Is a "Full" Massage cheating

[td0213]

My husband's co-workers were teasing him about not going for massages with them. He works in a Wall Street firm and needless to say the tension is crazy. Apparently these guys go for massages and the girls massage everything causing the men to ejaculate. My husband and I think this is wrong if you are married. Well you can not believe the debate this caused. Inno way are we bashing massages. I too go for them - but there is a line and we think that kind of massage is cheating. What do you men and woman think - are we prudes???

[td0213]

I also wanted to add - may be more a guy question...- Why do men actually go to these places if they are married. All I got in our debate was "I don't know...."

[RockRose]

Wow.  I think that's cheating just as much as the guys picked up a street hooker and got a hand job.  I've only had one massage,  and it was at a very nice resort and the masseuse was an older plump woman - do standard massage parlors offer handjobs?    Wow again.  I can't believe those guys don't think of that as cheating.

[pertykitty]

i am a massage therapist and rock you know darn well it isnt a standard. is it cheating? he(( yes it is cheating. it is paying for sex. whether sex , bj or hand job its sex. unfortunatly men are stupid and they think because they work hard and are stressed they can use stupid **** as an excuse. i am as professional as they get. i have a great client base because of that. thank god your husband doesnt agree with those men. how would they feel if they went to a male therapist and he did the same for her? i bet they wouldnt like that!! massage therapy is just that. i hate the terms parlors. some people need to open their eyes and see there is great benefits to massage THERAPY.

[td0213]

I definitely agree with both of you that there is such a thing as a real massage and it can be ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sssooooooooo wonderful. I just had one when I was away, from a young girl and I wanted to ask her if she'd come back home with us and move into our guest room :-) She was amazing. I also agree it's cheating - you are letting another person touch a sacred part of your being that is reserved for that one person that you suppossedly love. You are actually coming with that person. They try to say that they are not touching the other person, there is no communication, no sexual relations. Well that is pretty sexual to me!

I am usually extremely reserved - but we can talk here.... I did that to two guys in my life and I married them both. The girl is a ***** and the guy is a selfish, self centered, shallow person that does not give one sh*t about the feelings of the person he is supposed to cherish.  

[BearHitch]

I agree with the other posters as well.  I, too, would consider this cheating and unacceptable in my marriage.  I commend your husband for standing strong against his friends at work- that has got to be tough with all of that pressure and no one else standing up for it with you!  I don't know how these men wouldn't consider it cheating, but like someone else said, they "deserve" it with all of their stress, and I am sure they have it very thoroughly justified.  Keep standing strong!  :)  

[td0213]

Well we all agree so far - so I am curious as I often go to functions with the wives and significant others - do you think their wives should leave them? Or just make them stop? Not that I am going to say anything to them. I am 41 years old and do not run as fast as I did. lol

[BearHitch]

I would be surprised if their wives knew the full situation and were perfectly okay with it.  If it was me personally, I would probably discuss it with my DH as to why he was doing it and if he intended to continue.  If he chose to, I'd leave because that kind of behavior is unacceptable to me.  If he quit, I would require counseling because I am not the forgiving type and something like that would be a betrayal of my trust.  It might also depend how long he had been doing that behind my back and how much money had gone down the drain for his "activities."  What other wives would do, I have no idea.  If they can forgive, that's great- as long as they can REALLY forgive.  Holding it over someone's head the rest of yours and theirs life is no way to live.  Hope that answers your spin off question.

[pertykitty]

i doubt the wives really know, or just turn the cheek. sounds like if it is wall street the money and life they are used to might be worth more to them than confronting the husbands on this subject.

[sk2006a]

i guess ignorance is bliss.  i'm betting those men know deep down that they're cheating.

[PlateletGal]

It is amazing what men will say or do to try to condone their actions. I know a guy who is very religious and is cheating on his wife online with other women. However, it isn't cheating because it isn't real... according to him.  2 points for effort but that's it !

[freakin-natural]

massage therapy isn't cheating if you were to ask me.  but, as the world knows it, it depends on what kind of a man your are.  massage are a much help, done eversince before.  

now, lets not put the blame on man alone since nothing can happen if the women massagers or whatever they call it, helps the deed.  i mean, lets face, its a double blade sword.  you may not know what happens if you (we men) went to it and let a sexy woman do her thing and make us horny..

but a much better action may be,i guess, is the MAN-TO-MAN AND WOMAN-TO-WOMAN service.. so no cheating or such can happen again. but, anyways, we all know this is not how the world goes..so sad....

