Aa
ABORTION....
SO I am 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant now. I do not what so ever want an abortion. But my bf / bd his family is Muslim and does not beliee in me having the baby or they will have nothing to do with me they say I should get rid of the baby then get married then have a baby cause it won't be pure Muslim. Even I'f I convert they still want me to get rid of it ..and it even says Islam is against abortion and my my bfs such a moms boy that he's all stressed and says if I don't get one we can't be together. I've been with him so long I'm so attached I can't picture myself with out him. I get bad anxiety when I'm away from him I almost get panic attacks . He lives in Chicago n I live here in Utah. And the other day he told me he's not ready to settle down and he dosent wanna be w me. So I got on a bus and told him and his family ill do an abortion even tho I just said that to come here to be w him...I'm staying at his sister in laws and she said I can stay however long and he just thinks I'm here for a few weeks for this but I'm not. I'm just saying all that so I can secretly be closer to him....now he's asking me when I wanna do the abortion ...what can I say that I can use to why I can't get an abortion Idk I'm emotionally I mess. I know you guys will say leave him and all that but I will literally have a panic attack. So I need advice for gettin an abortion that's bad facts about it so I can use it to not get one and tell him... Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this. It's just so hard!
I understand you love him and want to be with him....I'm glad you have already made the decision not to abort. You can let them know it is too late, let him hear the baby's heartbeat, let him know that abortion could cause infertility down the road. He should understand and I have never heard of abortion as part of the Islam religion. I know adoption is an option...
Three years ago I had an abortion cuz my mans family and everyone was telling me to get one. I felt so bad cuzi really loved him and my husband felt bad too about the whole thing. During my abortion, I began to hemrage and almost bled to death. The procedure was only supposed to take 15 minutes and it took an hour and the pain meds had worn off and I felt everything. It was the worst experience and I was depressed for months. My husband and I decided we were ready a year later, but things didn't work out. . We went through twomiscarriages that were devastating and I did not think I was able to have kids because of my abortion. Im finally 15 weeks pregnant and could not be happier. I guess there was no real reason for me to have gotten an abortion except everyone telling us too.
Thank you ...and its against Islam but he's saying since I'm not Muslim so its ok I can get one which I don't beleive him cuase he lies alot. But he went with me to an ultra sound and everything and was fine till he got back o Chicago which is were his entire family ridiculed him for what he's done so now he's sayin abortion :(
Oh wow that's horrible , I know its so hard. but I'm so happy ur 15 weeks now congrats hun !
Your about to enter your second trimester too so it would be harder to do. Just tell him Utah doesnt do abortions after the second trimester.
It sounds like its his parents you need to talk to. Explain you love there son and am carrying there grandchild. Good luck
Well I'm in Chicago now staying at his sister in laws since his mom dosent like me much anymore and won't let me stay at her house. But its very complicated ..his mom dosent know English that well and she's very religious and there Somalian and she's mad cause everyone knows I'm pregnant now and everyone is talking bad about her and her family in there culture and religion
You need to stand up to them for your own pride and for the life of your baby, I understand how much you love him, but how do ytou think you will feel if you went through with an abortion, the man who you love wants you to get rid your yours and his child??, if he loved you as much as you love him, he wouldnt ask this of you, I also understand how strong a family tie can be but honestly he needs to grow up and stand up for you and his child, I would suggest to go and see their cleric, or what ever they call their religous leader, or another leader from a different mosque and talk to them, if the muslim religion is against abortion I'm sure it would be for all not just their religion, as far as I now ( which isnt too much) the muslim religion is a fair religion, I would be abit concerned for your saftey though... sometimes when dishonor is bought apon a family no matter what religion it can get pretty heated and nasty, this is a toxic place for you to be around, you really should get some space between you and his family, maybe go at saty with your family for abit for soe time out
Oh and just a side thought even if you did go through an abortion I would bet my last dollar that once you had had it done he would no longer be allowed to have anything to do with you and they def wouldnt let you marry him or accept you into their family....
Having an abortion isnt going to make people stop talking its just going to make them talk more. I dont understand how people can b more worried about there religion then over there own grandchild.
