I left my husband for another man... i dont know what to do?

[sadhappyandconfused]

I left my ex-husband,together for 7 years and married for 3 years, for another man. We have 1 child together and we worked at the same place, but in different areas, i fell in love with one of my co-workers and left my ex-husband for him. Me and my ex-husband had alot of problems, he never beat on me or our kid, but never showed any kind of emotion towards me like i needed, only when he wanted something. Sex was only when he felt like it. And never pationate sex, just quicky sex. He had a gambling problem and its only gotten worse. I tried talking to him about how i felt and he never cared. He always brushed me off. He treated me like a child. I guess because i met him when i was 14 and started dating when i was 15. he is 7yrs older and kind of treated me like his daughter sometimes. Dont get me wrong we had fun and life was good for a little while. But i started to hate him, we always faught, i never was right in his eyes, and he always made me feel like dirt. I met someone that had the same dreams i did and was very pationate and all that good stuff... i fell head over hills for him. So i left my ex-husband, and it was a horrbile divorce. He found out about the guy i had been talking to and i know it hurt him. I feal so horrible about how it went down. Just so you know i never touched the guy while i was with my ex-husband. I did have conversations with him that i shouldnt have, but never touched him. The day i left my ex-husband i went straight to the guy im with now. I ended getting pregnate about 5 weeks after leaving my ex-husband by this other man. This other man is now my fiance' and we have one kid together. I love him alot, but i have so much hurt from the divorce and how it all went down, and what i did to my ex, that i feel like screaming sometimes. Im not a person to hurt anyone, and i did. Even though we were falling apart i should have never talked to another man, and never should went to my fiance while i was still married but seperated. I cant talk to anyone about this. What do i do? I am ate up with guilt and some regret and in a relationship now with another child. Do you think my first son will hate me for leaving his dad the way i did? im sure he will find out the story eventually, he is only 4 now. I feel like my fiance and i relationship started off wrong and thats why we have the problems we have. When he got with me his Ex-wife jerked his 8yr old daughter away because she was one of those jealous ex wifes. They had been divorced for 8 years and she still did that. Ever since then him and his daughters relationship has suffered, and its all because i came into his life. I think he blams me, even though he says he dont. He get real depressed over it and i feel horrible cause i cant do anything. My fiance is a very moody person and gives me the cold shoulder alot and gets me real depressed. i guess im writing this whole story for some advice. What do i do? how do i deal with all these emotions i have inside about the past and now. It has been 2 and a half years since i left me ex and i am still ate up over it. he was my best friend and one point, and my life ended up life some dam tv show. How did this happen? im not this kind of person? what will my babies think of me? what does god think of me????????? what do i do?

[erikka89]

i believe life is about choices
and when you r thinkin about making a family, thats like when, for me, you have to choose veryyy well
because, you need a man that have values, that is not moody, not agressive, abusive, etc
if you choose an abusive man, yo ur faded to misery
my opinion
i dont want never to have a problematic man in my life, and being a father to my kids
this is like hell to me, i picture it as HELL

[erikka89]

plus, if you are unhappy, leave this man also
and choose better next time..
instead of having kids with the first man that gives u a thrill
you dont know them very well
people fake
you need to experience living with a man before marrying