Aa
how do I tell her without being mean?
So as some of you may know, my stepsister and nephew moved in with us the day after Christmas. Well things have kind of mellowed out since then, except for we have a pretty big problem. My sense of smell is extremely strong now that I'm pregnant, and for some reason she hasn't taken a shower since last Friday. That's SEVEN days. I don't want to be rude and tell her that she's making me nauseated by sitting next to me because the smell is getting pretty bad, but I really can't stomach it either. I had to physically give my nephew a bath the other day because he was starting to smell. Would leaving her a note saying "hey, how bout taking a shower?" be rude? Because I'm all out of options here.
If it were me, I would talk to her still, and say "I know you don't like to shower often (she may shower more if you say that), but I've noticed that your son doesn't shower every night, and I think you should definitely have him shower every day so he gets used to it, and so nobody at school bullies him. I've seen it happen" Remember, "It takes a whole village to raise a child" right. Speaking up for a child is our responsibility, whether it's nutrition, cleanliness, or any other abuse. Good luck in the long run, and happy pregnancy to you.
While she may be in the shower now (hope it's a long one), you're going to have to keeop an eye on this situation. Sounds like she could be depressed....lack of taking care of hygeine, isolating oneself, and not having a lot of motivation are a few signs. I really don't think ANYONE "wants" to be dirty and smelly. Sounds to me like there are some issues there.
If she doesn't hop back into a normal routine, of showering every other day at the least (same with the boy), I would sit her down and have a very honest, but very gentle conversation that you're worried about her.
She HAS to bathe her son...not only is she TEACHING him poor habits, but he will get teased in school. Seriously, I think every single one of us remembers that "smelly kid" in school, and I know my memories involve watching a lot of teasing. That's NOT fair to her son.
While some of the comments here are amusing, due to the nature of the issue, I think there's more going on here, sounds like she needs some help. If she's just SO lazy that she's not showering, then you're going to have to set boundaries, as it's not acceptable. Her hair will get oily and greasy, which could stain your Mom's pillows and bedding and furniture. It's HER body, but she doesn't live alone, and she has no right to neglect the hygiene of her son.
Very best of luck to you, I sincerely hope this was a fluke thing...my guess is it isn't though.
If she doesn't hop back into a normal routine, of showering every other day at the least (same with the boy), I would sit her down and have a very honest, but very gentle conversation that you're worried about her.
She HAS to bathe her son...not only is she TEACHING him poor habits, but he will get teased in school. Seriously, I think every single one of us remembers that "smelly kid" in school, and I know my memories involve watching a lot of teasing. That's NOT fair to her son.
While some of the comments here are amusing, due to the nature of the issue, I think there's more going on here, sounds like she needs some help. If she's just SO lazy that she's not showering, then you're going to have to set boundaries, as it's not acceptable. Her hair will get oily and greasy, which could stain your Mom's pillows and bedding and furniture. It's HER body, but she doesn't live alone, and she has no right to neglect the hygiene of her son.
Very best of luck to you, I sincerely hope this was a fluke thing...my guess is it isn't though.
UPDATE: She's in the shower! Yay! I said "hmm I need to shave my legs sometime tonight" and she was like "oh yeah I need to take a shower"...subtle hinting DOES work! haha
Thanks ladies! And that's her thing, she says she's looking for a job, but she's still sleeping and being so unclean that I really don't think she is. I'd be ashamed to even go in somewhere and ask for an application if my personal hygiene was that bad.
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Hi. Sometimes when someone is stinking, they don't even realize it because they are desensitized to the smell. I'd not write her a note, not play games like "what smells"--- I'd be direct. I'd say, "sweetie. I love ya (fake it if you have to with that one). You really need a shower. Do you need shampoo or soap or anything? But the truth is that hygeine means we have to clean ourselves regularly."
Truth is, these are the women that end up on the women's health forum asking why they have a vaginal infection, etc. Hygeine doesn't just make us smell better but keeps us healthy.
