How can i live with my partner who wants to split up?

[rt555]

My wife has said she wants to split up, but then says she "Doesn't know", it's killing me! We have 2 kids and are still living together and have started to see a councilor, Se feels i have hert her too much during the relationship and now she feels better.
I find every minute of every day painful, being around her makes it worse.
She doesn't want me to move out as we don't have much money and she doesn't have a job, I am finding it extremely difficult to hide my hurt, we are speaking honestly but then when i seem down in front of the kids she says that she needs to see "change" before she'll consider getting back together. Does she want to see me not caring or feeling hurt?
I feel lost, i have lost the woman i'm in love with but also have to pretend i'm not in love to win her back.
I spend most of my time feeling like a dog waiting for someone to drop a scrap from the table.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[rt555]

well we've decided to give it another go. and put the past behind us, in many ways start again, it will take work but we're talking and still going to go to counseling.

Thanks so much for the advice and support, it really helped me through the worst.

wish us luck

[rt555]

Funny you should mention it, her parents are a strong unit on the surface but her mother has a multitude of issues that she has never dealt with, she is prone to severe mood swings and can be hot and then cold in a very short time.
I never really connected the two, my wife also comments on how her mother is unhappy at heart.
I'm just now trying to take this waiting one day at a time and concentrating on keeping it together for the kids. we'll see what happens now.

[RockRose]

Sounds good,  rt.  Was her mother like this too?  I'm just wondering where she got this kind of strange feeling of entitlement.

[rt555]

Well I went to the counseling session today alone as my wife was feeling ill, I have to say i'm happy i did. I think in our relationship i've been too soft and accommodating, I realize the whilst I'm not perfect I am a loving, caring and supportive husband.
My wife has her own issues too that are not related to me, i need to set an ultimatum on a decision as I can't go on like this indefinitely. She has been living as a single person in her mind these last weeks and obviously has already made up her mind. It hurts to relaise this.
Before the session I had a long talk with my wife and said most of this and she has agreed to make up her mind one way or the other. I don't feel necessarily better but do feel more comfortable with myself.
Funnily since returning from the session she is all inquisitive about what i said an what the councilor thought, I am not telling her everything as i had a single session for myself and she could have come too if it was that important to her (i would have to have lost a leg to miss the session).
She was also tidying, i think her feathers are a little ruffled as i went on my own and have transferred a little of that power she has had all of, she keeps asking me if i want to talk but i have told her that i've said everything about how i feel and just need an answer soon one way or the other as i can not keep going like this.

[teko]

You work. You do the majority of the work at home, you do not go out, you sleep on the couch because she needs her space. You take all the blame for problems within the marriage. You do not want to split.

She goes out several times a week and stays out late. Allows you to carry the main financial burden and do the majority of the work at home. Is suspicious of you if you go out, jealous, accusing you of ill will. Problems at home are your fault, wants to split, but does not want you to leave.

Now I am not a rocket scientist my any stretch of the imagination, but, going by what you are saying here. I think it is obvious.


She does not want a married life, wants to live the life of a single person and you are to stay and make that possible for her to do. You will work to pay the bills, clean the house, watch the kids while she goes out and then you sleep on the couch. UM, wake up and smell the roses.

[lovemykids465]

I see things abit different. I did not get prego on my own. My husband played a part in that so he also should play a part in the care of our children not just financially but also helping out also. I did stay at home with our children until they went to school then I went back to work full time but got pregnate with our last one my first year back so I cut down to full time. But when I was at home I had 3 little ones ( 4 year old, 20 months and new born) and I did feel alone. A stay at home mom works as hard if not even harder then most men and they deserve the same respect and affection from their husbands that they desire from us. When a man comes home his work is done but a mothers never is if anything it gets harder once he is home because he wants her attention too. My husband also played on sports teams so that took him out of the house after work most nights and he was always moody due to finances which were all his doing seeing I never got out to spend any money. It nearly caused us to split but his eyes were opened when I was hospitalized  for a week and he had to care for the family. I am not saying it is all the mans fault but I can understand where the wife may be coming from but that does not give her reason to punish you the way she is. Like I said before try giving without expecting anything in return and see how she responds to that.