Aa
31 yr old female virgin...
I am thinking about finally having sex with a man I have met thru a friend via internet. We havent met in person yet but we have great chemistry online (online sex only so far). After careful thought of all the possible risks of online dating and relationships I feel this is a safe bet to take. I dont however know what to expect after I have sex for the first time. Am I going to be attached?
I do not wish to do anything but have sex with him. I have made this clear to him and we both understand he is going to be more of a teacher to me. Before I take the plunge is there anyone out there who can offer me some advice as to what to expect or what might happen.
One more thing... I am a woman of means.. I have assets and I protect them well. I have up to this point had no reason to worry about loss.
I do not wish to do anything but have sex with him. I have made this clear to him and we both understand he is going to be more of a teacher to me. Before I take the plunge is there anyone out there who can offer me some advice as to what to expect or what might happen.
One more thing... I am a woman of means.. I have assets and I protect them well. I have up to this point had no reason to worry about loss.
Best Answer
If you had sex the first time you met then you cheated yourself and him out of a lot in my opinion. Pressure and awkwardness are part of what make relationships fun in the begining. I think for most men, the chase is what makes things exciting. The slow build up to sex increases tension and makes the sex better when you finally do have it. I think women should be sexy & kiss, cuddle etc but not RUSH right into intercourse. Taking your time and enjoying the preliminaries are part of getting to know someone and feel comfortable with them. Then when you do have sex, it is more meaningful. It isn't just "sex". It's special and it's more about connection & an experience than an animal urge.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, good luck and hope it works out for you. We are here to support you either way.
End of the day it's your life but most of the ladies that commented on this post made good,valid points.All the best.
Sounds like a "recipe for disaster."
You went from "I do not wish to do anything but have sex with him" to "I went with it and this guy is now my boyfriend."
You are moving faster than the speed of light and hope you don't crash.
This is not even rational or prudent in my opinion.
Well....I wouldn't be surprised if you posted anything about a breakup with this guy and I am not kidding.
You definitely have alot to learn about men. Men don't connect in a MEANINGFUL way with a woman through their "johnsons."
Hope it all works out for you.
You went from "I do not wish to do anything but have sex with him" to "I went with it and this guy is now my boyfriend."
You are moving faster than the speed of light and hope you don't crash.
This is not even rational or prudent in my opinion.
Well....I wouldn't be surprised if you posted anything about a breakup with this guy and I am not kidding.
You definitely have alot to learn about men. Men don't connect in a MEANINGFUL way with a woman through their "johnsons."
Hope it all works out for you.
too much drama here..... but in spite of that I want to say:
Men spread their seed cuz they want to replenish the earth.
Women are "nesters" and want Stability for the Children
It shouldn't be about "having" sex - it shouldn't be about "giving up" virginity - it should be about "Making Love" and
"Love Making" with that Special Person that one "Aspires" to make a Life with!! Call me "old world" if You'd like - but I personally "Treasure" "Making Love" (not " having sex") with the ONE Person who is MEANINGFUL to me, and I to Him!! I CHOOSE not to think of "having sex" in such a casual manner as brushing my teeth, or meeting other "clinical" needs. I prefer to keep "Love Making" MEANINGFUL.... to keep it SACRED.... to keep it SPECIAL!!......there truely is a difference........just saying.
Men spread their seed cuz they want to replenish the earth.
Women are "nesters" and want Stability for the Children
It shouldn't be about "having" sex - it shouldn't be about "giving up" virginity - it should be about "Making Love" and
"Love Making" with that Special Person that one "Aspires" to make a Life with!! Call me "old world" if You'd like - but I personally "Treasure" "Making Love" (not " having sex") with the ONE Person who is MEANINGFUL to me, and I to Him!! I CHOOSE not to think of "having sex" in such a casual manner as brushing my teeth, or meeting other "clinical" needs. I prefer to keep "Love Making" MEANINGFUL.... to keep it SACRED.... to keep it SPECIAL!!......there truely is a difference........just saying.
specialmom is totally right. i want to add that very FEW relationships that begin with sex last very long. you need something besides sex as a foundation. most men lose interest in something they don't have to work for. most men like a challenge and to "achieve". so i don't think he will be your "boyfriend" for long.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh goodness. Well, write to us again when it is all over. Just kidding . . . kind of. But it is three days later from when you wrote of someone you met on the internet that you were going to have sex with to 'teach' you but you weren't wanting to like him or anything and hadn't met him . . . and now three days later he is your boyfriend? Holy cow, that is a big shift in a short time.
