Knowing about fiance's first time

[KATE535]

I guess we all have asked things perhaps we don't like the answers to right? Well I asked my fiancé if he remembers his first time (after watching an interview on TV with someone talking about this same subject) My fiancé said yes he did remember it. He said "not in the way you think I remember though ..." but I said well I don't remember mine much! It bothered me a bit because I didn't think he'd say he did remember it so easily, and I didn't like that he can recall sleeping with someone else so easily. Would it bother you to hear this from your other half or not?

[Judy246]

It's a topic that needs to be avoided in relationships, because it's like "self sabotaging" you and putting him on the spot and that's just unfair. The past is the past and we are products from the past, but there is a great big beautiful here and now that needs to be lived, so enjoy your relationship and avoid unecessary problems. Good Luck

[KATE535]

I actually told my fiancé last night that I did remember it, saying "who doesn't remember it?!" so I apologised for me getting moody the night before. I did feel bad about the situation. You may be surprised but we do have an excellent relationship and I sometimes forget that we are more than best friends - I often talk to him about something you would talk to your best friend about, forgetting you don't talk about those things to your partner. Like mami said only when you can deal with the answer should you ask the question.  

[KATE535]

You're right, I brought it on myself completely! I realise there are things that should be left alone/ in the past. Things you can't do anything about, things that happened before my time with him. I wrote this post a few minutes after I'd asked the question and was a little worked up. But thanks for the advice anyway, it did help me realise how silly I was being. And I've got a confession .... I do remember my 1st time very well! Even though I denied it to my fiancé. What a hypocrite! ;-)

[mami1323]

Yeah hon, don't ask unless you are comfortable enough to hear it.  I ask sometimes out of curiousity but I know that the past is the past.  I know my fiance had sexual encounters and of course a first.  But it is what it is, he doesn't go into details.  Everyone's first is special to them, whether we like it or not.  Just don't ask.

[Judy246]

Kate, leave well enought alone. We all have a past and history and by asking him questions that you know will bother you, you are setting him up for an argument and failure and that's just not fair. I remember my first time, but I know it would bother my fiance for me to tell him or I don't want to know his first time, so, leave well enough and stop sabotaging your relationship with inappropriate questions that you know are going to hurt you. Put the past where it belongs, behind you both and enjoy the here and now. Good Luck, Judy

[KATE535]

I guess you're right. I think I was more annoyed with how confidently he said it. He doesn't have much tact at times. He would have an issue if I'd said the same thing to him in the way he said it to me.
Hey, I'm sure we've talked before about asking the wrong questions - ones you'd rather not know the answer to really!! Lol ;-)

[RockRose]

Honestly,  Kate,  if I met a man (or woman) who didn't remember their first time,  unless they were passed out drunk,  I'd think they had serious memory impairment.

Who doesn't remember that?  Everyone does,  in vivid detail.