Aa
I am falling....for the wrong person???
Ok, first off, I am so glad that there is a relationship forum here. I did not realize that until now. I am a clinically depressed person with anxiety disorder. I am a "family values republican"....whatever that means.
I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?
I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?
The kids will be fine. I am pretty good at being cordial with ex's, I don't know if she is. I don't know much personally about her. I helped her coach our soccer team, that's how we met. I would like to get to know her and see why things are the way they are before I make judgment upon her. My best friend's sister has 3 kids from 2 men and she has had issues, but she has straightened out and is a great person. I know a lot more like that. I am not trying to be the knight in shining armor. I really do like her a lot. As a matter of fact I think I am falling way faster for her than she is for me, which I tend to do, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, and tend to get hurt a whole lot, but I have been so cautious, very much too cautious since my divorce, that I don't know what is what. Dating at 40, when you don't go clubbing and dating websites have nothing but psychos and shallow women, *****.
You are not a Knight in Shining Armor
and
She is not a Damsel in Distress
Fairy Tales are fun when We are Young but when We grow up We need to be responsible for Our CHOICES and when the writings on the wall,
well..........
You're focusing on what You WANT to see and You're minimizing the rest.
You and She have CHOICES - the Children do not - and They will suffer if this fails. We all seem to be on the same page as regards the Children but if You don't listen to Our concerns then:
Listen to Your OWN misgivings and Your
OWN anxiety as You express them here!!
(Be Aware and BEWARE!!)
and
She is not a Damsel in Distress
Fairy Tales are fun when We are Young but when We grow up We need to be responsible for Our CHOICES and when the writings on the wall,
well..........
You're focusing on what You WANT to see and You're minimizing the rest.
You and She have CHOICES - the Children do not - and They will suffer if this fails. We all seem to be on the same page as regards the Children but if You don't listen to Our concerns then:
Listen to Your OWN misgivings and Your
OWN anxiety as You express them here!!
(Be Aware and BEWARE!!)
That's great she is trying to "get on the right track," but you must realize you aren't responsible for her happiness and well-being nor should you be getting with her so that she can have someone to love her. Sounds like your feelings are based solely on pity.
In your initial post you state you have "family values." Obviously, this is important to you. This situation sounds like NOTHING close to that. She couldn't be any more opposite from your beliefs.
Plus, I would recommend thinking about your child's well-being before this woman's well-being. Your child doesn't need to be witnessing all this nonsense.
As Specialmom stated, I don't think you would have posted here unless you felt pursuing this women was something questionable.
The title of your post: "I am falling...... for the wrong person" says it all.
Your decision in the end though.
In your initial post you state you have "family values." Obviously, this is important to you. This situation sounds like NOTHING close to that. She couldn't be any more opposite from your beliefs.
Plus, I would recommend thinking about your child's well-being before this woman's well-being. Your child doesn't need to be witnessing all this nonsense.
As Specialmom stated, I don't think you would have posted here unless you felt pursuing this women was something questionable.
The title of your post: "I am falling...... for the wrong person" says it all.
Your decision in the end though.
I know. I thank you all for your advice. Her boss is like my second mom. She was so excited to hear about us. She loves her to death and says that she has been through tough times throughout her life and she needs a good man like me.
I am seriously split 50/50 on this one. Especially because I have trouble with relationships. My anxiety gets me when I get into one and I am already agoraphobic, I don't want commitmentphobia also.
I am seriously split 50/50 on this one. Especially because I have trouble with relationships. My anxiety gets me when I get into one and I am already agoraphobic, I don't want commitmentphobia also.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dear, she's had three men she's made kids with. She's not lonely. I'm just saying . . . I sincerely doubt she'll never date again if you choose to not be with her.
You can be friends with her, she just isn't good relationship material. That's all.
If you had no concerns, you'd not have written. Your gut is telling you something. We are confirming it. You are fighting that.
but it is your life to live . . . so whatever choice you make is fine. If it were just you, it wouldn't be as big of a deal but your child changes my opinion.
You can be friends with her, she just isn't good relationship material. That's all.
If you had no concerns, you'd not have written. Your gut is telling you something. We are confirming it. You are fighting that.
but it is your life to live . . . so whatever choice you make is fine. If it were just you, it wouldn't be as big of a deal but your child changes my opinion.
I meant wrong path. sorry
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