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Is there anything i can do?
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Is there anything i can do?

My husband of 13 years recently started getting tattoos and wants around 50. i find tattoos a turnoff and am finding it harder to get an orgasm.  any advice would be helpful of how i could learn to live  with . suggested sex in dark didn't fly to well. The only thing i can think of is to put a bag or something over my head so i can't see.
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Avatar_m_tn
Maybe, this is something he wanted before you two got together... and now ears later.... he is finally doing what he wants... which now leaves you with the option to either get over it, or you have a problem. Because if tattoos stop you from having an orgasm.. i'd hate to see what your like if you hate when guys go bald.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi. Well, when we marry---------  we do agree to stay with our spouse for better and worse which includes physical appearance.  If you gained a lot of weight or were in a car accident and got a huge scar on your face, you'd hate for him to leave you, right?  

However, tattoos are a tiny bit different in my book.  These are things we actively choose and I think as his spouse, you should be able to have a say in this.  If you really hate them, then talk to him about it.  I wouldn't tell him that he is ugly to you with them because this is just his outward appearance we are talking about (remember, the beauty of another human should come from within)-------- but you can tell them that you don't like them.  You'd like him to have maybe . . . what he's gotten already or maybe 3.  Something like that.  Communication is the key.  Sometimes a couple can negotiate so that neither person is resentful or mad.  That is the goal, anyway.  Another aspect to tattoos is that they cost money and as a couple---------- you both decide how cash is spent.  It would be like if you loved plastic surgery and went out and kept getting operations.  Sure it is your body/face--------- but it is your combined finances that pay for it and you live together----------- so both people should have opinions that count in this matter.

Here is a relationship tip.  One way to work on something to find out how important to someone it is and hence, how much one gives into the other is to assign numbers to things.  So, say owning your own home is of utmost importance to you.  You think about it a lot and you feel like you MUST own your own home. You'd tell your husband it is a 10.  Then he assigns a number to it.  If he doesn't care if he rents or owns, then he'd assign a lower number and you'd have more room to get your way.  When you do it this way, rarely are things an impass and a compromise can be met.  Not very many things can be a 10 at all.  Remember that.  So maybe his getting tattoos is a 7 to him and his not getting a tatto0 is an 8 to you.  That would mean you feel super strongly about it so your thoughts would really count as to whether he got tattoos or how many. Maybe if he understands where you are at with not likig the tattoos and it isn't that big of a deal to him, he'll back off a little.

But the key is really talking about it.  Good luck
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285927_tn?1380802356
Tell him it turns you off. Usually anything that results in a man getting less sex over is not worth it to them in the end. My hubby started getting skin tags a few years back. Now let me tell ya, they didnt bother him one iota but you talk about a turn off. EW GROSS! I let him know they made me feel ill literally. He went on his own and had them removed. They dont intentionally want to turn us off. Im guessing there is a happy medium somewhere. Or you could tell him if he gets 50 of em, so will you.
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Avatar_m_tn
I don't think she can do anything about him getting tattoo's. It's his right to do what he wants. It's his body. Which he controls, and he wants a tattoo so he got one.. If she has a tattoo dislike then to bad. Don't try to stop a person from pursuing what they want. Because if she was the one getting tattoo's I bet her husband wouldn't have one complaint.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
Kaz, we got it the first time.  Everyone is giving their opinion here---------  I'll stick with mine.  I think couples discuss things and communicate about things that cause them distress.  A good partner should take that seriously and care.  A good relationship works things out.

My husband doesn't like tatoos and wouldn't want us spending our extra money on it.  He'd have a right to tell me that if I decided I wanted one . . . oh no, make that 50 like the poster said.
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Avatar_m_tn
A good couple works things out... Ok yeah fine.
A better couple doesn't stop one spouse from doing what they want because of a turn-off.... Thats like saying her husband goes to the gym 5 days a week.. And she doesn't like it... Well dang he can't be healthy.. He cant express his free nature by inking his body? I bet you she does many things her husband doesn't like but won't complain about... I'm done here... Bye now
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, I think he can make his case to his wife Kaz and together, they can talk about it.  In both the career I had and my husbands, a body covered in tattoos that were visible to the public would mean you probably wouldn't get the job.  There are lots of things to consider as a couple and what 50 tatoos means.  That is a lot of tats!  

I have nothing against people doing with their body as they please but am all for couples getting along.  Some things just aren't worth it.  

I'd recommend on any subject that a couple work it out together rather than just one stuffing their feelings down their throat and growing bitter and resentful.  But that is just me------ a married lady of 13 years.  I want to keep it that way for another 50.  

To each their own.  Luck to all.
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Avatar_m_tn
I think comparing going to the gym and getting tattoo's as similar is a bit of a stretch.  Personally, I enjoy going to the gym and my wife is fine with that.  She goes too, on her own time.  It is a matter of over all health, both mental and physical.  Tattoo's have nothing to do with health, unless you consider the risk of any number of infections that are possible even in the cleanest of environs.

With that said, I have 6 tattoos.  3 of them I really like.  I like the art work, and they have a bit of meaning to me... they remind me of a time and place where I was mentally.  Kind of like a reminder.  Of the other 3, they are pretty much ill thought and the art work is no where near the caliber of the other 3.  One of these is of significance to me.... I got it when my wife and I were having trouble trying to conceive our first child.  I like the meaning of the tattoo, but the art work *****.... in fact, it's horrible.

Now, with that said.... I know my wife loves me regardless of the tattoo's.  I am sure we at least talked about 4 of the 6.... maybe even all of them.  (She has one, and is considering another.... I am fine with it if the art work is good.)

I can see how this presents a problem.  I can also see how there can be a compromise reached.  50 tattoos is a bit much for me, and I have to tell you.... if my wife got 50 I'd probably have an issue, but the bottom line is I do love my wife and would deal with the problem.  (Honey, please don't go get 50 tattoos.)  If neither the husband or the wife are willing to compromise, there is sure to be a problem.  Whats the harm of 1,2, maybe 5 tattoos if they have some significance to the person wearing them?  Placed strategically, nobody would even know the guy has them, except the wife, the artist and him.  (Mine are on each calf, each forearm, and each shoulder. Most easily covered by clothing.)

I think the key here is compromise.  If the marriage is worth anything to either party, a compromise could easily be met.
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Avatar_m_tn
Tell him to wear his PJ,s to bed and keep them on when your being intimate together.Easy fixed.
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Avatar_m_tn
Pj's on during sex! Make sure they're silk, with silk sheets! Lol..

The only issue to me is the fact that he has one or a few tat's and she loses her ability to orgasm during sex... That's crazy....
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks for the advice. He has 10 tattoos so far. The first three I could live with. But the thought of 50 more overwhelmed me. grand total (53). Tattoos are unacceptable in my line of work too. I'll try to talk to him again. and use your advice.
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Avatar_f_tn
He is going bald, is obese, diabetic. He has heart and kidney problems. Not to mention a mentally challenged sister who is also diabetic, obese, had a quad. bypass and a kidney transplant. I provide allot of care for her. There is no nurse or care giver except my husband and myself. I am the more adept at giving her assistance with daily living skills. I feel I am a giving person,not a spoiled brat psycho. I will however take your pj advice. that is a good idea.
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Avatar_m_tn
ok  see you should give more specifics on his figure and health......
Tell him stop..... now!!
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