Ya know, let me just say this . . . relationships don't really work like this. You go on dates. In person. And you see if you really click, like each other, have fun, can talk, start to care a little for one another, etc. And as you get closer, then you start to feel connected. THAT is when you start to call them your boyfriend and consider sleeping with them. There is a progression to relationships that if you skip some of these steps, you have no foundation.
this is your life. But . .. casual sex is highly overrated in my opinion. And long lasting, special relationships are what bring us the greatest joy.
I just don't want you to get hurt. And I'm a little worried about this situation. Your friend may know him for years but you don't really know him at all. Be careful. good luck to you
Ya know, let me just say this . . . relationships don't really work like this. You go on dates. In person. And you see if you really click, like each other, have fun, can talk, start to care a little for one another, etc. And as you get closer, then you start to feel connected. THAT is when you start to call them your boyfriend and consider sleeping with them. There is a progression to relationships that if you skip some of these steps, you have no foundation.
this is your life. But . .. casual sex is highly overrated in my opinion. And long lasting, special relationships are what bring us the greatest joy.
I just don't want you to get hurt. And I'm a little worried about this situation. Your friend may know him for years but you don't really know him at all. Be careful. good luck to you
Thanks everyone! I went with it and this guy is now my boyfriend. He is everything I wanted. My girlfriend introduced us online and she did a good job at matching us up. Not that she wants to take any credit. But she grew up with him. And knew him as a childhood friend for years. She set us up on Facebook. I am no longer concerned at what to expect. He is a gentleman and very chivalrous.
You seem like a nice lady & this guy seems like he just want to get his rocks off.Why sex straight off the bat,what about a nice dinner or movie.
Agree with vicki595....there are pieces missing to this.
You said it right nursegirl6572....sounds creepy.
It sure is the poster's decision, however, I sure wouldn't advise anyone to do this.
You said it right nursegirl6572....sounds creepy.
It sure is the poster's decision, however, I sure wouldn't advise anyone to do this.
You don't have to wait for marriage to have sex, not at all, but there are definitely much better, and safer ways to pursue a sexual relationship.
Let me ask you, are there ANY red flags going up for you, at ALL? Anything about this that makes you feel edgy?
Also, I'm curious, how did the subject of him becoming your "sex teacher" come about? What kind of site did you find him on? Did you advertise on a dating site for this kind of thing? Where are you going to have this first tryst?
" It would be school in session for a while." That just sounds totally creepy, sorry, but it does. As people have said, you're an adult, so it's your decision, I just hope you REALLY give this a lot of thought and spend a LOT of time working on the details that will keep you safe. Read "thatquietgirl"*s post over and over. She offers some great practical advice that I strongly suggest you follow. And, before you go forward with this, I would recommend watching every episode of the TV show, "I Survived". That show will make you realize that it only takes ONE bad decision to put you in a life or death situation. REALLY scary stuff. Guess what the NUMBER ONE method of sexual predators finding their prey is? Yep, the internet. You've already painted yourself as a vulnerable, somewhat desperate woman. That is a predator's dream. Don't spoon feed him.
Best of luck.
Let me ask you, are there ANY red flags going up for you, at ALL? Anything about this that makes you feel edgy?
Also, I'm curious, how did the subject of him becoming your "sex teacher" come about? What kind of site did you find him on? Did you advertise on a dating site for this kind of thing? Where are you going to have this first tryst?
" It would be school in session for a while." That just sounds totally creepy, sorry, but it does. As people have said, you're an adult, so it's your decision, I just hope you REALLY give this a lot of thought and spend a LOT of time working on the details that will keep you safe. Read "thatquietgirl"*s post over and over. She offers some great practical advice that I strongly suggest you follow. And, before you go forward with this, I would recommend watching every episode of the TV show, "I Survived". That show will make you realize that it only takes ONE bad decision to put you in a life or death situation. REALLY scary stuff. Guess what the NUMBER ONE method of sexual predators finding their prey is? Yep, the internet. You've already painted yourself as a vulnerable, somewhat desperate woman. That is a predator's dream. Don't spoon feed him.
Best of luck.
you never answered my question which was what do you want? to have sex? or do you want a relationship? do you know that men who want to talk about sex or have sex with someone they meet over the internet are a dime a THOUSAND ? do you know how many sleazy & horrible men are on the internet trolling for sex? why oh why are you wanting to boink some guy you do not even know or have never met? sex without emotion is flat. it's a very foolish idea and a woman who values herself would not even consider such a thing. you can get the hpv virus and end up with cervical cancer! not to mention many other std's and even AIDS-!
