How do you deal with a judgemental mom?

[vix8]

Last night i sat in my kitchen chair eating KD macaroni at 12:30 because we had an early dinner and I was starving. I also only ate half the package. I'm on the phone with my boyfriend, and my mom comes storming in and I know exactly what's going to happen so I put the phone down so my bf can listen and see what I have to go through everyday. He said she's a mean person. She starts saying how I'm going to be a big fat pig in her exact words and that I eat too much pasta and bread. I tried to talk calmly to her and then she over powers me with her big yelling voice and i literally sit there and listen because I'm not allowed to get one word in. I listen to her call me a big fat pig over and over and over again. Reality is.. I'm not even close to being fat, I have an hourglass figure, but you can see my ribs. I am skinny. My mother is a toothpick, with belly flab from having kids. She used to constantly tell me how much she hates her body and that she has skinny little ankles, no hips, and a flabby stomach. I ALWAYS assure her that she looks amazing for a 51 year old woman, and she does. She obviously has self esteem issues. My little sister is a toothpick as well and my mom was just as bad as the bully's who teased her at school, now she has filled out, and my mother thinks I'm getting fat because I'm naturally bigger than my sister. I love my body though... I don't even eat that much bread and pasta, I eat what I need to fill me up, because all the food in our house is salads and fruits and crackers and soups. How am I supposed to fill up on that? So yes I eat toast. My dad is fat. I think he is fat because he is stubborn and he laughs about it because my mom is married to him. I think he got fat on purpose because she nagged to him that he is getting fat when he was skinny. I don't know what to do. Shes reading articles all the time about bad foods and good foods. Also to make things worse, my mother gets influenced very easily. Two of my aunts told her I was getting bigger. One aunt is fat, one aunt is a toothpick. My mother listens to other people, but not her own household family. How do I get her to stop treating me so bad? The reason I have anxiety is her.

[specialmom]

Hi, well.  I'm a mom and I guess it is hard to stop being a mom sometimes.  While she shouldn't have yelled at you, she may indeed be concerned with your eating.  I don't know----  moms worry about all kinds of things.  But her yelling and such is not great.  And your holding the phone so your boyfriend could here and comment that she is "mean" is a bit on the adolescent side as well.  

Ya know, your mom buys your bread hon.  It also helps to realize what we are getting from the people that drive us nuts----  you are getting room and board.  Appreciate that because some parents don't do that.

Anyway, sounds like you worked out the issue of the day.  Good luck----  time and financial independence will change a lot of things for you.  Peace

[vix8]

We had a huge fight again last night, but it ended on good terms thank god. she said she's going to stop telling me what to eat. i told her that im 21 and i can make my own food choices. i know that bread and pasta aren't the best choices, but i told her if she keeps complaining than she should buy whole grain instead of white, i will still eat it. i called her out on pretty much everything and she started crying and said she loves me and wants whats best for me. i understand where she is coming from, but she has issues on letting me be an independent person, she told me herself that she misses us when we were little kids (me and my sister). I told her she picks on me only because my sister is difficult to deal with, and my father laughs in her face. Im the only person who tries to understand her and i just feel like she doesn't appreciate it, and takes advantage of letting her stress out all on me.

i really do wish i could move out, but im still in my 3rd year of university, and moving out wouldn't be possible with school to pay for. but i plan on leaving as soon as i can.

[RainLover71]

You're old enough to stand on your own 2 feet and mother dearest needs to respect this.You don't need to be dancing to her tune anymore.All the best.

[Londres70]

From reading all your posts, you and your mother have been arguing over just about everything.  Eating KD macaroni at 12:30 in the morning is NOT the "real" issue.  Being that you are 21,  I think you should consider moving out. You both are clashing because you should be independent and I think your mother may be overwhelmed that you are still living at home and not independent.    

BTW:  I don't think a mother should be controlling eating choices at 21 or any other choices at that age.  You should be living on your own making your own choices.  

[integrityblue]

it sounds like your mom is depressed and feeling overwhelmed at taking care of you. she wants whats best for you but doesnt know how to express it. she loves you or she would just ignore you! she is right about eating the pasta and bread.. try to eat something different and just tell her she is right and smile. See what she does. You may not be fat but she is concerned for your eating choices. Ask her if she wants to workout with you. Wii workouts are really fun btw. next time she complains just tell her.. "yeah, youre right sigh. what do you suggest?" I think your and her stress will go away. good luck