Have I been a fool to long.

[rubyhurting]

I found out in 2005 that my husband was cheating, and had been since 2003. I found out again 2005, 2007, and 2008.
He always said he was sorry and it would not happen again. But it did with two women.
I am ill and have had four very serious operations. I have come to realize he is not going to stop. What do you think I should do? I know I am a fool. One of the woman call my home and hang up. And she is married. Do I need to let him know.

[teko]

Ruby, I agree with RR on this one.  Your husband sounds like a real jerk, but people stay in bad marriages for many reasons and your situation with your health sounds like it may be one of them.  You did not say how bad your health is and whether or not he takes care of your medical security.

My first impulse was to say lose him but on rethinking it, you need to assess your situation and do what is better for you right now. You have put up with this a long time and he assumes you are going to continue to be there or maybe he realizes better than you, that you cannot leave?

[RockRose]

ruby - do you have the ability to leave?  At this point,  are you capable of working,  getting health insurance,  taking care of yourself?

These are things you have to think about.  If you are very ill right now,   maintaining the ability to access healthcare is a concern for you.

Best wishes.  This sounds very hard.

[GRose]

I forgot to add that I am very sorry, I don't know if I came off to harsh but I do feel awful for you. Be strong, you can get through this, you deserve more from a relationship.

[GRose]

This wasn't a one time thing, you husband thinks he can get away with cheating and you will be there with open arms when he is ready for you. Some men can change but some can't. I think the saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" is very relevant in your situation. Who knows, maybe you can make it work after a separation but he needs to know that you will NOT put up with this, you need to scare him.

[mami1323]

I completely understand the emotions you are going through.  My fiance cheated on me with a woman for almost 2 years, I just found out 3 1/2 months ago.  However, we have decided to go to couples counseling and work on our relationship.  Now in my mind, and my fiance is aware of this as well, if he were to do it again, the relationship would be over.  At that point, the difficulties in getting over the affair are hard as is, to have to go through regaining trust and rebuilding the relationship yet again, is too exhausting and completely not worth it at that point.  It will happen again and again and again.  At some point you will be so run down, you won't even get to enjoy your own life.  I think it's up to you to decide whether or not you can turn a blinds eye but I know I couldn't.  He obviously doesn't care enough about your feelings to stop being unfaithful.  I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope you have happiness in your life.

[Got2bhappy]

I totally agree with babypooh.  I know it's difficult with your health issues and all, but you don't deserve this torture!  It's clear - you need to divorce this man.  It's completely your call but you have to ask yourself, do you want to be in an unfaithful marriage?  Or do you deserve to be with a man who will be faithful and devoted only to you?  I believe the first step is that you have time for yourself for a while.

I know it's easier said than done.  I wish you strength and prayers to get you to the next step of freeing yourself from this unwarranted bondage.  I hope you find a way to get out and start truly loving yourself and living the life that you desire.  Best of luck and wishes to you.

[babypooh]

I know that sometimes it feels good to stoop down to their level and get them back, but don't worry; God will judge them on their actions one day.  Letting her husband know wouldn't benefit you, but if you think it will make you feel better, it's your decision.  I think you know what you have to do; your husband isn't going to change and you need to leave him.  It will be hard and it will hurt for a while, but it will get better and you will be happier without him.  You will be at peace and not always worried about where he is and who he's with.  Don't believe him if he tells you that he'll change.  He won't.  Love yourself.  Get out of that marriage.  He doesn't respect you.  It's not a holy marriage.  If he can't respect you, then you respect yourself and show him that you're not going to deal with his infidelities and that you don't have to.  Be strong. Do it for yourself and for your peace of mind.