I just barly came to Chicago to be with him since I've been super depressed. I know he loves me but I feel like he dosent want to upset his mom. And that is a great idea..ill look into goin to the mousque and disscusing it with someone . And stacey10 you are absoulty right I feel like there just tryin to say that so I will do it and they can get rid of me. Which isn't goin to happen
Yes very true and I know its hard. Some peoples head are so far up there *** they can't tell what's right from wrong
I agree with stacey10 most likely they are going to keep getting in between ur relationship, coming up with other problems or issues til he leaves u. Sorry to say but if he isnt standing up for u now hes not going to when they end up breaking u guys up.
I agree with everyone...they will forbid him from seeing you once its done. The thing is...if you think you love him and cant live without him...wait until you have your baby. It will be sooo worth it because what you think you feel for this guy will be nothing compared to the way you feel about the baby...the love is unexplainable...and i bet its easy for you to let this guy go then if it means keeping your baby safe...good luck to you!
I am American and I am also dating a Muslim who is from Senegal. We had issues with me being pregnant and not married. This is actually the second time that I am pregnant by him. The first time I decided to abort because we were still in college...which I continue to regret to this day. His family was devastated that I went through with the abortion. They didn't speak to me for two years. This time around, his family was nervous that I would do the same thing. However since I am now six months, his mom and his sisters call me often to ensure that the baby and I are okay. However his dad is not okay with the fact that we are not married. However he has never suggested that I abort. I think that it is very suspect for them to ask you to do such a thing. If they are so adamant for you to abort that means that you can kiss your relationship with him and his family goodbye. I hate that you are in this situation. The largest issue that I have had to deal with as it relates to my child and his family is whether I will raise the baby solely as a Muslim because I am a Christian. I think it speaks wonders that your child's father is not vouching for you against his family. African Muslim men are raised to be providers for their families and to be righteous. He is showing you that he cannot be either one. This is a major red flag. I would go back to be with my family and if they chose to be around you and your child fine but if not then oh well. If you decide to go through with the pregnancy he may choose to disown you and his child. I feel so sad that you are in this situation. I know Taft you said you rely live him but your maternal instinct should be kicking in... Your child is now the most important person on your life...not him!!!
Buggie is spot on! You think you can't live without him, just wait for baby. You will love him/her beyond words. He will likely be forbidden to see you as the others have said. If you decide to keep the child but can't raise it, please consider adoption. You cannot put his and his families wishes above those of God, or Allah in their case. Who will be there for you when you have the baby or the abortion? Not your BF. Plus I've heard babies can feel pain after 9 weeks gestation age. There is another reason you can give him.
Is not easy what your going through specially when by your bf's family telling you about the abortion... its very clear they don't care for you or your baby. To God a human life is sacred and very much appreciated. If god were to ask you why you killed your baby what are you going to answer to him? If that family doesn't appreciate the baby your caring walk away!! Do it for you and your baby and if you get anxiety or panic attacks find comfort in your baby he/she is depending on you don't let your baby down. Best wishes :)
I don't have much to add to what the wonderful ladies above have already said...but don't let a man (or his family) force you into a decision that you may live with and regret the rest of your life...wish I could give you a huge hug hon. Good luck with everything.
Hi, my personal opinion about this whole situation is you shouldnt. 1. It can be dangerous to your body. If the baby doesnt come out completly with everything it brings then docs will have to go in and scrape all left overs and wash all that. 2. The second thing is the next time you might wanna have a baby its not going to b easy. Sometimes after abrtns there are complications.
