Let me begin by giving a little background. I am a recent college graduate. I have moved back home for the next few months until I begin graduate school. While I am at home I have a lot of down time, and was really struggling to find a job and my way here. My boyfriend has been fairly patient through my ups and downs. He has stood by me through a lot. We have been together almost three years now. Admittedly I am a bit neurotic. But lately I have been trying very hard to keep my bad habits, checking up all the time for example, in check. He still has another year left in school so it is really hard being away from him. But right before I left and continuing on until now we have been having a lot of trouble. We have been fighting a lot. Honestly the fights are usually brought on by me being neurotic, but lately I feel like he is initiating these fights. And the way he argues with me feels unfair and hurtful. I will usually say something to him, sometimes a little snippy but never anything big, and he will blow up and start yelling or sending texts in all caps. Then he will refuse to apologize or take responsibility.I love him a lot. But I'm scared us being together isn't right now that we are apart.... For an undetermined amount of time. I know it's not possible to know for sure what to do. But am I reading into these fights to much, is this normal? I want to be with him but I can't always tell whether I am being to critical or something is really wrong.
You have to figure why you're being snappy with him. Does it even have anything to do with him? Sarcasm or being short with your partner is not going to serve you well, in any relationship. It's well worth the effort to understand (talk to a therapist) about why you communicate the way you do, and progressing past that. The golden rule really does apply in close and loving relationships, Do unto others as you have them do unto you. I think he's reacting to something that you're doing that's not right and that's why he's not apologizing. He feels that you would be hypocritical should you be receiving his apology if he was reacting to something you've said. . Do you say your sorry every time that you snap? Don't expect him to do something that you haven't put into practice yourself. The thing is "I'm sorry" or "I'm neurotic" only goes so far in a relationship. The action needs to be changed, and quick. Life is too short. Fix the problem, always be cordial, and then see what's happening in your relationship.
Hi Zelda, it dosent seem that you have figured out what relationships are all about and its definatly not about one person. Its about 2 strangers from different backgrounds, that carry baggage from their lifes experience, who meet and try to blend their wisdom into one setting.
During this meeting, both parties try to get their views across, and pick up clues on how to say things, These buttons are pushed when views are not compatible and the struggle continues till the point gotton across.
The key to a happy relationship is finding out what the other person is all about and not pushing these buttons to gain understanding but acting out of love and patience.
Sometimes we act the way you describe when we are stressed or other things are going on and we need an outlet. Really crucial to this relationship or any other that you get a handle on it. This becomes a pattern. No one will stick around indefinately for nagging, sniping, or lots of little aggrevations. It's not healthy to in the long run.
I would focus on things like finding the job you seek and working on yourself. Try to keep that compartmentalized. And dig deep as to what is under the surface of your treatment of your boyfriend. Honestly, he's in still in school---- he's gonna grow tired of this nit picky/neurotic stuff.
Do your thing, let him do his (which he should also do while in his last year of school). Try to have fun with him while working on the other things in your life. good luck
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