things. My main concern is, what if, if she rejects me & due to that she may even stop talking to me for the rest of my life. Secondly my other main concern is, I have a few health probs, for example I have lost nearly 85% of vison in my left eye & I also have some kind of a weired stiffness in the body muscles for a few moments at times. So probably this makes me feel that I should not approach her & spoil her life.

Please tell me what should I do. She really is very important to me. Previously since so many years, I kept having a strong feeling that if death comes by my way, I would not care a damn about it. But now I want to live in this world, just to be with her.

So how do I go upto her.

I am from India, & back here people are slightly conservative as well. Although these days the generation is changing & she is also kind of broad minded person.

So how is the best way I should approach to her & what exactly do I convey to her.

Do you think itz best for me to convey things to her this way stating that I like her & I can do anything for her. & at that moment should I tell her that I can go upto the extent of working out and changing my attitude just for her. Or do you think I should not approach her & let go in the hope that she may find a much much much better person than me.

What should I do??

Please help.

Remember this is the first time I have fallen in love. I believe that love happens only once in a lifetime. So if by chance she accepts to spend the rest of her life with me, then I would go upto any extent to make sure our relationship work & we continue to be together forever.

Your precious reply would be awaited.

Thank you.

[Prince85]

Yes thank you.

I also really appreciate AJH84's advise. That was seriously a big help to me in taking a few decisons. I really just hope things work out well & this girl accepts me & hope that I would succeed in giving her all the happiness that she ever thought of.

But before I should think so deep about the future, I am yet to convey to her about how much I like her. Although here the overall advise has suggested that it is not right for me just to blindly go ahead & propose her. But on second thoughts I was thinking, do you all think that this could be love at first sight.Obvisiouly in my case maybe not at first sight, b'coz itz only after we exchanged a few hi/ hello back at work after a few times, did I realise that I really liked her & she is very important to me.

Also one more thing, people these days are very broadminded, especially the younger generation. But whatever that might be, I always personally believed that I would like to have a relationship with just 1 girl in my life & at any cost I would do anything to make sure that works & I would be loyal to her, b'coz I strongly believe that LOVE happens only once. I am 26 years old & in my life this is the first time I have really had this feeling for someone, the way I have for this girl.

Once again I just hope that things go well.

Thank you everyone for your support as this has really helped me in a big way.

[JAXX55]

WOW. AJH, I'm VERY impressed! That was the best dam advice I have EVER heard be given, and I can't think of someone more deserving at this moment than Prince 85... Prince, you sound VERY sweet, and like you have ALOT to offer someone. Read over and over through AJH's advice-Good Stuff! If that doesn't help, I don't what else could. But AJH has laid a pretty dam good foundation for you to start with. Good Luck and Keep us all posted. This is a sweet one! =)

[Prince85]

Well I would really like to thank you both as well for your opinions out here.

I had actually finally gathered the courage to call her up over the phone, but at that point of time she was in the process of getting ready to come down to the office. She was still ready to speak to me inspite of she being busy at that point of time, but I hilghly felt that it was not right for me to disturb her at that point of time, so I had insisted that we would speak maybe latter & she could carry on. She thanked me & we ended the conversation. Trust me, even that conversation of just hardly a minute or 2 gave me so much of happiness.

'slow_healer' to be frank with you, my Parents initially would not agree to our relationships, but they like me so much, that I am sure, if I convey to them that I really like her, they would finally agree to it.

& about this girl's family, where her family is in a very small city or a village at the moment. She is here in the city for work. I live here with my Parents.

When time comes, I am very confident that if I introduce her parents to my parents or vice versa, they wud agree about me getting married to her.

By the way I also felt, that I am not really trying to sound too humble or anything like that, just that I really respect her for what she is, & since I was young I always thought that whenever I get married, I would always keep the girl happy in all the best possible ways at any cost. At the moment I must also confess that I am very shy to even ask her to join me for coffee, but I am sure, if I ask for that she would not say no. I guess I would probably take that step, as it seems to be a good idea. On the other hand, eventhough you all say that this just seems to be a crush or so, I really am not sure about it, b'coz all I know, is that I cannot imajine life without her.

Anyways, let's see how things go.

Once again thank you all for your time. Have a nice day ahead..

Thank you..

[jo929]

I also agree with the above posts, slow down, and whatever you do, dont just blurt out. i will change for you, you are somebody, and you deserve to be liked for your self.
Lots of women would love to have you as a freind, maybe later a boy freind I do not beleive that a woman that likes a man will tell him his faults without knowing him a little better, and i would take it as an insult, if anyone told me that unless, we knew each other a lot better, so take it slow ask her out, and if she says no, fine, you will find someone that likes you just the way you are, try working on your self esteem, remember, you are just as goos ,as anyone else, and please-keep that thought in your head, and try not to be so humble, remember God ceated us all equal, so go to some group therapy and start liking yourself, the world will not come to an end if she is not the one, look around you, there are a lot of nice woman out there do not be afraid to ask her out, then you will know whether, you really like her that much or not,you seem to be a real nice man, so dont forget that, and dont let her tell you how to act, just watch others and if you have a male freind, talk with him about these thing.  good luck in all things jo

[slow_healer]

I agree with AJH84. Go for lunch with her and get to know her. If things continue to click, then you'll know you're on the right track with this girl. Plus take her off the pedastal. If the feeling is not mutual and you two go for lunch, then you admiration may come across as unwanted pressure. She's not going to be an absolutely perfect human being (though wonderful still). If you can see her as a person, you'll be on the right track. Otherwise you'll be letting allusions get in the way.