[td0213]

You do not know how right you are!!! I was at a dinner party next to a partner's wife. I knew we had nothing to talk about but tried anyway. She goes on to tell me that her husband lets her spend between $2,500 - $3,000 a month on clothes - no questions asked. She can spend more but then he may ask her why. And she in return does not bother him. I am sorry but basically she is a one man h**ker. He buys her off to accept whatever he wants to do. My husband is not a partner and making that kind of money but even if he was we are not like them. Both of us came from families that got by financially by working their tails off. And we too work very hard. And rest assured I would not accept that life style for any $$.  

[td0213]

Can I ask, as you are our the only one representing the male side - why do you think it is not cheating? The woman is giving him a "rub and a tug" to be polite. I am not asking in a hostile way - I am just curious to see what makes you think that way. My husband's friends had no idea why they felt that way.  

[vsentz]

that guy probably works with the original poster's husband....



yep, some men are PIGS....and they don't even know it....

[freakin-natural]

manners manners..  massage is cheating.. as i say, listen well, IT DEPENDS ON HOW THE INVOLVE PERSONS ARE INTO.  if they felt horny and ends up making love then that's gonna be cheating.  thats a case of cheating then.. but if they are just there to get a massage to take the stress out then thats good, no cheating there.  and dont just go and generalized that men are cheaters just because they go to massage place.  you were saying men are pigs, which shows you've been living with a pig for too long now.  cut loose.  not all men are maniacs..  cheating is in every aspect of life..  dealing with it is the issue here.. not place it self.. if men or women alike are strong enough to be proffesional then no cheating would ever occur. but then, i know its way to possible..

[slow_healer]

lol, nicely said f-n!

Though this line was ambiguous: "if men or women alike are strong enough to be proffesional then no cheating would ever occur. but then, i know its way to possible.."
Are you saying that it's possible for men and women to be strong enough NOT to cheat?

Let's not forget about male ego and how many of these massage-seeking men are probably bragging to their buddies for an ego-boost when nothing may have really happened EXCEPT a regular massage. lol, without offending any males here, I think guys can get into sort of a "pack mentality" about these things (so can women!) and so some things get hyper-exaggerated.

[vsentz]

"and dont just go and generalized that men are cheaters just because they go to massage place. you were saying men are pigs, which shows you've been living with a pig for too long now. cut loose. not all men are maniacs.."




Like I said......

........

Well, the only one that needs to listen better is, of course, you. Now, READ C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y.......ok?

Quote: 'S-O-M-E men are pigs.....and don't even know it.......'
S-OOOOOO-M-E........but then again...........if you don't know how to read correctly, how can I expect you to have common sense and think logical, that only explains why you globalized the group I mentioned and INCLUDED yourself in the category of pigs.

If you like to assume I am living with a pig, just because women live with people like the men that go to get this 'massage', then go ahead, if that makes you happy.....now, you can smile.....
Thank goodness there are still some men that have morals and a brain.......altho, few, as you can see......or not.

A therapeutic massage is perfectly healthy and darn good for the body...but.......READ......a massage that makes men EJACULATE, without even having sex............THEN, that is cheating......was that clear enough for you?


good.


Now, on with our lives.

[Stratusphr]

i just want to know this.  if they don't think it's cheating.  if it's not 'sex'; if it's just part of the massage, would they let a MALE massage therapist use the same massage technique?  that would be MY question to these men.  i bet not.

[big boner]

What if they slap there own **** around for a little bit and ***.  Is that cheating too????

[twingirlsmom411]

My ex husband went to one of those Asian massage parlors. When I saw all the receipts I questioned him but he told me it was to help his back (he has back problems). Shortly after this one of our friends told us what he was doing, that more goes on on those places than just massaging. How was I to know? This place was new in town and I thought it was innocent. He confessed and said he wouldn't do it again, but I never trusted him after that. He left suddenly a few months later because he said he couldn't stand me being suspicious of him all the time. I wanted to give him another chance, but he wouldn't hear it and I found out through his brother that he was still hanging around the massage plcace.

It sounds like you've got a good husband. I hope he stands firm on his beliefs about these full-body massage and doesn't give into pressure from his job and friends. You're right, they're no good.

[yankeegirl2]

I'm so sorry. Was he still doing it while you were trying to fix things or did he start again after he left? If he was not really trying to change you did the best thing for yourself.

[big boner]

Don't stop there, have some hair!!

[big boner]

do you ladies mind if you husband masturbates?  is that cheating?

[*heartagram*]

It sounds like a "rub n tug" type place. Yes it is cheating and it is actually illegal business practice. A parlour in my city was shut down last year after being caught doing this.