Dream about my ex???

[kittkatt8202]

So my ex and i have been broken up for a little over 1 ye ar 1/2.  It took a lot to get over him, we were together for a year, and i swore he was my soul mate and for a while he felt the same. Anyways. about 4 months after the break up i got a new bf who i am still with, now unhappily. well my ex has a gf now too who he has been with almost as long as my bf and i have. well shes 5 months prego. and me and my ex have been friends since childhood. and we said no matter what happend to our relationship we'd always be friends. and he has tried cheating on his girl with me a couple times and i said no. but we'd still check in on each other ever so ofter " hay how you doing" anyways i get a text from this number come to find out its his prego gf. Askin who it was that text him all the time. I talked to him maybe twicw since he tried getting with me so i didnt understand that because that was like 2 months before. anyways i just didnt say anything back to her cuz i didnt want any baby moma drama. i havent talked to him since.                   but ive had a couple dreams about him and his gf. but they are pleasent. Last night i had a dream he became my neighbor him and his gf. And we were all really good friends. am i dreaming of him becouse my current relationship is unhappy bc i know he felt like that aboutus, but tried his best to spare my feelings which is what im doing to my current bf. or because after all this time im finally letting go of my feelings for him. they consciously  didnt seem to be there. i thought i was over him a whole back. but i he was my first love. any suggestions???

[Londres70]

Did you receive any counseling after the sexual assault?  If not, I would HIGHLY recommend you do dear.  

Your first post gave me the impression you were "pinning" over this man.  Sounds like you have unresolved issues stemming from this last relationship; the biggest one being how he handled the sexual assault by dumping you.  

[kittkatt8202]

Londres70,
I have considered the others in this equation . I told my ex no, many times before the gf got prego, bc i have respect for myself, my bf, and my ex's girl. I refused to be "the other woman" and mess up what could end up being a wonderful life and family for her. I also have more respect for my bf, who treats me like a queen. And respect for myself, bc i know what i have, and i know what i had, and what i have now is way better that i could ever imagine what i had being. It was a great " firstove," but im more respected and treated better now. It was just a big transition for me.

And i havent let my current man go, bc i know there is something there, I had plenty of other chances with others when my ex and i ended but noone caught my attention but my bf now. Im better myself to make this work, we better each other. I just get caught up in the mix of things bc this is a new stage in my life, with many new responsibilities and challenges that ive never had or faced, other than relationships.


I do not want my ex to come back to me, ( the first post was about the dream, i left alot out trying to get to the point) I wouldnt take him if he
did. There is nothing there any more.

Didnt talk much to him since he got a girl unless he said something first.


Honestly, he wasnt what i stayed caught up on, it was why he left. And the mind games that followed it.

I was sexually assaulted at 17, and he couldnt take it, so about 3 months  he left me.

Thats what made the issue with my current man, not longing for my ex. The all i gave away, only to find when i really needed him, he dipped.

My current relationship, its gets better as we go, some times its tough,an i over analyze things and make it worse. But its more fear of the future that holds back my relationship rather than memories from the past.



Sorry, it seems i wasnt clear to begin with and yall got the wrong impression.

[Londres70]

Your story sounds complicated.  

You continue to "pine" for your ex bf even though he is NOT available hoping he comes back to you.  Then the ex bf is CALLING you for "booty calls?"  Hmmmm......there are a few things going on here that just AREN'T good.

Does sound like you should be DECENT and break things off with the current boyfriend.  He deserve to be with someone who WANTS to be with him.  

BTW:  A dream is JUST a dream.  I wouldn't make it into more than that.  MOVE ON.  

Not trying to be harsh or rude to you.....you need to look at the other people involved other than yourself dear.  

Secondly, the ex's gf.  Hmmm.....Have you ever thought about how all this is affecting your ex's current PREGNANT gf or have you just been thinking about yourself in this equation?  I mean, where are ALL the boundaries and respect for this gf and especially for your current bf?

I think you are CONFUSING "friendship" with "pinning" for someone.  It is obvious you don't just view him as a "friend."  I would recommend moving on the best way you can, i.e. therapy.  This ex bf has a GF and will be a dad soon.  I don't think it is fair you bringing all this nonsense into his current relationship.  I would recommend completely REMOVING yourself from the relationship. i.e. no calls, no texts, etc.  

I had a similar situation happen to me; I was in the place of your ex bf's gf minus the pregnancy.  His ex would try her hardest to stay involved in his life making mine a living hell "claiming" she was just being his friend.  She would send notes, cards, talk/call his family, call him, send her daughter over to our place, etc.  My ex had ABSOLUTELY no boundaries with this ex of his, in fact, I think he even enjoyed it.  One day, I got fed up and left.  No one deserves to be treated like that.  

I think everyone has had that "first love" that they will NEVER forget.  However, hanging around after the relationship went "south" and pinning for him by trying to "keep your foot in the door"  so to speak, hmmmm....I think this is NOT the best route especially when it is apparent the person has moved on with someone else.  

[laroo18]

Also, although it may not seem like it on the outside, but your current relationship could be falling apart because of these feelings for your ex. It's not easy to spot the changes in your behavior but even slight changes can make big differences in relationships over time

[laroo18]

That's tough. I think you are trying hard to consciously let him go (as a partner) but deep down you still have feelings for him which could explain the dreams. I don't think there's much you can do but keep things civil between everyone involved and also be patient for that friendship between you and your ex to become real. Even if it takes years, I have hope that these things happen (even in my own life I have a similar situation)