You know...something is missing here. A whole chunk of info that would help everyone to understand your motives. This is sounding like a tutor and student situation to me. Are you paying this guy to teach you?
Do you work? Why does the girl next door have to check on you? What's wrong with this picture? I don't mean to be nosey or intrusive but you came for advice and you can only get the best if you lay all the cards on the table, so to speak...
Do you work? Why does the girl next door have to check on you? What's wrong with this picture? I don't mean to be nosey or intrusive but you came for advice and you can only get the best if you lay all the cards on the table, so to speak...
COMMUNITY LEADER
I will tell you that the best teacher is someone that cares for you and not someone just out for the sex. Please don't believe that he will be anything more than that.
I am sorry as it sounds like your life has been lonely and you long for more. I think you are on the right track. Moving on your own and seeing that you can define who you are without your parents controlling it is really liberating, isn't it?
but you don't want to be an internet sex buddy. I promise. You will feel like total poop after it is done. I don't want you to go through that. And he really may not be safe. Think about why someone else is on there trying to find someone to have sex with? Because of what is or isn't going on in their life. You have your story. He's got one too. What kind of teacher could he really be? He needs a sex buddy and he found someone vulnerable.
Wait until you meet someone and they are close to you in an emotional way. It will be so much better for you. Peace and sorry for all the suffering you've had in your life. good luck
I am sorry as it sounds like your life has been lonely and you long for more. I think you are on the right track. Moving on your own and seeing that you can define who you are without your parents controlling it is really liberating, isn't it?
but you don't want to be an internet sex buddy. I promise. You will feel like total poop after it is done. I don't want you to go through that. And he really may not be safe. Think about why someone else is on there trying to find someone to have sex with? Because of what is or isn't going on in their life. You have your story. He's got one too. What kind of teacher could he really be? He needs a sex buddy and he found someone vulnerable.
Wait until you meet someone and they are close to you in an emotional way. It will be so much better for you. Peace and sorry for all the suffering you've had in your life. good luck
Be romantic--save your virginity for someone you love & get to know,this person could be anyone from jack the ripper to a woman pretending to be a man.
As a guy I am not looking to teach someone how to have sex, I am using them for the end result. Your 31 and can make your own decisions but as a guy I am going to tell you to do things that you would never dream of and if you don't do it make you feel bad for not doing it. It's a pure manipulation game that he will play on you to fulfill his desires. Not to be graphic but I am sure he will ask you for anal, and will ask you for him to ejaculate on your face, will ask to video tape the sessions, maybe even try a 3 some.
Also if your family pushed religion on you then you might not be accepting it, but step back and find it for yourself before you do anything.
You can date without having sex and find someone who you care about and have sex with him.
Last point, I think you will get attached. It sounds like this is the only guy who has been in your life for years and you are starved for male attention. I would say your probably attached to him now. Could you break off all contact with him and not look back?
Also if your family pushed religion on you then you might not be accepting it, but step back and find it for yourself before you do anything.
You can date without having sex and find someone who you care about and have sex with him.
Last point, I think you will get attached. It sounds like this is the only guy who has been in your life for years and you are starved for male attention. I would say your probably attached to him now. Could you break off all contact with him and not look back?
Your statement...."ps.. This guy wants to be a teacher so it is NOT a one night stand.." Ok, that doesn't take away from the fact you are planning on having sex with someone you don't know; you have only talked over the internet and have had "cyber" sex with him. In other words.......this is HIGHLY risky. You don't know anything about this person in the REAL world. If a guy is on the computer wanting to have "cyber" sex with you......and you are going along with this I am thinking you must not think that much about yourself. Then, he is telling you he is so willing to be your "teacher" in regards to sex......are you that gullible?
Perhaps the "old-fashioned" way of getting married first then sex isn't for everyone, however, SOMEONE should know a person well PRIOR to having sex.
I am not sure how "out of the loop" you are, but AIDS/HIV exist along with a slew of many other STDS and some of them don't respond to medication. Oh, yes....just use condoms, well.....condoms aren't 100% FOOLPROOF and they can slip, break or tear. So....in other words, you better KNOW the person you are dealing with in the bedroom.
This man could be wanted for any number of crimes, etc. Who knows. I thank my lucky stars I am married and don't have to worry about the nonsense floating around in the dating world.
I am not sure if your injuries sustained in this bad auto accident were that extensive where your judgement is impaired, but you SHOULD reconsider your plan because it is just not rational. I am not sure if you are trying to prove a point to your parents.....seems like you LOATHE their idea about marriage and sex and/or if you were so badly injured in this accident that you don't think any decent man would accept you how you are.