No shame in just telling her that you really would like her to take a shower. And yes, you need to keep tabs on the child while she does. When I my kiddies were young--- I had to shower either before they woke up in the morning, at their nap time or after they went to bed. So if you could watch her child, that would help.
by the way, does she plan on working or anything? Really can't get a job being so unclean. goodluck
Truth is, these are the women that end up on the women's health forum asking why they have a vaginal infection, etc. Hygeine doesn't just make us smell better but keeps us healthy.
No shame in just telling her that you really would like her to take a shower. And yes, you need to keep tabs on the child while she does. When I my kiddies were young--- I had to shower either before they woke up in the morning, at their nap time or after they went to bed. So if you could watch her child, that would help.
by the way, does she plan on working or anything? Really can't get a job being so unclean. goodluck
Wow...I've read this and gone through a combination of nausea and hysterical laughter, lol. I'm also pregnant so I am hormonal enough to not even HAVE to smell what you're talking about and just the descriptions make me feel like I'll barf, lol.
She's looking for a job? Good lord, she's gonna need all the luck in the world if she goes to an interview without having showered in a week or more--omg. Just...omg.
I can't even imagine the smell of the bedroom where she sleeps or what her pillowcase looks like. :-P~
And the fact that she doesn't regularly bathe her own child...! I'm just at a loss for providing you a reaction that is polite if it were left to me to respond to her, lol. I'm like searra's family, I guess...we're blunt but without being rude. I live with my husband and two sons and I have my third son on the way. When someone smells for whatever reason, something gets said and it doesn't matter who says it, even if it's my 3 year old--just a plain and simple, "Ugh, you stink!" and we all laugh it off and the nasal offender gets the problem resolved by either leaving the room or going to get a bath. But then again, I guess there's probably a difference in living with guys, who are blunt and don't take things like that too personally--rather than living with someone who isn't that close with you and you don't exactly know their bounds of sensitivity and you don't want to create a problem that's worse than it already is. So I get your predicament, and I'm sorry.
But...eew! I mean, who goes out and has sex and then doesn't shower for days afterwards or bathe their child either?! There is something seriously wrong with that. And I think at this point, when it comes down to basic facts of life for health and safety, you have to say something, rude or not. She's not only a health hazard to herself and child by neglecting basic hygiene needs, but to eveyone in her environment. Gawd--I can only imagine if she doesn't shower after sex--she probably doesn't even wash her hands after taking a doo and then goes off and touches things around the house...and the kitchen.
You or someone HAS to say something. That is just SICK.
She's looking for a job? Good lord, she's gonna need all the luck in the world if she goes to an interview without having showered in a week or more--omg. Just...omg.
I can't even imagine the smell of the bedroom where she sleeps or what her pillowcase looks like. :-P~
And the fact that she doesn't regularly bathe her own child...! I'm just at a loss for providing you a reaction that is polite if it were left to me to respond to her, lol. I'm like searra's family, I guess...we're blunt but without being rude. I live with my husband and two sons and I have my third son on the way. When someone smells for whatever reason, something gets said and it doesn't matter who says it, even if it's my 3 year old--just a plain and simple, "Ugh, you stink!" and we all laugh it off and the nasal offender gets the problem resolved by either leaving the room or going to get a bath. But then again, I guess there's probably a difference in living with guys, who are blunt and don't take things like that too personally--rather than living with someone who isn't that close with you and you don't exactly know their bounds of sensitivity and you don't want to create a problem that's worse than it already is. So I get your predicament, and I'm sorry.
But...eew! I mean, who goes out and has sex and then doesn't shower for days afterwards or bathe their child either?! There is something seriously wrong with that. And I think at this point, when it comes down to basic facts of life for health and safety, you have to say something, rude or not. She's not only a health hazard to herself and child by neglecting basic hygiene needs, but to eveyone in her environment. Gawd--I can only imagine if she doesn't shower after sex--she probably doesn't even wash her hands after taking a doo and then goes off and touches things around the house...and the kitchen.
You or someone HAS to say something. That is just SICK.