Personally i think him and his fam are a joke for thinking of that and making you choose. A baby its a baby in sure you know that. Im christian myself and i dont believe in abortions when it could of been preventable. However The muslim religion thinks different, just b cuz he wants you to abort what makes u think he is gonna settle? He is risking whatever it takes to make himself look good :/ he doesnt care. He needs to man up and dismiss what his mommy and daddy are saying! An abortion is killing aswell. God didnt pick you from millions of sperm cells for you to b cought up in this mess. If i were you, id seek the bible bcuz at the end of the day is your salvation with god not your bf. Second, what if he leaves after the abortion? What r u gonna do then. Youll probably feel really bad bcuz you aborted and 2 he didnt stay with you which is what you want....If you keep the baby, you dont know if his family is really reacting that way, he might just b saying that so u can abort. If he does leave and you have the baby, you can always take him to court for child support :) No matter what you do, pray about it first, im not sure if your into being muslim but you shouldnt bcome from a relugion bcuz of someone or bcuz of this kind of situation. That itself is a redflag! Talk to someone of ur fam see what they think....you shouldnt do it, babies are such a blessing. God sends them from above for a reason and he might just b testing your faith. I have a daughter and expecting another one in july, there not too hard to handle and believe me, youll b so gratefull for keeping your little bundle. Jesus Christ died for your sins, think about it! This bf if yours is really not thinking about you, his thinking about himself. Im 21, i can see that your trapped in a mess. But after what i wrote and ur still going for it, dont wait too long to do it. Babies develope fast and its heartbreaking to get rid of a baby. Jesus loves you i will be praying for you, feel free to talk :)
Personally i think him and his fam are a joke for thinking of that and making you choose. A baby its a baby in sure you know that. Im christian myself and i dont believe in abortions when it could of been preventable. However The muslim religion thinks different, just b cuz he wants you to abort what makes u think he is gonna settle? He is risking whatever it takes to make himself look good :/ he doesnt care. He needs to man up and dismiss what his mommy and daddy are saying! An abortion is killing aswell. God didnt pick you from millions of sperm cells for you to b cought up in this mess. If i were you, id seek the bible bcuz at the end of the day is your salvation with god not your bf. Second, what if he leaves after the abortion? What r u gonna do then. Youll probably feel really bad bcuz you aborted and 2 he didnt stay with you which is what you want....If you keep the baby, you dont know if his family is really reacting that way, he might just b saying that so u can abort. If he does leave and you have the baby, you can always take him to court for child support :) No matter what you do, pray about it first, im not sure if your into being muslim but you shouldnt bcome from a relugion bcuz of someone or bcuz of this kind of situation. That itself is a redflag! Talk to someone of ur fam see what they think....you shouldnt do it, babies are such a blessing. God sends them from above for a reason and he might just b testing your faith. I have a daughter and expecting another one in july, there not too hard to handle and believe me, youll b so gratefull for keeping your little bundle. Jesus Christ died for your sins, think about it! This bf if yours is really not thinking about you, his thinking about himself. Im 21, i can see that your trapped in a mess. But after what i wrote and ur still going for it, dont wait too long to do it. Babies develope fast and its heartbreaking to get rid of a baby. Jesus loves you i will be praying for you, feel free to talk :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, well, this is difficult. How do YOU feel about the baby. If you do not want to raise this child or will resent this child because it caused the break up of you and your boyfriend (although based on the dynamics of this family situation, that might not be such a horrible thing . . . as I'm sure this is just the begining of family "involvement' with your life), then you are in a pickle. Could you stay in Utah and give this baby up for adoption? That sounds like the best case scenario, really.
I'm not going to tell you to get an abortion or not to, that is your decision. I think you are entering murky water in which a second trimester abortion is more complicated and harder to get done. You'd need to move quickly if you were going to go for that option. I do think there is a bit of an emotional impact that comes with abortion. Many woman do it as it makes the most sense for them at the time-------------- but have sadness about it that they didn't expect. So, just prepare yourself for many emotions if you go through with that.
But I tell you, I'm awful concerned about your relationship. Your boyfriend does not put you over his family. That will haunt you over and over. And as you did not grow up Muslim, changing just for someone else, accepting a whole new religion is hard. I don't think personally we can fully do it unless our heart is accepting the religion. Just doing it to be with someone is a recipe for disaster. I converted to my husband's religion. It was pretty close to mine. I don't love it to be honest. I would rather be my old religion. We do go to other churches besides just the church of the faith I converted to because my husband wants me to be happy. But your boyfriend doesn't sound like he will much care about that.
Where do your feelings fit into the equation?????
Relationships that start out like that often don't go the distance.
