How to not think about wifes old sex partners

[pain309]

It is driving me crazy I think about my wifes old sex partners and what she did with them, and it makes me sick.  She does things with me that I don't and can't imagine her doing them with someone else .  Why can't I stop thinking about them, I have been with her for 4 years and she is the most trust worthy women I have ever met, but for some reason I picture her getting it from them, and her liking it just like she does with me.  She says I am the best she has ever had and I do things to her she has never had done, but I don't believe her because of me being insecure.  Women can you sleep with me just so you can get yours and not feel anything in return, she told me that they where just someone to take care of her when she was single. And do women give oral sex to guys they just meet or just want a piece of A** from?

[lostalien]

I have the same situation. I’ve known her past since we were dating 12 years ago. It had always bother me knowing the things she did not just with her boyfriend but a ‘friend’ she used to hook up with an even a random guy she gave a ******** to once. The worst part is that it was almost always me the one who asked about her experiences and since then these thoughts have never left my mind. Now we’ve been married for over 8 years and these thoughts hunt me on a daily basis. I don’t want to divorce her but I just hate thinking about the things she did and then my mind goes on to adding stuff of my own, things that I think she must have done but never told me about it. I feel so depressed and I hate knowing that I wasn’t her first time for anything, not blow jobs, not the first one in either one of her homes (she said she just really wanted to try anal to see what it felt like). So I feel like she’s used and I got stuck with a used ‘ho’ and feel like those other guys must think I’m a idiot for staying with her and marring her.
But thanks for the post and the sharing, specially the ones posted by other women giving their opinion on this. In fact my wife’s told me very similar things like “the only time I even think about them and those experiences is when you bring them up to acusse me.” I still feel the same and I really really hope this goes away one day. I was no saint, I did the same things and even ‘worse’ with far many more people 2 boyfriends and a ‘friend’ and random guy against 35 people I self with most of the one-night-stands, 2 gfs and 1 **** friend) which makes me a complete hypocrite but this stupid thought keeps coming back to my to justify my hypocrisy saying that yeah but as a girl you’re not supposed to be a **** and do kinky ****, as man that’s just normal. Please don’t hate me , I’m trying not to be this misogynist *******.
I constantly search this online, once and again looking desperately for a ‘cure’ something that will make this disappear and I must say, reading this thread and your comments made me cry.

[GRose]

You need to let go of it, she has a past and there is nothing you can do about it, just like you have a past. In answer to your question "Women can you sleep with me just so you can get yours and not feel anything in return, she told me that they where just someone to take care of her when she was single. And do women give oral sex to guys they just meet or just want a piece of A** from?"
Yes, I am not proud of my past but I used to be a little floozy. I would sleep with guys for just a piece of *** and wouldn't care if I ever saw them again unless it was for another piece of ***. Yes to the oral sex question as well.
I don't think about my past sexual partners when I am with JOe and I don't think your wife thinks about her past partners while she is with you. You probably are the best she ever had, she loves you and that makes sex so much better.
So, since she isn't thinking about other men, how about you stop thinking about them.

[teko]

Were you a virgin when you met her? Nah, didnt think so! What about those women you were intimate with? If you were not better than the others, she would not be with you! Think man! Think!  Its all good!

[angelbabies]

it drove me mad when i 1st got with my partner and it broke us up a few times and caused major arguments, but as our relationship grew i started not to think about it! and life was so much happyer!

she is with you not with them! and sure you have a past to and they way i think of it is you have to have diffrent relationships befor you find "the one" as you need to no what it takes to make a relationship work, learn from the past befor you can settle down! she loves you and its you she is with.
you are only making her think about those outher men by bringing them up, otherwise she probly would never think of them agen!
dont let this ruin what you have! good luck x

[RockRose]

pain,  you're wrecking your life worrying about this.  

You need to stop thinking about this.  When your mind starts - when you FIRST notice you are worrying about this, stop it and think of something else.  It takes some practice but it's a good habit to learn - to stop your thought processes.

It might help you to write down all of this -  all of it - what positions,  what you imagine,  who these guys are,  what your fears are,  on and on - even in chart form,  write it ALL down.  "I'm afraid when she gave a ____ to ____ she liked it better than with me and she still thinks of him when we're doing it.  Write that if that's what your fear is.  Then read it,  and reread it,  and then burn it.   Burn this and give it up.  When you picture her doing something with another man,  picture her doing that to you - or better yet,  snoring with her mouth open.  Whatever.  Get a different picture.

As someone who has had destructive thought cycles and panic attacks from worry,  trust me,  forcing yourself to admit all your fears and then burning them,  and forcing yourself not to think of that the moment you notice it,  works.