Also if your relatively minor health problems are that unattractive to her, then maybe she isn't the woman for you. Love goes both ways and is accepting. Until you find out, I agree with AJH84 and what you've got so far is a crush. Your culture permitting, if you still feel so strongly then you need to take the next step and find out. A good pickup line is generally "hello", then maybe, "I was wondering if you would like to join me for coffee."

What part of India are you from, if you don't mind my asking.

Do consider whether or not your parents will accept your relationship with this girl. Some Indian parents are willing to take a step back and let their children "arrange themselves" so to speak. Are your parents open to love marriages? Are her parents open to love marriages? These might sound like heavy questions, but you can certainly work them out as you get to know this woman.

Either way, good luck!

[Prince85]

Firstly, I would really like to thank you so much for your opinion. Seriously, your piece of advise really helped me to think, what I actually never thought about earlier. You are also exactly right in stating that I do not know anything much about her. I guess I did not convey things very clearly about the time frame of how long I knew her. Well She joined work say during mid december 2007. From 1st week of Jan 2008, the Hi/ Hello had started & what I mean by Hi/ Hello is strictly Hi/ Hello & on on a rare occassion she would have a quick talk with something with regards to work & that conversation would last only for less than 2 or 3 minutes. Now itz only since 2 weeks our converstation has gone slightly more than Hi/ Hello. Just basic conversation, like was example 'how was your day at work', 'And if she likes working during the weekends' (as work requires us to work during the weekends at times & our weekly off is on a rotation basis each month, so incase this month I have my off on friday & saturday each weeek then next month it would be on sunday & monday & again next moth it would be tuesday wednesday)/  'if she had her lunch or had taken her coffee break'. So this the kind of basic conversation we have had since 2 weeks. Yes just to mention I have never dared to ask her out for lunch or so.

I also understand that there may things thatz got to do with my attitude/ shyness/ nature which may take a while to get it changed, maybe even 1 or 2 months, because I cannot just leave my shyness overnight. Anyways, the reason also that I felt & stated that I have fallen in Love, is because I had the same feeling for anyone earlier, the way I have had it for this girl. You were really right in stating that, without me knowing much about her, I just cannot jump into any conclusson to confirm that this is Love or not. You also stated that you are not much aware of how things work with regards to relationships in India. Well itz like this, a couple of decades ago, people were really very conservative, but now the generation is changing. Earlier here it was not common to hear about people getting a divorce, but now due to the change of generation, this is starting to become a common affair.

What was always there in my mind was to just have a single relationship, I always thought I would marry the girl whom I like very much & what was always there in my mind that I should be ready to always do anything to get the relationship going on. Also another to mention is, I also had decided that after marriage whatever happens, I would accept the girl just the way she & would not want her to change in anyway. And incase if I did not find any girl, My Parents would find a suitable girl for me. I am 26 years old at the moment and probably by the end of next year or say early 2010 my Parents would get me married of. Probably you'd be wondering why did I just jump to a conclusson suddenly that I love this girl very much without me even considering other factors as well.

Well that is part of my nature. If once something comes in my mind & I decide to do it, then I would do it any cost, whether it is right or wrong, no one can change my decison. For example, when I was buying a vehicle, I had a quick look at whatz available & then I decided to buy a particular vehicle & just informed my Dad. My Dad found that, that particular brand had various technical problems & whoever bought that vehicle, had to pay too many visits to the service stations & so my Dad asked me to go in for some other vehicle, but I was stubborn & just bought what I had decided upon. After purchasing it, I also landed in the same situation which other people were facing. Then about my career, my Dad wanted me to do my Bachelor's degree in a particular University, But I completed my graduation in a place where I preffered. So that way, just because of me taking up decisons like this, I have always ended up taking up many wrong decisons and only very few correct decisons.

Now those were all previous decisons of mine & were decisons for me personally. But this decison of mine cannot be compared with that because this is with regards to me and that girl. I really wish that things goes well & things goes just the way I thought it would.

As a matter of fact, there was something that I probably did not mention earlier, inspite of me speaking to this girl for a while, itz only on Monday evening I asked her for her phone number. I could have actually even got her phone number from the office employee database, but I did not want to do that, atleast with the start of the relationship. I just asked her for the phone number stating Ithat I need to speak to her maybe latter & she conveyed her mobile phone number to me.  What was there in my mind, is that I would call her up probably within a few days & convey to her that I like her very much & convey to her the way I am ready to change myself for her if required. Just to make her feel comfortable I would also tell her that I do not want a 'Yes' now. If she wants to say 'NO' she can say so now, but if she wants sometime to think about it she can do or even if she wants to see if I really would change myself, then she can give me sometime & clearly mention how she would like me to change my attitude etc. The reason I am giving her this option of me changing myself, is b'coz I would like to be what she wanted a person in her life to be.

I really must appreciate that you had spent sometime to reveal things to me. I know I am slightly confused. But I would consider what all you had mentioned. I am also sure, that I would be devastated if she says 'No' to the relationship, but I would try and prepare myself for the worst but on a positive note, I would hope for the best.

Thank you so much once again for your opinion.I would surely consider not to call her at the moment & probably consider to try and know her. Although frankly speaking, I do not know why it makes me feel at times that her past & her family background is really not necessary to me, what is important to me is her present & future.

Thank you..