I left my husband for another man... i dont know what to do?

[sadhappyandconfused]

I left my ex-husband,together for 7 years and married for 3 years, for another man. We have 1 child together and we worked at the same place, but in different areas, i fell in love with one of my co-workers and left my ex-husband for him. Me and my ex-husband had alot of problems, he never beat on me or our kid, but never showed any kind of emotion towards me like i needed, only when he wanted something. Sex was only when he felt like it. And never pationate sex, just quicky sex. He had a gambling problem and its only gotten worse. I tried talking to him about how i felt and he never cared. He always brushed me off. He treated me like a child. I guess because i met him when i was 14 and started dating when i was 15. he is 7yrs older and kind of treated me like his daughter sometimes. Dont get me wrong we had fun and life was good for a little while. But i started to hate him, we always faught, i never was right in his eyes, and he always made me feel like dirt. I met someone that had the same dreams i did and was very pationate and all that good stuff... i fell head over hills for him. So i left my ex-husband, and it was a horrbile divorce. He found out about the guy i had been talking to and i know it hurt him. I feal so horrible about how it went down. Just so you know i never touched the guy while i was with my ex-husband. I did have conversations with him that i shouldnt have, but never touched him. The day i left my ex-husband i went straight to the guy im with now. I ended getting pregnate about 5 weeks after leaving my ex-husband by this other man. This other man is now my fiance' and we have one kid together. I love him alot, but i have so much hurt from the divorce and how it all went down, and what i did to my ex, that i feel like screaming sometimes. Im not a person to hurt anyone, and i did. Even though we were falling apart i should have never talked to another man, and never should went to my fiance while i was still married but seperated. I cant talk to anyone about this. What do i do? I am ate up with guilt and some regret and in a relationship now with another child. Do you think my first son will hate me for leaving his dad the way i did? im sure he will find out the story eventually, he is only 4 now. I feel like my fiance and i relationship started off wrong and thats why we have the problems we have. When he got with me his Ex-wife jerked his 8yr old daughter away because she was one of those jealous ex wifes. They had been divorced for 8 years and she still did that. Ever since then him and his daughters relationship has suffered, and its all because i came into his life. I think he blams me, even though he says he dont. He get real depressed over it and i feel horrible cause i cant do anything. My fiance is a very moody person and gives me the cold shoulder alot and gets me real depressed. i guess im writing this whole story for some advice. What do i do? how do i deal with all these emotions i have inside about the past and now. It has been 2 and a half years since i left me ex and i am still ate up over it. he was my best friend and one point, and my life ended up life some dam tv show. How did this happen? im not this kind of person? what will my babies think of me? what does god think of me????????? what do i do?

[specialmom]

Now see, everyone is on a completely other track than I am.  So I am going to repeat myself to be heard.  LOL  I think what you need to do is actually look into taking care of you.  You have a lot of internal struggle and outside drama with ex's and fiance's ex's and etc. that I almost get the impression you can't think straight about it all.  I think you need to see a therapist solo and do some work.  You need to know why you stayed with a man that had significant issues, why you are having issues in your relationship now and what you can do to move forward.  This is what is within your control. The rest isn't and will hold you back from doing what really needs to be done which is address what is going on with YOU.  good luck

[sadhappyandconfused]

Oya, my fiance ex-wife ...the reason they got a divorce was because she cheated on him all the time and was always clubbing. He wanted to settle down and be serious and she didnt want to. So they divorced. My fiance had his daughter all the time, his ex wife was always gone messing with alot of men and drinking. My fiance payed child support, plus daycare, bought all her clothes and anything else she needed plus had his daughter the majority of the time even though he wasnt the custodial parent. His ex wife didnt really care, she would stay gone for days at a time. Then she finds out that he is in a relationship she acts like mom of the year. He never really dated since their divorce only a few times. So when she realized he was with sumone she knew she wasnt the main focus anymore. She has even tried to get him back. She is nuts!

[sadhappyandconfused]

we did fight for his daughter and all the courts did was change his vistation days to his off days and make him pay double the child support. we fought for her the whole year she was gone. cost me my whole savings(13000) plus i was paying for my lawyer still. Court system is slow and dont always work. About his ex-wife... she didnt not know me from adam... she didnt knwo my pat or anything. She hated me because i was a white lady with a mexican man, and to her thats not allowed. She seen me and my step daughter out one day and flipped because my step daughter told her she really liked me. I did make a mistake jumping from one relationship to another but i am not a bad person. Ive worked since i was 15 and have always supported my self and dont have to have a man, i want one. I love the family life, i didnt have that when i grew up. His ex-wife is horrible and im not saying this because she is his ex. She tells my step daughter horrible things that is not true. She makes her call my fiance and say mean things (u can hear his ex in the back ground) my step daughter calls back crying saying she wants to leave and her mom made her say that...which we already knew. We never speak ill of her mom, and tell her sometimes people get mad and say mean things but that doesnt mean she is a bad person. In reality she is 38 years old and should know better to act like that, how could a mom treat a child like that. My step daughter know the truth but cant say what she feels because her mom either grounds her, breaks her phone, or keep her away form us... Or sometimes all the above. We fought and fought for her...the courts just gave her a slap on the hand and she doesnt care. She thinks she cant be touched.

[penswriter]

I second teko. As far as his daughter is concerned...look at it from a mothers perspective (not the using her but the end, taking her away) I sat back last night and thought, if I were the girls mother and her father gets another woman who just left her husband pregnant after 5 weeks and essentially, if only emotionally, helped her have an affair, do I want my child around that. My answer was absolutely not. I would have taken the child away and fought for sole custody.

[AnnieBrooke]

When I said "once you are married, he should fight for custody," I meant he should fight for custody of his daughter.  I know you have custody of your kid, I was concerned about his sadness at the loss of his daughter.  Why did he just let his ex take her?  Is it because he thinks he cannot get her back if he is living with you?  I would certainly encourage him to make definite plans to try to get her back.

[specialmom]

Hi,  I'm sorry you are suffering.  Life is full of regrets and things we'd like to take back.  We all have that but to different degrees.  

Here is what I'd like to see you do.  I'd like to see you see a therapist for yourself.  Not couples counseling at this point but for you.  I think it would help you to examine your previous marriage-------- what was wrong, why you stayed as long as you did, why you acted out by having an affair when you are clearly suffering about that choice.  As many reasons as you give for the bad marriage, you still feel terrible for the infidelity.  I think you were pacifying feelings and that is why you are having difficulty with your current boyfriend.  Sometimes when something starts for the wrong reason (a band aid to an unhappy life) it never gets a strong foundation.  I just think going to a professional to work on you is your best course of action that will benefit your whole life and that of your child's.  I'd talk to the therapist about depression and anxiety as I guess you have some of this as well.  

Whether things work out with your current boyfriend or not, I don't know. But I would put the breaks on any further steps in the relationship until you can work out your emotions.  And I think a therapist would be excellent for helping you do that.

I wish you peace of spirit.  We all make mistakes------- all of us.  good luck