But the thing is, she lives here now. She transferred her kid to the school here, she's been looking for a job , and she's staying in our guest room(which was supposed to be Orion's nursery) and she's definitely made herself at home. Maybe she just doesn't take showers? I don't know, I didn't really grow up around her, and she's never stayed at our house for more than one night at a time except for now.
Oh wow. We just announce it here. She may feel uncomfortable taking a shower ?! I probably would at my step moms house lol. Your best bet is to say it in a nice way.... Being that she has a kid ask her what soaps she used when pregnant because smells are making u nauseated?! I'm kinda clueless. In my house my hubby will be like.... Someone needs to wash they stank. N he will have everyone shower lol
Ugh tht just disgusted me (no offence) and made me laugh as well lol... how can you go without a shower for 7days especially if you are women.. if i leave myself like that for 7days trust me i ll not only stink but also my body will tell me "WOMEN YOU ARE DIRTY.. CANT YOU SEE BUMPS ON YOUR BACK AND FRONT FILLING UP WITH PUSS"..
I know its hard to be rude with someone like that... but may be you can tell her something about hygiene etc.. and try to be as nice as u can... its do or die situation because clearly she is showing she has respect for her personal hygiene and people like that can become little cranky when you show them the mirror.. but i would definitely say something to her...
I know its hard to be rude with someone like that... but may be you can tell her something about hygiene etc.. and try to be as nice as u can... its do or die situation because clearly she is showing she has respect for her personal hygiene and people like that can become little cranky when you show them the mirror.. but i would definitely say something to her...
Omg, Searra that sounds like something they'd do on BadGirls Club. It is 10 am here, I dunno what time it is there but I'd be wakin her up!
Maybe try speaking to her n say make yourself at home help yourself to bath/shower eve failing that suggest u all go swimming at least age can shower then
Omg but rosey, who in their right mind would go around wearing "au deux meatloaf"? That was the worst smelling leftover I could think of.
Dude, I wouldn't even give her two hours. Her kid is in school, theres no excuse for her to not be in the shower right now since she has time. Better tell her before its lunchtime and your nephew gets close to being home
lol, wow.. I wouldn't spill something on her, because what if she doesnt care and still doesn't shower?? Then shes gonna smell like b.o and meatloaf...lol...omg I feel so mean. But hygiene is a huge issue for me, that's just not healthy!! And she is teaching her kid this behavior, I mean 2 baths since the end of last month?!?!?!? God!!!!
lol I'm glad it gave you a good laugh. 10am and still no bath. She's got 2 hours before I say something!
Omfg I'm sorry, I read this and couldn't stop laughing. Acline, I am so sorry you're stuck in this situation it's bad enough having someone live with you that you don't want there, but then for them to have habits like that. I just don't know how you deal with that. I think if it were me, I'd defo go with the hinting.thing, like when she sits next to you or gets close go, ew do you smell that? Or try the tripping and spilling something all over her. Something gross. Like I dunno, maybe meatloaf water or something. You know old dishes that need soaked then like carry it outside to dump it, and just spill it on her. Or, see if she's depressed. If you don't want to resort to having to drop a pot of nasty dishwater on her. I guess it would depend on her temperament for me.
Spend a week at my house you would be totally different we are very blunt and open. I dont no anyone in my family that has a censor not even my grandma. If she lived with us over here her a+s would sqeek from being clean.
I'd say hey there is some clean towels and soap in the bathroom. And if she says OK say why don't you go try them out :)
I would just say girl u know I can smell u im prego and I can smell everything, dont u think its time to was your a•S? or man I can barely take your smell anymore its getting bad, and then cough.lol
it's my mom's house, but stillll, it's like we're all too afraid to say something because we're very mellow people but everyone in the house is pretty much leaning towards me to say something, I guess because they think I can get away with it better. We actually had a "secret" family meeting yesterday to try to figure out how to get her to take a shower.
I'll give her 3 hours, til noon to take a shower and then if she doesn't I have to say something.
I'll give her 3 hours, til noon to take a shower and then if she doesn't I have to say something.
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