Reconsider!
Perhaps the "old-fashioned" way of getting married first then sex isn't for everyone, however, SOMEONE should know a person well PRIOR to having sex.
I am not sure how "out of the loop" you are, but AIDS/HIV exist along with a slew of many other STDS and some of them don't respond to medication. Oh, yes....just use condoms, well.....condoms aren't 100% FOOLPROOF and they can slip, break or tear. So....in other words, you better KNOW the person you are dealing with in the bedroom.
This man could be wanted for any number of crimes, etc. Who knows. I thank my lucky stars I am married and don't have to worry about the nonsense floating around in the dating world.
I am not sure if your injuries sustained in this bad auto accident were that extensive where your judgement is impaired, but you SHOULD reconsider your plan because it is just not rational. I am not sure if you are trying to prove a point to your parents.....seems like you LOATHE their idea about marriage and sex and/or if you were so badly injured in this accident that you don't think any decent man would accept you how you are.
Reconsider!
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As far as are you going to get attached? I would say you probably won't. In fact, I doubt you'll really enjoy sex. Why? There's no attachment. Many women need emotional attachment for sex to be enjoyable. There have been times in my relationship with my boyfriend where sex has not been enjoyable because the emotional connection wasn't there. But when it is? Oh my!
As far as what to expect: Expect some degree of pain. For some women, their first time hurts more than for others. It's going to hurt no matter what to a certain degree, but try to avoid making it more painful than it should be by using lube or having plenty of foreplay (kissing, petting, manual stimulation, etc.). Expect spotting for the next 2-3 days and about that long for the next 2-3 times. If it's more than spotting, I'd get a little concerned and go to the doctor.
What should you expect (AKA ****REQUIRE**** of him)? You should expect him to treat you right. If you tell him stop at any point or that you need to slow down, he should listen. If he doesn't, tell him to leave (or if you're not in your home, leave right then) or you're call the police to have him removed. Have a phone by your bed or wherever you are that's charged and working (House phone is best as the EMS can find your address that way. Cell phone's require warrants to find out related addresses, and that takes time.). Normally, I wouldn't say that, but you DON'T know this guy. I don't care if you've seen him via web cam or talkd with him on the phone. You do not know him. As Londres said, he could be wanted for any number of crimes.
You should expect him to wear a condom. There are so many STDs out there as well as HIV/AIDS, not to mention possibility of pregnancy. Men will say ANYTHING to get out of wearing a condom. Don't buy any of his excuses. In fact, have your own pack of condoms ready. Why? Because if condoms are stored in a pocket, they're far less reliable than if they've not been exposed to heat. Ask him if he has a preference in any online talks leading up to it. You would be wise to supply your own AND watch him put it on. If he won't, tell him no. Don't give in.
You should expect him to help you get off. Don't let him just get his jollies and roll off you. You are your advocate to make sure he gets you off. Even if he finishes and therefore loses his erection shortly thereafter, he can use his fingers or his mouth (depending on his and your comfort zone). Don't let him make excuses. Men CAN stay awake afterward. Screw the hormone. My boyfriend used to stay up talking with me for hours after the event, and he still does on occasion.
You should expect him to listen to you if you tell him something hurts. Some positions allow for deeper penetration than others. If he's large enough, he may hit your cervix in these positions, and it might feel good at first, but after a while, it starts to hurt, and then you feel it clear into your ovaries. As soon as *anything* feels uncomfortable, ask him to do whatever you think will make it more comfortable for you (i.e., less deep, slower, stop and make out for a while before continuing, etc.). If he doesn't listen, he's not going to be a good teacher.
I'd say prepare yourself for any emotional ramifications. Given your background (I was raised in the same sort; believe me, I know how judgmental parents who are like that are), you're probably going to have some. Especially since I really don't feel you're having sex for the right reasons. Just having sex to have sex and "learn" is probably not going to line up anywhere close with what you were raised with.
This whole idea has "Bad Idea" written all over it, but you're an adult. Just make sure you're doing this for the right reasons, not because you've been talked into it being a "good idea" or because you're eager to find out what the hype is about. I can almost guarantee if you're looking for the latter, you're not going to find it here.
I do *strongly* suggest you reconsider your decision, but if you don't, please do heed the advice to meet somewhere besides your house or the hotel (wherever you're having sex) beforehand with a friend. Have your own car. Hold him to the expectations I mentioned for you to have of him. Be prepared for possible emotional ramifications, and if they do pop up, make sure you have someone in real life you can talk to about them.