Aa
I am falling....for the wrong person???
Ok, first off, I am so glad that there is a relationship forum here. I did not realize that until now. I am a clinically depressed person with anxiety disorder. I am a "family values republican"....whatever that means.
I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?
I got divorced in 2007. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter. I met a girl through school activities. She is 32 (I am 40) and at first I never thought anything about her. She was some woman with 4 kids. She also has tattoos which do not turn me on. The more I got to know her and her personality, the more I liked her. We joined on facebook and it got even more dramatic. She had issues, she had enemies. She has people busting out her car windows and stuff. She is very opposite than me. She has 4 kids from 3 men, one was an affair. She lived with a black man for a while (Let me get back to this). I found out stuff about her because I know the people she works for. She got pregnant in high school. I adore her! I adore her kids. They seem to like me. She asked me out and I am scared. The fact that she live with a black guy does not bother me at all but with the exception that I cannot "measure up" so to speak. I am not even above average for a white guy. She has all of this baggage but I would do anything for her. She is so awesome. I don't want to get hurt but I do not want to hurt her either. Can anyone give me some advice?
No one is "mad" (posting mad) at You - maybe a bit annoyed at Your SELECTIVE hearing - but NOT mad. You are gonna do what You're gonna do and that is that - but I suggest You did not come here looking for opinion or advice as You already had Your mind made. When one is looking for advice it's because they want to weigh this....weigh that..... consider this..... consider that....., and THEN make their own informed opinion/decision. You were ALREADY decided when You arrived which is why I don't understand what You were seeking when You came???? But anyway - good luck - I just hope You move in the right direction for Your Little Girl.
I am not trying to get huffy. I am so sorry. I do look after my daughter. Just today she told me that I was "the best dad ever!" It always melts my heart. Anyhow, coming on this forum, I had just hoped to hear all opinions and I know the decision is up to me and I have really taken these posts into consideration, but I have also taken into consideration what I feel, and even though I am a guy, it's not sexual, it never has been. When I first met her, I wasn't even attracted to her. I wasn't all like "I'd like to do her!" I got to know a little about her and her kids and thought, "She is very attractive, on the inside."
You have to understand, I am not a typical male. I've even been accused of being gay, which I am very much not, but I take care of my elderly mother, I cook, I clean, I sow, I've been told I would make someone a good wife some day, lol.
Please, don't post mad at me. I know that this could always be a mistake, but hell, I've made mistakes before. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be divorced, But I absolutely HATE "What if's???" and I have so many in my life and they suck. I do not want this to be (down the road) "What if I did date her?"
You have to understand, I am not a typical male. I've even been accused of being gay, which I am very much not, but I take care of my elderly mother, I cook, I clean, I sow, I've been told I would make someone a good wife some day, lol.
Please, don't post mad at me. I know that this could always be a mistake, but hell, I've made mistakes before. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be divorced, But I absolutely HATE "What if's???" and I have so many in my life and they suck. I do not want this to be (down the road) "What if I did date her?"
In my opinion, the point of this forum is to give good, sound advice (which I think we all have done here) to people who are posting their issues/situations BASED on the information THEY have provided/given.
We would be doing a DISSERVICE to a person who is posting his/her issues/situations by telling him/her "yes, you are totally correct" or "For sure you are on the correct path," etc. when that is APPARENTLY not the case. Seeking an opinion from another DOESN'T mean the person should agree with you or it will always be something that you want to hear. So, if you fear or don't want negative feedback, it probably is best you don't ask another person for his/her opinion because you risk receiving negative feedback. I have noticed so many people post here and get all "huffy" because we are saying things they don't want to here or they know what we are stating is the truth.
With that being said, based on the information YOU provided about yourself and this woman it doesn't sound like a good mix/match, however, that is NOT to say she is NOT a match for someone else out there.
Yes, everyone has a past, but her past has been extreme and sometimes a person will continue to repeat patterns over and over IF he/she has NOT addressed his/her issues. Plus, I would be more concerned about your daughter because honestly you really DON'T know this woman WELL and you already have here involved in the situation with this woman. Good or bad past, I surely wouldn't recommend someone exposing his/her child to an UNKNOWN situation or someone he/she doesn't really know.
If you were 100% solid about this woman and pursuing her why did you even post here is my question? You been all over the board in your posts and if your anxiety is that severe, I would suggest you focus on getting that under control before anything else with PROFESSIONAL help.
It is obvious you are going to pursue this; just hope this was something worth pursuing for you and your child's sake.
We would be doing a DISSERVICE to a person who is posting his/her issues/situations by telling him/her "yes, you are totally correct" or "For sure you are on the correct path," etc. when that is APPARENTLY not the case. Seeking an opinion from another DOESN'T mean the person should agree with you or it will always be something that you want to hear. So, if you fear or don't want negative feedback, it probably is best you don't ask another person for his/her opinion because you risk receiving negative feedback. I have noticed so many people post here and get all "huffy" because we are saying things they don't want to here or they know what we are stating is the truth.
With that being said, based on the information YOU provided about yourself and this woman it doesn't sound like a good mix/match, however, that is NOT to say she is NOT a match for someone else out there.
Yes, everyone has a past, but her past has been extreme and sometimes a person will continue to repeat patterns over and over IF he/she has NOT addressed his/her issues. Plus, I would be more concerned about your daughter because honestly you really DON'T know this woman WELL and you already have here involved in the situation with this woman. Good or bad past, I surely wouldn't recommend someone exposing his/her child to an UNKNOWN situation or someone he/she doesn't really know.
If you were 100% solid about this woman and pursuing her why did you even post here is my question? You been all over the board in your posts and if your anxiety is that severe, I would suggest you focus on getting that under control before anything else with PROFESSIONAL help.
It is obvious you are going to pursue this; just hope this was something worth pursuing for you and your child's sake.
No one is "judging" Your Lady. We simply suggest this relationship sounds like a poor risk (based on information YOU provided). The concern here is for Your Daughter. I repeat what I said earlier - You are FOCUSING on what YOU want and You are MINIMIZING the rest. I don't agree that You came here for "advice" - I think You came for validation and some of us cannot give it based on concerns for Your Daughter. If Your Little Girl was not in the picture there would be no concern about what YOU choose to do with YOUR life.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Gosh. You misinterpret me. I don't judge her. I just want you to have the best chance of a stable, happy relationship.
Your mind is made up. good luck
Your mind is made up. good luck
The owner of the playground is a friend of mine and she knows the woman that I was on a date with. She said something that stuck with me last night..."She has a rough past, who doesn't? What matters is now and the future."
Some people have skeletons in their closets. If people knew mine, I would probably be homeless, unloved, and maybe in jail. I don't want to be judged by my sins in the past, nor will I judge hers. If she proves to be a better person from here and the future, then who am I to judge her past.
I have enjoyed seeing all of the posts on my thread here and I honestly and sincerely thank you all. I told my friend yesterday that I had posted on here and she wondered why I would get advice from strangers. I said "Why not?" I want opinions from people who know me, who know her, and who knows neither one of us.
Some people have skeletons in their closets. If people knew mine, I would probably be homeless, unloved, and maybe in jail. I don't want to be judged by my sins in the past, nor will I judge hers. If she proves to be a better person from here and the future, then who am I to judge her past.
I have enjoyed seeing all of the posts on my thread here and I honestly and sincerely thank you all. I told my friend yesterday that I had posted on here and she wondered why I would get advice from strangers. I said "Why not?" I want opinions from people who know me, who know her, and who knows neither one of us.
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