And I agree that if you have an abortion, this will be thrown back into your face over and over again.
So, maybe go with adoption if you can do that---------- and see what happens. But don't lose YOURSELF in the process of being in a relationship. good luck
I'm not going to tell you to get an abortion or not to, that is your decision. I think you are entering murky water in which a second trimester abortion is more complicated and harder to get done. You'd need to move quickly if you were going to go for that option. I do think there is a bit of an emotional impact that comes with abortion. Many woman do it as it makes the most sense for them at the time-------------- but have sadness about it that they didn't expect. So, just prepare yourself for many emotions if you go through with that.
But I tell you, I'm awful concerned about your relationship. Your boyfriend does not put you over his family. That will haunt you over and over. And as you did not grow up Muslim, changing just for someone else, accepting a whole new religion is hard. I don't think personally we can fully do it unless our heart is accepting the religion. Just doing it to be with someone is a recipe for disaster. I converted to my husband's religion. It was pretty close to mine. I don't love it to be honest. I would rather be my old religion. We do go to other churches besides just the church of the faith I converted to because my husband wants me to be happy. But your boyfriend doesn't sound like he will much care about that.
Where do your feelings fit into the equation?????
Relationships that start out like that often don't go the distance.
And I agree that if you have an abortion, this will be thrown back into your face over and over again.
So, maybe go with adoption if you can do that---------- and see what happens. But don't lose YOURSELF in the process of being in a relationship. good luck
The only thing I can add to the conversation is this. You need to consider all of your options at this difficult time. (Thinking being pregnant and near this guy will change his opinion is probably not likely to happen.) Besides abortion, you do have a few options. Obviously, carrying the baby to term and raising the child on your own is one option. Another is adoption.
I don't know what you'd do to change this guys mind right now, and I am not so sure that you have to pander to his mother's ego either. This guy took it upon himself to enter an adult relationship complete with sexual relations. He should have been adult enough to have taken the necessary precautions to avoid a pregnancy, but didn't. (Live and learn, I guess.) Now that there is a pregnancy involved, it is really time for him to join you in the decision making process rather than telling you what to do with your body and this pregnancy.
This guy has a major decision to make and make it fast. You need to be prepared for every possible answer. Do all you can to find a level of acceptance with any decision that he can come up with, because it may end up being just you and baby around. Ultimately, this decision is your and yours only to make.... big decision for big people, and this decision lasts a life time. Again, consider all options including adoption. Adoption is a noble decision and there are millions who cannot conceive that would adopt this child and love it like their own. (I was adopted, and there was no lack of love at my mothers house.)
I don't know what you'd do to change this guys mind right now, and I am not so sure that you have to pander to his mother's ego either. This guy took it upon himself to enter an adult relationship complete with sexual relations. He should have been adult enough to have taken the necessary precautions to avoid a pregnancy, but didn't. (Live and learn, I guess.) Now that there is a pregnancy involved, it is really time for him to join you in the decision making process rather than telling you what to do with your body and this pregnancy.
This guy has a major decision to make and make it fast. You need to be prepared for every possible answer. Do all you can to find a level of acceptance with any decision that he can come up with, because it may end up being just you and baby around. Ultimately, this decision is your and yours only to make.... big decision for big people, and this decision lasts a life time. Again, consider all options including adoption. Adoption is a noble decision and there are millions who cannot conceive that would adopt this child and love it like their own. (I was adopted, and there was no lack of love at my mothers house.)
Thank you everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it. I am not gonna do an abortion I'm gonna tell him ill give it up for adoption so hopefully he can be there for me until i have the baby and see it for himself and if its still he same I don't care I'm keeping my baby. I just need him till then for support
I'd be careful with that, kiccolini. I don't know the legalities here, but I think if you are clear to him (and his family) that you intend to put the baby up for adoption he may be able to legally give up his rights to the baby - and then you're up a creek with no child support when you reveal it was a lie.
I think your plan has about a zero percent chance of succeeding, and a big chance it will completely backfire in your face.
I think your plan has about a zero percent chance of succeeding, and a big chance it will completely backfire in your face.
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