Basically I really dont know where I stand, where the relationships going, if its going to work or if Im just getting attached because its so new to me? And I really cant tell whether he says and talks to me about the stuff he does so I grow closer and trust him or because he's serious about me? We're about to be apart for a few months due to summer and I worried things are going to be over and we wont be together when we return for our final year. So I will tell you our relationship since its quite recent and finish with how we currently stand.
To understand me I need to give a little background. So I'm at university in my second year and for my first year I didnt really go out and just stayed focused on my one hobby (my horse). I have trust and 'commitment' (not sure if this right way to describe it?) issues due to family, basically my uncle cheated and broke my auntie; my grandads attitude changed once he had a small stroke and my nan now says she hates the person hes become; and my dad died when i was young and i know my mum still struggles with missing him now (12years later). So I pretty much scared of the idea of losing someone for various reasons. Also, I know a lot of people go through being bullied and have confidence issues etc., but because of people throughout school I generally dont like how I look and am very self conscious of the way people view me both looks and the things I say (bullying consisted of my intelligence and looks).
So anyway, this year I became more out going, started enjoying uni more and have just generally seemed to grow as a person. I wouldnt say i was more confident until later in the year around the time we became 'fb official', as people put it, but i was definitely improving. I have lived with a couple friends from last year as well as a couple new people non of us knew, my bf is one of those people.
When we all moved in to the house at the beginning of the year he had a long time girlfriend who was also living in the area (dating for 5 years off and on) and although we all got along we didn't really talk. Talking to all of us increased around Christmas and then straight after Christmas he suddenly started joining in with us a lot more, we have a couple lectures the same and he started tagging along and sitting in them with me, inviting me to watch films and listen to music with him on an evening since we have similar (and also not so similar, we liked to introduce each other to new music and films) tastes and are the resident insomniacs. Why be awake alone when you can not sleep together was pretty much us.
During this time I was dieting and starting to go out even more and be a bit more adventurous. Three of us were in the kitchen finishing an assignment due the next day and when we did decided to go out, he joined us and we ended up in the same bed. I stopped anything from going very far as I was a virgin and didnt want to mess about with my feelings by making a drunk mistake.
We kept our normal nightly routine apart from instead of me going to my bed eventually to sleep once we were both at a point of exhaustion it was possible, he started wanting to cuddle and our eventual falling asleep became a pairs thing. During all this he'd started dating someone and was asking me for advice on her around the cuddling. My friends all said that he was messing me around, that he shouldn't be cuddling and getting closer to me and then asking me for advice on another girl. My friends birthday night I got very drunk and was flirting and dancing with some guy while we were out, he got really annoyed and the next day when we were talking was when he said "I dont want you to see other people, and I wont see other people".
We spent more time together, nights out together etc. I got to meet his friends and he told me more about him. He asked things about what I want later in life (very direct questions), and learned all my issues with marriage and trusting and how i worry about having children so it makes me question whether i want them. Basically he got to deep topics very fast. All that time I had my horse close by and so had my normal routine, when Easter came and I went home (he stayed over the break) we text non stop, I went back for a visit since one of my friends was having a hard time and while there he told me I love you. When I came back after the break my horse stayed at home so my routine got rather lacking in activity. And I made the decision that he meant enough to me and I felt secure enough to now have sex with him, the next day he put our relationship on fb. Our relationship then went a hundred miles an hour and we were together a lot, especially with me not having my main time consuming hobby about anymore.
A couple weeks later he decide he wanted me to go home with him for a few days, so we met his family and spent a day out. A few days later I had myself at the point at which I felt i was falling in love with him, I told him this as every time he told me I love you before that I said its to soon for me. We had a high stress couple of weeks due to exams and towards the end started having small arguments, the amount of sex we were having decreased to basically non existent from being all the time and he started saying he wanted to sleep alone.
Exams are done now and I'm only here another 2 nights before I go home for the summer, I was hoping this time since our friends have gone home would be our opportunity to spend some last minute quality time before we don't see each other for awhile. Instead, he still doesn't want to sleep together, when I tried to initiate sex he said no and we haven't really spent time together so much as both of us in our own rooms on our own. He talks of us doing things in the next uni year together and I'm back before him due to work, and he needs to come back for a study tour so has asked if he can live with me until he can move into his accommodation when he comes back for that. He also keeps telling me he doesn't get into a relationship with the view of it may be over in a few months but as a long term commitment, that to him he looks at where will be in a few years, he doesn't anticipate things to going wrong.
So now, we had mentioned seeing each other at some point in the summer to break up the gap apart but he still hasn't confirmed hes happy about this when I've tried to ask. And the other night we were talking and he was doing his deep conversation thing, he keeps saying how amazing I am and how he thinks "I'd be a brilliant catch, because its not often you get a woman who likes to save money", and how "he would trust me to be the mother of his children", so very forward. But then at the end of the night he says he really likes me but he thinks there is probably someone more suitable out there for me, that hes worried and knows we arnt compatible and slept on his own, telling me to come join him in his room when i wake up. I wake up to a text saying just "i love you", and decide to go to his room like he said, hes locked the door, which he didnt used to do but has started doing the last week whenever hes in his room.
Im really stressing as I have started to love him and being around him, but the way things have gone the last week I feel like hes prep-ing to end things? I dont know and I dont know what to think. Im new to this and confused and dont know if Im reading to much into things or whether we've just spent a little to much time together to soon and so the summer will be good for us or what. I just generally need some clarification on whats happening, and would love to approach him and ask but dont know how to.